Week 30: July 22nd-28th: Nose injuries and Lake Hennessey

Saturday night, I did something incredibly idiotic. I'm quite clumsy and I fall, run into things, and bruise myself often. Now, usually these are just minor annoyances but nothing resulting in days of serious pain. Saturday night, however, was much different. We have a sliding wood door in the kitchen that can be closed to shut off the back half the house. We never, ever use it but since we got the pup we like to keep him where we can see him so we've been shutting that door when he is out of his crate to minimize him wandering all around. It's the evening time, we've spent the day at the lake and are now relaxing and watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. I got up to go to the bathroom and I'm explaining to J a part he missed in the last episode. It's pretty dark in the house and I'm such an electricity hoarder that I refuse to turn lights on just to walk to the bathroom and am stubborn in that "I know the route to the bathroom, even in the dark, so who needs lights?". That being said, as I'm recapping the episode to J in the other room I plowed right into the wood door in the hallway NOSE FIRST, just BAM!!! When you're walking in the dark and you assume you've got open space, you walk without reservation and I am a swift walker. Excruciating pain surged in my nose and I dropped to the floor in tears. J came running in, flipped on the lights, looked at my face and said "I think it's crooked" which lead to more crying. I finally got up the nerve to look in the mirror. No major blood, and from what I could see my nose wasn't out of sorts just in a lot of pain, and with a bruised ego to match. Who walks into a wood door?!? I've done a screen door before, and a glass door but usually had my forehead or hands take the worst of it. This time, just my nose.
The result has been a constant headache and pain in my nose and surrounding areas accompanied by a nice big dark red bump on the bridge of my nose.
Only I would do this to myself right before I am taking a trip to Hawaii. So my vacation photos will look lovely, and in addition to that I'm presenting at the most important conference of my graduate career thus far on Saturday. My dad said it should be nice and purple by then. DOH!

My 5 things:

1. Spent some time last week writing my story. I'm realizing it may be years before I actually get down in words everything I need to say. It's rare I have the time coupled with the energy to write any more.

2. I ran with my pup! Only a little down the block a bit during his walks. Unfortunately, I came to regret it later since it has been days and I am still feeling the pain in my IT band from it. Perhaps I got a little ahead of myself.

3. I turned in my 2nd drafty of my dissertation proposal. I got my first edits back on July 8th and my advisor said the turn around for the next draft should be "10 or so days"... well I milked that "or so" part and didn't turn it in until the 24th. Although I know the 2nd draft was still rough, and going to need much more work, it feels like such a relief to have turned it in and know that for the next few days at least, I don't have the burden of an unfinished draft looming over me.

4. Had a good talk with my sister on the phone last week. We each got to vent and gossip a bit and catch up on things we each have going on.

5. Saturday we decided to take our new pup Riley on his first visit to the lake and have a go at swimming. German Pointers are made for swimming, they even have webbed toes specifically for that and he loves getting wet in the bath so we thought he'd go nuts at the lake. Turns out it may have been a bit overwhelming for him but he still managed to have some fun.

Lake Hennessey in Napa

Week 29: July 15th-21st...Dissertation proposal is swallowing me whole!

Late again. This time, I blame my dissertation. I've spent the last 2 days engulfed in proposal editing. It is the most frustrating, time consuming task ever. You read, search, write, delete, rewrite, search, read some more....6 hours pass and you have about a paragraph more than you started with. Talk about feeling worthless.

The good news: in a week J and I will be heading to Hawaii for a MUCH needed vacation. Ok, so I'm presenting at a conference and that means its not all play and no work, but I'm going to attempt to do a minimal amount of work to the best of my ability.

On to my 5 things:

1. I went running once. WHAT?! I ran, unbelievable. Especially since I haven't been in weeks. I only did it once though, but hey that is better than none. I just have to keep telling myself that so I don't get completely discouraged. Crazy to think I injured my knee (IT band) a year ago. Now actually, I do feel pretty worthless. A year after my injury and I only went running once. I need to work on that. Really need to make it a priority. This is my verbal agreement to myself to step it up (literally!).

2. My time at my practicum is coming to an end. I am done at the end of this month. I was approached by a higher-up asking if I'd be willing to stay on during the month of August to help out with the transition to the new interns because they're pretty short-staffed. She urged me to talk with the director about it and said I could get paid as a part-time employee. So I discussed it will the director and it seemed like he was dragging his feet about it. Kept saying he wasn't sure if HR would go for it, blah blah. I mean, I wasn't totally all for the idea. The thought of having to wake up at 4am for another month (when I've been counting down the days!!) didn't sound great, plus the commute, and increase in work load since I'll be starting my next practicum in August all made me think twice about pestering the director. BUT, then I had a little chat with myself and realized I was recently rejected by my school for applying to internship. Granted, I appealed, etc but ultimately, on paper, I don't look all that great. This would give me an opportunity to get paid (which I desperately need!) and to increase my CV and hours for internship applications. This is something that is important for my career. So, I proceeded to bother the director about it, a number of times until finally: Success. He said we'll go ahead with it! So, although it is added responsibility and stress, what part of bettering yourself isn't?

3. Speaking of needing to beef up that pathetic CV of mine: I talked with my current supervisor and discussed my situation about needing additional experience and my willingness to do additional work. All this is still in the works, but there is potential for me to continue working with him at another site he does work for and getting assessment hours (which I really need). Again, it's additional stress, work, commuting, shitty hours with no pay, but it is experience. I'm motivated to not have to stay here an additional year so I want to be able to apply on time for internship (and actually have a shot at getting matched!).

4. Sunday morning J and I decided to treat ourselves to donuts from Dick's Donuts down the road from us :)

5. I spent quality time with my pup; cuddling, playing around, and running around outside. Alright, I admit...he's growing on me.

Week 21: May 20th-26th...any day now

I was going to start out with how it is "that time of year" when everything piles up and I feel like I might explode...but then I realized, when is it NOT that time for me?  We're nearing the end of the quarter so it feels more so than usual, especially since I'm supposed to somehow have a 1st draft of my dissertation proposal by 6/14 and let me just say, I am definitely no where near close to having that (it's about a 40-50 page proposal of which I have maybe about 5 pages written). Add that to everything else that is going on plus trying to be somewhat excited about a trip to Hawaii that we're planning, having to worry about moving in July, and trying to not completely dread this birthday I've got coming this week. I could really use some major stress relief. Any day now.

My 5 things:

1. Went running. Unfortunately, only once...again. I went on Tuesday, and actually had to stop partway through it because of my injury. It started hurting pretty severely at just under a mile and a half. I decided not to push it and the whole rest of the day I was in pain. This pain continued (although dulled) over the next few days which lead to my pathetic running count of 1 for the week.

2. I actually wrote in here, not just on my usual Monday update. It is rare I find the combination of time/energy/motivation to sit down and compile my thoughts into print but when the planets align, it really is a wonderful outlet. There is always so much spinning around in my head and when I'm able to release an ounce of it here or there it makes a world of difference.

3. I baked cookies on Saturday for a BBQ I was attending on Sunday. I made my now-becoming-a-staple peanut butter cookies. I ran into a problem when I realized I was stuck at home without a vehicle and didn't have an eggs. Thankfully, I was able to get creative and utilized a substitute that, while it sounds disgusting, turned out to work pretty well. I only needed one egg, and a couple tbsp of mayonnaise did the trick just fine. They were a big hit with everyone, until I told J the magic ingredient and then he decided they were "gross".

4. Saturday evening my friend Rob who was down in the area for business came over to our side of the bay to get some drinks in early celebration for my birthday. Rob, J and I went to Alameda to a bar and got some drinks and toasted to me turning yet another year older. Thankfully, Rob is turning 30 this year so I didn't feel so old. I drank too much, which rarely happens and I didn't have to drive, which also rarely happens (and is likely why the 1st thing is a rarity).

5. Sunday, in all my hungover glory, we went to a BBQ at Rob's sister's house. There was tons of delicious food to which I made sure to eat any and everything available to me. I'm not sure why, but when I'm hungover it is like I am unable to get full. I just want to eat all day long....so I did. It was nice to be outside in the sun, eating wonderful food. 

Week 16: April 15th-21st 2013: Frustration. Where does it get you?

So it's a week later, and I still have no practicum placement to call my own.
I've applied to 3 sites, and haven't heard back from any. Others have heard back and even have interviews (some even have placements already!). I'm terrible at being optimistic. 
What makes all this so much worse, is that we have our 3rd year Oral clinical competency exam (basically 1 hour of sitting across from two faculty while you come up with diagnoses/assessment/treatment/cultural formulation/safety issues/yadda yadda right off the top of your head...no pressure) in about 2 weeks. I haven't found the time to study much, and even when i do I'm constantly checking my email for practicum updates and to see if anyone has gotten back to me.
I feel like I'm constantly frustrated. As my professor last quarter told me: "Frustration won't get you anywhere" and she's right but when you're doing the best you can, and your best just isn't good enough, where does that leave you but frustrated?
I was thinking about that earlier when I was doing yoga and my knee was bothering me. I had to cool it on running this past week because my IT band injury was acting up. Not being able to run is just about one of the most frustrating things for me. Today I opted for yoga instead of running and was thinking how angry I am with my IT band and how frustrated it makes me. Then I thought "my IT band doesn't care how frustrated I am, it's injured, and no matter how mad I am at it, it's not going to heal itself just because I'm frustrated. then my professor's words loomed into my head "Frustration won't get you anywhere". Unfortunately, no matter how angry I am at my injury or how mad it makes me...it isn't going away, and it isn't going to change just based on that fact. With my knee (or IT band to be more technically correct), I need to have patience, I need to utilize other things (ie yoga) when I can't do what I really want, I have to continue to slowly work back up to running and stop getting angry when I'm not running as much as I used to. Basically, I need to give myself some credit for what I have accomplished, learn to settle for what I've got in front of me, and work with what I'm given. I need to learn to accept that it isn't going to be the way I want it, but that it can still be something if I allow it to be.
Maybe I need to take that same concept and apply it to my practicum issue. Give myself some credit for what I've been able to accomplish, learn to settle for what is available to me, and accept that it isn't going to be the way I want it but that it can still be something if I allow it to be.
I think it both cases... I've got a lot of work cut out for me. Who wants to settle for being less than? But then again, who doesn't have much choice in the matter?
So negative lately.

My 5 things:
1. Went running, but only once because my injury started to bother me and I thought it best not to push it. I still went once, so that counts for something.

2. Went to the Spring Gala my school hosts every year. This year it was on a boat, dinner, dancing, casino games, drinks, fun times!

View of San Francisco from the boat 

It left around 8pm, giving us a beautiful skyline to look at. This was J's first time being in town (well now living) for the gala so he got to be my date. It was so much fun to be with friends and enjoy the awesome view.

3. Did an hour of yoga on Monday, after I found out I was officially rejected and having to go to clearing house. I had wanted to go running to blow off steam but had just gone the day before, so instead I opted for trying to clear my mind.

4. Saturday, J and I got lunch at the food carts in Alameda, Chairman is by far, the best!! After we ate, we took a stroll in Alameda and just enjoyed the sun.

5. Sunday, after we did some work at home, we set off for Alameda to lay on the beach and soak up some sun! It was about 80 degrees, with an awesome breeze. We packed a picnic lunch and I studied for my Oral Exam...but at least I was able to get some vitamin D in the process!

Christmas #1

Only 4 more days until we're homeward bound for the holidays.
My boyfriend and I decided that since we're traveling for the holidays, it didn't make much sense to pack our presents to each other in our suitcases and lug them 700 miles to open them up, only to pack them back up and return with them (little did I realize my gift wouldn't have fit in his suitcase anyway!) We decided to do our own little mini Christmas here with each other before we head up to the PNW for the actual holidays.
So Saturday, the 15th we had our own little Christmas holiday. We opened presents in our pajamas, played our new game of Monopoly (one of my gifts to him) and watched Home Alone 1,2 & 3...(although I tried to warn him that the 3rd one wasn't worth watching). We also watched my absolute most favorite Christmas movie, the original cartoon version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
In between our movie marathon and game playing we went to Christmas Tree Lane, in Alameda.

 Armed with layers of warmth and a thermos of homemade hot chocolate we walked up and down the street filled with Christmas lights, music, people, and holiday cheer!
J had never been to any place like this that he could remember so it was fun to be able to do something like this together. Plus, I'm game for any and everything Christmas related!
So lets get back to these presents I was talking about. We opened the ones that were wrapped. J told me that one of my gifts would be arriving in the mail in a few days, so I only had 1 to open. The one I did open was the awesome singing bird clock I wanted that sings a different bird song each hour, on the hour. I wanted to hear the clock and we needed batteries for it to work. J said "I think maybe there are some in the office" so I went in search of batteries. I walk into the office and SURPRISE! A shiny red bicycle appears!

J had of course tricked me saying my other gift was "in the mail" and had this beauty stashed down in the garage (which is his man-cave woodshop and I never go down there). Tricky man he is. This gift was a group effort made possible by J, his dad, my mom, and my brother-in-law.
This gift is in part because J wants me to ride with him, but also because of my knee injury and my difficulties with running, they all wanted me to have a way to exercise without doing more damage to my knee. Although I don't want to give up running, this is quite a lovely way to get outside as well :)
So today, despite a forecast for rain... we were determined to ride.

My first bike ride in over a year and my very first time on a road bike. 10 miles later and my butt is sore, my legs feel a bit like jello, and my knee is well aware it was used today. It sure felt great to be outside, riding with J. Him being such an avid rider, I've definitely wanted to get a bike and be able to share his love for them. Granted, I am not anywhere near up to his level, nor will I ever be...but it was still nice to ride along side him for awhile :)

After all of this, it feels like Christmas is over. Then I remember that in 4 days, we get to board a plane and see all our loved ones up north and begin the actual, crazy, huge, loud, fun, amazing Christmas festivities awaiting us up there!

Running Update:16 months in and now an IT Band strain

I've been horrible lately about writing.
It's not that I don't have things I'd like to sit down and write about, and it's not totally about the time in which it takes, because I do have some down time in my crazy schedule. I'm not sure what it is.
Perhaps I should make an actual effort, carve out some time for it. I bet it would actually benefit my sanity a bit (isn't that part of the reason I began this in the first place?!)
So Sept. 19th I did something monumental.
I went to the doctor for problems I was having.
I cannot remember the last time I went to the doctor, let alone used the time effectively to address concerns I was having.
I'm turning into such a grown up.
My main concern was, in fact, my knee.
 I haven't been able to run in almost a month and it's been killing me.
I've noticed a lot of changes that I'm not happy about. My weight is one, but also, just my overall well being. As much as I hate running, I've realized I hate NOT running, much more.
So I went to the doctor for the pain I've been experiencing since July (After the craft dash)
Turns out I have an IT band strain, or iliotibial band syndrome
It's apparently a common injury for runners. Ya hear that Ma'? I've got myself a real athletic injury!! 
Never thought I'd see the day!
Any way, so I find this out and so I'm curious and nervous to hear what that means for me.
My doctor gave me some stretches to do 3 times a day for 3 weeks.
It was a print out that I actually also found online IT Band stretches and strengthening exercises 
from Runningtimes.com.
The Doc said if in 3 weeks I'm not seeing improvement, that the next step will be physical therapy.
So, I'm about a week and a half in and...... I'm in more pain!
I'm not sure if that is part of the process or not.
I was thinking it could be, because I'm stretching out a strain, so maybe it gets worse before it gets better? The doctor didn't explain that to me.
She told me after about a week of the stretches that I could try running and see how it feels. Obviously I am to run less than I normally would, she said about half my usual run.
I haven't tried it yet, because of the whole pain actually worse now thing.
The next step is to actually get out there and do it.
This next step, quite naturally, makes me a bit nervous.
I guess I'll never know, until I try.

When to nurse it and when to push it?

Wow, how life can just take over and leave no room for anything enjoyable...like writing.
Over a month with no post, despite having much to say.. I suppose that is how it always goes. If you've actually got something to say, it's probably because you're out experiencing life and not sitting in front of your computer, waiting for an idea to strike.
On July 14th, 2012 I participated in my first race.
Ok, so that isn't entirely true. I volunteered for a race, and was the last leg of the run to ensure no runner was left behind.
Did I mention yet that this race involved numerous stops where a beer is had before going on to the next?
So it isn't the most prestigious race in the running world, but it sure was fun!
It was the 4th annual Craft Dash in North Portland. My boyfriend was also volunteering and that is how I got to know about it. It was 6K, although with all the stopping it wasn't exactly a full on race.
I did, however, manage to injure my knee AGAIN!
Today was actually my first run since that day.
The day after the Craft Dash my boyfriend and I had to pack up a 16' Penske truck with all his belongings and drive 12 hours down to the bay area.

 The days following were packing and unpacking, lots of heavy lifting and stairs too.
Needless to say, my injured knee went from bad to worse. 
I've started up with my knee exercises again, which I never should have stopped but it's so easy to forget to do them when my knee isn't in agony.
I also took it easy for awhile and just started going for walks in the last week to see how it's doing.
I went running today, despite knowing it wasn't my brightest of ideas but being driven by feeling lethargic and well, chubby.
I barely got half way into my run and knew it was a horrible choice, and then made an even worse choice: to continue.
That's the thing about an injury. How do you know when to nurse it, and when to push it?
Today, I definitely should have nursed it but of course I pushed it.
I'm not a very patient person, and injuries require a LOT of patience. Hopefully I haven't set myself back too far and can go again before too long. Perhaps for now, despite my resentment toward it..I'll nurse my knee a bit more and stick to walking.