Match Result: Congratulations! You have been matched to: __________
I did it! I got matched for internship! I got one of my top choices too and my favorite training program! Looks like J and I are packing up our lives and moving to IOWA! Wow... never in my life did I ever imagine I'd live in Iowa in or the Central timezone at all.
The night before Match Day, despite my best efforts I got the worst possible sleep ever. It didn't help that J would turn to me every 45 min or so and say "check your email again" even though it was only 1:30am, 2:15am, 3:30am, etc. I knew the results would come in about a quarter to 5, but I checked each time I woke up anyway (you know, just in case). I could barely focus my eyes on the bright screen in the darkness of our bedroom, but then at about 4:50am I checked for the 15th time and there it was. I said "I matched." "We're moving to Iowa" J barely registered what I said before I began to repeat myself. "We're moving to Iowa......we're moving to Iowa". I had to just keep repeating it to myself because I didn't believe it. I obviously couldn't go back to sleep after that and I'm finally caught up from the lack of sleep on the days leading up to match day.
A few days before the 20th, I started to have serious doubts about matching. Not because I didn't think I was qualified, or I thought my prospects weren't very good, but because of probabilities, numbers, algorithms, and the bad taste from last year left in my mouth. I had been so sure I would match, I hadn't prepared myself for "but what if I don't?". It started to weigh on me a bit and those last few days were rough.
Matching to Iowa was bittersweet as well. It meant I wasn't moving back to the Pacific Northwest yet. It meant I'd be 1900+ miles away from home instead of 700. It meant that rent wouldn't be as cheap as I'd hoped because it's a college town. Even with all of those realities, it also meant I'd done it! It meant that I matched to an APA accredited VA internship and I'd earned it. It meant I was one major step closer to getting my Ph.D. It meant that I got matched to the program I viewed as the best possible fit for me and my training goals. It meant that the matching system worked. It meant...success. I think that was the hardest part for me to swallow. With all of the disappointments, failures, and rejections I've experienced in graduate school, I've grown to expect to be let down. I've learned that in most cases, even if I'm good...I'm not good enough. Matching to a site I ranked so highly meant that I didn't fail this one, that this site saw in me something I've wondered if it even existed.
Internship starts in July, so we've got just under 5 months left of living in California... and I couldn't be happier. I'm so ready to close the book on California and move forward into the next adventure...that we now know will be taking place in Iowa :)
Showing posts with label accomplishments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label accomplishments. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Hurry up and wait.
The waiting game.
Such a pinnacle part of graduate school, this concept of always waiting for something; approval, feedback, interviews, acceptance.
Always waiting, in hopes of acceptance and yet I'd guess 85% of it is rejection.
Currently, I am waiting for the results for internship. Match Day=February 21st at 10am EST. (not that I'm keeping track)
I have 1 shot. ONE shot at getting placed. The odds of actually getting this placement are beyond out of left field. ONE possibility amidst about 30 other people who've applied for the same spot. That is is, my future as I know it depends on this one shot in the dark.
Sure, there's a phase II for matching. This phase is where about 1400 students complete for about 200 spots so my odds get even more miniscule in phase II. I won't even begin to think about what happens after phase II, at least not right now. I can't or else I just may go insane.
So much of grad school is trying to plan for a future that is, in the end, completely out of your control. You're a fool if you don't plan but you're almost an even bigger fool if you do because it does not matter what pretty little picture I paint, because someone is just going to come and splash my canvas with a gigantic bucket of red paint and I'll have to start all over with a new backdrop.
I can do nothing else but wait. I've been waiting since my interview on January 23rd. I knew that was my only shot, so it didn't matter that I had until February 5th to decide. I had already decided. Since then I've just been sitting here, twiddling my thumbs, waiting.
There's a slight chance I may be moving to Alaska. That is a BIG change from the sunny, breezy, and crowded cities of the bay area. I'm a planner, I love to and live to be prepared. Instead, I'm sitting here in the big grey abyss that is graduate school. The world of never knowing and ever changing.
If I don't get matched on the 21st, that means I have absolutely NO clue where in the country I may end up.
Patience. One of those things that I don't think I'll EVER obtain.
Don't worry. Don't get your hopes up. Don't think about it. Stay positive. Keep busy. All easier said than done and yet that is what you get from everyone, perhaps because they're worried too and it eases their discomfort.
By this time Friday, I'll have some answers. I know that this feeling of unknown will not last forever, but I felt like it was important to document the feeling anyway.
Such a pinnacle part of graduate school, this concept of always waiting for something; approval, feedback, interviews, acceptance.
Always waiting, in hopes of acceptance and yet I'd guess 85% of it is rejection.
Currently, I am waiting for the results for internship. Match Day=February 21st at 10am EST. (not that I'm keeping track)
I have 1 shot. ONE shot at getting placed. The odds of actually getting this placement are beyond out of left field. ONE possibility amidst about 30 other people who've applied for the same spot. That is is, my future as I know it depends on this one shot in the dark.
Sure, there's a phase II for matching. This phase is where about 1400 students complete for about 200 spots so my odds get even more miniscule in phase II. I won't even begin to think about what happens after phase II, at least not right now. I can't or else I just may go insane.
So much of grad school is trying to plan for a future that is, in the end, completely out of your control. You're a fool if you don't plan but you're almost an even bigger fool if you do because it does not matter what pretty little picture I paint, because someone is just going to come and splash my canvas with a gigantic bucket of red paint and I'll have to start all over with a new backdrop.
I can do nothing else but wait. I've been waiting since my interview on January 23rd. I knew that was my only shot, so it didn't matter that I had until February 5th to decide. I had already decided. Since then I've just been sitting here, twiddling my thumbs, waiting.
There's a slight chance I may be moving to Alaska. That is a BIG change from the sunny, breezy, and crowded cities of the bay area. I'm a planner, I love to and live to be prepared. Instead, I'm sitting here in the big grey abyss that is graduate school. The world of never knowing and ever changing.
If I don't get matched on the 21st, that means I have absolutely NO clue where in the country I may end up.
Patience. One of those things that I don't think I'll EVER obtain.
Don't worry. Don't get your hopes up. Don't think about it. Stay positive. Keep busy. All easier said than done and yet that is what you get from everyone, perhaps because they're worried too and it eases their discomfort.
By this time Friday, I'll have some answers. I know that this feeling of unknown will not last forever, but I felt like it was important to document the feeling anyway.
Saturday, January 4, 2014
New Years Resolution... only 4 days later
It is 2014. That is... crazy. I mean, it is not actually insane, time moves along just as it always has; although, it seems to be moving more quicker as you age... I'm sure there's some science behind that, right? ;)
2013 was BIG year for me:
I am sure there are things I'm forgetting, but those are the highlights for the year. So much accomplished in 1 year, I can't help but take a moment to be a little bit proud of how far I've come. So many things this year that in 2010 I began to work toward, dread, worry, lose sleep over, and/or hope for and in 2013 they became a reality. Despite the evidence, I still feel like an imposter that will soon be "found out" that I really don't have what it takes to be in a Ph.D. program, they some how made a mistake in admissions and soon they're realize the error. I wonder how many degrees on the wall or letters after my name it'll take for that to disappear?
Hmm... I'm getting sidetracked (and negative). I am supposed to be discussing New Years and my resolutions.
My resolution last year:
My new year's resolution for 2013 is to do 5 things to benefit myself each week and document these 5 things.
I accomplished my resolution for 2013 and I have 52 posts to prove it. I must say, it was a difficult task to take on. It required constant commitment and follow up. I had to hold myself accountable 365 days. Well, isn't that the point of a resolution? It shouldn't just be something you come up with on January 1st only to forget it a month later, or revisit come July. It should be something you are constantly working toward. Otherwise, how will you ever progress? evolve?
This year, I decided that since I have always been painfully afraid of change and stuck in my ways, that I would challenge myself to do things differently.
My new year's resolution for 2014 is to try at least 1 new thing every week.
This can be anything from trying a new recipe, or a new shade of lipstick, to trying out a new restaurant, exercise, craft, hobby, or a new approach to tackling tasks; anything that I have not tried before. Not every one of them has to be something monumental, but I have to learn to let go of "my way" of doing everything, because that may not be the best way and it certainly is not the only way.
To my fear of change, I challenge you to a year of 52 different ways of living.
2013 was BIG year for me:
- I passed my competency exams
- I obtained my M.S. degree
- I traveled to Yosemite, Vegas, Reno, Disneyland, Hawaii and some other places here and there
- I presented at APA
- My best friend got engaged and married and I was able to be a part of both
- J and I became "parents" of sorts when we got a puppy
- Completed my training at the methadone clinic
- Began my training at a residential facility for women in recovery with children
- I let go of the Jetta after 11 years
- I successfully defended my dissertation proposal
- I applied to internships
I am sure there are things I'm forgetting, but those are the highlights for the year. So much accomplished in 1 year, I can't help but take a moment to be a little bit proud of how far I've come. So many things this year that in 2010 I began to work toward, dread, worry, lose sleep over, and/or hope for and in 2013 they became a reality. Despite the evidence, I still feel like an imposter that will soon be "found out" that I really don't have what it takes to be in a Ph.D. program, they some how made a mistake in admissions and soon they're realize the error. I wonder how many degrees on the wall or letters after my name it'll take for that to disappear?
Hmm... I'm getting sidetracked (and negative). I am supposed to be discussing New Years and my resolutions.
My resolution last year:
My new year's resolution for 2013 is to do 5 things to benefit myself each week and document these 5 things.
I accomplished my resolution for 2013 and I have 52 posts to prove it. I must say, it was a difficult task to take on. It required constant commitment and follow up. I had to hold myself accountable 365 days. Well, isn't that the point of a resolution? It shouldn't just be something you come up with on January 1st only to forget it a month later, or revisit come July. It should be something you are constantly working toward. Otherwise, how will you ever progress? evolve?
This year, I decided that since I have always been painfully afraid of change and stuck in my ways, that I would challenge myself to do things differently.
My new year's resolution for 2014 is to try at least 1 new thing every week.
This can be anything from trying a new recipe, or a new shade of lipstick, to trying out a new restaurant, exercise, craft, hobby, or a new approach to tackling tasks; anything that I have not tried before. Not every one of them has to be something monumental, but I have to learn to let go of "my way" of doing everything, because that may not be the best way and it certainly is not the only way.
To my fear of change, I challenge you to a year of 52 different ways of living.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Week 45: Nov 4th-10th= Chuggin along
I almsot didn't update today. It is late, I've been working on internship applications and running errands all day and I'm exhausted. BUT.... I still managed to find the time, which is how it should be. Is it sad that I'm actually proud of myself for this? I need every little pat on the back I can get right now, so I'll take it. Go me. woo!
My 5 things:
- Made homemade hot chocolate, even sugar free at that!
- I have been doing the '30 days of Being Thankful' thing. I did it last year, and it is surprisingly sometimes hard to come up with things based on how I am feeling certain days, which is all the more reason to really take the time to think because there are always things to be thankful for.
- I started a fundraiser in order to try to raise money for the ridiculous but necessary costs for applying to internship. It has already proven to be beneficial and I am already almost a quarter of the way there thanks to the generosity of others.
- I offered to help another practicum student who needed to give a full test battery to someone and be her test subject. It is a daunting task to be a subject because test batteries can take upwards of 6 to 8 hours to sit through. This was not a totally selfless act though, since I wanted to refresh my own mind about the assessments since I will hopefully have interviews coming up that I will likely need to know said information off the top of my head.
- Last night while watching endless TV shows on Netflix, instead of just sitting there I also filled in some of my Listography book my sister for me for my birthday this year. My goal is to complete the book during my 29th year, so I have until the end of May next year. It is a biiiigg book though ;)
Monday, September 30, 2013
Week 39: Sept 23rd-29th- Dissertation Proposal Defense=SUCCESS!!!
First off, let me start by saying: I SUCCESSFULLY DEFENDED MY DISSERTATION PROPOSAL!! I passed! it was approved!!
Granted, I have a laundry list of changes that need to be made including but not limited to changing my entire data analysis section and rewriting/reorganizing my entire literature review.
BUT IT WAS A SUCCESS!!! Regardless of how much I need to do based on it, it is no longer standing in my way of applying to internship!!
My 5 things:
1. I left practicum early Thursday, I decided I needed some extra time to clear my mind and decompress before the big day (I defended my dissertation proposal on Friday morning)
2. Baked some pumpkin Nutella swirl cookies in an attempt to distract myself from the anxiety overload on Thursday night.
3. I SUCCESSFULLY DEFENDED MY DISSERTATION PROPOSAL!! Ok, ok, I know I already said that...but it deserves repeating...and making the list!
4. J and I went to dinner Firday night to celebrate. We decided to try out a new place in Oakland, I voted for Italian...mostly just because I wanted to free bread you get ASAP ;)
5. J and I also treated ourselves to a movie Sunday evening. SCORE because it was $5 movie day at the theater in downtown Oakland. We saw the movie Prisoners...which was AMAZING!! Such an awesome suspense-thriller-mystery with an incredible cast. We had never even heard of the movie, just decided to treat ourselves and looked at what was playing. When we left the theater J said "Now, that is worth owning".
Granted, I have a laundry list of changes that need to be made including but not limited to changing my entire data analysis section and rewriting/reorganizing my entire literature review.
BUT IT WAS A SUCCESS!!! Regardless of how much I need to do based on it, it is no longer standing in my way of applying to internship!!
My 5 things:
1. I left practicum early Thursday, I decided I needed some extra time to clear my mind and decompress before the big day (I defended my dissertation proposal on Friday morning)
2. Baked some pumpkin Nutella swirl cookies in an attempt to distract myself from the anxiety overload on Thursday night.
3. I SUCCESSFULLY DEFENDED MY DISSERTATION PROPOSAL!! Ok, ok, I know I already said that...but it deserves repeating...and making the list!
4. J and I went to dinner Firday night to celebrate. We decided to try out a new place in Oakland, I voted for Italian...mostly just because I wanted to free bread you get ASAP ;)
5. J and I also treated ourselves to a movie Sunday evening. SCORE because it was $5 movie day at the theater in downtown Oakland. We saw the movie Prisoners...which was AMAZING!! Such an awesome suspense-thriller-mystery with an incredible cast. We had never even heard of the movie, just decided to treat ourselves and looked at what was playing. When we left the theater J said "Now, that is worth owning".
Monday, July 15, 2013
Week 28: July 8th-14th: Puppy takes over
My 5 things:
1. Got a puppy. Now, this was not actually my idea and I had (have!) a lot of reservations about it, but at the same time this guy is just adorable and really hard not to fall in love with.
I do have dog allergies, which are proving to be difficult to adjust to. We've had him almost a week now and my body isn't exactly alright with the whole situation but hopefully it will get easier with time. Not to mention he is a handful and a half!
Puppies are no joke and I don't understand how so many people get puppies because they are such a HUGE responsibility. Cute yes, a major hassle, double yes!
2. I spent time at home by myself catching up on The L-Word. It isn't a show that I make J watch with me, because lets face it, there is estrogen overload going on all the time in the show and he's not a fan of that sort of thing (although, he has a secret love for the movie Sweet Home Alabama that I do not understand. I mean, I like the movie, but I do not get what he loves about it so much). Regardless, I use The L-Word as my own little guilty pleasure to enjoy by myself.
3. I baked cookies this weekend.
4. Two of my friends from school made the trek up from the south bay to meet the new pup and after we went to lunch and got ice cream. It was a belated birthday celebration for me since we never did get together for mine. I rarely get to see them or any of my friends from school for that matter since I moved to Oakland, so it is always nice to be able to reconnect in person.
5. Yard work. What? Yard work is on my list of 5 things that is beneficial for me? So, it's not exactly a party in my honor, but it is great to be able to be outside and being active while also making progress and accomplishing something. I did it twice this last week. Although, my allergies hated me after the 2nd day and took a toll on my body because of it. It kicked my butt and left me with blisters but it felt good to sweat though, especially since I've been slacking on my running, a lot.
1. Got a puppy. Now, this was not actually my idea and I had (have!) a lot of reservations about it, but at the same time this guy is just adorable and really hard not to fall in love with.
I do have dog allergies, which are proving to be difficult to adjust to. We've had him almost a week now and my body isn't exactly alright with the whole situation but hopefully it will get easier with time. Not to mention he is a handful and a half!
Puppies are no joke and I don't understand how so many people get puppies because they are such a HUGE responsibility. Cute yes, a major hassle, double yes!
2. I spent time at home by myself catching up on The L-Word. It isn't a show that I make J watch with me, because lets face it, there is estrogen overload going on all the time in the show and he's not a fan of that sort of thing (although, he has a secret love for the movie Sweet Home Alabama that I do not understand. I mean, I like the movie, but I do not get what he loves about it so much). Regardless, I use The L-Word as my own little guilty pleasure to enjoy by myself.
3. I baked cookies this weekend.
4. Two of my friends from school made the trek up from the south bay to meet the new pup and after we went to lunch and got ice cream. It was a belated birthday celebration for me since we never did get together for mine. I rarely get to see them or any of my friends from school for that matter since I moved to Oakland, so it is always nice to be able to reconnect in person.
5. Yard work. What? Yard work is on my list of 5 things that is beneficial for me? So, it's not exactly a party in my honor, but it is great to be able to be outside and being active while also making progress and accomplishing something. I did it twice this last week. Although, my allergies hated me after the 2nd day and took a toll on my body because of it. It kicked my butt and left me with blisters but it felt good to sweat though, especially since I've been slacking on my running, a lot.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Week 24: June 10th-16th Trying new things
1. I went running twice! Right, so running twice is no big accomplishment, except that I didn't run at all last week, and I may have not run the week before that either. I tend to get too motivated, and end up pushing it which irritates my IT band and then I'm left not being able to run. I really need to learn that running twice a week, each week is better than being able to go 3 times in a week but then 0 times the next week. I'm too impatient for this injury, but I'm working on that.
2. I tried my hand at pulled pork for the first time yesterday. I'd never handled 5lbs of pork butt before ;) I made it in the slow cooker, did a rub with spices before hand and then added my own mix after because I wanted it to have more flavor. I must say, I think it turned out pretty well and I'm damn proud. There's always new recipes to try and I love that no matter how good of a cook you are, you can always try new things.
3. I started writing in the My Listography book my sister got me for my birthday this year. It was one the many thoughtful "golden birthday" themed gifts that arrived in the mail. She is all about the presentation of everything (that is her artistic self shining through):
It is an entire book of Lists on every page. There are lists for favorites, wishes, memories, etc. I decided that my goal is to fill it out before my 30th birthday as a way to chronicle my thoughts throughout my last year in my 20's. Some of the lists are pretty concrete and won't likely change, but some of them are more fleeting so it will be interesting to look back on. I have always been a writer, a list maker, a memory hoarder. Since I was young I have written down all sorts of useless information about conversations, dreams, thoughts, any and everything I worried I might forget later. I have boxes of diaries and journals from growing up and as I grow older I realize how much you naturally just forget over time. I guess I was onto something as a child. In the past decade or so I've written a lot less, forgotten a lot more. Even this blog is somewhat of a memory hoarding device designed for me to remember a little bit more that I would on my own. My sistermay not be as much of a writer as me, but is just about as compulsive as I am when it comes to list-making so this book was pretty fitting coming from her.
4. I was told about the show, The L Word and that I needed to watch it. It was actually recommended to J and I but after a quick preview he decided it wasn't for him (which, I'm not sure how that is possible.. there is boobs galore in it!) but either way, we didn't end up starting the series. Now that the quarter is over and I've turned in my 1st draft of my dissertation proposal I've got a few moments to breath and actually relax (well, really it is a false sense since I should still be working on posters for conferences, integrated reports for patients, there is always a laundry list...oh and laundry too!) but either way, I started the series yesterday on my own. Looking forward to losing myself in some new characters.
5. Yesterday, while the pulled pork was in the slow cooker and before I settled in with the L Word for the evening, I spent the day giving the house a much needed cleaning. Cleaning is actually on this list? That probably means I need to get a better social life. The feeling of having a clean, organized house though is pretty damn amazing. That is probably the reason it made the list this time. Having organization and cleanliness, especially after finals week when everything seems to always get "put on hold" and piles of clothes appear, is such a great feeling.
2. I tried my hand at pulled pork for the first time yesterday. I'd never handled 5lbs of pork butt before ;) I made it in the slow cooker, did a rub with spices before hand and then added my own mix after because I wanted it to have more flavor. I must say, I think it turned out pretty well and I'm damn proud. There's always new recipes to try and I love that no matter how good of a cook you are, you can always try new things.
3. I started writing in the My Listography book my sister got me for my birthday this year. It was one the many thoughtful "golden birthday" themed gifts that arrived in the mail. She is all about the presentation of everything (that is her artistic self shining through):
4. I was told about the show, The L Word and that I needed to watch it. It was actually recommended to J and I but after a quick preview he decided it wasn't for him (which, I'm not sure how that is possible.. there is boobs galore in it!) but either way, we didn't end up starting the series. Now that the quarter is over and I've turned in my 1st draft of my dissertation proposal I've got a few moments to breath and actually relax (well, really it is a false sense since I should still be working on posters for conferences, integrated reports for patients, there is always a laundry list...oh and laundry too!) but either way, I started the series yesterday on my own. Looking forward to losing myself in some new characters.
5. Yesterday, while the pulled pork was in the slow cooker and before I settled in with the L Word for the evening, I spent the day giving the house a much needed cleaning. Cleaning is actually on this list? That probably means I need to get a better social life. The feeling of having a clean, organized house though is pretty damn amazing. That is probably the reason it made the list this time. Having organization and cleanliness, especially after finals week when everything seems to always get "put on hold" and piles of clothes appear, is such a great feeling.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Week 22: May 27th-June 2nd= My "Golden" Birthday
Well well, I am late this week on posting. So sue me! I spent practically all day yesterday in the library so I was a little brain dead when I returned home and not in much a mood to write.
I would like to take a minute, before reflecting on this past week, to make a note that today I attended my last class ever of my graduate career. I am officially done with classes... well, I still have a take-home final that is due at the end of next week.. but as far as attending class goes: I'M DONE!Strange.. because I still have so much further to go in my program but I've "learned" everything I need. HAH!
So, it was my birthday on Wednesday the 29th. My golden birthday: 29 on the 29th. I had hoped something monumental was going to happen, like some sort of metamorphosis into something magical or some special powers would have surfaced but no such luck. I've spend 28+ years waiting for this Golden Birthday and it turns out, it's like every other birthday: Just another day.
Ok, my 5 things:
1. On my birthday I had to work all day seeing clients at my practicum. So J surprised me with steak (my favorite) and ice cream at home that evening. I pigged out with no regard to calories. It was, after all, my birthday so that was allowed.
2. I found myself taking a few naps throughout the week. One of them I took on my actual birthday (although, that actually made me feel kind of lame, but that is going back to the whole "your Golden Birthday is supposed to be magical" fallacy I had been tricked into believing)
3. My best friend and her fiance (haha feels silly to call him that) came to visit. This was my first actual 'here just to visit me' guests. Pretty exciting. They got to see where J and I live and we showed them around San Francisco. Neither of them had ever been so it was a lot to cover in 1 day, but J did a pretty excellent job as a guide.
4. Having my best friend face to face is when we do our best communicating. We've gotten a lot better with texting and emailing so we no longer go weeks or months (gasp!) without speaking. Nothing beats face to face though. It is not even that we talk about anything monumental, (although wedding plans etc was pretty important this time around) but it is just being able to communicate and know that the other person knows exactly what you mean, even when others around you are disagreeing or failing to see the logic. She gets it. She always has.
5. Sunday J and I decided to take an impromptu mini road trip up to Gridley, CA. It is where his grandpa used to live and J's talked about this candy story: Penny Candy since, well pretty much since I've known him. We made the almost 3 hour drive up there and I got to experience part of J's childhood, walking around the store picking out any candy I wanted and filling our basket.
I would like to take a minute, before reflecting on this past week, to make a note that today I attended my last class ever of my graduate career. I am officially done with classes... well, I still have a take-home final that is due at the end of next week.. but as far as attending class goes: I'M DONE!Strange.. because I still have so much further to go in my program but I've "learned" everything I need. HAH!
So, it was my birthday on Wednesday the 29th. My golden birthday: 29 on the 29th. I had hoped something monumental was going to happen, like some sort of metamorphosis into something magical or some special powers would have surfaced but no such luck. I've spend 28+ years waiting for this Golden Birthday and it turns out, it's like every other birthday: Just another day.
Ok, my 5 things:
1. On my birthday I had to work all day seeing clients at my practicum. So J surprised me with steak (my favorite) and ice cream at home that evening. I pigged out with no regard to calories. It was, after all, my birthday so that was allowed.
2. I found myself taking a few naps throughout the week. One of them I took on my actual birthday (although, that actually made me feel kind of lame, but that is going back to the whole "your Golden Birthday is supposed to be magical" fallacy I had been tricked into believing)
3. My best friend and her fiance (haha feels silly to call him that) came to visit. This was my first actual 'here just to visit me' guests. Pretty exciting. They got to see where J and I live and we showed them around San Francisco. Neither of them had ever been so it was a lot to cover in 1 day, but J did a pretty excellent job as a guide.
4. Having my best friend face to face is when we do our best communicating. We've gotten a lot better with texting and emailing so we no longer go weeks or months (gasp!) without speaking. Nothing beats face to face though. It is not even that we talk about anything monumental, (although wedding plans etc was pretty important this time around) but it is just being able to communicate and know that the other person knows exactly what you mean, even when others around you are disagreeing or failing to see the logic. She gets it. She always has.
5. Sunday J and I decided to take an impromptu mini road trip up to Gridley, CA. It is where his grandpa used to live and J's talked about this candy story: Penny Candy since, well pretty much since I've known him. We made the almost 3 hour drive up there and I got to experience part of J's childhood, walking around the store picking out any candy I wanted and filling our basket.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Oral Comp Exam: PASSED!!!!!
I wanted to just take a second here, to commemorate this moment.
Today, I had my Oral Competency Exam at 9am PST.
It actually began a few minutes late, which was very fortunate since I arrived late. I left my house in Oakland at 7:30am thinking I was giving myself more than enough time to arrive by 8:45am. Joke's on me. Traffic was horrible, and to top it all off I had to pee so badly, it was actually quite painful that I had to pull off and find a bathroom (Target was my savior!)
I arrived at 9:01am, and no one even knew I didn't get there early. PHEW! Needless to say I was a bundle of nerves, shaky, feeling faint, out of breath, and sweaty (but really, aren't I always?)
The exam went about how I expected. Two faculty sitting across from me as I scribbled my notes on the Vignette before I had to begin speaking. I misspelled words that I've known how to spell for decades. When it came time to speak I made up some really interesting versions of words that I've never heard before all the while going completely blank on words I use on almost a daily basis in my field (ie: competent...ironic since I was taking a competency exam). I filled some of the silence with awkward ramblings and ill-received jokes. I even quoted Forest Gump "and that's all I have to say about that" which also went unappreciated by my examiners.
Despite all my uncertainty, bad jokes, and ramblings I survived.
I had finished up my exam a little after 10am. I went down to the library to finish writing up an assessment report for a class (I'm still not even sure how I did school work after that!). I knew we would find out about the results via email sometime in the next couple of hours, so naturally I was refreshing my email every 5 minutes or so. at 10:55am I got the email stating: Congratulations! I didn't even read the rest of it before blurting out a loud "yeeaaaahhh I passed!!" while flailing my arms in the air right in the middle of the library. Luckily, there was a small crowd of my peers who were either waiting to take theirs or had just finished up that were there to receive my celebration and send congrats my way.
Holy mother of all that is wonderful, I still cannot believe I passed. I earned my M.S. in Clinical Psych and it is yet another hurdle I've now cleared. A BIG hurdle, one I can actually say that I feel proud of myself that I've accomplished. It's rare I actually feel like anything I do is a success, but this really does feel like one.
It was unfortunate that I had to go about my day, as though nothing was different. I still had to go to class, still had to go to Research Group, and drive an hour commute home. I suppose I did it all with my head a little higher though.
To put a cherry on my Tuesday, I got my midterm exam results back for my forensic assessment class: 97%. Today was about the most successful day I've ever had (although I'm not counting the part about backing into the iron fence in the Subway parking lot. Doh!)
Today, I had my Oral Competency Exam at 9am PST.
It actually began a few minutes late, which was very fortunate since I arrived late. I left my house in Oakland at 7:30am thinking I was giving myself more than enough time to arrive by 8:45am. Joke's on me. Traffic was horrible, and to top it all off I had to pee so badly, it was actually quite painful that I had to pull off and find a bathroom (Target was my savior!)
I arrived at 9:01am, and no one even knew I didn't get there early. PHEW! Needless to say I was a bundle of nerves, shaky, feeling faint, out of breath, and sweaty (but really, aren't I always?)
The exam went about how I expected. Two faculty sitting across from me as I scribbled my notes on the Vignette before I had to begin speaking. I misspelled words that I've known how to spell for decades. When it came time to speak I made up some really interesting versions of words that I've never heard before all the while going completely blank on words I use on almost a daily basis in my field (ie: competent...ironic since I was taking a competency exam). I filled some of the silence with awkward ramblings and ill-received jokes. I even quoted Forest Gump "and that's all I have to say about that" which also went unappreciated by my examiners.
Despite all my uncertainty, bad jokes, and ramblings I survived.
I had finished up my exam a little after 10am. I went down to the library to finish writing up an assessment report for a class (I'm still not even sure how I did school work after that!). I knew we would find out about the results via email sometime in the next couple of hours, so naturally I was refreshing my email every 5 minutes or so. at 10:55am I got the email stating: Congratulations! I didn't even read the rest of it before blurting out a loud "yeeaaaahhh I passed!!" while flailing my arms in the air right in the middle of the library. Luckily, there was a small crowd of my peers who were either waiting to take theirs or had just finished up that were there to receive my celebration and send congrats my way.
Holy mother of all that is wonderful, I still cannot believe I passed. I earned my M.S. in Clinical Psych and it is yet another hurdle I've now cleared. A BIG hurdle, one I can actually say that I feel proud of myself that I've accomplished. It's rare I actually feel like anything I do is a success, but this really does feel like one.
It was unfortunate that I had to go about my day, as though nothing was different. I still had to go to class, still had to go to Research Group, and drive an hour commute home. I suppose I did it all with my head a little higher though.
To put a cherry on my Tuesday, I got my midterm exam results back for my forensic assessment class: 97%. Today was about the most successful day I've ever had (although I'm not counting the part about backing into the iron fence in the Subway parking lot. Doh!)
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Week 10: March 5th-10th.... sickness took over
So turns out that possible allergies/sickness was full blown sickness. That's the hardest I've been hit by a sickness in years. I was out half of Tuesday, all of Wednesday and Thursday, managed to gather enough strength to power through Friday and was on the couch again Saturday. Finally, I am starting to feel a bit better. Normally I'll miss 1 class here or there when I'm feeling sick, but I don't think I've ever canceled entire days multiple times in a row. It was bad.
Despite that major set back (to which I am attributing my late entry) I was still able to find the time to do my 5 beneficial things for myself, they are as follows:
1. Actually stayed home sick from everything, whereas normally I'd try to power on through. I actually did try on Tuesday, but traffic stopped me (literally!) and I decided it was much smarter for me to turn around and head home and cancel my meeting and tell my professor I wouldn't be making it in. I made sure to really focus on rest and fluids, despite my frustration with lack of productivity.
2. I did yoga for the first time in a long while. I realized that a) I'm really not as flexible as I once was and b) how much I actually enjoy yoga (I had forgotten!)
3. On Saturday, when I was feeling a bit better, I decided to park about a half a mile from the shopping center where I was going to do my errands (grocery store, pick up prescription, go by the bank and the post office) All these buildings are near each other in a shopping center to which I normally park in the parking lot and walk around. It was such a beautiful day and I'd been feeling so useless from my days on the couch I made sure to park far enough away that I'd get about a mile and a half walk in while accomplishing my errands. Multitasking!
4. I actually wrote on here, not just for my weekly 5 beneficial things list posting. I find it so helpful to write out (or type out, rather) my thoughts and yet I make such little time lately to do this.
5. I went to my school's library...on a Sunday. Despite wanting to lay around all day and being painfully lazy, I made the 45mile drive to my school's library (that's dedication, eh!?) and holed up in there for a few hours scoring and assessment for a client and working on some other assignments. Did I mention it was beautiful and sunny out too? Making it that much more difficult to sit inside a library all day. BUT I was able to get a lot of necessary work accomplished.
Despite that major set back (to which I am attributing my late entry) I was still able to find the time to do my 5 beneficial things for myself, they are as follows:
1. Actually stayed home sick from everything, whereas normally I'd try to power on through. I actually did try on Tuesday, but traffic stopped me (literally!) and I decided it was much smarter for me to turn around and head home and cancel my meeting and tell my professor I wouldn't be making it in. I made sure to really focus on rest and fluids, despite my frustration with lack of productivity.
2. I did yoga for the first time in a long while. I realized that a) I'm really not as flexible as I once was and b) how much I actually enjoy yoga (I had forgotten!)
3. On Saturday, when I was feeling a bit better, I decided to park about a half a mile from the shopping center where I was going to do my errands (grocery store, pick up prescription, go by the bank and the post office) All these buildings are near each other in a shopping center to which I normally park in the parking lot and walk around. It was such a beautiful day and I'd been feeling so useless from my days on the couch I made sure to park far enough away that I'd get about a mile and a half walk in while accomplishing my errands. Multitasking!
4. I actually wrote on here, not just for my weekly 5 beneficial things list posting. I find it so helpful to write out (or type out, rather) my thoughts and yet I make such little time lately to do this.
5. I went to my school's library...on a Sunday. Despite wanting to lay around all day and being painfully lazy, I made the 45mile drive to my school's library (that's dedication, eh!?) and holed up in there for a few hours scoring and assessment for a client and working on some other assignments. Did I mention it was beautiful and sunny out too? Making it that much more difficult to sit inside a library all day. BUT I was able to get a lot of necessary work accomplished.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Week 8: Feb 18th-24th: Yosemite!
Still no word back on any of my practicum applications. I turned them in over a week early, they weren't actually due until the 22nd...so really today is the first "business day" after the due date. Should be hopefully getting some interviews within the next few weeks. I'm just being impatient, weird right? ')
My 5 things:
1. I had J do an interval training cardio workout with me. He'd playfully mocked me before about doing youtube video workouts, which I admit seem a bit silly. I wanted him to join in with me so that a) we'd keep up on our exercise throughout the week and b) because I really need more cardio in my workout if I'm actually going to see results (and what I mean by that is: J is already showing improvements and I am not...which is frustrating). Also, I felt a little better when J remarked about how difficult the video was (since I have had trouble completing it in the past).
2. This past week I put it some extra hours in the library and at home to finish up work for a class in order to avoid having to attend the weekly TA sessions that require me to leave class early and often arrive to research group late on Wednesdays. Not to mention the time sitting in traffic, the extra miles and gas on my car. I managed to get all my work turned in and now I no longer have to worry about it, which is such a relief!
3. I only meet with my research group every other week because I have class at that time the other weeks so I am only getting feedback every few weeks on my dissertation which, as evidenced by previous meetings, can blow up in my pretty little face. I decided this last week, since I wasn't meeting with my group & adviser, that i should email him with some of my questions and concerns. This benefits me in a number of ways. First off, that way I'm not wasting another week going in the wrong direction (if my direction is not right), it also shows my adviser that I'm putting in extra time and effort (not just throwing together an update once every 2 weeks), and it allows me to get feedback about what I am doing (which he's usually much nicer via email anyway!).
4. I put in some extra time during the week on class assignments/dissertation research because there was talk of a possible outing with J over the weekend and I wanted to make sure I didn't fall behind in assignments. Also, I know that This upcoming weekend I'll be taking a quick trip home, so I will have less time then as well.
5. J and I took a spontaneous trip to Yosemite National Park over the weekend. Our 2 year anniversary is this upcoming Tuesday (2/26), a day where I am up at 4am and don't return home until 9pm and J will be at the woodshop for most the day. So we decided a weekend getaway was in order to celebrate. We left Saturday morning, stayed the night, and then headed back Sunday afternoon.
It was absolutely beautiful there. Neither of us had been and it was about a 200 mile drive from where we live. We booked a hotel the night before and packed up and left Saturday morning. Unfortunately, the hotel chosen was a bust.... but all the amazing views, wildlife, and nature made up for that.
A lot of the hiking trails were actually closed, which was kind of a bummer. We didn't realize how cold it was and how much snow would be there. Lesson learned on that one (we didn't do much research, obviously). It was still beautiful, regardless of the limited access. You couldn't do all that you wanted to in that short of a trip anyway. Since we'd never been, it was all new scenery to us and at least now we're more familiar with the layout of everything and can do research on different hikes we saw to decide what we should conquer on our next visit. We purchased the year pass, so we will have to go back anyway :)
My 5 things:
1. I had J do an interval training cardio workout with me. He'd playfully mocked me before about doing youtube video workouts, which I admit seem a bit silly. I wanted him to join in with me so that a) we'd keep up on our exercise throughout the week and b) because I really need more cardio in my workout if I'm actually going to see results (and what I mean by that is: J is already showing improvements and I am not...which is frustrating). Also, I felt a little better when J remarked about how difficult the video was (since I have had trouble completing it in the past).
2. This past week I put it some extra hours in the library and at home to finish up work for a class in order to avoid having to attend the weekly TA sessions that require me to leave class early and often arrive to research group late on Wednesdays. Not to mention the time sitting in traffic, the extra miles and gas on my car. I managed to get all my work turned in and now I no longer have to worry about it, which is such a relief!
3. I only meet with my research group every other week because I have class at that time the other weeks so I am only getting feedback every few weeks on my dissertation which, as evidenced by previous meetings, can blow up in my pretty little face. I decided this last week, since I wasn't meeting with my group & adviser, that i should email him with some of my questions and concerns. This benefits me in a number of ways. First off, that way I'm not wasting another week going in the wrong direction (if my direction is not right), it also shows my adviser that I'm putting in extra time and effort (not just throwing together an update once every 2 weeks), and it allows me to get feedback about what I am doing (which he's usually much nicer via email anyway!).
4. I put in some extra time during the week on class assignments/dissertation research because there was talk of a possible outing with J over the weekend and I wanted to make sure I didn't fall behind in assignments. Also, I know that This upcoming weekend I'll be taking a quick trip home, so I will have less time then as well.
5. J and I took a spontaneous trip to Yosemite National Park over the weekend. Our 2 year anniversary is this upcoming Tuesday (2/26), a day where I am up at 4am and don't return home until 9pm and J will be at the woodshop for most the day. So we decided a weekend getaway was in order to celebrate. We left Saturday morning, stayed the night, and then headed back Sunday afternoon.
 | ||||
| J on the edge...I didn't get that close |
 |
| Yosemite Falls |
Monday, February 18, 2013
Week 7: Feb 11th-17th
My 5 things:
1. I rearranged my schedule so that I could attend a Forensic Speaker event on campus on Wednesday. It was focused on juvenile forensics and the supervisor of one of the practicum sites I'm applying to was one of the speakers for the event. I made sure to go, to be engaged, and after the talk was over I went up to the speaker, introduced myself and asked him a question pertaining to my dissertation. I did this in hopes of making a good impression, as well as hopefully being memorable, despite my through-the-roof-social anxiety, shaking limbs, and beat red face and neck, I think I accomplished that.
2. Practicum applications are due February 22nd. I decided to beat the rush and avoid last minute surprises by turning in my applications over a week early. (Although, just today, while looking over my writing sample I noticed some errors. Oops.)
3. I scheduled a meeting with one of my dissertation committee members to discuss my dissertation topic and some possible solutions to potential problems. This wasn't necessary, as I've already discussed this some with my dissertation chair, but I figure it can't hurt to have extra communication with my committee member, plus it will be something to report during my research group update about my dissertation, which makes me look good :)
4. Saturday night we went out for my friend Liz's birthday. She is once of my favorite people I've met through graduate school and have known since the beginning of my program. We went to dinner and then out for drinks and pool after and met up with a group of people. It was good to see my friends outside of class and to be able to do something all together that is not school related.
5. Sunday J and I spent the day on the couch having a movie marathon. We watched a number of movies with Julia Roberts, my favorite <3. Perfect way to spend the end of the long, productive week.
Something I've noticed: When the majority of my 5 things involve beneficial things that are school/career related, I tend to be in a better mood. I'm not sure if that is a coincidence or if by bettering myself occupationally and scholastically I feel better about myself overall because graduate school is such a big, important aspect of my life.
Interesting correlation, although I'm not sure on the causation of it all.
1. I rearranged my schedule so that I could attend a Forensic Speaker event on campus on Wednesday. It was focused on juvenile forensics and the supervisor of one of the practicum sites I'm applying to was one of the speakers for the event. I made sure to go, to be engaged, and after the talk was over I went up to the speaker, introduced myself and asked him a question pertaining to my dissertation. I did this in hopes of making a good impression, as well as hopefully being memorable, despite my through-the-roof-social anxiety, shaking limbs, and beat red face and neck, I think I accomplished that.
2. Practicum applications are due February 22nd. I decided to beat the rush and avoid last minute surprises by turning in my applications over a week early. (Although, just today, while looking over my writing sample I noticed some errors. Oops.)
3. I scheduled a meeting with one of my dissertation committee members to discuss my dissertation topic and some possible solutions to potential problems. This wasn't necessary, as I've already discussed this some with my dissertation chair, but I figure it can't hurt to have extra communication with my committee member, plus it will be something to report during my research group update about my dissertation, which makes me look good :)
4. Saturday night we went out for my friend Liz's birthday. She is once of my favorite people I've met through graduate school and have known since the beginning of my program. We went to dinner and then out for drinks and pool after and met up with a group of people. It was good to see my friends outside of class and to be able to do something all together that is not school related.
5. Sunday J and I spent the day on the couch having a movie marathon. We watched a number of movies with Julia Roberts, my favorite <3. Perfect way to spend the end of the long, productive week.
Something I've noticed: When the majority of my 5 things involve beneficial things that are school/career related, I tend to be in a better mood. I'm not sure if that is a coincidence or if by bettering myself occupationally and scholastically I feel better about myself overall because graduate school is such a big, important aspect of my life.
Interesting correlation, although I'm not sure on the causation of it all.
Monday, February 4, 2013
Week 5: Jan 28th- Feb 3rd..and Peru!
My 5 things:
1. I set up an optional practicum advising meeting to discuss my application materials and site lists. It wasn't required to meet with anyone this year, but I decided that since I know I really want a Forensic site for my next practicum, and since I'm lacking experience in that department, I thought it best to meet with the professor who is in charge of that and see what feedback I could get from her. Turns out: it was really helpful and she gave me a lot of awesome feedback about my cover letters and how to present myself better on paper.
2. I attended this year's BAPIC practicum fair. That is where most of the practicum sites come and are available for you to meet with various people (directors, current practicum students, etc), ask questions and gather information. The majority of my classmates (3rd years) did not seem to be in attendance from what I could tell. Since most the people I knew weren't going, it wasn't required, and I loathe social situations where you have to talk to a bunch of total strangers and feel like you're being put on the spot: there was a large part of me that did not want to go. Despite my anxiety, I was able to talk with 4 sites and I feel like with at least 2 of them, I made a fairly good impression.
3. J and I went on a hike yesterday in Berkeley. Every time we go, we talk about how enjoyable it is and how we really should go more, and then we just don't get around to it.
Thankfully I was able to rally J yesterday and get him out the door and hiking. I'd really like to do something active outside at least once a week (on the weekend) and so far we've been able to accomplish that with out bike ride last weekend and this hike on Sunday.
4. I watched a fair amount of "Say Yes to the Dress" lately after working for hours at my computer or reading articles for my dissertation. I don't know what it is about that show, but I absolutely love it. I've never been a girl to imagine my wedding dress or picture what I'd wear, so it's not about that for me. I'm not sure what it is. Even now, after having see almost all seasons, I still don't find myself daydreaming about my dream wedding dress, even with all the ones I've seen. Guilty pleasure.... who knows.
5. We watched the Superbowl yesterday. Neither J nor myself are avid football fans nor do we catch many (if any) of the games during the regular season. The Superbowl, however; is well, the Superbowl! It has little to do with the actual game or the teams playing and has much more to do with the commercials, the socializing, the food, the togetherness, the beer, and the fun. We had an invite to a place in SF with some people we know. I was hesitant for a number of reasons (being in SF during the Superbowl when the 49er's are playing, having to driver there, having to pay tolls, trying to find parking, and having to spend money) so when the invite came from J's boss who lives in Oakland and to join them at their apartment I decided that was a much better plan. So we spent the day over there, pigging out on ribs, chips, salad and beer and it was delightful. I enjoyed the game, the commercials were amusing, and the company was lovely. After the game we stayed and had a fire going out back. They are pretty wonderful people too, which helps when spending that much time with someone.
In other news, I just found out this morning that my poster has been accepted to the World Congress of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies conference being held in Peru in July!
I do not get to attend because I'll be going to APA in Hawaii to present another one of my posters (and because airfare to Peru is like....$1300!! Yikes!) BUT my name as lead author and my work will be there. So I get to add that to the list:
This year:
February: My name (and work as a co-author) will be in Singapore
July: My name (and work as lead author) will be in Peru
August: Me, my name, and my work as lead author will all be in Hawaii
So in terms of research: I'd say I'm not doing too shabby :)
1. I set up an optional practicum advising meeting to discuss my application materials and site lists. It wasn't required to meet with anyone this year, but I decided that since I know I really want a Forensic site for my next practicum, and since I'm lacking experience in that department, I thought it best to meet with the professor who is in charge of that and see what feedback I could get from her. Turns out: it was really helpful and she gave me a lot of awesome feedback about my cover letters and how to present myself better on paper.
2. I attended this year's BAPIC practicum fair. That is where most of the practicum sites come and are available for you to meet with various people (directors, current practicum students, etc), ask questions and gather information. The majority of my classmates (3rd years) did not seem to be in attendance from what I could tell. Since most the people I knew weren't going, it wasn't required, and I loathe social situations where you have to talk to a bunch of total strangers and feel like you're being put on the spot: there was a large part of me that did not want to go. Despite my anxiety, I was able to talk with 4 sites and I feel like with at least 2 of them, I made a fairly good impression.
3. J and I went on a hike yesterday in Berkeley. Every time we go, we talk about how enjoyable it is and how we really should go more, and then we just don't get around to it.
 |
| Tilden Regional Park, Berkeley, CA |
4. I watched a fair amount of "Say Yes to the Dress" lately after working for hours at my computer or reading articles for my dissertation. I don't know what it is about that show, but I absolutely love it. I've never been a girl to imagine my wedding dress or picture what I'd wear, so it's not about that for me. I'm not sure what it is. Even now, after having see almost all seasons, I still don't find myself daydreaming about my dream wedding dress, even with all the ones I've seen. Guilty pleasure.... who knows.
5. We watched the Superbowl yesterday. Neither J nor myself are avid football fans nor do we catch many (if any) of the games during the regular season. The Superbowl, however; is well, the Superbowl! It has little to do with the actual game or the teams playing and has much more to do with the commercials, the socializing, the food, the togetherness, the beer, and the fun. We had an invite to a place in SF with some people we know. I was hesitant for a number of reasons (being in SF during the Superbowl when the 49er's are playing, having to driver there, having to pay tolls, trying to find parking, and having to spend money) so when the invite came from J's boss who lives in Oakland and to join them at their apartment I decided that was a much better plan. So we spent the day over there, pigging out on ribs, chips, salad and beer and it was delightful. I enjoyed the game, the commercials were amusing, and the company was lovely. After the game we stayed and had a fire going out back. They are pretty wonderful people too, which helps when spending that much time with someone.
In other news, I just found out this morning that my poster has been accepted to the World Congress of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies conference being held in Peru in July!
I do not get to attend because I'll be going to APA in Hawaii to present another one of my posters (and because airfare to Peru is like....$1300!! Yikes!) BUT my name as lead author and my work will be there. So I get to add that to the list:
This year:
February: My name (and work as a co-author) will be in Singapore
July: My name (and work as lead author) will be in Peru
August: Me, my name, and my work as lead author will all be in Hawaii
So in terms of research: I'd say I'm not doing too shabby :)
Monday, January 21, 2013
Week 3: Jan 21st-27th.... and SUCCESSES!
This Monday's been a little different as J didn't go into the woodshop as per usual and stayed home instead. There was definitely a pull away from work-related responsibilities and a later start than usual but I still managed to work out this morning, get a lot of work accomplished for school/dissertation and dinner for tomorrow night in the crock-pot (although tonight's dinner is still semi-undecided as of yet, but it's not yet 5pm).
Although, I am writing here later than I'd planned and also forgot to do it, but am fitting it in just before I allow myself the pleasure of time with J on the couch.
As for this past week's list of 5 things:
1. I had a really good conversation with my mom on the phone. I'm finally at the point in life where I've come to terms with the fact that my mother is but a mere mortal who has made mistakes and done things wrong in life and I've forgiven her for not being the super-hero subhuman I once expected her to be. We're finally at a point where we are able to connect, as friends. Being able to have these conversations with her where I know we're both being real, where I'm not worried about "what my mom will think" or about her "overreacting", where I'm treating her like an equal and not above or below me is really something special. Not every woman gets to this point with their mother, and not everyone has a mother such as mine that this type of relationship is even possible. I know I'm very lucky.
2. J had never seen any of the Harry Potter movies (can you believe it!?!?) and me being the fanatic that I am about them, was thrilled when he expressed a willingness (or more so just did not completely object to) the idea of watching all 8 of the movies with me. We started the series this weekend and actually got through movies 1-4 in the past week. I love being able to indulge in something that I'm so enthralled with and even more so, to be able to share it with someone I love and have them actually enjoying it too!
3. Got a pedicure yesterday. It was actually a treat for J's birthday, but I of course reap the benefits as well :) So relaxing!
4. I tried a new recipe last night for J's birthday dinner. Stromboli, his favorite. I've never attempted it and ended up free stylin' the recipe to suit what I had on hand and my preferences and it ended up a HUGE success! It's hard to surprise him with a "home cooked dinner" or special "birthday dessert" since he gets home cooked meals almost every night of the week. This recipe showed me that I've still got lots of successes up my sleeve.
5. I made a goal for myself for my work on my dissertation to read 10 articles per week. Ok, so it wasn't so much a personal goal as my research adviser told me "You should be reading 10-15 articles per week" and I was like "Say whaaaaaaaa?!?!?!? That's impossible!" So after some sulking and anger about that fact, I decided it just needed to get done. So I started out reading at least 1 article per day (some days 2) in order to meet the goal(ahem...requirement) of at least 10 articles per week. And low and behold, I am accomplishing it!
Oh and one more thing. Last Wednesday, after almost a week of the painful waiting and watching other people bask in the APA glory I got the notification that I got accepted!!! I am going to APA in Hawaii in August to present a poster! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! This goal I set out when I first began graduate school in 2010 has become a REALITY!! :D
I don't know how on earth I'll pay for it, but we'll worry about that later. For now, I'm allowing myself to just be proud of my accomplishment :)
Although, I am writing here later than I'd planned and also forgot to do it, but am fitting it in just before I allow myself the pleasure of time with J on the couch.
As for this past week's list of 5 things:
1. I had a really good conversation with my mom on the phone. I'm finally at the point in life where I've come to terms with the fact that my mother is but a mere mortal who has made mistakes and done things wrong in life and I've forgiven her for not being the super-hero subhuman I once expected her to be. We're finally at a point where we are able to connect, as friends. Being able to have these conversations with her where I know we're both being real, where I'm not worried about "what my mom will think" or about her "overreacting", where I'm treating her like an equal and not above or below me is really something special. Not every woman gets to this point with their mother, and not everyone has a mother such as mine that this type of relationship is even possible. I know I'm very lucky.
2. J had never seen any of the Harry Potter movies (can you believe it!?!?) and me being the fanatic that I am about them, was thrilled when he expressed a willingness (or more so just did not completely object to) the idea of watching all 8 of the movies with me. We started the series this weekend and actually got through movies 1-4 in the past week. I love being able to indulge in something that I'm so enthralled with and even more so, to be able to share it with someone I love and have them actually enjoying it too!
3. Got a pedicure yesterday. It was actually a treat for J's birthday, but I of course reap the benefits as well :) So relaxing!
4. I tried a new recipe last night for J's birthday dinner. Stromboli, his favorite. I've never attempted it and ended up free stylin' the recipe to suit what I had on hand and my preferences and it ended up a HUGE success! It's hard to surprise him with a "home cooked dinner" or special "birthday dessert" since he gets home cooked meals almost every night of the week. This recipe showed me that I've still got lots of successes up my sleeve.
5. I made a goal for myself for my work on my dissertation to read 10 articles per week. Ok, so it wasn't so much a personal goal as my research adviser told me "You should be reading 10-15 articles per week" and I was like "Say whaaaaaaaa?!?!?!? That's impossible!" So after some sulking and anger about that fact, I decided it just needed to get done. So I started out reading at least 1 article per day (some days 2) in order to meet the goal(ahem...requirement) of at least 10 articles per week. And low and behold, I am accomplishing it!
Oh and one more thing. Last Wednesday, after almost a week of the painful waiting and watching other people bask in the APA glory I got the notification that I got accepted!!! I am going to APA in Hawaii in August to present a poster! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! This goal I set out when I first began graduate school in 2010 has become a REALITY!! :D
I don't know how on earth I'll pay for it, but we'll worry about that later. For now, I'm allowing myself to just be proud of my accomplishment :)
Monday, January 7, 2013
Week 1: Jan 1st-6th
I must admit, trying to do 5 things per week to benefit myself proved to be rather difficult.
Much harder than I originally anticipated. I'm sure it will become easier to do and pick out beneficial things as time progresses, but this week's items are not anything to write home about. I guess another lesson this will teach me is what types of things are actually beneficial for me and which feel more like a chore...or better yet: those that may feel like a chore, but are actually quite beneficial. Needless to say, I think this will be a great challenge for myself.
After I wrote about my New Year's Resolution and discussed it with my boyfriend, he decided he wanted to document progress for his resolutions as well so it's nice to know we're sort of doing this together, albeit in much different ways.
Week 1:
This project is ongoing, but I will admit the first year was the most difficult because each card had to be made and written out with the date, and then the entry for 2012 needed to be entered. Also the acquisition of all the postcard dividers needed to happen. I actually ordered some vintage ones off ebay that actually have messages from the 50's and 60's from various parts of the U.S. which I thought added my own personal addition to the project. Although, the last postcard is actually a blank one of Oakland I purchased a few months back in my city.
So this week, I finally got around to finishing up the last few days in December that I'd fallen behind on because of all the holiday/family/buying a car/driving back happenings that caused me to be just too busy to finish in December. Now I'm up-to-date with these and it is already proving worthwhile and interesting to look at the current day and see what I was doing on that day, the previous year.
3. Went to First Fridays in Oakland. It's an art/community event, many cities parttake in their own versions of this but I realized we've been living in Oakland now for a little over 5 months and yet we've never gone to our own city's First Friday event, or any events in our city really. There are so many events and opportunities within minutes of our front door and yet we've experienced so very little of them.
4. During my hour commute home from work on Friday, I plugged in my old I-pod and rocked out to a variety of guilty pleasure tunes I have on there that I completely forgot existed. I love singing in my car, loudly and ALONE so as not to be judged on my lack of talent.
5. I wrote my cousin Kass a letter, snail-mail style. She does not partake in any social-networking, is not a fan of phone calls, and only so much can be said via text. I proposed the idea a few months back that she and I write good old fashion letters and she wrote me in November and I've yet to get around to writing her so I sat down yesterday and wrote out as much as my hand could bare (which proved to be fairly little since I haven't handwritten a letter in awhile). She and I were so close growing up, we did practically everything together. Throughout our late teen years and early 20's various things tore us apart, then brought us back together. We're in such different places in our lives now: I'm out here in a big city in CA going to graduate school with as much freedom as that allows and she is back in a small town in WA, married with a baby on the way, a toddler running around her house and a religion I can't agree with that has resulted in the biggest separation of the two of us. I love her with all my heart, and I love her children as though they are a part of me so the connection with her, however the universe allows is incredibly important to me.
All in all, this week has shown me that beneficial things for me come in all sorts of ways and I need to take the time throughout my week to not only actively engage in things that will benefit my mind/body/soul/heart... but also to take the time to notice those things I may already be doing and how these things benefit my mood and well being. I think part of it is that we so often are already taking part in beneficial activities, but aren't taking the time to acknowledge to positive impact these things can have on us if we let them.
Week 1 complete, now on to Week 2. This should be interesting as this is the first week of a new quarter in school, my busiest and possibly most difficult yet!!
Much harder than I originally anticipated. I'm sure it will become easier to do and pick out beneficial things as time progresses, but this week's items are not anything to write home about. I guess another lesson this will teach me is what types of things are actually beneficial for me and which feel more like a chore...or better yet: those that may feel like a chore, but are actually quite beneficial. Needless to say, I think this will be a great challenge for myself.
After I wrote about my New Year's Resolution and discussed it with my boyfriend, he decided he wanted to document progress for his resolutions as well so it's nice to know we're sort of doing this together, albeit in much different ways.
Week 1:
1. Actually took a "sick day"...by that I mean I didn't feel well, like a sickness had come over me and instead of ignoring my body's signals, I stayed home, slept a lot, laid on the couch and watched movies with lots of fluids. This resulted in waking up Sunday feeling better (Not totally cured, but much better).
2. Finished a year long project off my Pinterest that I began Jan 1st, 2012. The project was a diary/calender/log of daily doings.
So this week, I finally got around to finishing up the last few days in December that I'd fallen behind on because of all the holiday/family/buying a car/driving back happenings that caused me to be just too busy to finish in December. Now I'm up-to-date with these and it is already proving worthwhile and interesting to look at the current day and see what I was doing on that day, the previous year.
3. Went to First Fridays in Oakland. It's an art/community event, many cities parttake in their own versions of this but I realized we've been living in Oakland now for a little over 5 months and yet we've never gone to our own city's First Friday event, or any events in our city really. There are so many events and opportunities within minutes of our front door and yet we've experienced so very little of them.
4. During my hour commute home from work on Friday, I plugged in my old I-pod and rocked out to a variety of guilty pleasure tunes I have on there that I completely forgot existed. I love singing in my car, loudly and ALONE so as not to be judged on my lack of talent.
5. I wrote my cousin Kass a letter, snail-mail style. She does not partake in any social-networking, is not a fan of phone calls, and only so much can be said via text. I proposed the idea a few months back that she and I write good old fashion letters and she wrote me in November and I've yet to get around to writing her so I sat down yesterday and wrote out as much as my hand could bare (which proved to be fairly little since I haven't handwritten a letter in awhile). She and I were so close growing up, we did practically everything together. Throughout our late teen years and early 20's various things tore us apart, then brought us back together. We're in such different places in our lives now: I'm out here in a big city in CA going to graduate school with as much freedom as that allows and she is back in a small town in WA, married with a baby on the way, a toddler running around her house and a religion I can't agree with that has resulted in the biggest separation of the two of us. I love her with all my heart, and I love her children as though they are a part of me so the connection with her, however the universe allows is incredibly important to me.
All in all, this week has shown me that beneficial things for me come in all sorts of ways and I need to take the time throughout my week to not only actively engage in things that will benefit my mind/body/soul/heart... but also to take the time to notice those things I may already be doing and how these things benefit my mood and well being. I think part of it is that we so often are already taking part in beneficial activities, but aren't taking the time to acknowledge to positive impact these things can have on us if we let them.
Week 1 complete, now on to Week 2. This should be interesting as this is the first week of a new quarter in school, my busiest and possibly most difficult yet!!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
2013 New Years Resolution (and the new addition of Lucille!)
2013 has arrived, whether we are ready for it or not, it is here!
Today was my 1st day back at work (and by work, I of course mean my practicum at the methadone clinic) after a 10 day vacation that ended in getting about 2 hours of sleep after ringing in the new year and waking up at 4am to make the 11 hour drive back down to the Bay Area.
Why were we driving you ask and not flying back as originally planned...
Because I got a new car! Well, not new by any means..it is a 1995 just like the good ol' Jetta but, unlike the Jetta, this vehicle is actually in good, solid, working condition!
This here is Lucille, named after, of course, America's favorite redhead and my personal idol for as long as I can remember: Lucille Ball. I figured it was only fitting, J and I were discussing names and he suggested just "Red" or "Big Red" and I thought no, this here is an older, classy broad... and her name should suggest just that and then it hit me! Lucille <3.
J and I had been discussing getting me a new car because the Jetta, as loveable as he's been, is on his way out, he's a dying bloke who just wants me to give it a rest. We've been through a lot, September marked our 10 year anniversary and that is really saying something. Not many people own cars for 10 years anymore, seems people are so often upgrading or switching make or models of cars for newer, bigger, better and those old tried and true get passed on after only a few short years. Riley, however, (that's the Jetta's name...my cousin and I named our cars 10 years ago 'Riley and Chloe' after characters from one of the Olsen Twins' shows)....Chloe was given up many years ago, but Riley has been with me through oh so much.
Needless to say, we found ol' Lucille up in Portland while visiting family and decided she was too good to pass up, canceled our flights home (thank goodness we were flying Southwest where you can cancel and that $ just goes toward your next flight!) and we made the 11 hour drive back down on New Years Day.
Now, we haven't decided what to do with the Jetta. We've debated attempting to seel the heap o' junk, but really that wouldn't get us much money what with all the problems and "quirks" as I like to call them. There's also the possibility of just parting it out, but that seems a shame since he is still running, although barely... not to mention the idea of just stripping it all apart almost breaks my heart just thinking about it. The other option, which I am kind of keen on, is just keeping it as a back-up or secondary vehicle. It can't hurt right? Although, it hurts my wallet a little insuring 2 cars, but in the grand scheme of things, it just seems smart to have a second vehicle, which J can always drive if need be.
So anyway, all my excitement about the new car made me totally get side tracked and forget why I was posting. NEW YEARS!
Last year's resolution:
My new years resolution for 2012 is to focus on what I can do, what I'm capable of and what I am able to work toward. Focusing on the cans instead of dwelling on the cannots.
In terms of this resolution, I'd say that overall, I did a pretty fine job of this in 2012. I am so quick to get discouraged and give up because of negative feedback or a bad review or just my own insecurities but in 2012 I managed to endure quite a bit of criticism, let downs, disappointments, and more criticism (especially where research is concerned!) and despite all of that, I still managed to get done what I needed to, achieve more than I thought I was capable of, and do this with a fair amount of professionalism and poise (although I am not above crying in the bathroom or having a mini meltdown at home). I think this was such an awesome resolution for me to challenge myself with because it is something I really struggle with, and continue to struggle with, although I feel like after a year of actively keeping it a goal, I think I've improved a great deal, although more improvement is always something to strive for.
In terms of 2013, I've decided my resolution will be more output focused with a measurable goal for myself. With that said:
My new year's resolution for 2013 is to do 5 things to benefit myself each week and document these 5 things.
These things can be anything from enjoyable activities, bettering my career path, physical activities, alone time, special outings with others, whatever will be beneficial for me and my soul. In 2011 I made a resolution to work toward finding a balance between school and self/others time in order to be a better balanced person overall. This resolution for 2013 is stemming partly from this aspect, but also because so often I get wrapped up in what I'm doing with school or responsibilities that I forget to enjoy life. Although I've done a good job at attempting to have that balance, I feel like in the end stress is still winning and where does that leave me? Exhausted, drained, and irritable.
This resolution for 2013 is unique in the way that I am holding myself accountable for keeping up with and documenting these 5 beneficial things, and where will I be documenting these? Why... right here! I spent much of 2012 complaining how I wasn't writing anymore and how frustrated I was that I couldn't seem to make time for that, for something I enjoy. So here it is in writing.
That means, that there will need to be at least 52 postings for 2013 if I am documenting things once a week and that way, I am killing a few birds with one stone. Woo!
So here is to a new year, one likely filled with excitement, disappointment, stress, pressure, upsets, and surprises. More importantly, here is to finding more joy through out all 52 weeks of 2013!
Today was my 1st day back at work (and by work, I of course mean my practicum at the methadone clinic) after a 10 day vacation that ended in getting about 2 hours of sleep after ringing in the new year and waking up at 4am to make the 11 hour drive back down to the Bay Area.
Why were we driving you ask and not flying back as originally planned...
Because I got a new car! Well, not new by any means..it is a 1995 just like the good ol' Jetta but, unlike the Jetta, this vehicle is actually in good, solid, working condition!
 |
| "Lucille" American's favorite redhead <3 |
J and I had been discussing getting me a new car because the Jetta, as loveable as he's been, is on his way out, he's a dying bloke who just wants me to give it a rest. We've been through a lot, September marked our 10 year anniversary and that is really saying something. Not many people own cars for 10 years anymore, seems people are so often upgrading or switching make or models of cars for newer, bigger, better and those old tried and true get passed on after only a few short years. Riley, however, (that's the Jetta's name...my cousin and I named our cars 10 years ago 'Riley and Chloe' after characters from one of the Olsen Twins' shows)....Chloe was given up many years ago, but Riley has been with me through oh so much.
Needless to say, we found ol' Lucille up in Portland while visiting family and decided she was too good to pass up, canceled our flights home (thank goodness we were flying Southwest where you can cancel and that $ just goes toward your next flight!) and we made the 11 hour drive back down on New Years Day.
Now, we haven't decided what to do with the Jetta. We've debated attempting to seel the heap o' junk, but really that wouldn't get us much money what with all the problems and "quirks" as I like to call them. There's also the possibility of just parting it out, but that seems a shame since he is still running, although barely... not to mention the idea of just stripping it all apart almost breaks my heart just thinking about it. The other option, which I am kind of keen on, is just keeping it as a back-up or secondary vehicle. It can't hurt right? Although, it hurts my wallet a little insuring 2 cars, but in the grand scheme of things, it just seems smart to have a second vehicle, which J can always drive if need be.
So anyway, all my excitement about the new car made me totally get side tracked and forget why I was posting. NEW YEARS!
Last year's resolution:
My new years resolution for 2012 is to focus on what I can do, what I'm capable of and what I am able to work toward. Focusing on the cans instead of dwelling on the cannots.
In terms of this resolution, I'd say that overall, I did a pretty fine job of this in 2012. I am so quick to get discouraged and give up because of negative feedback or a bad review or just my own insecurities but in 2012 I managed to endure quite a bit of criticism, let downs, disappointments, and more criticism (especially where research is concerned!) and despite all of that, I still managed to get done what I needed to, achieve more than I thought I was capable of, and do this with a fair amount of professionalism and poise (although I am not above crying in the bathroom or having a mini meltdown at home). I think this was such an awesome resolution for me to challenge myself with because it is something I really struggle with, and continue to struggle with, although I feel like after a year of actively keeping it a goal, I think I've improved a great deal, although more improvement is always something to strive for.
In terms of 2013, I've decided my resolution will be more output focused with a measurable goal for myself. With that said:
My new year's resolution for 2013 is to do 5 things to benefit myself each week and document these 5 things.
These things can be anything from enjoyable activities, bettering my career path, physical activities, alone time, special outings with others, whatever will be beneficial for me and my soul. In 2011 I made a resolution to work toward finding a balance between school and self/others time in order to be a better balanced person overall. This resolution for 2013 is stemming partly from this aspect, but also because so often I get wrapped up in what I'm doing with school or responsibilities that I forget to enjoy life. Although I've done a good job at attempting to have that balance, I feel like in the end stress is still winning and where does that leave me? Exhausted, drained, and irritable.
This resolution for 2013 is unique in the way that I am holding myself accountable for keeping up with and documenting these 5 beneficial things, and where will I be documenting these? Why... right here! I spent much of 2012 complaining how I wasn't writing anymore and how frustrated I was that I couldn't seem to make time for that, for something I enjoy. So here it is in writing.
That means, that there will need to be at least 52 postings for 2013 if I am documenting things once a week and that way, I am killing a few birds with one stone. Woo!
So here is to a new year, one likely filled with excitement, disappointment, stress, pressure, upsets, and surprises. More importantly, here is to finding more joy through out all 52 weeks of 2013!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Christmas #1
Only 4 more days until we're homeward bound for the holidays.
My boyfriend and I decided that since we're traveling for the holidays, it didn't make much sense to pack our presents to each other in our suitcases and lug them 700 miles to open them up, only to pack them back up and return with them (little did I realize my gift wouldn't have fit in his suitcase anyway!) We decided to do our own little mini Christmas here with each other before we head up to the PNW for the actual holidays.
So Saturday, the 15th we had our own little Christmas holiday. We opened presents in our pajamas, played our new game of Monopoly (one of my gifts to him) and watched Home Alone 1,2 & 3...(although I tried to warn him that the 3rd one wasn't worth watching). We also watched my absolute most favorite Christmas movie, the original cartoon version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
In between our movie marathon and game playing we went to Christmas Tree Lane, in Alameda.
Armed with layers of warmth and a thermos of homemade hot chocolate we walked up and down the street filled with Christmas lights, music, people, and holiday cheer!
J had never been to any place like this that he could remember so it was fun to be able to do something like this together. Plus, I'm game for any and everything Christmas related!
So lets get back to these presents I was talking about. We opened the ones that were wrapped. J told me that one of my gifts would be arriving in the mail in a few days, so I only had 1 to open. The one I did open was the awesome singing bird clock I wanted that sings a different bird song each hour, on the hour. I wanted to hear the clock and we needed batteries for it to work. J said "I think maybe there are some in the office" so I went in search of batteries. I walk into the office and SURPRISE! A shiny red bicycle appears!
J had of course tricked me saying my other gift was "in the mail" and had this beauty stashed down in the garage (which is his man-cave woodshop and I never go down there). Tricky man he is. This gift was a group effort made possible by J, his dad, my mom, and my brother-in-law.
This gift is in part because J wants me to ride with him, but also because of my knee injury and my difficulties with running, they all wanted me to have a way to exercise without doing more damage to my knee. Although I don't want to give up running, this is quite a lovely way to get outside as well :)
So today, despite a forecast for rain... we were determined to ride.
My first bike ride in over a year and my very first time on a road bike. 10 miles later and my butt is sore, my legs feel a bit like jello, and my knee is well aware it was used today. It sure felt great to be outside, riding with J. Him being such an avid rider, I've definitely wanted to get a bike and be able to share his love for them. Granted, I am not anywhere near up to his level, nor will I ever be...but it was still nice to ride along side him for awhile :)
After all of this, it feels like Christmas is over. Then I remember that in 4 days, we get to board a plane and see all our loved ones up north and begin the actual, crazy, huge, loud, fun, amazing Christmas festivities awaiting us up there!
My boyfriend and I decided that since we're traveling for the holidays, it didn't make much sense to pack our presents to each other in our suitcases and lug them 700 miles to open them up, only to pack them back up and return with them (little did I realize my gift wouldn't have fit in his suitcase anyway!) We decided to do our own little mini Christmas here with each other before we head up to the PNW for the actual holidays.
So Saturday, the 15th we had our own little Christmas holiday. We opened presents in our pajamas, played our new game of Monopoly (one of my gifts to him) and watched Home Alone 1,2 & 3...(although I tried to warn him that the 3rd one wasn't worth watching). We also watched my absolute most favorite Christmas movie, the original cartoon version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
In between our movie marathon and game playing we went to Christmas Tree Lane, in Alameda.
J had never been to any place like this that he could remember so it was fun to be able to do something like this together. Plus, I'm game for any and everything Christmas related!
So lets get back to these presents I was talking about. We opened the ones that were wrapped. J told me that one of my gifts would be arriving in the mail in a few days, so I only had 1 to open. The one I did open was the awesome singing bird clock I wanted that sings a different bird song each hour, on the hour. I wanted to hear the clock and we needed batteries for it to work. J said "I think maybe there are some in the office" so I went in search of batteries. I walk into the office and SURPRISE! A shiny red bicycle appears!
This gift is in part because J wants me to ride with him, but also because of my knee injury and my difficulties with running, they all wanted me to have a way to exercise without doing more damage to my knee. Although I don't want to give up running, this is quite a lovely way to get outside as well :)
So today, despite a forecast for rain... we were determined to ride.
After all of this, it feels like Christmas is over. Then I remember that in 4 days, we get to board a plane and see all our loved ones up north and begin the actual, crazy, huge, loud, fun, amazing Christmas festivities awaiting us up there!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
30 Days of being thankful
November, being the month that houses Thanksgiving, is a time to remember what we're thankful for.
It can be so easy to go through every day without realizing all the little (and big!) things that we have in our lives, both material and intangible. We get so caught up in our daily rituals, our responsibilities, our own minds that we forget to take a moment to really look around at what all we are blessed with.
This year, I took part in a "30 Days of Being Thankful"type of thing. I'm not sure if there is an actual name for it or not, so that is what I'll call it. I noticed on November 1st people on Facebook claiming "Day 1" or "Nov 1st" and thought...that sounds like a wonderful thing to do!
So I set out to complete 30 days worth of being thankful and to my surprise, some days were quite a challenge. It can be difficult to find the good in a day that feels like it's up against you.
I must say this was such an awesome quest for me, I found it really humbling and enriching. Some days my thanks were silly, some days material things, others people or events in my life. Each day gave me a new opportunity to shine light on an area of my life I'm thankful I have/earned/deserve/have been given. I decided to document them all here because I think it's pretty great to see them all in 1 place.
I must say this was such an awesome quest for me, I found it really humbling and enriching. Some days my thanks were silly, some days material things, others people or events in my life. Each day gave me a new opportunity to shine light on an area of my life I'm thankful I have/earned/deserve/have been given. I decided to document them all here because I think it's pretty great to see them all in 1 place.
Day 1: I'm thankful for the house we
rent, that J has made a home.
Day 2: I'm thankful for Dustin's timing
on sending me random little things, unknowingly right when I need a
laugh.Thanks Squash. :)
Day 3: I'm thankful for Netflix since
it is currently allowing us to watch the entire series of The Wonder
Years.
Day 4: I'm thankful for my wife for
being in my life for 19 years and never giving up on me; despite
distance, egos, changes, and mistakes.
Nov 5: Today I'm thankful for the
kindness of strangers, and in East Oakland, no less. Thank you to the
man who helped me at the gas station.
Day 6: Despite having done so last week
via mail, today I am thankful, as a woman, for my right to vote. Oh
and also for being able to get an absentee ballot and vote in my home
state!
Day 7: I'm thankful for sleep because
I really needed it, and was able to get a lot of it. woo! Although, I
still need more.
Day 8: I'm thankful that despite all
the drowning, I've managed to stay afloat in grad school thus far.
Day 9: I'm thankful I have a best
friend with such awesome style that I'm still getting compliments on
clothes she gave away to me like 2 years ago (and am still wearing
too!)
Day 10: I'm thankful for my older
brother, Troy. Although he's not my only brother, he is the one who
has given me the most "older brother" memories, including
all the ones where he tortures you, picks on you, makes you cry.
There's also a whole lot more that include good advice, games, funny
jokes, great memories, and big hugs and even bigger laughs. Love you
Troylet.
Day 11: I'm thankful for those who have
served and continue to serve. For all the ones I know well and hold
dear to my heart, and for those I'll never meet. Happy Veterans Day ♥
Day 12: I'm thankful I have the ability
to run, even with all the complications and setbacks of my injury,
I'm still capable of running.
Day 13: I'm thankful to have friends I
consider family, and family I consider friends.
Day 14: I'm thankful that, despite
initial disappointments and rejection during 1st year, I ended up in
the research group I'm in because it has proven to be a pretty great
fit for me :)
Day 15: I'm thankful J is skilled
enough to keep my car alive for as long as possible, because we
really need it to keep living.
Day 16: I'm thankful for Chinese food
delivery. It's a rarity in this house, but some days, I just really
don't want to cook, or think.
Day 17: I'm finding it difficult to
find something to be thankful for in the midst of all the
stress...but I guess I'm thankful that I am good at baking, because
as of lately, its all I've been any good at.
Day 18: I'm thankful this quarter is
almost over. I don't think I can take much more. Just a few more
days.
Day 19: I'm thankful for those around
me that help me out to make my life a little easier, like Freda
turning in my paper for me today so I didn't have to drive 85 miles
just to turn it in, and for J for always taking out the trash and
cleaning up (daily!) the cat poo from the strays that have decided
our driveway is a litter box. It's these kinds of things that keep me
from going totally insane, and for that I am oh-so-thankful!
Day 20: I'm thankful that my team
pulled through (it was down to the final hour!) and we were able to
submit to APA!! Here's to hoping we get accepted! :D
Day 21: I'm thankful for surprises in
the mail. They really are just the best thing ever :) Especially when
they're from people you love ♥
Day 22: I'm thankful I get to be an
Auntie and a Godmother. My nephews, my niece and my goddaughters fill my
heart with so much love I never even knew possible. I'm thankful for
their parents for bringing them into this world and for allowing me
the privilege of being in their lives. ♥ I love and miss all these
little kiddos, even though some of them aren't very little anymore.
Day 23: I'm thankful for technology
that allows me to joke with my nephew via text who is 700 miles away,
and talk with my niece about what the tooth fairy brought her, even
though I'm 2 states away.
Day 24: I'm thankful for how much joy I
get from anything Christmas related, it makes this time of year
unbelievably wonderful for me...currently watching National Lampoon's
Christmas Vacation and having pumpkin pie ice cream :D
Day 25: I'm thankful for lazy Sundays.
Day 26: I'm thankful I've been able to
travel as much as I have in my life so far and been able to
experience other cities, states, and other countries...and I hope to
continue to do so, if grad school will allow it.
Day 27: I'm thankful for family
visitors. J's dad is here until Saturday!
Day 28: I'm thankful for my dad and
everything he has taught and continues to teach me and all he does
for those he loves. Today also happens to be his birthday...so Happy
Birthday Dad. Love you. ♥
Day 29: I'm thankful for my mom. She's
helped teach me what it means to be a successful woman in this world,
and that's no easy job ;)
Day 30: I'm thankful for my family, all
of them. My family who made so many of my childhood memories
unforgettable, and my family who have stood by me in my most
difficult struggles. I could not be where I am today without all of
them. I am so lucky to be a part of such a large, supportive, loving,
laughter-filled family.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Office Dress Code: and other lies they tell you
Two weeks of training completed.
Tuesday I'll see my first clients at a practicum site completely unrelated to my school.
It's not as though the client's I saw through my school's clinic were not real.
They were people, with real, chronic, serious issues.
The practicum itself, however, was not so real.
It had ridiculous expectations, limitations, rules and requirements that I am quickly finding out...have nothing to do with how things work in actual organizations.
What I will say, is that my school clinic over-prepared me...which I suppose is much better than the reverse of that.
It over-prepared my ideas about therapy sessions, dress code requirements, procedures, paperwork, etc.
The dress code alone is one of the things I find the most comical. at my school clinic there were so many restrictions, fabric and length requirements and overall appearance rules...and then I get to my new site, where people are wearing denim and sneakers and I'm damn near in a pants suit.
I am quite surprised how at ease I actually feel about this new practicum of mine.
There are quite a number of reasons it should scare me and I should be incredibly worried:
Mostly I am just excited to be getting more experience and to get into the swing of things. I know there are elements such as paper work and assessments that will need to be done that will be tedious and overwhelming, but for now I'm more or less looking forward to it.
My school's clinic felt like there was so many limitations it was hard to actually accomplish much.
This new site, from what I can tell so far, is much more open and flexible in terms of giving me the reins and allowing me to make treatment decisions.
I suppose had I not gone through everything I did with my school clinic, I would not be so ready and willing to make all those decisions that have now been placed on my lap though.
It just feels good to be taking the next step.
It feels like I'm actually out in the real world, working toward something bigger than myself and my school.
I'm actually curious to see how I react to this experience of working at a methadone clinic.
I'm sure there are going to be many stressful times ahead, but I'm looking forward to seeing how it impacts me, in what ways I end up growing as a clinician and as a person in general.
Although, I haven't seen a client there yet, so this could all go out the window once that occurs and I realize what I'm actually in for!
For now, I will just remain optimistic about this experience and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow in any way that it may allow me to.
Tuesday I'll see my first clients at a practicum site completely unrelated to my school.
It's not as though the client's I saw through my school's clinic were not real.
They were people, with real, chronic, serious issues.
The practicum itself, however, was not so real.
It had ridiculous expectations, limitations, rules and requirements that I am quickly finding out...have nothing to do with how things work in actual organizations.
What I will say, is that my school clinic over-prepared me...which I suppose is much better than the reverse of that.
It over-prepared my ideas about therapy sessions, dress code requirements, procedures, paperwork, etc.
The dress code alone is one of the things I find the most comical. at my school clinic there were so many restrictions, fabric and length requirements and overall appearance rules...and then I get to my new site, where people are wearing denim and sneakers and I'm damn near in a pants suit.
I am quite surprised how at ease I actually feel about this new practicum of mine.
There are quite a number of reasons it should scare me and I should be incredibly worried:
- It is working with substance abuse issues
- It is at a methadone clinic
- There is an element of mandated treatment (which gives you quite a bit of resistance from clients)
- I'm going from my prior caseload of 2 clients to (currently) 6 but that number will be 10-15 within the next month.
Mostly I am just excited to be getting more experience and to get into the swing of things. I know there are elements such as paper work and assessments that will need to be done that will be tedious and overwhelming, but for now I'm more or less looking forward to it.
My school's clinic felt like there was so many limitations it was hard to actually accomplish much.
This new site, from what I can tell so far, is much more open and flexible in terms of giving me the reins and allowing me to make treatment decisions.
I suppose had I not gone through everything I did with my school clinic, I would not be so ready and willing to make all those decisions that have now been placed on my lap though.
It just feels good to be taking the next step.
It feels like I'm actually out in the real world, working toward something bigger than myself and my school.
I'm actually curious to see how I react to this experience of working at a methadone clinic.
I'm sure there are going to be many stressful times ahead, but I'm looking forward to seeing how it impacts me, in what ways I end up growing as a clinician and as a person in general.
Although, I haven't seen a client there yet, so this could all go out the window once that occurs and I realize what I'm actually in for!
For now, I will just remain optimistic about this experience and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow in any way that it may allow me to.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Birthdays
Last Tuesday was my birthday.
We went out the weekend before to celebrate. One of my closest friends, Rob, was in town visiting his sister so we were able to go out for my birthday and he even came and met up with all of my grad school friends, which was nice to have a little piece of home with me.
The weekend celebration with school friends was slightly awkward. It was a joint birthday with a guy from my program, but a lot of people who went did not realize this and thought it was only for him, so that was embarrassing for me when it came to toasts and splitting up the check, I was left out of that.
My actual birthday consisted of a morning run, an afternoon meeting with a professor, a 45 minute phone call with Comcast that involved 6 transfers, tears and verbal obscenities. I watched some TV in sweats for the remainder of the afternoon. I did, however, receive some lovely gifts in the mail that day:
In the evening, I was taken out to dinner by some lovely ladies. The server even brought me a piece of cake with a candle it in, which was nice. I also was given a few gifts there.
All in all, it was a vast improvement from my awful birthday last year. I still cried on my birthday, but at least it wasn't from feeling alone and completely forgotten on my birthday. It was because the people at Comcast were being assholes. Completely different story.
I wish I could have been with my family. Birthday's just are not the same without them. Phone calls and cards in the mail are nice, but nothing beats family hugs and quality time.
Turning 28 did not have the same tough blow that turning 27 did. 27 meant the official end of my "mid-twenties". 27 means the entrance into your "late-twenties" and I think I definitely felt that last year. Turning 28, I'm still in my late-twenties and therefore there was no major transition. I can't really even grasp the whole 28 thing anyway I don't think at this point.
I wonder if birthdays will ever feel real? I'm guessing not if they haven't up to this point. What is a birthday anyway? Sometimes it just feels like a reminder that time is continuing on, and you're not where you thought you'd be/want to be/feel you should be and you haven't done what you set out to or lived enough or experienced enough.
That is an entirely too pessimistic attitude for it, I know. I should be looking at it as a celebration for everything I was able to accomplish, be it big, small or otherwise. To say anyone hasn't done enough in one year is discrediting everything that has been done.
This time last year:
I had just starting out running
I was about to finish my 1st year of grad school
I had been in a long distance relationship for only a few months
I was coming out of a horrible, dark place in life
I had never conducted therapy or seen a client
I was unemployed
And here I am, 1 year later:
I've been running for a year (still sucking at it, but still running nevertheless)
I'm about to finish up my 2nd year of grad school
I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year and he is moving down here this summer and we took a vacation to another country together!
I'm seeing the light, I have goals and the future looks more hopeful than it did one year ago.
I have finished up my first practicum and preparing to start my second one and have now conducted therapy and seen clients
I have held a job for a year now.
So although things didn't pan out the way I'd hoped in some areas, and I'd wished things had gone differently or that I'd done more... I cannot discredit that which I have been able to accomplish.
We went out the weekend before to celebrate. One of my closest friends, Rob, was in town visiting his sister so we were able to go out for my birthday and he even came and met up with all of my grad school friends, which was nice to have a little piece of home with me.
The weekend celebration with school friends was slightly awkward. It was a joint birthday with a guy from my program, but a lot of people who went did not realize this and thought it was only for him, so that was embarrassing for me when it came to toasts and splitting up the check, I was left out of that.
My actual birthday consisted of a morning run, an afternoon meeting with a professor, a 45 minute phone call with Comcast that involved 6 transfers, tears and verbal obscenities. I watched some TV in sweats for the remainder of the afternoon. I did, however, receive some lovely gifts in the mail that day:
I wish I could have been with my family. Birthday's just are not the same without them. Phone calls and cards in the mail are nice, but nothing beats family hugs and quality time.
Turning 28 did not have the same tough blow that turning 27 did. 27 meant the official end of my "mid-twenties". 27 means the entrance into your "late-twenties" and I think I definitely felt that last year. Turning 28, I'm still in my late-twenties and therefore there was no major transition. I can't really even grasp the whole 28 thing anyway I don't think at this point.
I wonder if birthdays will ever feel real? I'm guessing not if they haven't up to this point. What is a birthday anyway? Sometimes it just feels like a reminder that time is continuing on, and you're not where you thought you'd be/want to be/feel you should be and you haven't done what you set out to or lived enough or experienced enough.
That is an entirely too pessimistic attitude for it, I know. I should be looking at it as a celebration for everything I was able to accomplish, be it big, small or otherwise. To say anyone hasn't done enough in one year is discrediting everything that has been done.
This time last year:
I had just starting out running
I was about to finish my 1st year of grad school
I had been in a long distance relationship for only a few months
I was coming out of a horrible, dark place in life
I had never conducted therapy or seen a client
I was unemployed
And here I am, 1 year later:
I've been running for a year (still sucking at it, but still running nevertheless)
I'm about to finish up my 2nd year of grad school
I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year and he is moving down here this summer and we took a vacation to another country together!
I'm seeing the light, I have goals and the future looks more hopeful than it did one year ago.
I have finished up my first practicum and preparing to start my second one and have now conducted therapy and seen clients
I have held a job for a year now.
So although things didn't pan out the way I'd hoped in some areas, and I'd wished things had gone differently or that I'd done more... I cannot discredit that which I have been able to accomplish.
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