Week 27: July 1st-7th DISNEY & SURPRISES!

So my 5 things post is going to look a little different this week, because of the rare events that took place:
This last week was a pretty eventful one. Monday-Wednesday involved going into work and being responsible. Wednesday evening, however, involved a road trip with J down to Anaheim to surprise my family who were were on vacation down there. We managed to get some pretty great reactions from my brother-in-law, my mom, my niece and my nephews. It was a tight squeeze fitting 9 people into a hotel room that sleeps 5...but we managed to do it. The sacrifices we're willing to take to save some funds.

I hadn't been to Disneyland in probably about 20 years (making comments like that makes me feel really old) and J had never been so this was his first time. It was pretty exciting getting to experience it as an adult and still being just as mesmerized by it and getting to see J's reactions to things. He had also never been on a roller coaster, or ridden in a limo so we hit all kinds of firsts for him this week. My family can be pretty overwhelming, but after almost 2 and a half years J handles the chaos pretty well.

 It was also my niece's first time there and getting to watch a 5 year old experience Disney for the first time was pretty wonderful.

The first day we were there was the 4th of July. Not only did we get to experience Disney on a beautiful summer day, but we got to take a break from the rides to enjoy the fireworks, and then hit the rides again after the show was over. We never left the part before midnight. 

 All in all, this was one incredibly unforgettable trip. Any chance I get to see my family, and I'll take it but this was especially memorable because it was a trip to Disneyland. I am so grateful we were able to make that happen because it is not something that will happen very often and with how quickly these kiddos grow up, it's rare to be able to experience such a special moment in time with them.

Week 24: June 10th-16th Trying new things

1. I went running twice! Right, so running twice is no big accomplishment, except that I didn't run at all last week, and I may have not run the week before that either. I tend to get too motivated, and end up pushing it which irritates my IT band and then I'm left not being able to run. I really need to learn that running twice a week, each week is better than being able to go 3 times in a week but then 0 times the next week. I'm too impatient for this injury, but I'm working on that.

2. I tried my hand at pulled pork for the first time yesterday. I'd never handled 5lbs of pork butt before ;) I made it in the slow cooker, did a rub with spices before hand and then added my own mix after because I wanted it to have more flavor. I must say, I think it turned out pretty well and I'm damn proud. There's always new recipes to try and I love that no matter how good of a cook you are, you can always try new things.

3. I started writing in the My Listography book my sister got me for my birthday this year. It was one the many thoughtful "golden birthday" themed gifts that arrived in the mail. She is all about the presentation of everything (that is her artistic self shining through):

It is an entire book of Lists on every page. There are lists for favorites, wishes, memories, etc. I decided that my goal is to fill it out before my 30th birthday as a way to chronicle my thoughts throughout my last year in my 20's. Some of the lists are pretty concrete and won't likely change, but some of them are more fleeting so it will be interesting to look back on. I have always been a writer, a list maker, a memory hoarder. Since I was young I have written down all sorts of useless information about conversations, dreams, thoughts, any and everything I worried I might forget later. I have boxes of diaries and journals from growing up and as I grow older I realize how much you naturally just forget over time. I guess I was onto something as a child. In the past decade or so I've written a lot less, forgotten a lot more. Even this blog is somewhat of a memory hoarding device designed for me to remember a little bit more that I would on my own. My sistermay not be as much of a writer as me, but is just about as compulsive as I am when it comes to list-making so this book was pretty fitting coming from her.

4. I was told about the show, The L Word and that I needed to watch it. It was actually recommended to J and I but after a quick preview he decided it wasn't for him (which, I'm not sure how that is possible.. there is boobs galore in it!) but either way, we didn't end up starting the series. Now that the quarter is over and I've turned in my 1st draft of my dissertation proposal I've got a few moments to breath and actually relax (well, really it is a false sense since I should still be working on posters for conferences, integrated reports for patients, there is always a laundry list...oh and laundry too!) but either way, I started the series yesterday on my own. Looking forward to losing myself in some new characters.

5. Yesterday, while the pulled pork was in the slow cooker and before I settled in with the L Word for the evening, I spent the day giving the house a much needed cleaning. Cleaning is actually on this list? That probably means I need to get a better social life. The feeling of having a clean, organized house though is pretty damn amazing. That is probably the reason it made the list this time. Having organization and cleanliness, especially after finals week when everything seems to always get "put on hold" and piles of clothes appear, is such a great feeling.

Oral Comp Exam: PASSED!!!!!

I wanted to just take a second here, to commemorate this moment.
Today, I had my Oral Competency Exam at 9am PST.

It actually began a few minutes late, which was very fortunate since I arrived late. I left my house in Oakland at 7:30am thinking I was giving myself more than enough time to arrive by 8:45am. Joke's on me. Traffic was horrible, and to top it all off I had to pee so badly, it was actually quite painful that I had to pull off and find a bathroom (Target was my savior!)

I arrived at 9:01am, and no one even knew I didn't get there early. PHEW! Needless to say I was a bundle of nerves, shaky, feeling faint, out of breath, and sweaty (but really, aren't I always?)

The exam went about how I expected. Two faculty sitting across from me as I scribbled my notes on the Vignette before I had to begin speaking. I misspelled words that I've known how to spell for decades. When it came time to speak I made up some really interesting versions of words that I've never heard before all the while going completely blank on words I use on almost a daily basis in my field (ie: competent...ironic since I was taking a competency exam). I filled some of the silence with awkward ramblings and ill-received jokes.  I even quoted Forest Gump "and that's all I have to say about that" which also went unappreciated by my examiners.

Despite all my uncertainty, bad jokes, and ramblings I survived.
I had finished up my exam a little after 10am. I went down to the library to finish writing up an assessment report for a class (I'm still not even sure how I did school work after that!). I knew we would find out about the results via email sometime in the next couple of hours, so naturally I was refreshing my email every 5 minutes or so. at 10:55am I got the email stating: Congratulations! I didn't even read the rest of it before blurting out a loud "yeeaaaahhh I passed!!" while flailing my arms in the air right in the middle of the library. Luckily, there was a small crowd of my peers who were either waiting to take theirs or had just finished up that were there to receive my celebration and send congrats my way.

Holy mother of all that is wonderful, I still cannot believe I passed. I earned my M.S. in Clinical Psych and it is yet another hurdle I've now cleared. A BIG hurdle, one I can actually say that I feel proud of myself that I've accomplished. It's rare I actually feel like anything I do is a success, but this really does feel like one.
It was unfortunate that I had to go about my day, as though nothing was different. I still had to go to class, still had to go to Research Group, and drive an hour commute home. I suppose I did it all with my head a little higher though.

To put a cherry on my Tuesday, I got my midterm exam results back for my forensic assessment class: 97%. Today was about the most successful day I've ever had (although I'm not counting the part about backing into the iron fence in the Subway parking lot. Doh!)

Christmas past, present, and future

It's the Christmas season.
It never fails, no matter what, to be my absolute most favorite time of the year.
I don't know when it all started, but over the years I've morphed into the BIGGEST Christmas crazy person I know.
Christmas has always been a favorite of mine...but as I get older, it becomes more and more for me.
Obviously, as a child the presents were a major element for me.
But even then, it was always more. It was about believing in something, about bringing family together, about the magic of Christmas.

I remember one year I think it was '92 or '93, I was being greedy and wanted to know what I was getting. I went under the tree and carefully unwrapped all the presents with my name on them, peaked to see what I was getting, and then ever so carefully wrapped them back neatly. That was by far, one of the most disappointing Christmases. There was no element of surprise, there was no wonder or anticipation. I knew the things I wanted that I already had, and the things I didn't even like.. now I had to open them and pretend I didn't totally hate them. That was the last year I ever peaked at anything and from then on I've made it a point to stay in the dark about any gifts, even when people try to tell me or give me hints. 
I'm actually surprised none of my 5 older siblings ever tried to burst my bubble about Santa.
I suppose even if they had tried, I wouldn't have allowed it any way. I believed for a long, long time. Right up until that moment in '95 where I came down the stairs Christmas morning and saw my dad filling our stockings.I remember rushing back up stairs and hiding in bed with my eyes shut tight, trying to erase the horror of what I'd just witnessed. I was crushed. The magic was gone! You'd think that would have ruined Christmas for me for years.
Then there was the first Christmas after my parents divorced. The 1st year of many "double Christmases" to come. Anyone coming from a divorced family knows the politics involved, the negotiating, the bribes, the guilt, the time management, the double gifting, the fighting and bickering. It was a lot for a 13 year old to handle. It put a damper on what Christmas had always been for me, I felt the tug-of-war that I'd feel for...well for the rest of my life. I still deal with this tug-of-war, although as an adult it's slightly easier to manage. That Christmas was the first time we'd changed our "traditions". For 13 years of my life we'd celebrated the same way, and suddenly it was all changing. It felt like something had been stolen from me.
If only then I'd know the changes of Christmas traditions would continue throughout the years.
There was the 1st Christmas after my cousin who'd been my best friend growing up and my partner in crime for everything had converted to a religion that did not celebrate holidays. So many of my holiday traditions involved specifically her. I mourned the loss of her for many Christmases to come and still find I miss her most near Christmas time. I can still see her, but these visits no longer include so many of the memories we made year after year.
In '07, it was the first year after the horrible events that lead up to my family dividing in two. For my entire life, we'd always went to my Grandparents house on Christmas Eve. Even after their passings, we still went to the same house, and celebrated with our huge, loud, fun family. We never broke tradition, ever. That is, until a select few of us upset the herd, we spoke out against another family member and aided in him being put in prison for over a decade. This marked the first Christmas we were not welcome at  my grandparents house and were not allowed to participate in the traditions we'd spent our whole lives taking part in. That marked the first year of attempting to build new traditions. It's been a rough adjustment for all of us. Each year is a bit different, still trying to figure out what the new traditions entail. My dad has done his best to make it special for us all, despite the large elephant in the room that I often feel responsible for.
In '10, I thought I'd be coming home for the holidays to see my family and the man who'd promised to marry me. Just before Thanksgiving that year, he gave me the news that he had other plans. He'd broken up with me and a few weeks before Christmas, I'd learn he had gotten back together with his ex. This was heartbreaking and lead to the most difficult holiday season I'd faced yet. He'd robbed me of the magic, my ability to believe it something bigger, and that Christmas I merely went through the motions of the holidays, but wasn't present at all. I'd lost all hope for everything and Christmas was no exception.

Despite all the heartbreak and disappointment of Christmases past, there were so many other years where my memories will forever live in my heart. I don't think I could ever turn my back in Christmas, no matter how close I came in the past. The toughest lesson to learn in life is that change is inevitable, and traditions will be broken. This allows for new traditions, new additions, and new memories to be made and Christmas is no exception here either.

This Christmas won't be like others, but in some ways it will be exactly the same. I won't be able to spend it with everyone I'd like to, it won't go as planned, but I am able to spend it with some wonderful people, I do have a very special man who survived the holidays with my family last year and actually wants to return again. I also get to be a part of some lovely little kiddos Christmas memories, that they can look back at when they're my age and remember as fondly as I do mine.
The years I was so wrapped up in what Christmas should be or how it used to be or who should have been there I wasn't being fair to all those that were there, and continue to be there. I wasn't being fair to my niece and nephews whose Christmas memories I am a part of. My new years resolution this year was the focus on what I can do instead of worrying about what I can't do..and again, Christmas isn't an exception here. I can't change the past, I can't control the future but I CAN enjoy the holidays with my family and do my best to make it memorable for us all.
 Although it's been said, many times, many ways... Merry Christmas to you :)