Saturday, June 30, 2012

Guys in their 20's

Guys in their 20's are all just little lost souls.
Well, that is perhaps putting it much too harshly, but not entirely.
I'm at the age where my mid twenties are gone and my early 20's are barely recognizable and it has me contemplating things more and more. 

I'm making very general statements, based off my interactions throughout the years with males in their 20's. I'm talking boyfriends, friends, relatives, etc. All of them are included in this. 
Our 20's are a time of growth and exploration. This decade is spent learning how to be an adult, what it means to be a man or and woman, what kind of person we want to be, and the direction we want to go.
Our 20's are a time where we just begin to discover who we are, what our values are, and where our morals stand. 

In legal terms, the day you turn 18 is the day you are an adult.
The day you turn 20 you're officially no longer a teenager, and the day you turn have arrived!
Only to realize that your adult life has barely even began. (although, not all actually realize this, but it is true).
I'm not saying women are not a little lost in their 20's as well, but I think the process begins a bit sooner for them so by the time they are in their 20's, while there is still much exploration and contemplation, I think it's just....different. I've discussed it somewhat before and I'm sure I will explore it more as I continue on my journey, but now I'm just completely off topic. 

Males in their 20's. For some reason, and it never fails, they all go through a process of mourning the loss of their boyhood friends. Not an actual loss, but more so a symbolic loss. There is a time, usually in their early 20's where their friends start to have serious girlfriends and stop partying/drinking/partaking in the silly debauchery as often as they once did. Initially, the first to stray from the herd is ostracized. The other guys all harp on him for being "whipped" and letting a girl "control him". Then one by one they start to find partners and pair off and realize their friend with the girlfriend wasn't being an asshole, he was being in love and there is actually a difference. Some of them take much, much longer to realize this than others, some get it right away. There is a mourning process though, that they go through when they realize "it's never going to be the same as it used to be". 

During their 20's, guys are attempting to figure out who they are as a man, and no longer a boy. This is a hard process because there is a struggle between their urge to explore and experience and their feelings of necessity to be a family man, a father, a husband.  This inner struggle is different for all of them, some have much larger urges pulling them one way or the other, making the decisions they face a bit easier, but they all experience it. In your 20's, you see around you half of the people you know exploring other countries, vacationing, experiencing, enjoying the outside world. Then there is the other half that are getting married, starting businesses, buying homes, building a life on the inside

So this inner struggle, become materialized on the outside where there is living proof surrounding them that there are other paths to take. Guys in their 20's are still trying to decide who they are, which determines the paths taken. There is pressure to choose a path from the surrounding examples mixed with the internal questions and urges leaving guys in their 20's at a standstill. This leads to a lot of disappointment, confusion and heartbreak for those around them. 

This happens because that guy in his 20's makes promises and commitments (in relationships, friendships, career, family) based on what only a portion of him is sure he wants. Meanwhile, the other part of him is making choices that clash with the initial decisions leaving him and those around him confused and unsure. 

I haven't made it to my 30's just yet or had much interactions with males in that age bracket, so I'm not sure what happens after their 20's. What I do know, is that there is no male in his 20's who has it all figured out. As I said before, their 20's is a time for exploration of who they are and will become and what kind of man they will be. Although, being on the sidelines watching it all unfold (whether it is your boyfriend, friend, brother, son, etc) can be a little heartbreaking. 

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Running: 1 year and 2 months in: The newest goal: 100 miles for 2012

I've now been running for over a year. My first post was on May 3rd, 2011 where I had spoke about starting up my running on May 1st, 2011.
It is now June 22nd, 2012.
It has been a long, grueling, horrid process to become a runner.
I thought since it's been awhile, I'd track my latest progress from my Running App on my phone:

Stats: 6/22/12
  • Time: 19:30 min
  • Distance: 1.71 miles
  • Average pace: 11:24min/mile
  • Average Speed: 5.26mph
Now, while that is still far from excellence... I'd just like to compare it to my posting on October 10th, 2011...5 months in to running when I first got the iMapMyRun app I stated back in October that I'd use these stats as a "starting point":

Stats: 10/10/11

  • Time: 20 min
  • Distance: 1.5 miles
  • Average pace: 13:40min/mile
  • Average Speed: 4.38mph
Hmmm... Taking a look at that, I'd say there are some major improvements in 8 months time. They are small, but they are improvements nonetheless.

Also, I came up with this ridiculous idea with the help of my best friend, DCal, that I would set a goal last month of running 100 miles in the year 2012. It was May and I was almost to 40 miles of running since January and DCal said "I bet you could double that and do 80 by the end of the year" and of course, my idiotic brain said "I bet I could do 100!!" and so there it began, this idea that I would complete 100 miles in 2012. 
The month of May due to sickness and vacations, I completed a lousy 3.87 miles. That alone was a sure fire way to lose my bet with myself.
Then comes June. I credit this to a combination of Finals+comp exams, the stress of having to find a new place to live, the increase in celebratory drinks & food because of birthdays and the school year ending and to my wonderful pal Scotty who had the nerve to (drunkenly) tell me that I had a belly...but it's June 22nd and I've already ran 19 miles this month!
I'm just a few miles shy of 60 miles and it's not even July.
Now, I'm sure that once classes and practicum start back up, I won't have as much time to run and will probably barely make my goal of 100 miles for 2012..but at the rate I'm currently going, I'll have that goal met before the years end no problem.
I'm hoping to keep up my motivation and continue with what I'm doing but only time will tell.
As for now, I'll just go ahead and be proud of myself.

Sunday, June 3, 2012


Last Tuesday was my birthday.
We went out the weekend before to celebrate. One of my closest friends, Rob, was in town visiting his sister so we were able to go out for my birthday and he even came and met up with all of my grad school friends, which was nice to have a little piece of home with me.
The weekend celebration with school friends was slightly awkward. It was a joint birthday with a guy from my program, but a lot of people who went did not realize this and thought it was only for him, so that was embarrassing for me when it came to toasts and splitting up the check, I was left out of that.
My actual birthday consisted of a morning run, an afternoon meeting with a professor, a 45 minute phone call with Comcast that involved 6 transfers, tears and verbal obscenities. I watched some TV in sweats for the remainder of the afternoon. I did, however, receive some lovely gifts in the mail that day:
In the evening, I was taken out to dinner by some lovely ladies. The server even brought me a piece of cake with a candle it in, which was nice. I also was given a few gifts there.
All in all, it was a vast improvement from my awful birthday last year. I still cried on my birthday, but at least it wasn't from feeling alone and completely forgotten on my birthday. It was because the people at Comcast were being assholes. Completely different story.
I wish I could have been with my family. Birthday's just are not the same without them. Phone calls and cards in the mail are nice, but nothing beats family hugs and quality time.
Turning 28 did not have the same tough blow that turning 27 did. 27 meant the official end of my "mid-twenties". 27 means the entrance into your "late-twenties" and I think I definitely felt that last year. Turning 28, I'm still in my late-twenties and therefore there was no major transition. I can't really even grasp the whole 28 thing anyway I don't think at this point.
I wonder if birthdays will ever feel real? I'm guessing not if they haven't up to this point. What is a birthday anyway? Sometimes it just feels like a reminder that time is continuing on, and you're not where you thought you'd be/want to be/feel you should be and you haven't done what you set out to or lived enough or experienced enough.
That is an entirely too pessimistic attitude for it, I know. I should be looking at it as a celebration for everything I was able to accomplish, be it big, small or otherwise. To say anyone hasn't done enough in one year is discrediting everything that has been done.

This time last year:
I had just starting out running
I was about to finish my 1st year of grad school
I had been in a long distance relationship for only a few months
I was coming out of a horrible, dark place in life
I had never conducted therapy or seen a client
I was unemployed

And here I am, 1 year later:
I've been running for a year (still sucking at it, but still running  nevertheless)
I'm about to finish up my 2nd year of grad school
I have been in a long distance relationship for over a year and he is moving down here this summer and we took a vacation to another country together!
I'm seeing the light, I have goals and the future looks more hopeful than it did one year ago.
I have finished up my first practicum and preparing to start my second one and have now conducted therapy and seen clients
I have held a job for a year now.

So although things didn't pan out the way I'd hoped in some areas, and I'd wished things had gone differently or that I'd done more... I cannot discredit that which I have been able to accomplish.