Week 26: June 24th-30th- Rejection is my middle name

Friday I received an email stating "it does not appear that you are adequately competitive to match at an APA site this year." Which means my intent to apply application for internship was REJECTED and I quickly boarded the train to Bummertown, USA.
This meant that  I would have to wait another year before even applying to internship. My mind began racing with all the things I would be missing out on and how that would mean I'd be gone away from my family for nearly a decade before I was able to return and my heart just completely sank.
After wallowing in self pity for a bit, I decided to take them up on their offer of an appeal. I waited until my brain had some time to cool down (that nice hour long commute from my practicum with no AC and 100 degrees did the trick). I sat down and put into words why I thought I deserved to be able to apply on time. I was informed after I sent in my appeal that the committee would be reviewing my appeal August 12th. AUGUST?! I'd have to wait another month and a half to know my fate? That seemed so cruel and unfair. I pouted a bit more, vented, cried and then went about my weekend.
Much to my surprise, I received an email today with the following opener: "On the basis of your appeal, the Application Review Committee agrees that you should be assigned an FIA and can proceed with your internship applications."
HOT DAMN! Apparently I made a convincing enough argument (and they happened to review it) and they overturned the original decision and are now allowing me to apply. I'm not sure what I said that changed their minds, but I am so very thankful it worked!
Technically, there is no guarantee that I will be able to apply, my application materials still need to have the final OK by the director of clinical training but even still...at least I'm not allowed to try. 
I'm actually kind of proud of myself. That I was able to do something about the shitty hand I was dealt, that I was able to effectively communicate my thoughts enough to persuade a committee to overturn my initial rejection status they had given me, and that I was able to do so in a mature manner (because trust me, the things I wanted to put into that appeal letter, while true, would not have won me any brownie points).
Gold star for taking the high road and getting results! (and so quickly too!)

My 5 things:

1. Went running once. It was a difficult run for me for some reason, but I ran into these lovely beings and it totally made my day.

2. Went on a 7 (and some change) mile bike ride. It's been scorching hot in the bay and I really wanted to be in the sun. It was J's idea for a ride. I was originally planning on laying on the beach. I suppose his plan was better (healthier). It was an awesome ride right on the bay so the breeze felt wonderful in that 90+ heat. 

3. While on said bike ride, we were able to stop and take a gander at some birds. The bike trail was on a wildlife refuge so there was prime sightings of some beautiful birds. Binoculars and all, we were total bird nerds. 

4. In order to escape out house, we went out and got sushi and a beer in Alameda. Afterwards we took a walk down Park Street in order to enjoy the warm evening (and avoid the sauna we live in). It was really nice just to "stroll" with J and peak into windows of little shops. 

5. On Sunday after our bike ride, it was still entirely too hot to handle the inside of our house. We decided to head to the movies, not caring what we saw, just to enjoy the air conditioned building. We chose to see This is the End, despite a mediocre trailer because it was the one J seemed the least bummed about. Little did I realize I would be laughing hysterically the entire time. Holy Moly, those guys are just TOO FUNNY!! I mean, I always enjoy those guys and think they're super comical, but the trailer just bummed me out and I couldn't imagine how it would be that funny. They proved me wrong and I had a blast beating the heat.

Week 4: January 21st-27th...when's my vacation?!

It's sometimes hard to focus on the here and now, when I have vacations to Vegas and Hawai'i in my not-near-enough future to think about. I would so much rather spend my time researching hotels, flights, and the best restaurants than researching emotion regulation, anxiety, substance use, assessments, trauma, treatment, measures, or practicum sites. That is the life of a grad student I suppose, and you'd think this far into my program I'd have realized that by now and come to terms with it. Not to mention, I just came back from "vacation", and I'm already complaining? I also think I should be thankful I have the opportunity to take these vacations (although, Hawai'i is actually school related) and it is quite nice to have something pleasurable to look forward to, even if the first one is 100 days away (yes...I have a countdown going).

The week before last, I attempted 10 articles for my dissertation and  I fell short, however, I still read more than I was reading before. Then this last week I attempted the same, and still fell short...BUT... I read more than the week before. I am still short of 10 articles per week, although, I am making progress each week to where hopefully this next week I can set out to read 10 and actually achieve it.

My 5 things:

1. I attempted a mindfulness exercise.  Mindfulness is a practice that in recent years has been impacting the field of psychology and has shown to be effective with a number of different populations and for a number of different disorders. So the research is pointing to it, my colleagues and professors are pointing to it, and I .... well, honestly it just feels awkward and weird to me. My own psychologist attempted it with me in therapy and I flat out told her "listen, that stuff just isn't for me" and put an end to it right then and there. While this is all well and good, because it's not for everyone, I can't help but feel like my clients may be missing out on an additive to therapy that could be really beneficial for them because their therapist (ME!) finds it awkward and silly. It also bothers me that I have such an aversion toward it. There are other therapies and techniques that I don't use or have yet to use but I don't find myself loathing them like I do mindfulness. So I told myself I'd try it, and I will need to try it more than once as it will take time. And guess what? It wasn't totally horrible, although it did still feel awkward and silly, I survived it and am willing to do it again. So... we shall see how that goes, but... baby steps.

2. Went on a bike ride for the first time in about a month! It wasn't a huge one, only about 7 miles but it felt good to be outside and on my bike. I went with J and our friend Ray and we went on a trail that I've been on before in the town I used to live in down in the south bay. It was beautiful and sunny, although incredibly windy and cold! Hoping we don't wait another month for the next ride!

3. For Christmas J and I got binoculars and a bird book from my dad and stepmom. We've been really excited to use them but haven't found the time to go an explore and bird watch. We brought the binoculars with us on the bike ride and ended up spotting a couple birds of prey and nature in action that resulted in a pretty graphic scene of a dead goose and some very territorial predators. The binoculars worked so well and made it much more enjoyable. Plus, Ray is an avid photographer so he was able to get some really great, unique shots of the birds as well. Win-win all around. 

4. J and I finished up the Harry Potter series last night. I forgot how much I loved those stories and how well the movies did with them. I mean, any book-to-the-big-screen is going to have parts lefts out, slight alterations, and of course the movie is never, ever as good as the book. I would have to say though, that the Harry Potter movies did a pretty swell job overall, considering they're condensing 500+ page books into only 2 and a half hours. Now I just really, really want to go to Harry Potter world in Orlando!!!

5. J and I played a board game last night: Life-Twists and Turns! It's not the original game of Life that only gives you two options: have a family or have a career (misogynistic much?) but this version you have 4 options and you can do any combinations of them you want (you mean, I don't only have to pop out babies or get a real job?!). Board games are so awesome, and we rarely make time for them but we really, really should. J just proposed the idea of "game night" twice a week and I suggested instead of forcing it, we just play them when we feel like it. We'll see how that all goes. We only have a few anyway (Life, Monopoly, Scrabble, and Sex and the City Trivia) so we might need to invest in some more soon.

I'm finding that now, even only in week 4, it is getting a bit easier to identify and execute beneficial things  that I can do for myself. I think I'm still just scratching the surface with some of them but, it's a process.