Week 36: Sept 2nd-8th. Struggling to stay awake.

This last week was actually pretty tough to come up with much. I have really been lacking energy in a major way and battling just to be awake at any given time. This makes it a little difficult to go above and beyond baseline.

My 5 things:

1. I went running 1 time. It saddens and frustrates me that I'm not doing this more. I'm noticing a negative impact on my body from my lack of exercise but I just cannot seem to find the energy or motivation for it. I know I can't be running every day, but I could be doing something active. I wonder what it is going to take to get me out of this slump?
   
   
2. Baked strawberry banana muffins. I chose a healthier recipe than my usual, which didn't taste as good but made for excellent grab and go snacks throughout the week for J and me.
   
   
3. I had an issue come up with the residents recently. Apparently, only 2 weeks in and I had already made a name for myself and I believe the name they used was “bitch”. I wrestled with how to handle this (should I let up a bit, am I being too hard on them?) but then I decided instead to ask the other counseling trainees to step up their authority and meet me closer to where I am at in terms of holding the residents accountable for their actions and enforcing the rules (the things I did to get the label of “counselor everyone avoids”). The other counselors really did a great job and we're now all less liked than before, but at least it is a general dislike instead of a targeted hatred toward me...but most importantly it is for good reason. I'm glad I decided to handle it the way I did and not just slump down in defeat or suffer silently. I spoke up for what I believed in and for what I stood for, and asked that others support me in this.
   
   
4. I arranged a phone meeting with a former intern from one of the sites I'm planning to apply to for internship. I despise phone calls, talking to strangers, and most importantly talking to strangers on the phone... but I decided it was a smart move to reach out. I got some great feedback, advise, and overall knowledge about the site and it was definitely the right move. 
   
   
5. I bought shoes and earrings to go with my dress for being the maid-of-honor in my best friend's wedding. About time too since the wedding is THIS Saturday.

Week 33: Aug 12th-18th-My 1st PIE!

It is 9pm and I just now realized it is Monday.
Ok, that is not entirely true. I was at work today, so I obviously knew which day of the week it was, but it was not until this moment that I realized today is the day I write. Initially I thought "oh well, I'll just write tomorrow and be a day late" but then the other part of my brain yelled back "what kind of attitude is that?!". Again, that may not be entirely true but... true enough.

So here it is, my 5 things:

1. I went running yesterday! Finally! I just checked back and I haven't gone on a run since mid July. Wow, thinking about that bums me out a little. Granted, I did a lot of hiking in Hawaii and I did a 2 mile walk the other day, but I haven't ran in a month? Shame on me. Needless to say, I am incredibly thankful I did. I'm sore in the best way (still able to move but sore enough to know my body accomplished something). I've been lacking energy MAJORLY lately, as in constantly falling asleep while sitting, reading, etc. I know it is from my lack of movement, but feeling that lethargic makes it that much more difficult to get up and get going. I need to put in more effort here. How many times do I have to write that each week before I actually DO IT?!?

2. Finished reading my book. It was an awesome read! Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I recommend it for anyone looking for a quick and entertaining book. I finished just in time too because I got my dissertation proposal edits back the same day. Whomp whomp!

3. I baked my 1st ever pie! Strawberry Rhubarb. It just so happens to be mine and J's favorite pie. I think it turned out pretty well actually. J had some critiques about it but that was because he's basing it off his grandma's perfected recipe. I'd say for a 1st timer I did pretty dang swell. (Ok, ok...I used a pre-made crust, so I am somewhat of a cheat but, I'm still learning!)

4. I made homemade coleslaw. Not that this is some super difficult task, it was actually quite simple, but still. It is something I had never ventured into and therefore knew nothing about. We had the 2nd portion of our humongous pork butt (... I can't help but giggle at that sentence) left and J said it was time to make a million pounds of pulled pork again. I decided to make a more general version in order to make it easier to do more things with the pulled pork (and not have to have BBQ everything). So I decided to also make some coleslaw to accompany our 1st of many pork meals: BBQ pulled pork sandwiches. I've never been a huge coleslaw fan, but I kept seeing BBQ pulled pork sandwiches paired with it so I decided it was time. J said he wasn't much of a fan of the stuff either but he ate my batch with a smile. Success!

5. Friday I get a text from a friend I knew when I went to University of Hawaii who I hadn't seen in years. She was in town and she and her friends had an extra ticket to the A's game that night against the Indians. Despite my 4am wake up that morning for work, I decided I needed to get out and do something, be social. I accepted her offer and ended up having an awesome time. Took the Bart to the game, the ticket deal came with a soda, hot dog and peanuts. No baseball game is complete with out that ;) Although, J called me a traitor for going to an A's game, because we're definitely a Giants house. Oops.

Week 30: July 22nd-28th: Nose injuries and Lake Hennessey

Saturday night, I did something incredibly idiotic. I'm quite clumsy and I fall, run into things, and bruise myself often. Now, usually these are just minor annoyances but nothing resulting in days of serious pain. Saturday night, however, was much different. We have a sliding wood door in the kitchen that can be closed to shut off the back half the house. We never, ever use it but since we got the pup we like to keep him where we can see him so we've been shutting that door when he is out of his crate to minimize him wandering all around. It's the evening time, we've spent the day at the lake and are now relaxing and watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. I got up to go to the bathroom and I'm explaining to J a part he missed in the last episode. It's pretty dark in the house and I'm such an electricity hoarder that I refuse to turn lights on just to walk to the bathroom and am stubborn in that "I know the route to the bathroom, even in the dark, so who needs lights?". That being said, as I'm recapping the episode to J in the other room I plowed right into the wood door in the hallway NOSE FIRST, just BAM!!! When you're walking in the dark and you assume you've got open space, you walk without reservation and I am a swift walker. Excruciating pain surged in my nose and I dropped to the floor in tears. J came running in, flipped on the lights, looked at my face and said "I think it's crooked" which lead to more crying. I finally got up the nerve to look in the mirror. No major blood, and from what I could see my nose wasn't out of sorts just in a lot of pain, and with a bruised ego to match. Who walks into a wood door?!? I've done a screen door before, and a glass door but usually had my forehead or hands take the worst of it. This time, just my nose.
The result has been a constant headache and pain in my nose and surrounding areas accompanied by a nice big dark red bump on the bridge of my nose.
Only I would do this to myself right before I am taking a trip to Hawaii. So my vacation photos will look lovely, and in addition to that I'm presenting at the most important conference of my graduate career thus far on Saturday. My dad said it should be nice and purple by then. DOH!

My 5 things:

1. Spent some time last week writing my story. I'm realizing it may be years before I actually get down in words everything I need to say. It's rare I have the time coupled with the energy to write any more.

2. I ran with my pup! Only a little down the block a bit during his walks. Unfortunately, I came to regret it later since it has been days and I am still feeling the pain in my IT band from it. Perhaps I got a little ahead of myself.

3. I turned in my 2nd drafty of my dissertation proposal. I got my first edits back on July 8th and my advisor said the turn around for the next draft should be "10 or so days"... well I milked that "or so" part and didn't turn it in until the 24th. Although I know the 2nd draft was still rough, and going to need much more work, it feels like such a relief to have turned it in and know that for the next few days at least, I don't have the burden of an unfinished draft looming over me.

4. Had a good talk with my sister on the phone last week. We each got to vent and gossip a bit and catch up on things we each have going on.

5. Saturday we decided to take our new pup Riley on his first visit to the lake and have a go at swimming. German Pointers are made for swimming, they even have webbed toes specifically for that and he loves getting wet in the bath so we thought he'd go nuts at the lake. Turns out it may have been a bit overwhelming for him but he still managed to have some fun.

Lake Hennessey in Napa

Week 29: July 15th-21st...Dissertation proposal is swallowing me whole!

Late again. This time, I blame my dissertation. I've spent the last 2 days engulfed in proposal editing. It is the most frustrating, time consuming task ever. You read, search, write, delete, rewrite, search, read some more....6 hours pass and you have about a paragraph more than you started with. Talk about feeling worthless.

The good news: in a week J and I will be heading to Hawaii for a MUCH needed vacation. Ok, so I'm presenting at a conference and that means its not all play and no work, but I'm going to attempt to do a minimal amount of work to the best of my ability.

On to my 5 things:

1. I went running once. WHAT?! I ran, unbelievable. Especially since I haven't been in weeks. I only did it once though, but hey that is better than none. I just have to keep telling myself that so I don't get completely discouraged. Crazy to think I injured my knee (IT band) a year ago. Now actually, I do feel pretty worthless. A year after my injury and I only went running once. I need to work on that. Really need to make it a priority. This is my verbal agreement to myself to step it up (literally!).

2. My time at my practicum is coming to an end. I am done at the end of this month. I was approached by a higher-up asking if I'd be willing to stay on during the month of August to help out with the transition to the new interns because they're pretty short-staffed. She urged me to talk with the director about it and said I could get paid as a part-time employee. So I discussed it will the director and it seemed like he was dragging his feet about it. Kept saying he wasn't sure if HR would go for it, blah blah. I mean, I wasn't totally all for the idea. The thought of having to wake up at 4am for another month (when I've been counting down the days!!) didn't sound great, plus the commute, and increase in work load since I'll be starting my next practicum in August all made me think twice about pestering the director. BUT, then I had a little chat with myself and realized I was recently rejected by my school for applying to internship. Granted, I appealed, etc but ultimately, on paper, I don't look all that great. This would give me an opportunity to get paid (which I desperately need!) and to increase my CV and hours for internship applications. This is something that is important for my career. So, I proceeded to bother the director about it, a number of times until finally: Success. He said we'll go ahead with it! So, although it is added responsibility and stress, what part of bettering yourself isn't?

3. Speaking of needing to beef up that pathetic CV of mine: I talked with my current supervisor and discussed my situation about needing additional experience and my willingness to do additional work. All this is still in the works, but there is potential for me to continue working with him at another site he does work for and getting assessment hours (which I really need). Again, it's additional stress, work, commuting, shitty hours with no pay, but it is experience. I'm motivated to not have to stay here an additional year so I want to be able to apply on time for internship (and actually have a shot at getting matched!).

4. Sunday morning J and I decided to treat ourselves to donuts from Dick's Donuts down the road from us :)

5. I spent quality time with my pup; cuddling, playing around, and running around outside. Alright, I admit...he's growing on me.

Week 26: June 24th-30th- Rejection is my middle name

Friday I received an email stating "it does not appear that you are adequately competitive to match at an APA site this year." Which means my intent to apply application for internship was REJECTED and I quickly boarded the train to Bummertown, USA.
This meant that  I would have to wait another year before even applying to internship. My mind began racing with all the things I would be missing out on and how that would mean I'd be gone away from my family for nearly a decade before I was able to return and my heart just completely sank.
After wallowing in self pity for a bit, I decided to take them up on their offer of an appeal. I waited until my brain had some time to cool down (that nice hour long commute from my practicum with no AC and 100 degrees did the trick). I sat down and put into words why I thought I deserved to be able to apply on time. I was informed after I sent in my appeal that the committee would be reviewing my appeal August 12th. AUGUST?! I'd have to wait another month and a half to know my fate? That seemed so cruel and unfair. I pouted a bit more, vented, cried and then went about my weekend.
Much to my surprise, I received an email today with the following opener: "On the basis of your appeal, the Application Review Committee agrees that you should be assigned an FIA and can proceed with your internship applications."
HOT DAMN! Apparently I made a convincing enough argument (and they happened to review it) and they overturned the original decision and are now allowing me to apply. I'm not sure what I said that changed their minds, but I am so very thankful it worked!
Technically, there is no guarantee that I will be able to apply, my application materials still need to have the final OK by the director of clinical training but even still...at least I'm not allowed to try. 
I'm actually kind of proud of myself. That I was able to do something about the shitty hand I was dealt, that I was able to effectively communicate my thoughts enough to persuade a committee to overturn my initial rejection status they had given me, and that I was able to do so in a mature manner (because trust me, the things I wanted to put into that appeal letter, while true, would not have won me any brownie points).
Gold star for taking the high road and getting results! (and so quickly too!)

My 5 things:

1. Went running once. It was a difficult run for me for some reason, but I ran into these lovely beings and it totally made my day.

2. Went on a 7 (and some change) mile bike ride. It's been scorching hot in the bay and I really wanted to be in the sun. It was J's idea for a ride. I was originally planning on laying on the beach. I suppose his plan was better (healthier). It was an awesome ride right on the bay so the breeze felt wonderful in that 90+ heat. 

3. While on said bike ride, we were able to stop and take a gander at some birds. The bike trail was on a wildlife refuge so there was prime sightings of some beautiful birds. Binoculars and all, we were total bird nerds. 

4. In order to escape out house, we went out and got sushi and a beer in Alameda. Afterwards we took a walk down Park Street in order to enjoy the warm evening (and avoid the sauna we live in). It was really nice just to "stroll" with J and peak into windows of little shops. 

5. On Sunday after our bike ride, it was still entirely too hot to handle the inside of our house. We decided to head to the movies, not caring what we saw, just to enjoy the air conditioned building. We chose to see This is the End, despite a mediocre trailer because it was the one J seemed the least bummed about. Little did I realize I would be laughing hysterically the entire time. Holy Moly, those guys are just TOO FUNNY!! I mean, I always enjoy those guys and think they're super comical, but the trailer just bummed me out and I couldn't imagine how it would be that funny. They proved me wrong and I had a blast beating the heat.

Week 25: June 17th-23rd 2013-Road trips to RENO

I'm posting late, again. It must be summer because I'm slacking on everything and feeling totally lazy. Although, I still have practicum and have to wake up at 4am some days for that and I am still working on research projects, since I don't have as hectic of a schedule and the end of the quarter was such a freaking nightmare I feel like I am still recovering from it. It also causes me to speak in run on sentences I guess.

My 5 things:
1. J and I went on a bike ride for the first time in months. We both had flats so we needed to get those repaired before we could set out. Unfortunately, I chose a bummer trail that wasn't suited for road bikes and we ended that early.

2. Went running once. I figured since I did the bike ride earlier in the week, that I would go running once and call it good for my knee.
 
3. We scoped out a nature preserve area I'd been wanting to check out pretty much since we moved to the east bay. We didn't ride there or really do too much bird watching, but we just checked it out for future use and snagged some pretty sweet photos. Hopefully we'll be returning soon because it was a pretty awesome place.

Lucille :)

4. I had a good talk with my mom on the phone. One of those where I am driving back from work on my hour long commute home. I love when I get a chance to really talk with her and hear about what is going on in her life. 

5. J and I took a road trip to Reno. One of my sisters and some of her friends were there and my sister offered to pay our gas (as my birthday present from her) in order for us to be able to come and stay one night and see them. There was lots of food, tons of laughs, and entirely too much inebriation. My mom tells me I've been here before, back before I had hit double digits but I don't remember that trip. Interestingly enough, I don't remember too much of this last trip either but for very different reasons ;)

Week 24: June 10th-16th Trying new things

1. I went running twice! Right, so running twice is no big accomplishment, except that I didn't run at all last week, and I may have not run the week before that either. I tend to get too motivated, and end up pushing it which irritates my IT band and then I'm left not being able to run. I really need to learn that running twice a week, each week is better than being able to go 3 times in a week but then 0 times the next week. I'm too impatient for this injury, but I'm working on that.

2. I tried my hand at pulled pork for the first time yesterday. I'd never handled 5lbs of pork butt before ;) I made it in the slow cooker, did a rub with spices before hand and then added my own mix after because I wanted it to have more flavor. I must say, I think it turned out pretty well and I'm damn proud. There's always new recipes to try and I love that no matter how good of a cook you are, you can always try new things.

3. I started writing in the My Listography book my sister got me for my birthday this year. It was one the many thoughtful "golden birthday" themed gifts that arrived in the mail. She is all about the presentation of everything (that is her artistic self shining through):

It is an entire book of Lists on every page. There are lists for favorites, wishes, memories, etc. I decided that my goal is to fill it out before my 30th birthday as a way to chronicle my thoughts throughout my last year in my 20's. Some of the lists are pretty concrete and won't likely change, but some of them are more fleeting so it will be interesting to look back on. I have always been a writer, a list maker, a memory hoarder. Since I was young I have written down all sorts of useless information about conversations, dreams, thoughts, any and everything I worried I might forget later. I have boxes of diaries and journals from growing up and as I grow older I realize how much you naturally just forget over time. I guess I was onto something as a child. In the past decade or so I've written a lot less, forgotten a lot more. Even this blog is somewhat of a memory hoarding device designed for me to remember a little bit more that I would on my own. My sistermay not be as much of a writer as me, but is just about as compulsive as I am when it comes to list-making so this book was pretty fitting coming from her.

4. I was told about the show, The L Word and that I needed to watch it. It was actually recommended to J and I but after a quick preview he decided it wasn't for him (which, I'm not sure how that is possible.. there is boobs galore in it!) but either way, we didn't end up starting the series. Now that the quarter is over and I've turned in my 1st draft of my dissertation proposal I've got a few moments to breath and actually relax (well, really it is a false sense since I should still be working on posters for conferences, integrated reports for patients, there is always a laundry list...oh and laundry too!) but either way, I started the series yesterday on my own. Looking forward to losing myself in some new characters.

5. Yesterday, while the pulled pork was in the slow cooker and before I settled in with the L Word for the evening, I spent the day giving the house a much needed cleaning. Cleaning is actually on this list? That probably means I need to get a better social life. The feeling of having a clean, organized house though is pretty damn amazing. That is probably the reason it made the list this time. Having organization and cleanliness, especially after finals week when everything seems to always get "put on hold" and piles of clothes appear, is such a great feeling.

Week 21: May 20th-26th...any day now

I was going to start out with how it is "that time of year" when everything piles up and I feel like I might explode...but then I realized, when is it NOT that time for me?  We're nearing the end of the quarter so it feels more so than usual, especially since I'm supposed to somehow have a 1st draft of my dissertation proposal by 6/14 and let me just say, I am definitely no where near close to having that (it's about a 40-50 page proposal of which I have maybe about 5 pages written). Add that to everything else that is going on plus trying to be somewhat excited about a trip to Hawaii that we're planning, having to worry about moving in July, and trying to not completely dread this birthday I've got coming this week. I could really use some major stress relief. Any day now.

My 5 things:

1. Went running. Unfortunately, only once...again. I went on Tuesday, and actually had to stop partway through it because of my injury. It started hurting pretty severely at just under a mile and a half. I decided not to push it and the whole rest of the day I was in pain. This pain continued (although dulled) over the next few days which lead to my pathetic running count of 1 for the week.

2. I actually wrote in here, not just on my usual Monday update. It is rare I find the combination of time/energy/motivation to sit down and compile my thoughts into print but when the planets align, it really is a wonderful outlet. There is always so much spinning around in my head and when I'm able to release an ounce of it here or there it makes a world of difference.

3. I baked cookies on Saturday for a BBQ I was attending on Sunday. I made my now-becoming-a-staple peanut butter cookies. I ran into a problem when I realized I was stuck at home without a vehicle and didn't have an eggs. Thankfully, I was able to get creative and utilized a substitute that, while it sounds disgusting, turned out to work pretty well. I only needed one egg, and a couple tbsp of mayonnaise did the trick just fine. They were a big hit with everyone, until I told J the magic ingredient and then he decided they were "gross".

4. Saturday evening my friend Rob who was down in the area for business came over to our side of the bay to get some drinks in early celebration for my birthday. Rob, J and I went to Alameda to a bar and got some drinks and toasted to me turning yet another year older. Thankfully, Rob is turning 30 this year so I didn't feel so old. I drank too much, which rarely happens and I didn't have to drive, which also rarely happens (and is likely why the 1st thing is a rarity).

5. Sunday, in all my hungover glory, we went to a BBQ at Rob's sister's house. There was tons of delicious food to which I made sure to eat any and everything available to me. I'm not sure why, but when I'm hungover it is like I am unable to get full. I just want to eat all day long....so I did. It was nice to be outside in the sun, eating wonderful food. 

Week 20: May 14th-19th 2013. The waiting is over.

My 5 things:

1. Went running. Only once, it was a post-Vegas run over the weekend and it was necessary. My running was on a role there. I do believe that was positively correlated with my stress level leading up to Orals. Then Vegas happened. So, it is just a matter of getting back to 3 times a week. I'm happy with 3 times a week.
   
   
2. I actually let myself take a nap. That is rare in recent years, and I usually try to fight the urge but I was just exhausted and I allowed myself to sleep, despite not having been as productive as I'd wanted to. Turns out I was able to wake up from the nap and give my kitchen a much needed cleaning, as well as the floors in the house. So it was definitely worth it. 
   
   
3. I made the decision to stay here. J had a business trip up north Thursday-Sunday. I wanted to go, to be able to see family, to accompany him on the road but I knew I had so much work piling up and that I really couldn't afford to take more time off with all these deadlines looming. Instead, I stayed here and holed myself up at home. Aside from going to work on Friday, I didn't leave the house. I was able to get wquite a bit of school work/dissertation and research stuff done.
   
   
4. Watched tons of silly movies/TV that I would never subject J to out of respect for his manhood. I'm talking dramas, romantic comedy, and amultiple episodes of an ABC family TV show. Bad stuff (but oh-so-good in that horrible way)
   
   
5. In my Women's Group that I co-lead I utilized a new technique I've never done before, that is out of my usual realm of practices. I did a spin off of Gestalt's "empty chair" technique. It actually ended up being pretty effective, although not all patients participated to the fullest..which is expected in a group. Either way, I was proud of myself for reaching outside of my usual bag of tricks for last week's group.

After a weekend of consistently checking and rechecking my email for a message from my latest interview and watching as my phone didn't ring, Monday arrived and I was beginning to lose hope. "By the end of the week" she said. The interview took place on Thursday, so I assumed that meant Friday. When Friday came and went with nothing I assumed that perhaps meant some time over the weekend, surely by Sunday (that is, in fact, the end of the week). Sunday then came and went and Monday had arrived with not even a peep. Thankfully J came come after a weekend up north late Sunday evening so my attention was focused mostly on him. Monday morning I got up much earlier than him, had my coffee and read some research articles for my Forensics class. After a hearty breakfast of banana-oatmeal pancakes and strawberries and a silent phone, I spent the rest the morning catching up with J and hearing about his trip before he had to head to work. I checked my phone and out of no where, I had somehow missed a call and had a voicemail waiting. It was her, calling to offer me a practicum placement. FINALLY! After over a month of my hopes being hurled around on an emotional roller coaster of rejection I have a place that actually thinks I'm good enough. What a relief.

It's not what I want to be doing, it still working in substance abuse...so it's actually really a killer to my future career hopes of being in Forensics field...or really any field outside of substance use. It's a residential setting for women and children (the women are in recovery). So, it's going to be an estrogen party for me on a daily basis. Oy! That's going to take some getting used to, especially since currently most my clients are male, my supervisor is male, and my clinic director is male. Soon I'll be surrounded by vaginas galore with little testosterone in sight. Should be... interesting.
 Choosing this site has closed a LOT of doors I am really not ready to close. It's actually going beyond closing them, it is flat out nailing the door shut with an extra large padlock and chains. That is going to take some mourning. I mean I can fight and fight until I'm blue in the face, but in the end I needed to make a decision: to hold onto an idea that had me drowning by myself in this ocean that was my dream , or to latch onto a lifeboat that would sail me away from that ocean and onto land where, although the safety is comforting, it won't ever make me feel the way that ocean did.

I suppose that's a common theme in life. Keep drowning for the possibility of something likely unattainable or get to safety and miss out on whatever it was I was risking my life for. The trouble is...knowing when to grab on or when to keep struggling.

Week 18: April 29th-May 5th: Worrying myself sick, literally

So typical. The minute I stop worrying about practicum interviews, I get offered two, BOTH while I'll be out of town. Ain't that a bitch?
One of the offers is from my number 1, top choice site from the initial round that didn't even offer me an interview before. It's working my my favor that it's late in the game so a lot of students have already accepted offers at other sites so there is a smaller, less competitive pool for them to choose from. Honestly, I'm fine with that because the thing is, I don't have any experience working with that population, so there is less of a reason to give me a chance. What I do have is motivation and charisma and when the pickins get slimmer, that is more likely to matter. The unfortunate thing, is that they're doing a group interview on the 13th (that they've invited me to) and when I spoke with the director on the phone, she said that if they don't find their placement on Monday that they may be able to meet me on Tuesday. Bummer. but there is also a site that wants to meet with me and is a little more flexible with time so I suppose if this one doesn't work out, the other one may.
But really, my main focus at this point is my Oral exam tomorrow. I go at 9am. There is a lot riding on this exam. It determines whether or not I get awarded my M.S., whether or not I can defend my proposal, and whether or not I will even be eligible to apply for internship. I know, I know, I can always retake it in a few months and there are other factors that may also prevent me from applying on time even if I did pass, but this exam is 3 years in the making. I've been dreading this exam since Fall 2010 when I entered into this program and I just want it to be over with already and not be drug out for another couple of months while I try to prepare all over again.
To top it all off: I'm getting sick. My body is so angry with me with all this stress and it just wants to give up. I worry that I'm going to spend my entire Vegas vacation sick. I'm trying my best to keep hydrated, to get as much sleep as my body will allow and loading up on EmergenC but despite all my best efforts, it's still creeping up on me. :/

Anyway, amidst all of that, here are my 5 things:

1. I went in an extra day to practicum to get more hours. Even though, with how chaotic things are right now with Orals and research deadlines, that was perhaps not the best decision, but it was only a half day anyway.

2. I went running three times. I finally feel like a runner again (well, I never really felt like a real one, I've always felt like a wanna-be) but I at least feel like a wanna-be runner again, and not just a total fake or failure.

3. I baked cookies yesterday and they were a big hit at the BBQ we went to.

4. I did another study session via Skype with a friend on Saturday. We went over materials for Orals from about 10am until 3pm with only a short break due to computer malfunctions. I'm really trying to get this Oral exam right the first time so as not to have to delay everything and take it again. Hopefully all this studying will pay off.

5. Yesterday was Cinco De Mayo and we went to a friend's house for a BBQ. It is a friend here, whose family has really been great and welcoming to me and J since we don't have family here so it's nice to be able to see them and spend some time with them. Plus there was some excellent food to enjoy :)

Week 17: April 22nd-28th: The calm... that hopefully won't be followed by a storm

So It's yet another Monday and I am still practicum-less. I applied to 1 more site and have heard back from a 2nd one that they officially received my application and are now reviewing all the applications. The email included about 18 other students, so I'm not going to hold my breath. It's my top choice site too.
I had sort of a  revelation at some point last week, sort of a calm that just washed over me about all this practicum stuff. Yes, it's stressful not knowing, of course I'd prefer to have a placement...but with everything I've got going on, I can't afford wasted energy on this issue. I've done what I can, I've applied to some places and now I'm just going to wait. I'm going to wait, and not worry and focus on what matters in this moment: ORALS!

My 5 things:

1. I went running twice, which is an improvement from last week, although my knee is still bothering me. The second day of running I went over to Alameda with J and we both ran. Granted, he runs much faster and farther than I do, so we don't actually run together but we do our warm up walk and stretches together. It's nice to know he's there doing the same thing though, even if I can't run with him.

2. I baked: twice this week. That's also how you know the stress is piling up. I baked banana-blackberry-oat muffins for us to take with us to work, etc and then I baked chocolate chip cookies last night for a treat. I recently purchased wheat flour due to the hype about it being better for you. I won't lie, it just isn't very good in cookies. I can handle it in the muffins and breads I've made, but cookies are just made to be baked with white flour and that is just all I have to say about that. I guess it could just be an acquired taste, like when you first switch to wheat bread. Jury is still out I suppose.

3. Did yoga twice this week. I really need to invest in a yoga mat. I use videos on YouTube of different types of yoga, recently I've been trying flow yoga and I like it but the rug we have out on the front room is just not cutting it for trying to hold some of those poses. I need to stop being a cheapskate and just get a mat, they're like $10.

4. Sunday I had a study session via Skype with a friend for almost 3 hours, going over materials for our Oral competency exams. Definitely helped me a LOT to feel like I semi-have an idea now about what it entails and what I'm expected to know. I still don't feel totally prepared, but it helped immensely. We're actually planning another one later in the week to review more.

5. I had a take home midterm that was sent out Thursday. We have until the following Friday to complete it. I didn't want to have to worry about my midterm and orals so I decided to start on the midterm on Thursday, and finish it up this weekend. I spent most of my morning on Sunday working on it (which was followed by that 3 hour study session...Sunday was a busy-brain day). I can proudly say that I've completed it and now I can focus all my energy on my Orals. Did I do the best possible job ever? No, but Orals have a whole lot more riding on them than this midterm. Priorities.

Wow, so I went running, baked, and did yoga....each one twice. Interesting theme this week.

Week 16: April 15th-21st 2013: Frustration. Where does it get you?

So it's a week later, and I still have no practicum placement to call my own.
I've applied to 3 sites, and haven't heard back from any. Others have heard back and even have interviews (some even have placements already!). I'm terrible at being optimistic. 
What makes all this so much worse, is that we have our 3rd year Oral clinical competency exam (basically 1 hour of sitting across from two faculty while you come up with diagnoses/assessment/treatment/cultural formulation/safety issues/yadda yadda right off the top of your head...no pressure) in about 2 weeks. I haven't found the time to study much, and even when i do I'm constantly checking my email for practicum updates and to see if anyone has gotten back to me.
I feel like I'm constantly frustrated. As my professor last quarter told me: "Frustration won't get you anywhere" and she's right but when you're doing the best you can, and your best just isn't good enough, where does that leave you but frustrated?
I was thinking about that earlier when I was doing yoga and my knee was bothering me. I had to cool it on running this past week because my IT band injury was acting up. Not being able to run is just about one of the most frustrating things for me. Today I opted for yoga instead of running and was thinking how angry I am with my IT band and how frustrated it makes me. Then I thought "my IT band doesn't care how frustrated I am, it's injured, and no matter how mad I am at it, it's not going to heal itself just because I'm frustrated. then my professor's words loomed into my head "Frustration won't get you anywhere". Unfortunately, no matter how angry I am at my injury or how mad it makes me...it isn't going away, and it isn't going to change just based on that fact. With my knee (or IT band to be more technically correct), I need to have patience, I need to utilize other things (ie yoga) when I can't do what I really want, I have to continue to slowly work back up to running and stop getting angry when I'm not running as much as I used to. Basically, I need to give myself some credit for what I have accomplished, learn to settle for what I've got in front of me, and work with what I'm given. I need to learn to accept that it isn't going to be the way I want it, but that it can still be something if I allow it to be.
Maybe I need to take that same concept and apply it to my practicum issue. Give myself some credit for what I've been able to accomplish, learn to settle for what is available to me, and accept that it isn't going to be the way I want it but that it can still be something if I allow it to be.
I think it both cases... I've got a lot of work cut out for me. Who wants to settle for being less than? But then again, who doesn't have much choice in the matter?
So negative lately.

My 5 things:
1. Went running, but only once because my injury started to bother me and I thought it best not to push it. I still went once, so that counts for something.

2. Went to the Spring Gala my school hosts every year. This year it was on a boat, dinner, dancing, casino games, drinks, fun times!

View of San Francisco from the boat 

It left around 8pm, giving us a beautiful skyline to look at. This was J's first time being in town (well now living) for the gala so he got to be my date. It was so much fun to be with friends and enjoy the awesome view.

3. Did an hour of yoga on Monday, after I found out I was officially rejected and having to go to clearing house. I had wanted to go running to blow off steam but had just gone the day before, so instead I opted for trying to clear my mind.

4. Saturday, J and I got lunch at the food carts in Alameda, Chairman is by far, the best!! After we ate, we took a stroll in Alameda and just enjoyed the sun.

5. Sunday, after we did some work at home, we set off for Alameda to lay on the beach and soak up some sun! It was about 80 degrees, with an awesome breeze. We packed a picnic lunch and I studied for my Oral Exam...but at least I was able to get some vitamin D in the process!

Week 15: April 8th-14th 2013: Officially rejected and onto Clearing House

So today is the official "Notification Day". Although for me, it was more like the official "Getting totally rejected day". The thing is, I had planned on turning down the 1 site I interviewed at if they had called, which they didn't. Really, that makes my job easier, not having to have the awkward "thanks but no thanks" conversation. Even though I had planned on participating in Clearing House (what happens after rejection) it still stings to see the vast majority of my classmates posting about how they've been accepted and knowing I've got a whole lot more ahead of me before I get that feeling. The good news is, I will get that feeling. I will get a placement, I will have an offer at some point and  I will be able to accept. In order for that to happen though, I've got to go through the application process all over again. So today, instead of spending time on my dissertation or reading for my class, I've got to spend time updating my CV, rewriting cover letters and reformatting letters of recommendation so they're ready to be sent out as soon as we get word of which sites still have openings. Even more frustrating, the process starts at 1pm on Wednesday, when I just so happened to have a client until 1:30pm and then over an hour commute even if I'm able to leave right after that client. I think this may result in me bringing my laptop to practicum and taking a few minutes in between my client and the rest of my paperwork to get those applications sent.
I know this will all work out. I'm just not a patient person, and I hate being in the period of the unknown any longer than I absolutely need to be and I've already been in it since we turned in applications the first time.
I can't help but wonder either if all this rejection from these forensics sites is just another "you shouldn't be going that route" sign. It's frustrating to feel like the universe just really isn't on your side and keeps telling you what you feel in your heart is right....is wrong. I mean, I keep telling myself that it's not the universe telling me I'm going in the wrong direction, it's the universe testing me, and making me work for it. But after so much constant rejection with zero progress in that direction, I can't help but wonder if it is actually telling me to choose something else and I'm just the idiot misreading the signs of sitting here in denial. I mean how do you know when enough is enough? Am I just being a masochist by continually setting myself up for failure and disappointment? How do you know when the universe is testing you versus giving you clear signs to choose a different direction?
Hmm, I'm not getting anywhere that isn't leading to more unanswerable questions. As much fun as that is, I think it's time to write about my 5 things.

So here they are:

1. I went running 3 times this week. I am really digging this consistency I've got going with running 3 times aa week. Sunday I even went 2 miles! Granted, it is interval running, so this last week I was doing 2 min of running then 1 minute of walking and I did this for 30 min and went 2.14 miles. Even though it isn't running 2 miles, it's further than I usually go (usually about 1.3-1.6 miles) so i take it as a success.

2. I went in an extra day of practicum this last week to get a few extra hours. I am trying my hardest to get as many hours as possible since I'm continuously playing catch up with my practicum hours in order to try and be competitive for internship and every extra bit I can do to go above and beyond what I'm already doing is helpful.

3. J and I went to see Jurassic Park in 3D on Wednesday. It was his first 3D movie ever! I've only see one or 2 others in 3D so it's still pretty new to me as well.

We went all out and got soda and popcorn (LARGES!). 

4. On Saturday, we wanted to go and explore somewhere we've both never been but that wasn't too far from home. We decided to venture up toward Marin County and J had the idea to check out Laguanitas Brewery. We go directions and found out that they did free tours, the next one starting in approximately 1 hour.... about the same time it would take us to drive there. We arrived just in time to catch the 1pm tour. Success! 

With Louis, our 'Beer Preacher' for the afternoon

I had never been on a brewery tour. J said our guide, Louis, was one of the best ones he's ever seen from the tours he's done. We went up to his after and thanked him and he let us see the upstairs and peek into a private tour (seen in the photo above). It was an awesome experience. J even bought me a shirt to commemorate my first brewery tour. :)

5. After we went on the tour, we decided to drive into SF and get some fish and chips on the pier. We stopped off and took in the beautiful weather just before driving over the Golden Gate. I'm thankful that, although we live here, we don't take all this wonderful architecture and art for granted and still enjoy just being able to be around it.

Week 14: April 1st-7th running, dancing, and rejection day

So today is supposed to be the official rejection day from all the sites that are no longer considering you for practicum placement. I mean, I think I've figured it out by now, seeing as how Notification Day is next week and if I haven't heard from you I'm assuming I'm out of the running. Regardless, they're supposed to let us know today. I got one rejection email already. It was a mass email with an attached document that began with "Dear Practicum Applicant,". Oh gee, thanks for the thought. At least the other sites sent me an email and used my name. I mean, rejection, is rejection, is rejection but actually, personalized rejection stings a little less I think. Still waiting on rejection emails from 3 other sites although, it's after 5pm so perhaps those sites just have bad etiquette and I won't be hearing from them. 

My 5 things:

1. I went running 3 days this past week. I cannot even put into words how much better I've been feeling lately because of it. Even though I'm not running a ton or even anywhere near what I was...but I'm running! I think, in part, just knowing that I've taken it back up and that I'm  not a "failure" at yet another thing I attempted to try is making the difference in the way I feel. I'm sure a big part is also the who endorphins being released, body getting exercise, yadda yadda. But I mean really, I wouldn't be in the field I'm in if I didn't truly believe there are some psychological forces at work here.

2. J and I had our first "guests over for dinner and drinks" at our place. We've made this amazing-art filled-cozy place we call a home together and because of distance (and unsafe location) we've not really had anyone over to be able to enjoy it with us. It was really nice to be able to have friends over and be a hostess for them. At my old place in Mountain View, because of it's prime location it was home for study groups, parties, pre-gaming before going out, and girl nights. I realize I quite enjoy being the hostess and since moving to Oakland, haven't had the opportunity until now.

3. Prior to our friends coming over I was in charge of cleaning/cooking inside, as J had to tackle the ever-so-daunting task of replacing the heater-core (cord?) ...I don't know I'm vehicle incompetent. Regardless, major car stuff needed to be addressed which left me inside to tend to the house. This included sweeping/mopping/dusting/scrubbing the entire house and preparing appetizers and dinner sides and entrees. So, to make this more enjoyable I busted out my '80's Ladies' playlist which consists of Janet, Paula, and Madonna Only the stuff they made in the 80's though, of course) and I proceeded to dance and sing while performing all above mentioned tasks. This left me with a bit of a workout and very clean house with delicious food, and of course an elevated mood because who doesn't enjoy rocking out to those gals, I mean really?

4. Went out Saturday night to celebrate a friend's birthday. It consisted of going out dancing, which J is not into the whole club scene and I can only take it in small doses (ie if I get to drink and dance). Luckliy, Saturday I got to do both and J was such a good sport about it, which made it that much better. I absolutely love dancing (obviously... 2 out of my 5 things on this list this week involve shaking my groove thing) and love when I have an opportunity to go out with friends, have a good time and DANCE DANCE DANCE!

5. So J decided we needed to invest in a gaming system. He bought a handheld (but can be hooked up the the TV) unit for Super Nintendo. He also purchased some games, including Super Mario World. To say that this took up most of my time in youth would be an understatement. Now, it's no Zelda (now THAT is my game!) but I definitely spent a lot of my childhood wrapped up in Mario's worlds.

When it arrived in the mail last week, we spent about 2 hours straight playing, until I realized how horrible I am at the game now and gave up. J's been playing all weekend and although I can't compete anymore, it's still enjoyable to watch. Although, really...I think we need to get Zelda. J is not a fan of it but that game, that is the love of my life and I've yet to actually ever beat the entire game (Hmm... I do believe I'm adding that to my bucket list).

Week 13: March 25th-31st. Easter and I'm running again!

Spring break is over, although I can't actually remember any sort of break. I still had a  class (we were making up from a missed one) and I still went into Practicum, woke up at 4am, saw clients, and had supervision. I still had to work on my dissertation. Where was the break exactly? New quarter starts tomorrow.

Oh also, no practicum interviews, still. No rejections either, but I think lack of interviews at this point pretty much insinuates rejections. Waiting, waiting, still waiting. At this point I'm just waiting for rejection confirmation, which is a little ridiculous.


My 5 things:

1. I went running. Not once, not twice, but THREE times this past week. Yes, 3 times! While that used to be the norm for me (and is probably a slow week for most runners) it was definitely something I haven't done in a very, very long time. Needless to say, I'm pretty proud of this. Granted, the running wasn't anything spectacular, I did interval running (run 1 min, walk 1 min) and did about 20 total minutes (so 10 of each) but, it was running!

2. I got to talk with one of my closest friends, Lis on the phone. She and I try to keep in touch but it is usually ends up as sporadic texts on various days and then an email every couple of months. It doesn't help that there is a time difference, she's in Hawai'i so for half the year she's 3 hours behind and the other half she's 2 hours behind. This week we actually got to have a phone conversation, with some very important news. She was accepted (with funding!) to ASU for grad school! I am so very proud of her. Also, I like the idea of having her a 10 hour drive or a less than 2 hour plane ride away from me.

3. I did yoga twice this week. That totals out to 5 workouts this last week. Damn that feels good.

4. I skyped with my family when they had their Easter on Saturday at my dad's house. I got to watch the kids barrel out of the house on their hunt for eggs and watch them run around with their baskets. I got to see the faces of those I love so much and to see the beautiful weather they were having.

My dad and sister showing off their great weather

This was actually pretty bittersweet. This is now the 7th year I've been apart from my family for Easter. This holiday just always happens to fall at a time of year I'm not able to go home. It was also the first major holiday I was away from my family when I first moved away, right after everything went to shit with my family. Which is likely why it seems especially hard, even for the 7th year in a row. So although I wasn't able to be there in person, I'm thankful I got to be a small part of it.

5. I led, well I co-lead my first ever therapy group this week. It is a women's group that myself and another counselor have formed at the methadone clinic. It was actually originally her thing, she sent out an email stating she'd be starting one and I contacted her about co-leading (since I didn't have any group therapy hours under my belt). I was nervous, and there were definitely parts about it that could have gone better, but either way, I've now completed my first group. We're going to be doing it weekly through the month of April and we may continue, depending on how the month goes. Should be interesting!

Week 11: March 11th-17th... What is running, again?

This last week was full of ups and downs. Practicum applications have been in for awhile now and I hadn't heard anything from any site. I'd asked around a bit and it sounded like most people were in the same boat as me, no one had really heard anything with the exception of a few people. Wednesday I got a rejection email from one of my tops sites, Thursday I got an interview offer from my last choice site, and Friday I got a rejection from my number 1 choice site. I am very thankful I've been offered at least one interview. I am still waiting to hear back from 4 sites. The waiting game continues.

1. This week I went into my practicum an extra day that I did not have to. I am really striving to get more face-to-face hours (because those are what really count for internship) and that is difficult to do with a population that is notorious for avoidant behaviors. So I took action and discussed options with my site and decided that I would start going in on occasional Mondays (instead of having my glorious work from home/take care of the house Monday's I've grown to love) I only did a half day, so I didn't have to wake up at an ungodly hour (well, depending on who you're talking to, because I got to wake up at 6am instead of 4am, so to me that was lovely, but to others probably seems atrocious). By the time Friday rolled around, where the majority of my clients canceled or didn't even show up, I was grateful I had put in some extra time earlier in the week so it wasn't a total wash.

2. J and I decided, somewhat out of the blue, that we'd go to a matinee movie and see The Great and Powerful Oz at the Alameda theater. The theater itself was awesome, it's been fully restored to its original condition and has a very old-style feel to it. Bonus was, the movie was cheaper because it was matinee price. I know the movie itself has received a lot of bad reviews because the CGI is not up to par, and this, and that, and whatever but I guess I'm just easy to please. I thought it was delightful, colorful, and entertaining. People are just too damn critical sometimes.

3. Friday night, after some painful rejection emails from my top practicum sites, and a day full of canceling clients, J and I decided to go out for burgers and beers. It was really nice to be out with him, enjoying each others company and while I was enjoying some Blue Moons :)

4. Saturday, although we were all for being lazy and staying in, we decided to get out and enjoy the nice weather. We went to San Francisco with our friend Ray and just walked around, and checked out various shops and places and got lunch. Living so close to such an awesome city, it's really unfortunate we don't make more time to go there.

5. Sunday I went running for the first time in....honestly I don't even remember when the last time was. Yeah, running, remember that? Me either!.... I just checked my MapMyRun app and it was November 12th 2012. Holy hell that's a long time. I mean, I've gone hiking, and biking, and some walking, but I haven't attempted to run since November? It's worse than I thought. I guess that makes much more sense now why I've been feeling the way I have. Lately, whenever I see people running (which is a LOT, by the way, I swear everyone in the bay area is a runner!) I get this aching pain of envy.
When I used to see people run, before I started trying to, I used to use the phrase "Crazy bitches that run". I never understood it, couldn't even fathom it, therefore I rejected the idea completely. Once I got the insane idea to try and become one of those crazy bitches that run, my outlook changed and I began to see them more as equals as though there was an unspoken understanding because now I finally understood too.
 After my injury I felt a lot of sadness when I'd see people running. That sadness turned to anger and frustration which is why I basically silently swore it off and gave up (back in November). Fast forward to now. There's still sadness, some anger, and a fair amount of frustration but mostly it's just envy.
Fueled by this envy,  I decided that my knee isn't going to stand in my way anymore. I did what I was supposed to, followed the doctor's orders, I've tried other activities to strengthen my body, and now I'm just impatient and annoyed and don't want to keep having all these excuses keep me from doing it. I know I need to take it easy, I know I can't push my knee too hard, but damn if I'm going to sit around any longer. I will do whatever it is I'm capable of doing and as of now, that's enough for me. So when I see runners, I don't have to feel envious that they're out there and I'm not. I can be content with the fact that I was out there just the other day (not back in November).

Failure or Success: Where do I stand?

It's that time again, where I feel like I'm failing miserably at everything.
Some things, I genuinely am failing at, of course not completely, but to a certain extent.

Take my writing: I update on  9/30, claiming I need to make an actual effort at writing, and here I am not posting again until 11/4.
Therefore, when it comes to writing, I am actually failing.

Grad school: This has a way of making me feel like I am always failing, no matter how productive or accomplished I am being, because there will forever and always be more that I should be doing.
There is always another paper I need to be writing, another article I need to be reading, another topic I should be researching, more data I need to be analyzing. Even when I check off every single thing off my list for that week/month/quarter...there is another list that has yet to be written (which is just another thing  I need to do!) with requirements that need to be done that just haven't made it to paper yet but are floating in my head.
There is no real way to ever feel as though I'm not failing when it comes to school, it's a losing battle that way.

My running: I've got an injury, so at least I've got somewhat of an excuse, but even the idea of having an excuse as to why it is ok to fail, makes me feel like I'm failing. I've been actively working on doing the stretches given to me by the doctor, I actually completed the 3 full weeks of doing them 3 times per day and started testing out my knee by running (very, very small runs) a few times a week, but even then I start out with 3 tiny runs per week, then the next week I fall off the mark and don't run at all, and then the next week I run 1 or 2 times or I "forget" to do my stretches (which are now down to just once a day, since the 2x per day is no longer necessary). That isn't going to help my injury and I know that, so what the hell am I doing?
I'm not totally failing at my running, but I'm not doing much succeeding there either.

My self-care: I'm not a disheveled mess. I still manage to shower daily and do my hair and make-up too. So, I'm not failing in that area, but I'm not going above and beyond in it either. I definitely am doing the bare minimum to not be totally ashamed of myself, and I realize that my bare minimum is actually a lot more than a lot of people's extra fancy but I'm not focused on what others are doing that I'm not, I'm more focused on what I normally do that I'm no longer doing. I take pride in myself, or at least I used to. I don't think this is even something that those on the outside would even notice the difference, but I do... and really, that is what concerns me, not what others see but what  I see.
So the jury is still out on this area, but again... I wouldn't call any of it a success.

My relationship: I never know how much of this area I am to blame solely, since it takes two here but I suppose when something is amiss, it does not matter who is at fault, since both parties suffer. We're both so damn stressed out all the time and frustrated with our own careers/goals/set backs its hard to find the time to actually enjoy each other because by the time there is any free space for that, one of us is always preoccupied with some frustration we've got going on in the background we're not really present anyway. I think we both need to learn to press pause. I think this comes with time, with patience, with age, with dedication.
We're better at it than I think we used to be, but I think it's a long process couples take years to accomplish, and really...we've only been living together for going on 4 months so I think maybe I'll call this a half-success ;)

All in all, I am not pleased with my performance. If this were a review, I'd be getting a C- here. I'm not a complete waste of space, but improvement is most definitely required if productivity and success are the desired outcomes.

Running Update:16 months in and now an IT Band strain

I've been horrible lately about writing.
It's not that I don't have things I'd like to sit down and write about, and it's not totally about the time in which it takes, because I do have some down time in my crazy schedule. I'm not sure what it is.
Perhaps I should make an actual effort, carve out some time for it. I bet it would actually benefit my sanity a bit (isn't that part of the reason I began this in the first place?!)
So Sept. 19th I did something monumental.
I went to the doctor for problems I was having.
I cannot remember the last time I went to the doctor, let alone used the time effectively to address concerns I was having.
I'm turning into such a grown up.
My main concern was, in fact, my knee.
 I haven't been able to run in almost a month and it's been killing me.
I've noticed a lot of changes that I'm not happy about. My weight is one, but also, just my overall well being. As much as I hate running, I've realized I hate NOT running, much more.
So I went to the doctor for the pain I've been experiencing since July (After the craft dash)
Turns out I have an IT band strain, or iliotibial band syndrome
It's apparently a common injury for runners. Ya hear that Ma'? I've got myself a real athletic injury!! 
Never thought I'd see the day!
Any way, so I find this out and so I'm curious and nervous to hear what that means for me.
My doctor gave me some stretches to do 3 times a day for 3 weeks.
It was a print out that I actually also found online IT Band stretches and strengthening exercises 
from Runningtimes.com.
The Doc said if in 3 weeks I'm not seeing improvement, that the next step will be physical therapy.
So, I'm about a week and a half in and...... I'm in more pain!
I'm not sure if that is part of the process or not.
I was thinking it could be, because I'm stretching out a strain, so maybe it gets worse before it gets better? The doctor didn't explain that to me.
She told me after about a week of the stretches that I could try running and see how it feels. Obviously I am to run less than I normally would, she said about half my usual run.
I haven't tried it yet, because of the whole pain actually worse now thing.
The next step is to actually get out there and do it.
This next step, quite naturally, makes me a bit nervous.
I guess I'll never know, until I try.

When to nurse it and when to push it?

Wow, how life can just take over and leave no room for anything enjoyable...like writing.
Over a month with no post, despite having much to say.. I suppose that is how it always goes. If you've actually got something to say, it's probably because you're out experiencing life and not sitting in front of your computer, waiting for an idea to strike.
On July 14th, 2012 I participated in my first race.
Ok, so that isn't entirely true. I volunteered for a race, and was the last leg of the run to ensure no runner was left behind.
Did I mention yet that this race involved numerous stops where a beer is had before going on to the next?
So it isn't the most prestigious race in the running world, but it sure was fun!
It was the 4th annual Craft Dash in North Portland. My boyfriend was also volunteering and that is how I got to know about it. It was 6K, although with all the stopping it wasn't exactly a full on race.
I did, however, manage to injure my knee AGAIN!
Today was actually my first run since that day.
The day after the Craft Dash my boyfriend and I had to pack up a 16' Penske truck with all his belongings and drive 12 hours down to the bay area.

 The days following were packing and unpacking, lots of heavy lifting and stairs too.
Needless to say, my injured knee went from bad to worse. 
I've started up with my knee exercises again, which I never should have stopped but it's so easy to forget to do them when my knee isn't in agony.
I also took it easy for awhile and just started going for walks in the last week to see how it's doing.
I went running today, despite knowing it wasn't my brightest of ideas but being driven by feeling lethargic and well, chubby.
I barely got half way into my run and knew it was a horrible choice, and then made an even worse choice: to continue.
That's the thing about an injury. How do you know when to nurse it, and when to push it?
Today, I definitely should have nursed it but of course I pushed it.
I'm not a very patient person, and injuries require a LOT of patience. Hopefully I haven't set myself back too far and can go again before too long. Perhaps for now, despite my resentment toward it..I'll nurse my knee a bit more and stick to walking.

Running: 1 year and 2 months in: The newest goal: 100 miles for 2012

I've now been running for over a year. My first post was on May 3rd, 2011 where I had spoke about starting up my running on May 1st, 2011.
It is now June 22nd, 2012.
It has been a long, grueling, horrid process to become a runner.
I thought since it's been awhile, I'd track my latest progress from my Running App on my phone:

Stats: 6/22/12

• Time: 19:30 min
• Distance: 1.71 miles
• Average pace: 11:24min/mile
• Average Speed: 5.26mph

Now, while that is still far from excellence... I'd just like to compare it to my posting on October 10th, 2011...5 months in to running when I first got the iMapMyRun app I stated back in October that I'd use these stats as a "starting point":

Stats: 10/10/11

• Time: 20 min
• Distance: 1.5 miles
• Average pace: 13:40min/mile
• Average Speed: 4.38mph

Hmmm... Taking a look at that, I'd say there are some major improvements in 8 months time. They are small, but they are improvements nonetheless.

Also, I came up with this ridiculous idea with the help of my best friend, DCal, that I would set a goal last month of running 100 miles in the year 2012. It was May and I was almost to 40 miles of running since January and DCal said "I bet you could double that and do 80 by the end of the year" and of course, my idiotic brain said "I bet I could do 100!!" and so there it began, this idea that I would complete 100 miles in 2012. 
The month of May due to sickness and vacations, I completed a lousy 3.87 miles. That alone was a sure fire way to lose my bet with myself.
Then comes June. I credit this to a combination of Finals+comp exams, the stress of having to find a new place to live, the increase in celebratory drinks & food because of birthdays and the school year ending and to my wonderful pal Scotty who had the nerve to (drunkenly) tell me that I had a belly...but it's June 22nd and I've already ran 19 miles this month!
I'm just a few miles shy of 60 miles and it's not even July.
Now, I'm sure that once classes and practicum start back up, I won't have as much time to run and will probably barely make my goal of 100 miles for 2012..but at the rate I'm currently going, I'll have that goal met before the years end no problem.
I'm hoping to keep up my motivation and continue with what I'm doing but only time will tell.
As for now, I'll just go ahead and be proud of myself.