Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Mid-Quarter Blues.

It's that mid point in the quarter. I'm literally dragging my physical body around going through the motions meanwhile my mind has ceased to cooperate for a little over a week now.
I'm absolutely and completely exhausted. Physically, emotionally and sure as hell mentally.
I know I will make it out of this sluggish funk, I do every quarter, I eventually become re-energized just enough to power through the last half of the quarter, only to be bombarded by another and another and the cycle continues.  I just have to wait it out, wait for the day I wake up and can actually function semi-properly.
Please come soon. I am quickly dissolving into a pile of pathetic.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Running Update: 9 months=set backs and reroutes

I am starting to get a bit frustrated with this knee pain.
Maybe it's just that I'm too impatient, but I'd say, in terms of this running business, I've done a pretty damn good job and taking it sllloooowwww and being patient about my progress.
Back in November, when I attempted to increase my mile time, (or rather, decrease) was when the knee pain made its majorly unwelcomed appearance. I took my time, I took it easy, I didn't push it. Fast forward to January, after giving my knees a break, I started back up again, but this time slow and steady, running less distance and at a slower pace to get my legs back into the groove.
Come February, I decide my 1 mile runs weren't cutting it anymore (since I was consistently doing 1.5 miles pre knee pain) So Saturday I decided since I needed to deposit a check and my bank isn't too far from my apt that I'll run there and back.
So I do this, and I do ok actually. I determine that the distance totals 1.5 miles. I feel pretty good about the fact that I'm able to do 1.5 miles again.
That is until about 20 minutes after my run, when the pain has returned.
I took a month running 2-3 times per week of running a slow  mile...and then the one time I do a SLOW 1.5 miles my knee just can't bare it.
I'd call bullshit, but it's my own knee and I can't seem to escape it.
So in light of this new found frustration, I've turned to the internet since it helped me get this running thing going in the first place (good shoes to get, interval programs to increase running, etc) and I have come up with what I hope will be the end to this godawful pain.
Strengthening Weak Knees is a video I came across that was originally from MadeFitTV.
Now this girl is a chatty one, but she has some good things to say.
I'm now officially implementing these knee strengthening exercises into my weekly routine.
There will be 2-3 times a week I run, and on the days I'm not running I will do these exercises to hopefully get some strength built up in those damn knees of mine.
I am determined not to quit.
I started running in May 2011... it is now Feb 2012 and I am still at it. Granted, I haven't made much progress, but again, I can't compare myself to what "normal people" are capable of.
I just have to keep reminding myself that I CAN RUN A CONSISTENT MILE!!
That is progress. That is something that no matter how small it may seem to others or on the grand scale of is something I've never been able to do until last year in my almost 3 decades on this planet...therefore I will muffle the sounds of that little voice that tells me to quit, that tells me I'm not good enough and that I am pathetic.
I will shove a running sock right in the mouth of that voice that tells me my puny mile pales in comparison to the rest of the running world and press on.
Of course I'd love it if I were able to be running 3 miles a day, or hell even 3 miles even once a week!
But I'm not there yet, and maybe I'll never be.
Where I am at, is 1 mile further than I was in May.
I refuse to give up, because I give up on everything else that I can't master.
Running will not be on that list.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

With just one click of a button

On this day, 1 year ago I did something I don't ordinarily do.
I accepted a friend request from a male I'd never met before on Facebook.
Little did I know that would change my entire outlook on myself, on the future, and on life in general.

This time last year, I was in a bad place. I was absolutely heartbroken after having been dumped by the man I thought I was going to spend my life with and marry. The one I'd been in love with since I was 16 and thought I had finally, finally gotten it right with him.
Him breaking up with me crushed my soul in a way I wasn't even aware was possible. I felt lower than any low I'd ever experienced before, and with the things I've endured in life... that is a pretty low down low.
I was failing classes, drinking heavily and having thoughts that were quite detrimental to my psyche (to put it lightly).
I was in a place where I could not see a light at the end. I did not see a way out of the darkness.
This sounds overly dramatic, but it is honestly putting it lightly.

So back to this friend request. I'm in the state of mind/heart/soul that I just previously described and I get a random, out of the blue request from someone I'm positive I've never met. We have one friend in common, so before I do anything I shoot her a text asking what this guy's story is.
Once given the ok that this guy isn't half bad, I proceed and send a message asking if we'd met before.
This turned into a conversation, which lead to an accept of the request, which lead to a phone number exchange which eventually lead to an in person meet up when I am back home for a visit.

Fast forward to one year later and here I am. Not only still in contact with this fellow, but happily in a relationship with him, experiencing holidays, vacations, events etc with him on my arm.Passing classes, drinking only in moderation and able to see there is a bright light at the end.

If one year ago you would have told me this is where I'd be...I'd have probably been too drunk to hear you.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Little Mister

Today is an exciting day for my family.
We've welcomed yet another baby into our lives.
He is without a name, so I've just been referring to him as Little Mister. 7lbs 14oz of human life.
This is not the first time I've become an aunt. He is my 5th nephew and I have 1 niece. My siblings sure know how to procreate ;)
This is also not the first time I've missed out on my niece/nephews being born. In fact, I've missed each one of their births. Some I was just too young to know what was going on (I believe I was only 11 when my first nephew was born) or I was being a foolish rebellious teen and ran away from home the night my 2nd nephew was born (something I still hate my 16 year old self for) and the others I was away at school.
My 4th nephew was actually born during my graduation week from undergrad.
And now Little Mister gets added to the list of nephews I did not get to welcome into the world.
Now I realize there isn't actually anything I could do, even if I were there. It's not like I would be in the room or aiding in any way.
I would, however, be able to drop by the hospital and take photos with him, so that when he's older I can say "yep, see there I was".
I can't say that for any of them.
Thankfully, I was present for both of my goddaughter's births. I actually watched them being born and was a part of the process. This is vital to me now, because I feel like I miss out on so much of their lives now.

I know I can't be everything to everyone... but these little kiddos pull on my heart strings like I never believed possible and it pains me that they don't know me as well as they should, that I miss out on birthdays and milestones and especially the hilarity in every day moments.

Happy day of birth Little Mister. Hopefully you'll have a name soon enough, and I'll get to meet you sometime in the (very) near future.