Sunday, November 20, 2011

Writing Your Story

I've started writing.

I think it's a combination of inspiration from Erin Merryn's work and reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett.

When you've got a story to tell...
You've got to get in in writing. No matter how long in takes, or how difficult the journey...
You've got to write it.
It may take a lifetime, but I've taken the hardest step: the first one.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The worst is over (for this quarter, anyway)

I survived.

30 minute oral presentation, 18 page paper, 30 page paper.
That is the largest paper I've ever written in my life...well, at least until next quarter.
I'm spent. I have a final next week and then I'm headed home for Thanksgiving.
Even though school is over, I have to come back after Thanksgiving to finish up the remainder of the term at my practicum. It will be a short trip, back to reality for a few weeks, then back up north for the remainder of the year. The hard part is over though. Now it's just staying afloat for the rest of it.

Monday, November 14, 2011

The only thing worse than Running

I think I've found something I hate more than running.
The gym, or to be more accurate, the work out room..but they contain the same machines so the terms are interchangeable in my book. 
I've been having trouble with my knees the past week. I'm not sure what it is from exactly (the running, the excessive sitting I've been doing lately because it's finals and I spend 8 hours in front my my computer like it ain't no thang) but regardless, running+knee pain=lots more knee pain.
So today I decided to do the bike in the work out room in my apartment complex.
These types of settings will forever remind me of the episode of Full House where DJ thinks she's fat, stops eating and overworks herself at the family outing to the gym.
picture is compliments of this site I found, Every Episode of Full House Reviewed in Chronilogical Order that does, in fact, review every episode of the show!
I find stationary bikes, treadmills, ellipticals, the whole bunch of them to be incredibly boring and difficult to motivate myself to use them or really push myself.
I tried to channel my inner Dj Tanner and push it to the limit. I did 9 miles on the bike, but with no resistance so it didn't work my body the same as running.
I really just want to figure out how to prevent this knee pain from happening. I'm think I'm going to dabble in some remedies such as insoles or something and see if that helps.
As much as I despise running, stationary machines are even worse and I didn't even think that was possible.
Then again, when I go up north for winter break, I will likely have to figure an alternative since running in 20 degrees is probably going to kill me. Hmm.. After finals I'll put my thinking cap on a problem solve.
Until then, I guess it's stationary bikes and ice for my knee.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

8 hours of brain power

8 hours of paper writing.
That's how I've spent my day. I've some how managed to complete18 pages of the 15 page paper but only 17 pages of the 30 page paper.
The barricade I made for myself

I'm so drained. I can't even think straight.
I've also been listening to Christmas music for the majority of that time.
I made a Christmas mix on Spotify of a bunch of my favorite Christmas tunes and have been rocking out to it during this grueling paper writing process.
The result of 8 ours of brain usage=
Bad decisions involving Pizza. I couldn't be bothered to cook, or think, or function. I did go and pick this up though, and saved myself a delivery charge because I felt guilt about spending so much money on Pizza when I have plenty of food at home.
I still have 13 pages to go. I'm not sure that is going to be completed tonight...and honestly, I think I am ok with that. I have to work tomorrow at 6am, so I don't want to be up half the night working on this stuff. I think my brain is pretty shot any way.
When I called the pizza place earlier to place my order was proof of my inability to function:
Pizza Place: Hi, delivery, pick up or dine in?
Me: Oh, um, I want... well pick up, yes, sorry.
PP: Ok, Area code and phone number
Me: Well, whichever one I just called, but now I'm unsure...
PP: No ma'am, I mean what is your phone number and area code, not the restaurant's.
Me: Oh my goodness, well, um of course.

Brain function failure. I cannot wait for Wednesday to be over. I don't even care that I have yet another painful dentist appointment scheduled for Thursday. At this point, I'd gladly take that just to know I'm done with the hellishness that is Wednesday: 30 min oral presentation, 15 page paper and 30 page paper due, session with my client, clinic duty, progress note writing and volunteering to play a "client" for another student's project.
Oh Thursday, where are you???

Friday, November 11, 2011

Holidays, oh and school too of course.

I absolutely love, love, love the holidays.
They are not what they used to be. Our family has undergone a lot of changes over the years due to some very unfortunate events, and the holidays are nothing of what they used to be, but aside from all of that, this time of year makes my heart happy.
When I was living in Hawaii there were a lot of years I was not able to go home for Thanksgiving. Thankfully, now that I'm living in California, the hour and 45 min flight (that costs much less than a 6 hour $500+ flight from Hawaii) has allowed me to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas (Thank you Southwest for your incredible deals!!!).
I go home in 12 days for Thanksgiving! Which is wonderful and stressful at the same time. It means I have 12 days until Fall quarter is over which means I have 5 days until I have a 30+ page paper, a 15+ page paper AND a 30 min oral presentation due. I cannot wait for November 17th, it means I will have all of that stuff behind me and just one more final to worry about the following week, and I can handle that.
All these papers/presentation, however, are stressing me out!! I have devoted this weekend to completing these, along with my usual homework. I am not allowing myself to do anything of enjoyment this weekend because I absolutely have got to be productive and get all of that accomplished.
I finally pushed through my latest slump on 'lacking-all-motivation-for-anything-school-related" last weekend and was able to get at least a rough start to most of what is due next week. (Thank goodness!) but I still have a long, long way to go.
I was actually at a dinner party last night with a group of 1st years (those who started the program this year) and I found myself saying "Oh no, 2nd year is much, much better, I'm way less stressed than I was 1st year." and then following that up with comments about the 30+ page and 15+ page paper I have looming and they looked puzzled and said "And you think 2nd year is easier?!?"
 It's possible I've just learned to dissociate from the stress now, and don't even realize how overwhelmed I'm actually feeling.

Some how a post about the holidays, inevitably ended up being a post about school and stress. Story of my life. :)

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Paranormal Activity

Why is it that we as people love to scare the bejesus out of ourselves?!

I can't even remove myself from that category since last night I willingly watched Paranormal Activity 2 at a friends and then went to the theaters to watch Paranormal Activity 3 at 10:30 at night.
What is it about scary movies that has us so intrigued?  Enough to endure the aftermath of having to return home at 3am to my empty apartment and then attempt to sleep?
I went with a group of my guy friends, so of course they all made endless jokes about me jumping at every movement and my continual outbursts of "Jesus!" "Oh!" and other various squeals and noises that did not actually amount to words.
I kept telling myself that my 10 year old nephew went and saw this in theaters. There is no reason I shouldn't be able to.
But my 10 year old nephew is not a young female, living alone in an apartment with paper thin walls where you can hear your neighbors peeing or phone vibrating making for a lot of unaccounted for noise.
Ok, so technically I don't live alone, as I have a roommate, who comes home about once a month to pay bills and then returns to "staying" at her boyfriend's. But technicality aside, I live alone.
Regardless, somehow mass amounts of people, willingly pay to feel like this:
And even though I was one of the many partaking last night, I still can't tell you why. I don't even like scary movies.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Burn out

It's November.
When did that happen?
All of the sudden I find myself in the 8th week of the quarter.
That explains a lot.
Recently I've been feeling what they refer to in graduate school as burn out. 
Mine manifests itself in the following ways: inability to concentrate, lack of motivation, trouble sleeping, eating habits gone awry, cognitive mistakes, clumsiness, restlessness yet simultaneously exhausted, living quarters are going uncleaned and clothes piled up and a yearning to produce baked goods.
I've been feeling it awhile and I know it's getting the best of me when I get asked multiple times in one day "Hey, are you ok?"
So much for thinking I'm at least looking the part.
It's the 8th week of Fall quarter, which means that I've got about 3 weeks to pull my ish together. 2 weeks until the majority of it hits the fan.
I know that my school work and my performance at my job are feeling the effects of the burn out.
My clinical work behind the scenes definitely is. Hopefully, it does not affect my work with my clients..they shouldn't have to suffer for that, just because I am.
Just need to find some motivation.