Week 33: Aug 12th-18th-My 1st PIE!

It is 9pm and I just now realized it is Monday.
Ok, that is not entirely true. I was at work today, so I obviously knew which day of the week it was, but it was not until this moment that I realized today is the day I write. Initially I thought "oh well, I'll just write tomorrow and be a day late" but then the other part of my brain yelled back "what kind of attitude is that?!". Again, that may not be entirely true but... true enough.

So here it is, my 5 things:

1. I went running yesterday! Finally! I just checked back and I haven't gone on a run since mid July. Wow, thinking about that bums me out a little. Granted, I did a lot of hiking in Hawaii and I did a 2 mile walk the other day, but I haven't ran in a month? Shame on me. Needless to say, I am incredibly thankful I did. I'm sore in the best way (still able to move but sore enough to know my body accomplished something). I've been lacking energy MAJORLY lately, as in constantly falling asleep while sitting, reading, etc. I know it is from my lack of movement, but feeling that lethargic makes it that much more difficult to get up and get going. I need to put in more effort here. How many times do I have to write that each week before I actually DO IT?!?

2. Finished reading my book. It was an awesome read! Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I recommend it for anyone looking for a quick and entertaining book. I finished just in time too because I got my dissertation proposal edits back the same day. Whomp whomp!

3. I baked my 1st ever pie! Strawberry Rhubarb. It just so happens to be mine and J's favorite pie. I think it turned out pretty well actually. J had some critiques about it but that was because he's basing it off his grandma's perfected recipe. I'd say for a 1st timer I did pretty dang swell. (Ok, ok...I used a pre-made crust, so I am somewhat of a cheat but, I'm still learning!)

4. I made homemade coleslaw. Not that this is some super difficult task, it was actually quite simple, but still. It is something I had never ventured into and therefore knew nothing about. We had the 2nd portion of our humongous pork butt (... I can't help but giggle at that sentence) left and J said it was time to make a million pounds of pulled pork again. I decided to make a more general version in order to make it easier to do more things with the pulled pork (and not have to have BBQ everything). So I decided to also make some coleslaw to accompany our 1st of many pork meals: BBQ pulled pork sandwiches. I've never been a huge coleslaw fan, but I kept seeing BBQ pulled pork sandwiches paired with it so I decided it was time. J said he wasn't much of a fan of the stuff either but he ate my batch with a smile. Success!

5. Friday I get a text from a friend I knew when I went to University of Hawaii who I hadn't seen in years. She was in town and she and her friends had an extra ticket to the A's game that night against the Indians. Despite my 4am wake up that morning for work, I decided I needed to get out and do something, be social. I accepted her offer and ended up having an awesome time. Took the Bart to the game, the ticket deal came with a soda, hot dog and peanuts. No baseball game is complete with out that ;) Although, J called me a traitor for going to an A's game, because we're definitely a Giants house. Oops.

Week 32: August 6th-11th

So it is a week after getting back from Hawaii, and I have not unpacked.
That's right folks, I am rummaging through an exploded suitcase of clothing to get dressed each morning, all the while, the clothes have started to take up more and more space as I dig deeper for other items. Not to mention, my pj's and the daily wearings have also made their way into this mound. Mind you, I unpacked J's things about a day or so after we got back but for whatever reason my things just haven't wanted to get sorted or hung back up. Maybe that should really go on my to-do list, eventually.
I have a feeling next week's 5 things list is going to have a LOT to do with food, seeing as how I just went grocery shopping for the 1st time since before we left and we are now stocked up on things for me to try new recipes with.

As for this week's 5 things:

1. I've been reading, TONS! My goodness how I love a good book. Graduate school has almost tainted books for me, but then I jump into some  young-adult novel, true crime, or mystery fiction and I can't ever remember why I haven't been reading every day all the time? (Oh that's right, that school thing keeps getting in the way). I bought the book to celebrate my 10 hours I'd be on a plane to and from Hawaii since I prefer to spend plane rides with my nose in a book. I bought a book I'd heard was a "great, easy summer read" Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I have, so far, thoroughly enjoyed it. I've only got about 100 pages left, that I am really hoping to finish before my edits from my dissertation proposal come back and I have to face reality and shelve the book (pun totally intended).

2. I went to a non-mandatory meeting at my new practicum this past week. It was voluntary, in order for the new interns to get a chance to see how things work with the counselors, how they discuss residents and the types of things we'll be responsible for in regards to our own client-load. It also gave me an unexpected look at the dynamics between staff and counselors, higher-ups, etc. My new practicum is at a women's residential home, with basically all all female staff. After a 2 hour meeting all I have to say is HOLY ESTROGEN OVERLOAD! Yikes, it's going to be an interesting year.

3. I  had an in-person meeting with my FIA (that's Faculty Internship Advisor, you know the one they originally rejected me from getting...shame on them). Any way, we had our first initial meeting and it went GREAT! She is wonderful, she's blunt, to the point, doesn't bullshit... hmm she reminds me of someone, I just can't put my finger on it ;). I was actually able to be real with her about my reasons for wanting to go in the direction I've chosen and I didn't have to sugar coat it or package it politely. She's the first person in my graduate career that I've actually said anything to about it and I am so thankful that I did. She's helping me to figure out how to present myself in the best way possible in hopes of applying to and getting matched for internship this year. She's damn hard to get a hold of, but when you do, she's brilliant.

4. I rode the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit, aka the subway) by myself back from my meeting in SF. Now, I realize that sounds a little silly going on this list but, it was a chance for me to be alone, in San Francisco, be alone on the subway, and navigate my way home. Hmm, still sounds silly but for me, it's a big deal. Dealing with social anxiety, just riding the subway alone becomes a milestone.

5. I took a nap. Yep, that's made the list for beneficial things for me this week. I went into my old practicum (where I am now a temporary employee) two days in a row, which means 2 days in a row of 4am alarm clocks. Also, since we got back from Hawaii my somewhat-adjusted-allergies to the dog completely vanished and my body has to become adjusted all over again. This results in total and utter exhaustion and itchiness. On top of that, I spent the majority of Saturday completely uncomfortable and suffering so that night I just could not take it anymore and I took an allergy pill. Non-drowsy my ass. Sunday I felt like a complete zombie. Hence, the 3 hours nap. It. was. glorious.

Smash Book really does seem like a smashing idea.

                                                      (Video taken from YouTube)
I've never heard of one of these. It is called a Smash Book.
I think this is something I will need to be obtaining. It's everything I've always done, but a book that has convenient supplies to go with it that make it all go together in organized chaos, which is how everything in my life tends to be...so it's only fitting.
I already have a little notebook that I write down little quotes/thoughts to remember/ etc.
I had one in High School and I absolutely cherish it. Now, if I had one of these.. I could make use of all those papers etc that I refuse to throw away, but remain in the bottom of drawers and stuffed in between books waiting indefinitely for a home.
This is on my *someday* list, you know when I have extra money to spare... so maybe 10 years from now :/

Writing Your Story

I've started writing.

I think it's a combination of inspiration from Erin Merryn's work and reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett.

When you've got a story to tell...
You've got to get in in writing. No matter how long in takes, or how difficult the journey...
You've got to write it.
It may take a lifetime, but I've taken the hardest step: the first one.

The trouble with books

The trouble with books is...
I don't ever have enough time to read them!
I am constantly reading in books. School has me with my nose in a number of them at any given time.
However the books I can't seem to find the time for, are those read for pleasure.
Over the summer I managed to start and finish reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, as per the suggestion of my sister-in-law, who as I said, is my go-to for book suggestions.

At first while reading this book, I was a little hesitant about whether or not I would like it. I've yet to be disappointed by any of her suggestions, although a few of them I have been unsure about in the beginning but always end up really enjoying them. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was no different. Initially, I was unimpressed but about half way through, I was finding it hard to put down and sped through the last portion completely engulfed in it. It was much different from what I had anticipated happening in the storyline. Very impressed. 

If it weren't for my sister-in-law, I'd only read true-crime books about serial killers and Harry Potter.

Another book I've purchased because of her suggestion is The Help by Kathryn Stockett.

I bought it over 2 months ago and it has remained unopened on my bookshelf. This book has received a lot of publicity and that only intensified with the movie out as well. I am not allowing myself to watch the movie, until I've read the book. I have heard good things from so many people about this book, and I now own it...
But unfortunately, what I do not possess is the free time in which to read it. I will be flying home in November for Thanksgiving and then 2 weeks later in December.  I actually look forward to my flights, just as an excuse to have uninterrupted time to read a book :)

I don't Know How She Does it.

I've got a soft spot for Sarah Jessica Parker. I have always adored her, and my late-onset-obsession with Sex and the City (I'd never seen an episode until my mom bought me the series for my birthday in '07, when it had been off the air for about 3 years by then) only further solidified my love for her.
So when I saw the preview for her new movie, I was all for it.

Not to mention I thought it was a wonderful concept. A woman with a career, children, a husband... juggling it all in an quirky, light-hearted way.
That was until my best friend Starry informed me that the movie is actually based on a book, that she had read for a class in college.
She said I needed to read the book. Then she went one step further, because I mentioned needing to pick up an audio book for my 12 hour drive down to CA that weekend and low and behold, she actually had an audio book of it and gave it to me for my trek down south.
The actual book, by Allison Pearson, was just over 6 hours long in audio book form. It was an excellent accompaniment to a 12 hour car ride alone.
Although, as I mentioned before, 12 hours is a long time to be inside your own head.
The life of Kate Reddy starts off with her trying to juggle being a good mother and having a successful career, keeping up good appearances, having enough time to do it all and going to great lengths to get it all done and keep everything in line.

As I'm listening to this story, of  course I can relate. Now, I don't have children, or a husband (or an actual career for that matter!) So there are certainly elements of the story that don't exactly fit for me, but there are overarching themes; trying to juggle everything and feeling like you're failing at everything simultaneously.
For me, I'm juggling: School work, class load, practicum duties, seeing clients, supervision, conducting research, meetings, studying, reading, a long distance relationship, a close-knit family I'm far from and attempting to stay in touch and keep up to date with them, trying to have somewhat of a social life, work oh and sleep too. I like to get some time for that too.
I'm also a female, although my guy friends would beg to differ and still give me a hard time if I ever (which I seldom ever do with them) show up in a skirt. I was blessed with the nicknames Finkle and Einhorn the first time I tried that. That is not to say that males do not feel pressure. Not what I am saying at all.
I am talking about that inner voice, I'm not sure what it is exactly, that females have. That constant battle that is occurring inside a woman about being a good mother versus being good at her job. Society seems to be a firm believer we can't be both. I'm not even a parent yet and I already feel the tug-of-war inside me.
It's already begun because I am 27 and childless. When I was younger and heard about a woman's "biological clock" I just pictures a big pocket watch like the one the white rabbit carried around in Alice in Wonderland floating around inside a woman's body.

I never understood that there is literally a pressure so heavy you can almost hear it ticking inside. When my mother was my age she had already given birth to one child with a 2nd on the way and two step sons, my sister already had given birth to two with a step son and my best friend who is my exact same age already has a 2nd grader and 4 year old, not to mention my many, many cousins who have children. There are still a good number of us in the family that don't, and I know I can't filter that information out completely.

To get back on track here, I am a 27 year old graduate student, pursuing her Ph.D. Which means that I will graduate (if I'm lucky!) when I'm 31. I don't think I need to do the math on how many good-baby-producing years that leaves me with post graduation. So my choices are: wait to have children and be an "older mother" which, having older parents is something I am very aware of. My peers have parents who are in their 40's.. I have siblings in their 40's. Or, have children while in grad school and attempt to juggle practicum/classes/research/work/internship/exams/dissertation all with a baby on my hip.
People say "but you chose that path" and They're right, I did. I chose education and I chose the long road, and I took so long to figure that out, that I'm doing it later than a lot of people. I take full responsibility for that and stand behind that choice.
The part I'm having a hard time with is: No matter which decision or path I choose, I feel like I'm losing. I can put school/career on hold or on the back burner or say screw it all together and become a mother and likely resent my children and myself for losing out on one of my biggest passions, OR I can choose to put the family life on hold, pursue my career become successful and either not have kids, or have them much later where I will then resent my job and myself for giving my children less time with their mother (daily time as well as longevity since I'll be a much older mother).

All these thoughts have been in my mind for many years, I can usually brush them aside, quiet them with distractions, or focus on other things. When I'm stuck in a car, by myself, listening to the life of Kate Reddy, and listening to her failing at handling everything and *Spoil Alert* in the end GIVING UP HER JOB..for her children and her husband... it only makes me feel that much more overwhelmed and hopeless that a woman can, in fact, do it all.
Every story (fiction or otherwise) seems to point in the direction of women thinking they can do it all, but coming to the conclusion that being a mother triumphs all other efforts and if you want to be a good one, you've got to give in..and know your role.

Although, I can't lie...I'll probably still see the movie.

Real life starts today, apparently.

Got back from Vegas on Saturday, had to work yesterday and I'm finally feeling normal today.
Took almost 2 days to recover from a trip that lasted less than 48 hours.
I need to clean my room, unpack and adjust back into life as I know it.
Today, marks the beginning of something major.
I have my first supervision sessions at the clinic today where I get a look at my client files for the first time and discuss them.
I still can't believe I'm going to have clients, that people are going to depend on me, and only me.
I mean I am only a student therapist, so it's not like I am expected to know everything, but it will still be just me and the client in the room. That is a lot of pressure riding on my shoulders.

I've started reading a new book:

So far I haven't been able to really get into it. Although, I can't really knock it since my first attempts at reading it were on a trip to Vegas, so to say my mind was else where would be an understatement. I am looking forward to having some down time this summer (sans classes and just focusing on work and my practicum) to actually read for pleasure.
I ask my sister-in-law for book suggestions. I started doing this last summer and have yet to be disappointed by a book she's suggested. They're never books I'd choose on my own, even this newest one, but I just take her advice and I am usually fairly pleased with the books in the end. This was her first suggestion and she's already given me another despite the fact that I'm only about 30 pages into this one. The good news is: I have a pool at my apartment (well, 3 actually) so I plan to spend a good amount of time near it, with books.