After a few days of internet-free time to clear my head, here I am.
Friday came and brought with it disappointment, rejection, a lot of tears, and wine to follow.
I did not get matched which means no internship for me.
As I said before, there is a Phase II (with horrible odds) so all is not lost just yet.
What is so god damn frustrating though is that now I sit here, continuing to wait.
Waiting. I have to go through the application process all over again, building a site list, updating essays, writing cover letters, applying, waiting, hoping for interviews, followed by more waiting. It honestly feels like I just cannot catch a freaking break (really wanted to drop an F bomb there). It is just so frustrating, watching SO many of my classmates going through the same motions as me with success each and every time. I'm sure they've experienced rejection along the way somewhere (I mean, they're human so it must happen some times) but from where I sit, I see them getting placements year after year and these being their top choices meanwhile I'm getting rejections, second rounds, more rejections over and over. It is incredibly difficult not to compare yourself either. These people have been along side you for 4 years now, taking the same classes as you, applying for the same positions as you, and succeeding where you fail. It's gut wrenching.
What hurts worse is when they're announcing to the world (yes, FB is "the world") about how they got an internship they say things like "hard work pays off, I got the internship!" and I'm sitting here thinking "but what about my hard work? it doesn't seem to be paying off at all" as if to say I haven't worked just as hard as all the others out there. Obviously, they are being ego-centric and not thinking of me when they say that (and I suppose I too am being ego-centric taking their statement that is clearly meant for themselves and applying it to myself) but it still hurts.
There's a song out on the radio, I'm not sure who sings it because I am not up-to-date on that sort of thing but the chorus rings out "How and I gunna be an optimist about this?" and that is exactly the question I'm asking myself right now. This persistent "realist" also known as a pessimist was actually optimistic for once about this internship thing, and I feel like it blew up in my pretty little face. How am I going to be optimistic about this? How can I look these odds in the face after such a disheartening blow to the ego/soul/heart and move forward with my head up and my mind clear?
I did not go on Facebook for a few days because I knew I could not handle seeing people's statuses about how they got matched or where they were going to internship next year. Instead I studied the list of sites available in Phase II, contacted my advisors, updated my essays, and began tackling my cover letters. Pushing forward is all I could do (I mean this was after lots of crying and sulking, mind you). I decided it was time to face the music today and signed on to face what was waiting on my news feed. Tons of congratulations and sentiments of joy about internships, they were unavoidable.
Last night J and I watched a new movie that we came across, Dallas Buyer's Club. It's a movie about a man with HIV in the 80's and his quest to find effective treatment (and fighting the FDA the whole way). I looked into the truth behind the story and came to find out that this movie has been one they've been trying to make for almost 20 years. Due to funding issues, the difficult subject matter, etc things kept falling through. I read somewhere that it was rejected 87 times before going into production. 87 times! That is a whole lot of rejection, and yet they continued on and made it happen. Not only did they make it happen, it was a wonderfully moving and tragically beautiful movie.
It got me thinking about how much rejection some people have to endure, and yet they figure it out, they push forward, they are eventually successful. Although with how much rejection I've already endured the thought of that much more just seems unbearable for my well being.
Rejection. How am I going to be an optimist about this?
Showing posts with label applications. Show all posts
Showing posts with label applications. Show all posts
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Monday, November 25, 2013
Week 47: Nov 18th-24th=self care at its best (and worst!)
Got another rejection today. This time, from a site in Alabama. I am less attached to the idea of this site, although the irony is that I had it listed as one of my "safe sites" as in, I thought I had the best chances of getting an interview for that one. Hmph. Whoops.
My 5 things:
1. I went to the gym 3 times: 1st time was a session with a personal trainer. He had me doing stair runs and my IT band got really angry with me about that. I also did yoga and tried spinning for the first (and quite likely LAST) time. Holy hell, I seriously almost didn't make it out of there alive.
2. I turned in all my applications so they're all completed. I even turned in a few early that don't have due dates until the end of the month.... all that just in time to get more rejections. (being a negative Nancy some how makes it easier, I guess).
3. J and I watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation :) Man, I absolutely love Christmas.
4. I met up with some of my friends for beer and good eats to catch up down in the south bay. It was totally worth the 45 mile drive for me. I haven't seen some of those girls in months.
5. Last night I accepted an invite to a random club in Oakland to see a band called Vagabondage with a girl from my program whom I've never actually hung out with one on one. It turned out to be a really great time and the other bands that played were awesome as well.
My 5 things:
1. I went to the gym 3 times: 1st time was a session with a personal trainer. He had me doing stair runs and my IT band got really angry with me about that. I also did yoga and tried spinning for the first (and quite likely LAST) time. Holy hell, I seriously almost didn't make it out of there alive.
2. I turned in all my applications so they're all completed. I even turned in a few early that don't have due dates until the end of the month.... all that just in time to get more rejections. (being a negative Nancy some how makes it easier, I guess).
3. J and I watched National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation :) Man, I absolutely love Christmas.
4. I met up with some of my friends for beer and good eats to catch up down in the south bay. It was totally worth the 45 mile drive for me. I haven't seen some of those girls in months.
5. Last night I accepted an invite to a random club in Oakland to see a band called Vagabondage with a girl from my program whom I've never actually hung out with one on one. It turned out to be a really great time and the other bands that played were awesome as well.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Week 46: Nov 11th-17th= Painful breakups with your life's plans
They say a break up is one of the best motivators for getting into shape/working out/losing weight. Well, J and I are still going strong but I had another "break up" of sorts happen last week and, although painful, it's proven to be the perfect motivator for me to get back on the fitness wagon.
I got a rejection email addressed "Dear esteemed applicant". So not only did I get the most painful rejection of my graduate career thus far, I got it as a mass email with the all other rejects. I applied to an internship site that was somewhat out of my league, ok really out of my league, BUT I was trying to give myself a little credit. The main appeal for me: it was in Portland. Getting rejected from an internship site itself isn't what hurt. I mean, I'm applying to (hopefully) 15 sites, and will only be offered a few interviews which leaves a lot of room for rejection, so that is expected.
Being rejected from the Portland site (which was the only one I even somewhat qualified for in that area) signifies a major loss for me. It means 1 more year away from home, one more year away from family and friends, another year before I can actually settle in and stop being transient, one more year of basically feeling like life plans need to be "on hold". While this "break up" with home is only temporary, and frankly it's been a long distance relationship since 2007 anyway, it still requires a mourning period. I need to grieve the loss of another year of holidays away, missing out on my niece, nephews, and goddaughters growing up, another year while J and I have to say "we'll get to that, once we move home" about our major life plans. So this break up with my life's plans was apparently just what I needed to jolt me out of this funk I've been in and get back to taking care of myself; the silver lining I suppose one could say.
My 5 things:
1. I started working out again: did 35 min on a treadmill (only about 3 of which were running) and I went to a Yoga class. Holy moly, was I sore after that! I'm still sore and that was 2 days ago.
2. I went in for an extra couple of hours to my practicum that weren't required and I didn't need to be there. I did it in order to build up rapport with a client and I think it was an excellent decision.
3. Watched Elf!
4. I made, or rather started to make, some ornaments that I plan to give as gifts. Working with my negative budget, this is likely going to be a very made-from-the-heart Christmas this year. I know my family will understand and I mean, my stuff isn't that bad ;)
5. Sunday I helped a woman who got robbed in my neighborhood. I didn't know her, and I'll likely never see her again, but I felt a moral obligation to help this person. I stayed with her through the police,the waiting, and the locksmith, until she was able to drive away. I had planned on spending the evening working on cover letters, but I think this was a bit more important.
I got a rejection email addressed "Dear esteemed applicant". So not only did I get the most painful rejection of my graduate career thus far, I got it as a mass email with the all other rejects. I applied to an internship site that was somewhat out of my league, ok really out of my league, BUT I was trying to give myself a little credit. The main appeal for me: it was in Portland. Getting rejected from an internship site itself isn't what hurt. I mean, I'm applying to (hopefully) 15 sites, and will only be offered a few interviews which leaves a lot of room for rejection, so that is expected.
Being rejected from the Portland site (which was the only one I even somewhat qualified for in that area) signifies a major loss for me. It means 1 more year away from home, one more year away from family and friends, another year before I can actually settle in and stop being transient, one more year of basically feeling like life plans need to be "on hold". While this "break up" with home is only temporary, and frankly it's been a long distance relationship since 2007 anyway, it still requires a mourning period. I need to grieve the loss of another year of holidays away, missing out on my niece, nephews, and goddaughters growing up, another year while J and I have to say "we'll get to that, once we move home" about our major life plans. So this break up with my life's plans was apparently just what I needed to jolt me out of this funk I've been in and get back to taking care of myself; the silver lining I suppose one could say.
My 5 things:
1. I started working out again: did 35 min on a treadmill (only about 3 of which were running) and I went to a Yoga class. Holy moly, was I sore after that! I'm still sore and that was 2 days ago.
2. I went in for an extra couple of hours to my practicum that weren't required and I didn't need to be there. I did it in order to build up rapport with a client and I think it was an excellent decision.
3. Watched Elf!
4. I made, or rather started to make, some ornaments that I plan to give as gifts. Working with my negative budget, this is likely going to be a very made-from-the-heart Christmas this year. I know my family will understand and I mean, my stuff isn't that bad ;)
5. Sunday I helped a woman who got robbed in my neighborhood. I didn't know her, and I'll likely never see her again, but I felt a moral obligation to help this person. I stayed with her through the police,the waiting, and the locksmith, until she was able to drive away. I had planned on spending the evening working on cover letters, but I think this was a bit more important.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Internship costs= admitting I can't do it alone.
I've decided to humble myself a bit (ok, a LOT) and developed a creative way to hopefully be able to apply for internship this year. I've already turned in a few applications, but without more funding I won't be able to apply to too many more... and if I actually get interviews, I may not be able to get to them without funds to pay for travel costs.
So I am reaching out and asking for help to be able to afford this process.
http://crowdfundedu.com/fundraiser/gradschoolproblems
There isn't room for too much pride when you're in graduate school, which is a pretty difficult thing for me to swallow, but when it comes down to it.. if it is between keeping my pride, and being able to reach my goals... I choose to take a big heaping bite, swallow that pride, and wash it down with a shot of Tequila--only if you're buying though ;)
So I am reaching out and asking for help to be able to afford this process.
http://crowdfundedu.com/fundraiser/gradschoolproblems
There isn't room for too much pride when you're in graduate school, which is a pretty difficult thing for me to swallow, but when it comes down to it.. if it is between keeping my pride, and being able to reach my goals... I choose to take a big heaping bite, swallow that pride, and wash it down with a shot of Tequila--only if you're buying though ;)
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Week 44: Oct 28th-Nov 3rd= Surprise visitors!
You'd never know I used to post every Monday since lately it's been a Tuesday, Wednesday, sometimes even Thursday kind of thing. I am still posting though, so I suppose that is the positive way to look at it (since I'm so good with being positive).
This past week I actually got a really great surprise. It was Halloween and I was patiently awaiting trick-or-treaters (I'd only had 1 group the whole evening) when there was a knock on my door. I answered with my candy bowl in hand only to find my brother-in-law standing there. Totally in disbelief I've just barely closed the door and there is another knock. This time, I find 3 masked characters who start to make their way into my house. It was my sister, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law. They all showed up at my door as a surprise to let us know they're visiting for the weekend. They had come in for a funeral, which was an unfortunate circumstance but I was so grateful to be able to spend the weekend with them.
My 5 things:
1. Turned in 3 of my internship applications! One to my top choice and 2 others that are further down the totem pole.
2. Went to a comedy club in the city with my family. J had never been which was exciting to get to go to one with him and total bonus to have such a big group to go and laugh with.
3. J and I took my family members around touring San Francisco since most of them had never been down here.
4. Had my sister and her husband stay over one night. Got some quality down time with them.
5. We did a boat tour of the bay on their last day here which is something I had never done here. We even went under the Golden Gate bridge and around my favorite place in the bay: Alcatraz. The Alcatraz tours were all booked up so we didn't get to do that (I've done it once before but would gladly do it again!)
This past week I actually got a really great surprise. It was Halloween and I was patiently awaiting trick-or-treaters (I'd only had 1 group the whole evening) when there was a knock on my door. I answered with my candy bowl in hand only to find my brother-in-law standing there. Totally in disbelief I've just barely closed the door and there is another knock. This time, I find 3 masked characters who start to make their way into my house. It was my sister, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law. They all showed up at my door as a surprise to let us know they're visiting for the weekend. They had come in for a funeral, which was an unfortunate circumstance but I was so grateful to be able to spend the weekend with them.
My 5 things:
1. Turned in 3 of my internship applications! One to my top choice and 2 others that are further down the totem pole.
2. Went to a comedy club in the city with my family. J had never been which was exciting to get to go to one with him and total bonus to have such a big group to go and laugh with.
3. J and I took my family members around touring San Francisco since most of them had never been down here.
4. Had my sister and her husband stay over one night. Got some quality down time with them.
5. We did a boat tour of the bay on their last day here which is something I had never done here. We even went under the Golden Gate bridge and around my favorite place in the bay: Alcatraz. The Alcatraz tours were all booked up so we didn't get to do that (I've done it once before but would gladly do it again!)
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Week 43: Oct 21st-27th=near death by sickness
It finally happened. Working at a residential with children and their mothers, my high stress level, etc caught up to me and I got ridiculously sick. I mean, full on, totally and completely couch ridden sick with a severe head cold. Rendered me useless for DAYS! Perfect timing since internship applications are due this upcoming Friday. No pressure.
Oh and, I'm posting late....AGAIN. I think the entire month of October I may have been late. I'm slipping, in more ways than one.
My 5 things:
1. Worked a lot of my internship application stuff (even with my 3 day hiatus due to being ill beyond reason)
2. Talked with my supervisor about "self-care" as it, taking care of yourself (eating/sleeping right, exercising, fun things to counteract all the stress). I'm not doing any of it, and it is weighing on me, but at least I'm talking about it.
3. I started playing the incredibly silly game Candy Crush Saga. My mom is all into it and when she was hear she had me play a level she was stuck on and, well, it got me. It's something pointless to take my mind off the stress for a few minutes, so I'll accept that.
4. When the sickness hit, I actually took care of myself (ok, by that I mean I let J take care of me) but I actually slept, got meds, vitamins, fluids, lots of rest. Took 3 whole days off (ok, actually probably 2 and a half....but that is still good!). I'm not actually better, but I'm functioning more than I was.
5. Started the Breaking Bad series with J. INTENSE! Fun to have a series we watch together though.
Oh and, I'm posting late....AGAIN. I think the entire month of October I may have been late. I'm slipping, in more ways than one.
My 5 things:
1. Worked a lot of my internship application stuff (even with my 3 day hiatus due to being ill beyond reason)
2. Talked with my supervisor about "self-care" as it, taking care of yourself (eating/sleeping right, exercising, fun things to counteract all the stress). I'm not doing any of it, and it is weighing on me, but at least I'm talking about it.
3. I started playing the incredibly silly game Candy Crush Saga. My mom is all into it and when she was hear she had me play a level she was stuck on and, well, it got me. It's something pointless to take my mind off the stress for a few minutes, so I'll accept that.
4. When the sickness hit, I actually took care of myself (ok, by that I mean I let J take care of me) but I actually slept, got meds, vitamins, fluids, lots of rest. Took 3 whole days off (ok, actually probably 2 and a half....but that is still good!). I'm not actually better, but I'm functioning more than I was.
5. Started the Breaking Bad series with J. INTENSE! Fun to have a series we watch together though.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Week 42: Oct 14th-20th= Mom came to visit
I'm late posting again. This time, I blame my mom. Also, this post is going to be short and sweet. Lots of internship application stuff to be doing. Oh and dinner, and dissertation, and practicum.... doh. Priorities. Internships apps tonight. After this, of course.
Also... I'm realizing that it has been a struggle to come up with things...which means I really need to work on upping the amount of pleasurable activities in my life. I'll work on that, eventually.
My 5 things:
1. Spent a day with J when he first got back watching silly scary movies like SCREAM (during the day, of course, because scary movies are too frightening at night...even if they're silly).
2. Spent some time this last week on my internship application materials.Probably not as much as I should, but progress is being made.
3. My mom came to visit this weekend. She took an RV road trip down with a friend of hers and had been staying about an hour an d a half northeast of us so she came west for the weekend. She had never been to visit since I'd moved down to CA (which was going on over 3 years now) and she's the 1st person to visit from my family since I lived in the east bay (going on a year and a half now).
4. We showed Mom around San Francisco on Saturday. She had never been anywhere but the airport so we decided she needed to see some of the great views and other tourist type places.
5. We took Mom to Napa Sunday and to the Golden Gate bridge. It was absolutely freezing and ridiculously windy, but we went any way!
Also... I'm realizing that it has been a struggle to come up with things...which means I really need to work on upping the amount of pleasurable activities in my life. I'll work on that, eventually.
My 5 things:
1. Spent a day with J when he first got back watching silly scary movies like SCREAM (during the day, of course, because scary movies are too frightening at night...even if they're silly).
2. Spent some time this last week on my internship application materials.Probably not as much as I should, but progress is being made.
3. My mom came to visit this weekend. She took an RV road trip down with a friend of hers and had been staying about an hour an d a half northeast of us so she came west for the weekend. She had never been to visit since I'd moved down to CA (which was going on over 3 years now) and she's the 1st person to visit from my family since I lived in the east bay (going on a year and a half now).
4. We showed Mom around San Francisco on Saturday. She had never been anywhere but the airport so we decided she needed to see some of the great views and other tourist type places.
5. We took Mom to Napa Sunday and to the Golden Gate bridge. It was absolutely freezing and ridiculously windy, but we went any way!
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Week 41: Oct 7th-13th ....whoops!
Doh. I totally and completely forgot about writing on Monday. I didn't actually remember until last night when I thought "Did I write on Monday? I must have, but I really don't remember" then sure enough I checked when I got home today and whoops! Totally spaced. I blame that on: J got back into town Sunday night, so we spent most of Monday lounging around the house and catching up.
Better late then never; My 5 things:
1. I got bangs! Pretty huge eh? I've have side-swept bangs before, but never full on, no turning back, blunt, straight across bangs. I even went to an actual legit hair salon and not just the beauty school. I also decided since I was there I should probably trim my hair since I haven't in over 2 years. It was well over due. On the plus side, it still looks long even with over an inch cut off. Woo! I showed the stylist photos of Zooey Deschanel in my phone and said "I want these".
2. I baked Banana Nutella swirl bread in celebration of J's return from Oklahoma. Nutella with anything is delightful, and this bread did not disappoint.
3. I got started on my cover letters for internship applications. First applications are due November 1st!! Ack!!
4. I watched the entire last series of Gossip Girl in one day. Now, I probably shouldn't be proud of that...but J was out of town, and I was pretty stressed out, so it was an excellent distraction. Netflix is killing me though! So many shows have new seasons up and I want to watch them ALL right now!! Then I have months of no new episodes.
5. I took the pup on a legitimate walk. He is post-surgery (hence, the cone in the photo above) so he is not supposed to engage in a lot of physical activity, but this pup is active! So I put on my running shoes and some gear to walk in and we went around the neighborhood. It was only a little under a mile, but it was good for both of us to get outside.
Better late then never; My 5 things:
1. I got bangs! Pretty huge eh? I've have side-swept bangs before, but never full on, no turning back, blunt, straight across bangs. I even went to an actual legit hair salon and not just the beauty school. I also decided since I was there I should probably trim my hair since I haven't in over 2 years. It was well over due. On the plus side, it still looks long even with over an inch cut off. Woo! I showed the stylist photos of Zooey Deschanel in my phone and said "I want these".
 | |
| Sporting new bangs (and sweet sweat pants!) giving love to my pup |
3. I got started on my cover letters for internship applications. First applications are due November 1st!! Ack!!
4. I watched the entire last series of Gossip Girl in one day. Now, I probably shouldn't be proud of that...but J was out of town, and I was pretty stressed out, so it was an excellent distraction. Netflix is killing me though! So many shows have new seasons up and I want to watch them ALL right now!! Then I have months of no new episodes.
5. I took the pup on a legitimate walk. He is post-surgery (hence, the cone in the photo above) so he is not supposed to engage in a lot of physical activity, but this pup is active! So I put on my running shoes and some gear to walk in and we went around the neighborhood. It was only a little under a mile, but it was good for both of us to get outside.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Week 32: August 6th-11th
So it is a week after getting back from Hawaii, and I have not unpacked.
That's right folks, I am rummaging through an exploded suitcase of clothing to get dressed each morning, all the while, the clothes have started to take up more and more space as I dig deeper for other items. Not to mention, my pj's and the daily wearings have also made their way into this mound. Mind you, I unpacked J's things about a day or so after we got back but for whatever reason my things just haven't wanted to get sorted or hung back up. Maybe that should really go on my to-do list, eventually.
I have a feeling next week's 5 things list is going to have a LOT to do with food, seeing as how I just went grocery shopping for the 1st time since before we left and we are now stocked up on things for me to try new recipes with.
As for this week's 5 things:
1. I've been reading, TONS! My goodness how I love a good book. Graduate school has almost tainted books for me, but then I jump into some young-adult novel, true crime, or mystery fiction and I can't ever remember why I haven't been reading every day all the time? (Oh that's right, that school thing keeps getting in the way). I bought the book to celebrate my 10 hours I'd be on a plane to and from Hawaii since I prefer to spend plane rides with my nose in a book. I bought a book I'd heard was a "great, easy summer read" Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I have, so far, thoroughly enjoyed it. I've only got about 100 pages left, that I am really hoping to finish before my edits from my dissertation proposal come back and I have to face reality and shelve the book (pun totally intended).
2. I went to a non-mandatory meeting at my new practicum this past week. It was voluntary, in order for the new interns to get a chance to see how things work with the counselors, how they discuss residents and the types of things we'll be responsible for in regards to our own client-load. It also gave me an unexpected look at the dynamics between staff and counselors, higher-ups, etc. My new practicum is at a women's residential home, with basically all all female staff. After a 2 hour meeting all I have to say is HOLY ESTROGEN OVERLOAD! Yikes, it's going to be an interesting year.
3. I had an in-person meeting with my FIA (that's Faculty Internship Advisor, you know the one they originally rejected me from getting...shame on them). Any way, we had our first initial meeting and it went GREAT! She is wonderful, she's blunt, to the point, doesn't bullshit... hmm she reminds me of someone, I just can't put my finger on it ;). I was actually able to be real with her about my reasons for wanting to go in the direction I've chosen and I didn't have to sugar coat it or package it politely. She's the first person in my graduate career that I've actually said anything to about it and I am so thankful that I did. She's helping me to figure out how to present myself in the best way possible in hopes of applying to and getting matched for internship this year. She's damn hard to get a hold of, but when you do, she's brilliant.
4. I rode the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit, aka the subway) by myself back from my meeting in SF. Now, I realize that sounds a little silly going on this list but, it was a chance for me to be alone, in San Francisco, be alone on the subway, and navigate my way home. Hmm, still sounds silly but for me, it's a big deal. Dealing with social anxiety, just riding the subway alone becomes a milestone.
5. I took a nap. Yep, that's made the list for beneficial things for me this week. I went into my old practicum (where I am now a temporary employee) two days in a row, which means 2 days in a row of 4am alarm clocks. Also, since we got back from Hawaii my somewhat-adjusted-allergies to the dog completely vanished and my body has to become adjusted all over again. This results in total and utter exhaustion and itchiness. On top of that, I spent the majority of Saturday completely uncomfortable and suffering so that night I just could not take it anymore and I took an allergy pill. Non-drowsy my ass. Sunday I felt like a complete zombie. Hence, the 3 hours nap. It. was. glorious.
That's right folks, I am rummaging through an exploded suitcase of clothing to get dressed each morning, all the while, the clothes have started to take up more and more space as I dig deeper for other items. Not to mention, my pj's and the daily wearings have also made their way into this mound. Mind you, I unpacked J's things about a day or so after we got back but for whatever reason my things just haven't wanted to get sorted or hung back up. Maybe that should really go on my to-do list, eventually.
I have a feeling next week's 5 things list is going to have a LOT to do with food, seeing as how I just went grocery shopping for the 1st time since before we left and we are now stocked up on things for me to try new recipes with.
As for this week's 5 things:
1. I've been reading, TONS! My goodness how I love a good book. Graduate school has almost tainted books for me, but then I jump into some young-adult novel, true crime, or mystery fiction and I can't ever remember why I haven't been reading every day all the time? (Oh that's right, that school thing keeps getting in the way). I bought the book to celebrate my 10 hours I'd be on a plane to and from Hawaii since I prefer to spend plane rides with my nose in a book. I bought a book I'd heard was a "great, easy summer read" Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I have, so far, thoroughly enjoyed it. I've only got about 100 pages left, that I am really hoping to finish before my edits from my dissertation proposal come back and I have to face reality and shelve the book (pun totally intended).
2. I went to a non-mandatory meeting at my new practicum this past week. It was voluntary, in order for the new interns to get a chance to see how things work with the counselors, how they discuss residents and the types of things we'll be responsible for in regards to our own client-load. It also gave me an unexpected look at the dynamics between staff and counselors, higher-ups, etc. My new practicum is at a women's residential home, with basically all all female staff. After a 2 hour meeting all I have to say is HOLY ESTROGEN OVERLOAD! Yikes, it's going to be an interesting year.
3. I had an in-person meeting with my FIA (that's Faculty Internship Advisor, you know the one they originally rejected me from getting...shame on them). Any way, we had our first initial meeting and it went GREAT! She is wonderful, she's blunt, to the point, doesn't bullshit... hmm she reminds me of someone, I just can't put my finger on it ;). I was actually able to be real with her about my reasons for wanting to go in the direction I've chosen and I didn't have to sugar coat it or package it politely. She's the first person in my graduate career that I've actually said anything to about it and I am so thankful that I did. She's helping me to figure out how to present myself in the best way possible in hopes of applying to and getting matched for internship this year. She's damn hard to get a hold of, but when you do, she's brilliant.
4. I rode the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit, aka the subway) by myself back from my meeting in SF. Now, I realize that sounds a little silly going on this list but, it was a chance for me to be alone, in San Francisco, be alone on the subway, and navigate my way home. Hmm, still sounds silly but for me, it's a big deal. Dealing with social anxiety, just riding the subway alone becomes a milestone.
5. I took a nap. Yep, that's made the list for beneficial things for me this week. I went into my old practicum (where I am now a temporary employee) two days in a row, which means 2 days in a row of 4am alarm clocks. Also, since we got back from Hawaii my somewhat-adjusted-allergies to the dog completely vanished and my body has to become adjusted all over again. This results in total and utter exhaustion and itchiness. On top of that, I spent the majority of Saturday completely uncomfortable and suffering so that night I just could not take it anymore and I took an allergy pill. Non-drowsy my ass. Sunday I felt like a complete zombie. Hence, the 3 hours nap. It. was. glorious.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Week 26: June 24th-30th- Rejection is my middle name
Friday I received an email stating "it does not appear that you are adequately competitive to match at an APA site this year." Which means my intent to apply application for internship was REJECTED and I quickly boarded the train to Bummertown, USA.
This meant that I would have to wait another year before even applying to internship. My mind began racing with all the things I would be missing out on and how that would mean I'd be gone away from my family for nearly a decade before I was able to return and my heart just completely sank.
After wallowing in self pity for a bit, I decided to take them up on their offer of an appeal. I waited until my brain had some time to cool down (that nice hour long commute from my practicum with no AC and 100 degrees did the trick). I sat down and put into words why I thought I deserved to be able to apply on time. I was informed after I sent in my appeal that the committee would be reviewing my appeal August 12th. AUGUST?! I'd have to wait another month and a half to know my fate? That seemed so cruel and unfair. I pouted a bit more, vented, cried and then went about my weekend.
Much to my surprise, I received an email today with the following opener: "On the basis of your appeal, the Application Review Committee agrees that you should be assigned an FIA and can proceed with your internship applications."
HOT DAMN! Apparently I made a convincing enough argument (and they happened to review it) and they overturned the original decision and are now allowing me to apply. I'm not sure what I said that changed their minds, but I am so very thankful it worked!
Technically, there is no guarantee that I will be able to apply, my application materials still need to have the final OK by the director of clinical training but even still...at least I'm not allowed to try.
I'm actually kind of proud of myself. That I was able to do something about the shitty hand I was dealt, that I was able to effectively communicate my thoughts enough to persuade a committee to overturn my initial rejection status they had given me, and that I was able to do so in a mature manner (because trust me, the things I wanted to put into that appeal letter, while true, would not have won me any brownie points).
Gold star for taking the high road and getting results! (and so quickly too!)
My 5 things:
1. Went running once. It was a difficult run for me for some reason, but I ran into these lovely beings and it totally made my day.
This meant that I would have to wait another year before even applying to internship. My mind began racing with all the things I would be missing out on and how that would mean I'd be gone away from my family for nearly a decade before I was able to return and my heart just completely sank.
After wallowing in self pity for a bit, I decided to take them up on their offer of an appeal. I waited until my brain had some time to cool down (that nice hour long commute from my practicum with no AC and 100 degrees did the trick). I sat down and put into words why I thought I deserved to be able to apply on time. I was informed after I sent in my appeal that the committee would be reviewing my appeal August 12th. AUGUST?! I'd have to wait another month and a half to know my fate? That seemed so cruel and unfair. I pouted a bit more, vented, cried and then went about my weekend.
Much to my surprise, I received an email today with the following opener: "On the basis of your appeal, the Application Review Committee agrees that you should be assigned an FIA and can proceed with your internship applications."
HOT DAMN! Apparently I made a convincing enough argument (and they happened to review it) and they overturned the original decision and are now allowing me to apply. I'm not sure what I said that changed their minds, but I am so very thankful it worked!
Technically, there is no guarantee that I will be able to apply, my application materials still need to have the final OK by the director of clinical training but even still...at least I'm not allowed to try.
I'm actually kind of proud of myself. That I was able to do something about the shitty hand I was dealt, that I was able to effectively communicate my thoughts enough to persuade a committee to overturn my initial rejection status they had given me, and that I was able to do so in a mature manner (because trust me, the things I wanted to put into that appeal letter, while true, would not have won me any brownie points).
Gold star for taking the high road and getting results! (and so quickly too!)
My 5 things:
1. Went running once. It was a difficult run for me for some reason, but I ran into these lovely beings and it totally made my day.
2. Went on a 7 (and some change) mile bike ride. It's been scorching hot in the bay and I really wanted to be in the sun. It was J's idea for a ride. I was originally planning on laying on the beach. I suppose his plan was better (healthier). It was an awesome ride right on the bay so the breeze felt wonderful in that 90+ heat.
3. While on said bike ride, we were able to stop and take a gander at some birds. The bike trail was on a wildlife refuge so there was prime sightings of some beautiful birds. Binoculars and all, we were total bird nerds.
4. In order to escape out house, we went out and got sushi and a beer in Alameda. Afterwards we took a walk down Park Street in order to enjoy the warm evening (and avoid the sauna we live in). It was really nice just to "stroll" with J and peak into windows of little shops.
5. On Sunday after our bike ride, it was still entirely too hot to handle the inside of our house. We decided to head to the movies, not caring what we saw, just to enjoy the air conditioned building. We chose to see This is the End, despite a mediocre trailer because it was the one J seemed the least bummed about. Little did I realize I would be laughing hysterically the entire time. Holy Moly, those guys are just TOO FUNNY!! I mean, I always enjoy those guys and think they're super comical, but the trailer just bummed me out and I couldn't imagine how it would be that funny. They proved me wrong and I had a blast beating the heat.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Week 8: Feb 18th-24th: Yosemite!
Still no word back on any of my practicum applications. I turned them in over a week early, they weren't actually due until the 22nd...so really today is the first "business day" after the due date. Should be hopefully getting some interviews within the next few weeks. I'm just being impatient, weird right? ')
My 5 things:
1. I had J do an interval training cardio workout with me. He'd playfully mocked me before about doing youtube video workouts, which I admit seem a bit silly. I wanted him to join in with me so that a) we'd keep up on our exercise throughout the week and b) because I really need more cardio in my workout if I'm actually going to see results (and what I mean by that is: J is already showing improvements and I am not...which is frustrating). Also, I felt a little better when J remarked about how difficult the video was (since I have had trouble completing it in the past).
2. This past week I put it some extra hours in the library and at home to finish up work for a class in order to avoid having to attend the weekly TA sessions that require me to leave class early and often arrive to research group late on Wednesdays. Not to mention the time sitting in traffic, the extra miles and gas on my car. I managed to get all my work turned in and now I no longer have to worry about it, which is such a relief!
3. I only meet with my research group every other week because I have class at that time the other weeks so I am only getting feedback every few weeks on my dissertation which, as evidenced by previous meetings, can blow up in my pretty little face. I decided this last week, since I wasn't meeting with my group & adviser, that i should email him with some of my questions and concerns. This benefits me in a number of ways. First off, that way I'm not wasting another week going in the wrong direction (if my direction is not right), it also shows my adviser that I'm putting in extra time and effort (not just throwing together an update once every 2 weeks), and it allows me to get feedback about what I am doing (which he's usually much nicer via email anyway!).
4. I put in some extra time during the week on class assignments/dissertation research because there was talk of a possible outing with J over the weekend and I wanted to make sure I didn't fall behind in assignments. Also, I know that This upcoming weekend I'll be taking a quick trip home, so I will have less time then as well.
5. J and I took a spontaneous trip to Yosemite National Park over the weekend. Our 2 year anniversary is this upcoming Tuesday (2/26), a day where I am up at 4am and don't return home until 9pm and J will be at the woodshop for most the day. So we decided a weekend getaway was in order to celebrate. We left Saturday morning, stayed the night, and then headed back Sunday afternoon.
It was absolutely beautiful there. Neither of us had been and it was about a 200 mile drive from where we live. We booked a hotel the night before and packed up and left Saturday morning. Unfortunately, the hotel chosen was a bust.... but all the amazing views, wildlife, and nature made up for that.
A lot of the hiking trails were actually closed, which was kind of a bummer. We didn't realize how cold it was and how much snow would be there. Lesson learned on that one (we didn't do much research, obviously). It was still beautiful, regardless of the limited access. You couldn't do all that you wanted to in that short of a trip anyway. Since we'd never been, it was all new scenery to us and at least now we're more familiar with the layout of everything and can do research on different hikes we saw to decide what we should conquer on our next visit. We purchased the year pass, so we will have to go back anyway :)
My 5 things:
1. I had J do an interval training cardio workout with me. He'd playfully mocked me before about doing youtube video workouts, which I admit seem a bit silly. I wanted him to join in with me so that a) we'd keep up on our exercise throughout the week and b) because I really need more cardio in my workout if I'm actually going to see results (and what I mean by that is: J is already showing improvements and I am not...which is frustrating). Also, I felt a little better when J remarked about how difficult the video was (since I have had trouble completing it in the past).
2. This past week I put it some extra hours in the library and at home to finish up work for a class in order to avoid having to attend the weekly TA sessions that require me to leave class early and often arrive to research group late on Wednesdays. Not to mention the time sitting in traffic, the extra miles and gas on my car. I managed to get all my work turned in and now I no longer have to worry about it, which is such a relief!
3. I only meet with my research group every other week because I have class at that time the other weeks so I am only getting feedback every few weeks on my dissertation which, as evidenced by previous meetings, can blow up in my pretty little face. I decided this last week, since I wasn't meeting with my group & adviser, that i should email him with some of my questions and concerns. This benefits me in a number of ways. First off, that way I'm not wasting another week going in the wrong direction (if my direction is not right), it also shows my adviser that I'm putting in extra time and effort (not just throwing together an update once every 2 weeks), and it allows me to get feedback about what I am doing (which he's usually much nicer via email anyway!).
4. I put in some extra time during the week on class assignments/dissertation research because there was talk of a possible outing with J over the weekend and I wanted to make sure I didn't fall behind in assignments. Also, I know that This upcoming weekend I'll be taking a quick trip home, so I will have less time then as well.
5. J and I took a spontaneous trip to Yosemite National Park over the weekend. Our 2 year anniversary is this upcoming Tuesday (2/26), a day where I am up at 4am and don't return home until 9pm and J will be at the woodshop for most the day. So we decided a weekend getaway was in order to celebrate. We left Saturday morning, stayed the night, and then headed back Sunday afternoon.
 | ||||
| J on the edge...I didn't get that close |
 |
| Yosemite Falls |
Monday, February 18, 2013
Week 7: Feb 11th-17th
My 5 things:
1. I rearranged my schedule so that I could attend a Forensic Speaker event on campus on Wednesday. It was focused on juvenile forensics and the supervisor of one of the practicum sites I'm applying to was one of the speakers for the event. I made sure to go, to be engaged, and after the talk was over I went up to the speaker, introduced myself and asked him a question pertaining to my dissertation. I did this in hopes of making a good impression, as well as hopefully being memorable, despite my through-the-roof-social anxiety, shaking limbs, and beat red face and neck, I think I accomplished that.
2. Practicum applications are due February 22nd. I decided to beat the rush and avoid last minute surprises by turning in my applications over a week early. (Although, just today, while looking over my writing sample I noticed some errors. Oops.)
3. I scheduled a meeting with one of my dissertation committee members to discuss my dissertation topic and some possible solutions to potential problems. This wasn't necessary, as I've already discussed this some with my dissertation chair, but I figure it can't hurt to have extra communication with my committee member, plus it will be something to report during my research group update about my dissertation, which makes me look good :)
4. Saturday night we went out for my friend Liz's birthday. She is once of my favorite people I've met through graduate school and have known since the beginning of my program. We went to dinner and then out for drinks and pool after and met up with a group of people. It was good to see my friends outside of class and to be able to do something all together that is not school related.
5. Sunday J and I spent the day on the couch having a movie marathon. We watched a number of movies with Julia Roberts, my favorite <3. Perfect way to spend the end of the long, productive week.
Something I've noticed: When the majority of my 5 things involve beneficial things that are school/career related, I tend to be in a better mood. I'm not sure if that is a coincidence or if by bettering myself occupationally and scholastically I feel better about myself overall because graduate school is such a big, important aspect of my life.
Interesting correlation, although I'm not sure on the causation of it all.
1. I rearranged my schedule so that I could attend a Forensic Speaker event on campus on Wednesday. It was focused on juvenile forensics and the supervisor of one of the practicum sites I'm applying to was one of the speakers for the event. I made sure to go, to be engaged, and after the talk was over I went up to the speaker, introduced myself and asked him a question pertaining to my dissertation. I did this in hopes of making a good impression, as well as hopefully being memorable, despite my through-the-roof-social anxiety, shaking limbs, and beat red face and neck, I think I accomplished that.
2. Practicum applications are due February 22nd. I decided to beat the rush and avoid last minute surprises by turning in my applications over a week early. (Although, just today, while looking over my writing sample I noticed some errors. Oops.)
3. I scheduled a meeting with one of my dissertation committee members to discuss my dissertation topic and some possible solutions to potential problems. This wasn't necessary, as I've already discussed this some with my dissertation chair, but I figure it can't hurt to have extra communication with my committee member, plus it will be something to report during my research group update about my dissertation, which makes me look good :)
4. Saturday night we went out for my friend Liz's birthday. She is once of my favorite people I've met through graduate school and have known since the beginning of my program. We went to dinner and then out for drinks and pool after and met up with a group of people. It was good to see my friends outside of class and to be able to do something all together that is not school related.
5. Sunday J and I spent the day on the couch having a movie marathon. We watched a number of movies with Julia Roberts, my favorite <3. Perfect way to spend the end of the long, productive week.
Something I've noticed: When the majority of my 5 things involve beneficial things that are school/career related, I tend to be in a better mood. I'm not sure if that is a coincidence or if by bettering myself occupationally and scholastically I feel better about myself overall because graduate school is such a big, important aspect of my life.
Interesting correlation, although I'm not sure on the causation of it all.
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