I had a realization the other day while driving.
I had just dropped the pup off at the groomers (his first time!), stopped off at Target to pick up some essentials for a sick boyfriend, and was on the freeway headed home.
I was going over various mundane things in my brain, none of which included actually paying attention to the road, when it hit me "this is the year you turn 30". I actually had to stop myself, and repeat the sentence I muttered off in such a blasé manner. "This. is. the. year. you. turn. 30."
Now I've said to myself (and others... I do talk to other people, sometimes), "my 30th birthday" and "I'll be 30 this year" but those never struck me the way that sentence did.
"This is the year you turn 30"
That sentence holds SO much power, it is like a brick hitting me in the gut, or rather, an entire sack of bricks. I was trying to explain later in the evening to J the impact of this sentence and what it actually means. I likened it to every year you get older, there is a door that shuts out the past, what used to be, what can never happen now. Turning 30 is not just a door, it is the enormous iron (steel? metal? whatever it is) gate of a castle that slams down and locks out anyone on the other side, regardless of their status or amount of armor. It is, quite literally, the end of an era. No longer will I be able to make the claim "I'm in my 20's". Anything that happens from that point on will be referred to as happening "in my 30's".
I'm not even sure why this rattled me so much. It is not that I am dreading my 30's, I've actually heard they're pretty great years; you still have some of the energy you had in your 20's for adventures but you're a little bit wiser about which adventures your partake in. So what is it about "this is the year you turn 30" that shook my core?
I think it really gets down to, not so much what the 30's hold, but all that my 20's could have held, but did not. So many women my age have children, are married, buying houses, putting down roots, and are working (and by working I mean getting PAID!) in their career. Here I am, on the brink of the big 3-0 with no children, not married, renting, and working for free as a forever-student, far away from home.
I guess I need to realize that all those things other women did in their 20's, I will likely be doing in my 30's. My 30's will not include being established in my career, they will be just beginning my career. My 30's will not be raising teenagers and preparing my kids for college, they will be giving birth for the first time (and hopefully 2nd and/or 3rd). My 30's will not be tending my roots, they will be planting them.
When I really think about it, it feels like I'm so far behind everyone else. J says I'm being selfish when I view it that way and to look at everything I have done because I didn't choose the other path. The places I've lived, traveled, the things I've experienced and really, he is right. I want to have all of that, plus everything other women got to have in their 20's too and that is completely selfish. I want my cake; to have it out for show and have a bottomless bowl full of it.
I am struggling with being grateful. With all that I've been able to accomplish... I'm focusing on the rest of it.Maybe my 30's will be a time to be grateful? To appreciate things a little more?
This all reminds me of that Tim McGraw song... my next 30 years ;)
Showing posts with label Goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Goals. Show all posts
Monday, January 13, 2014
Saturday, January 4, 2014
New Years Resolution... only 4 days later
It is 2014. That is... crazy. I mean, it is not actually insane, time moves along just as it always has; although, it seems to be moving more quicker as you age... I'm sure there's some science behind that, right? ;)
2013 was BIG year for me:
I am sure there are things I'm forgetting, but those are the highlights for the year. So much accomplished in 1 year, I can't help but take a moment to be a little bit proud of how far I've come. So many things this year that in 2010 I began to work toward, dread, worry, lose sleep over, and/or hope for and in 2013 they became a reality. Despite the evidence, I still feel like an imposter that will soon be "found out" that I really don't have what it takes to be in a Ph.D. program, they some how made a mistake in admissions and soon they're realize the error. I wonder how many degrees on the wall or letters after my name it'll take for that to disappear?
Hmm... I'm getting sidetracked (and negative). I am supposed to be discussing New Years and my resolutions.
My resolution last year:
My new year's resolution for 2013 is to do 5 things to benefit myself each week and document these 5 things.
I accomplished my resolution for 2013 and I have 52 posts to prove it. I must say, it was a difficult task to take on. It required constant commitment and follow up. I had to hold myself accountable 365 days. Well, isn't that the point of a resolution? It shouldn't just be something you come up with on January 1st only to forget it a month later, or revisit come July. It should be something you are constantly working toward. Otherwise, how will you ever progress? evolve?
This year, I decided that since I have always been painfully afraid of change and stuck in my ways, that I would challenge myself to do things differently.
My new year's resolution for 2014 is to try at least 1 new thing every week.
This can be anything from trying a new recipe, or a new shade of lipstick, to trying out a new restaurant, exercise, craft, hobby, or a new approach to tackling tasks; anything that I have not tried before. Not every one of them has to be something monumental, but I have to learn to let go of "my way" of doing everything, because that may not be the best way and it certainly is not the only way.
To my fear of change, I challenge you to a year of 52 different ways of living.
2013 was BIG year for me:
- I passed my competency exams
- I obtained my M.S. degree
- I traveled to Yosemite, Vegas, Reno, Disneyland, Hawaii and some other places here and there
- I presented at APA
- My best friend got engaged and married and I was able to be a part of both
- J and I became "parents" of sorts when we got a puppy
- Completed my training at the methadone clinic
- Began my training at a residential facility for women in recovery with children
- I let go of the Jetta after 11 years
- I successfully defended my dissertation proposal
- I applied to internships
I am sure there are things I'm forgetting, but those are the highlights for the year. So much accomplished in 1 year, I can't help but take a moment to be a little bit proud of how far I've come. So many things this year that in 2010 I began to work toward, dread, worry, lose sleep over, and/or hope for and in 2013 they became a reality. Despite the evidence, I still feel like an imposter that will soon be "found out" that I really don't have what it takes to be in a Ph.D. program, they some how made a mistake in admissions and soon they're realize the error. I wonder how many degrees on the wall or letters after my name it'll take for that to disappear?
Hmm... I'm getting sidetracked (and negative). I am supposed to be discussing New Years and my resolutions.
My resolution last year:
My new year's resolution for 2013 is to do 5 things to benefit myself each week and document these 5 things.
I accomplished my resolution for 2013 and I have 52 posts to prove it. I must say, it was a difficult task to take on. It required constant commitment and follow up. I had to hold myself accountable 365 days. Well, isn't that the point of a resolution? It shouldn't just be something you come up with on January 1st only to forget it a month later, or revisit come July. It should be something you are constantly working toward. Otherwise, how will you ever progress? evolve?
This year, I decided that since I have always been painfully afraid of change and stuck in my ways, that I would challenge myself to do things differently.
My new year's resolution for 2014 is to try at least 1 new thing every week.
This can be anything from trying a new recipe, or a new shade of lipstick, to trying out a new restaurant, exercise, craft, hobby, or a new approach to tackling tasks; anything that I have not tried before. Not every one of them has to be something monumental, but I have to learn to let go of "my way" of doing everything, because that may not be the best way and it certainly is not the only way.
To my fear of change, I challenge you to a year of 52 different ways of living.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Week 31: July 29th-Aug 5th...APA sucess and HAWAII adventures!
A day late again, however, this time.... I really do have a good excuse. Hawaii. Enough said, right?
This past week I was in Hawaii for the annual APA conference. I remember when I 1st began my program in 2010 when I found out that APA would be holding the conference in Hawaii in 2013 I said "I'm presenting at that conference...I don't know what, or how, but I will be". Sure enough, my poster was accepted and I was going to be presenting at APA. I hadn't been back to Hawaii since I moved back to the mainland in 2010 so this was my 1st time back since living there.
It was such a strange experience, to be vacationing in the place I used to eat, sleep, work, and study. So naturally, my 5 things for this post all revolve around Hawaii.
My 5 things:
1. I went hiking THREE times. I made sure to space out the hikes so that I wasn't doing 2 hikes in hopes of not upsetting my injury too much. I also made sure to do a lot of stretches before and after in order to avoid further injury. Although, I focused so much on stretching my IT band that I neglected other areas such as my calves and WOW after Koko Head, my calves we're soooo mad at me.
We did Diamond Head the first day we were there, then Koko Head on Friday and then Sacred Falls hike on Sunday. Still shocked we managed to fit in 3 hikes on our 6 day trip but I was pretty determined...obviously since the first thing we did when we got off the plane was head straight to Diamond Head before we even dropped off our luggage.
2. I got to see on of my closest friends, Lisa..my roommate from college. She is actually moving to Arizona tomorrow but was still out in Hawaii so the timing was absolutely perfect! I also got to see my old boss and some co-workers and other friends from college. I didn't get to see as many as I would have liked, but given the time length of the trip and the amount of stuff we did... I think we did pretty good.
3. I got to present at APA!! This was my first APA experience so it was pretty exciting in that regard, plus it was a goal of mine for the last 3 years so I am pretty proud of that.
4. I indulged in some absolutely delicious food. I had madea list prior to the trip of a bunch of my favorite spots for good eats that I wanted J to experience so we checked off as many from the list as we could in that time frame. Leonards, Rainbow Drive-in, Ezogiku, musubis, manapuas, plate lunch, chicken katsu, shave ice, Genke, and the list continues.
5. Explored parts of the island that were new to me too. It was J's first time to Hawaii ever, so I knew there were staple things he needed to see/do: Diamond Head, sunset cruise, Koko Head, Waiks, etc but I've done all those. It was nice to explore other areas and do things that were new for both of us like hiking Sacred Falls and visiting parts of North Shore in search of sea turtles which was a total success!
I made sure we were respectful of the hono and stayed well enough away (thank goodness for zoom on cameras so I got some amazing photos!) We were literally, the onlys ones on the beach for miles. There were a few fisherman in the distance, but other than that it was only us and these beautiful creatures. This is not your every day Hawaii experience.
This past week I was in Hawaii for the annual APA conference. I remember when I 1st began my program in 2010 when I found out that APA would be holding the conference in Hawaii in 2013 I said "I'm presenting at that conference...I don't know what, or how, but I will be". Sure enough, my poster was accepted and I was going to be presenting at APA. I hadn't been back to Hawaii since I moved back to the mainland in 2010 so this was my 1st time back since living there.
It was such a strange experience, to be vacationing in the place I used to eat, sleep, work, and study. So naturally, my 5 things for this post all revolve around Hawaii.
My 5 things:
1. I went hiking THREE times. I made sure to space out the hikes so that I wasn't doing 2 hikes in hopes of not upsetting my injury too much. I also made sure to do a lot of stretches before and after in order to avoid further injury. Although, I focused so much on stretching my IT band that I neglected other areas such as my calves and WOW after Koko Head, my calves we're soooo mad at me.
 |
| The top of Koko Head |
 |
| On our way back down Koko Head |
 |
| Sacred Falls |
2. I got to see on of my closest friends, Lisa..my roommate from college. She is actually moving to Arizona tomorrow but was still out in Hawaii so the timing was absolutely perfect! I also got to see my old boss and some co-workers and other friends from college. I didn't get to see as many as I would have liked, but given the time length of the trip and the amount of stuff we did... I think we did pretty good.
3. I got to present at APA!! This was my first APA experience so it was pretty exciting in that regard, plus it was a goal of mine for the last 3 years so I am pretty proud of that.
4. I indulged in some absolutely delicious food. I had madea list prior to the trip of a bunch of my favorite spots for good eats that I wanted J to experience so we checked off as many from the list as we could in that time frame. Leonards, Rainbow Drive-in, Ezogiku, musubis, manapuas, plate lunch, chicken katsu, shave ice, Genke, and the list continues.
5. Explored parts of the island that were new to me too. It was J's first time to Hawaii ever, so I knew there were staple things he needed to see/do: Diamond Head, sunset cruise, Koko Head, Waiks, etc but I've done all those. It was nice to explore other areas and do things that were new for both of us like hiking Sacred Falls and visiting parts of North Shore in search of sea turtles which was a total success!
Monday, January 14, 2013
Week 2: Jan 7th-13th and the waiting, the annoying waiting
I am beginning to love Mondays.
Who would have thought? The most despised day of the week by most would evolve into one of my favorites.
The thing is, I have a grueling schedule throughout the week. It is just go-go-go from 4am to some times as late as 9pm. It's filled with traffic, commuting, lectures, presentations, due dates, clients, more commuting, reading, supervision, deadlines, time frames, did I mention commuting? So it's easy Tue-Fri to feel like I am so far behind on absolutely everything and find it difficult to really clear my head and combat my responsibilities with a calm mind. The weekend allows for some of that, but even then I'm with my boyfriend much of the time and I would way rather spend time with him doing enjoyable things that studying/reading/school work/prepping for clients.
So here is where Monday comes in. While the rest of the world is going to work, I am home for the day. I plan out ahead of time what all needs to be accomplished on this day:
Now onto my list of 5 things:
1. Baked cookies....and brownies. I got to bake twice throughout this week. It helps that J is in love with my baking and is always game for me to bake anything so it's really killing 2 birds with 1 spoon ;)
2. Worked out the first time in a long while. As I said, J and I have started working out in the AM on some days doing our customized to fit us routines.
Mine:
5 push-ups
10 sit-ups
5 squats
5 dips
10 calf-raisers
10 lunges
20 crunches
(Repeat: total 3 times)
Then eventually, each week I will add 2 reps to each exercise.
It's amazing because even when I first came up with it I thought "meh... this is probably too easy for me and won't give me much of a work out" but then you have to remember that these numbers are actually x3 because you go through the routine 3 times. Plus, after the first day of doing it last week I couldn't walk right for days my legs were so sore! So, I'd say I gave myself a pretty good challenging start. I also made the mistake of not stretching before or after... so I learned my lesson there!
3. Used my crock-pot for the first time ever! I got this crock-pot probably back in about '05. I never used it, then I moved back in with my mom shortly before moving away to Hawaii which resulted in the thing being stashed away at my moms (who lord knows did not touch the thing) until this past Christmas break when we unexpectedly were driving back and I said "Oooh I have room to bring my crock-pot!" and was determined to make use of it, finally. Thank goodness it actually still worked, and it worked well. The meal was a success and I currently have tomorrow's dinner of creamy chicken chili cooking in there as I type. Yes.. I'm so on top of everything that I'm cooking tomorrow's dinner at 3 in the afternoon the day before. (except that whole "being on top of everything" will be completed destroyed as my 4am alarm goes off tomorrow morning, so just let me have it for now!)
4. Last night we went to see Craig Carothers play in Berkeley. This is a January tour he's done, apparently for about 10 years now with Don Henry and Steve Seskin. I surprised J with the show last year when he was playing in Santa Clara the weekend of J's birthday that he happened to be visiting me down in CA from Portland. It was perfect. Needless to say, when we found out he was playing less than 10 miles away in Berkeley, we knew we were going. It was, as always, a wonderful experience. We really need to make more time for events such as this, because it really is enjoyable for both of us.
5. This past week I booked our hotel for a trip to Vegas we're planning with my best friend and her boyfriend. Granted, the trip itself is not until May but planning for a vacation is quite enjoyable. Especially when you're able to get such a good deal, with the help of my dad and his timeshare he has there, we were able to get a great deal for our stay. May is both mine and my best friend's birthday month. This year (2013) Also marks 20 years of friendship with her. 20 years!! Other than those I'm related to, I have not had such a close, consistent relationship with anyone else in my life. So there are lots of reasons to celebrate and Vegas is just a wonderful place to do it! Not to mention, J has never been! So that will be exciting as well.
This past week has also been pretty frustrating for me. APA is the annual conference for psychology, it's a pretty big deal and it's especially important for me because it's in Hawaii this year. I haven't been back since I moved back to the mainland in '10. I've made it a mission of mine to submit/get accepted to APA '13 since I started grad school. Submission deadline for APA conference was Nov 15th. THe conference is not until August, so I assumed we'd be hearing back around March or so. All the sudden starting on Thursday, my Facebook wall is filled with a number of different people from my program posting "I got accepted to APA!" and "APA here I come" and other various celebratory comments about how excited they were about getting accepted. I started checking my email frantically, about 37 times a day, waiting to hear back. and nothing. Not a word.
I know I will hear back either way, whether I've been accepted or rejected, so the lack of hearing anything is not a bad sign necessarily. It is, however, excruciatingly annoying and frustrating.
Despite the progress I've made with having patience and not focusing on what I cannot control.. I still, really, really hate waiting...especially while everyone else seems to be rejoicing.
So I continue to play the waiting game.
Who would have thought? The most despised day of the week by most would evolve into one of my favorites.
The thing is, I have a grueling schedule throughout the week. It is just go-go-go from 4am to some times as late as 9pm. It's filled with traffic, commuting, lectures, presentations, due dates, clients, more commuting, reading, supervision, deadlines, time frames, did I mention commuting? So it's easy Tue-Fri to feel like I am so far behind on absolutely everything and find it difficult to really clear my head and combat my responsibilities with a calm mind. The weekend allows for some of that, but even then I'm with my boyfriend much of the time and I would way rather spend time with him doing enjoyable things that studying/reading/school work/prepping for clients.
So here is where Monday comes in. While the rest of the world is going to work, I am home for the day. I plan out ahead of time what all needs to be accomplished on this day:
- work out
- Various school/dissertation responsibilities
- Cooking for tonight and prepping/cooking for tomorrow when I don't get home until 9pm
- Time for writing
- A shower at some point and other various things
Now onto my list of 5 things:
1. Baked cookies....and brownies. I got to bake twice throughout this week. It helps that J is in love with my baking and is always game for me to bake anything so it's really killing 2 birds with 1 spoon ;)
2. Worked out the first time in a long while. As I said, J and I have started working out in the AM on some days doing our customized to fit us routines.
Mine:
5 push-ups
10 sit-ups
5 squats
5 dips
10 calf-raisers
10 lunges
20 crunches
(Repeat: total 3 times)
Then eventually, each week I will add 2 reps to each exercise.
It's amazing because even when I first came up with it I thought "meh... this is probably too easy for me and won't give me much of a work out" but then you have to remember that these numbers are actually x3 because you go through the routine 3 times. Plus, after the first day of doing it last week I couldn't walk right for days my legs were so sore! So, I'd say I gave myself a pretty good challenging start. I also made the mistake of not stretching before or after... so I learned my lesson there!
3. Used my crock-pot for the first time ever! I got this crock-pot probably back in about '05. I never used it, then I moved back in with my mom shortly before moving away to Hawaii which resulted in the thing being stashed away at my moms (who lord knows did not touch the thing) until this past Christmas break when we unexpectedly were driving back and I said "Oooh I have room to bring my crock-pot!" and was determined to make use of it, finally. Thank goodness it actually still worked, and it worked well. The meal was a success and I currently have tomorrow's dinner of creamy chicken chili cooking in there as I type. Yes.. I'm so on top of everything that I'm cooking tomorrow's dinner at 3 in the afternoon the day before. (except that whole "being on top of everything" will be completed destroyed as my 4am alarm goes off tomorrow morning, so just let me have it for now!)
4. Last night we went to see Craig Carothers play in Berkeley. This is a January tour he's done, apparently for about 10 years now with Don Henry and Steve Seskin. I surprised J with the show last year when he was playing in Santa Clara the weekend of J's birthday that he happened to be visiting me down in CA from Portland. It was perfect. Needless to say, when we found out he was playing less than 10 miles away in Berkeley, we knew we were going. It was, as always, a wonderful experience. We really need to make more time for events such as this, because it really is enjoyable for both of us.
5. This past week I booked our hotel for a trip to Vegas we're planning with my best friend and her boyfriend. Granted, the trip itself is not until May but planning for a vacation is quite enjoyable. Especially when you're able to get such a good deal, with the help of my dad and his timeshare he has there, we were able to get a great deal for our stay. May is both mine and my best friend's birthday month. This year (2013) Also marks 20 years of friendship with her. 20 years!! Other than those I'm related to, I have not had such a close, consistent relationship with anyone else in my life. So there are lots of reasons to celebrate and Vegas is just a wonderful place to do it! Not to mention, J has never been! So that will be exciting as well.
This past week has also been pretty frustrating for me. APA is the annual conference for psychology, it's a pretty big deal and it's especially important for me because it's in Hawaii this year. I haven't been back since I moved back to the mainland in '10. I've made it a mission of mine to submit/get accepted to APA '13 since I started grad school. Submission deadline for APA conference was Nov 15th. THe conference is not until August, so I assumed we'd be hearing back around March or so. All the sudden starting on Thursday, my Facebook wall is filled with a number of different people from my program posting "I got accepted to APA!" and "APA here I come" and other various celebratory comments about how excited they were about getting accepted. I started checking my email frantically, about 37 times a day, waiting to hear back. and nothing. Not a word.
I know I will hear back either way, whether I've been accepted or rejected, so the lack of hearing anything is not a bad sign necessarily. It is, however, excruciatingly annoying and frustrating.
Despite the progress I've made with having patience and not focusing on what I cannot control.. I still, really, really hate waiting...especially while everyone else seems to be rejoicing.
So I continue to play the waiting game.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Week 1: Jan 1st-6th
I must admit, trying to do 5 things per week to benefit myself proved to be rather difficult.
Much harder than I originally anticipated. I'm sure it will become easier to do and pick out beneficial things as time progresses, but this week's items are not anything to write home about. I guess another lesson this will teach me is what types of things are actually beneficial for me and which feel more like a chore...or better yet: those that may feel like a chore, but are actually quite beneficial. Needless to say, I think this will be a great challenge for myself.
After I wrote about my New Year's Resolution and discussed it with my boyfriend, he decided he wanted to document progress for his resolutions as well so it's nice to know we're sort of doing this together, albeit in much different ways.
Week 1:
This project is ongoing, but I will admit the first year was the most difficult because each card had to be made and written out with the date, and then the entry for 2012 needed to be entered. Also the acquisition of all the postcard dividers needed to happen. I actually ordered some vintage ones off ebay that actually have messages from the 50's and 60's from various parts of the U.S. which I thought added my own personal addition to the project. Although, the last postcard is actually a blank one of Oakland I purchased a few months back in my city.
So this week, I finally got around to finishing up the last few days in December that I'd fallen behind on because of all the holiday/family/buying a car/driving back happenings that caused me to be just too busy to finish in December. Now I'm up-to-date with these and it is already proving worthwhile and interesting to look at the current day and see what I was doing on that day, the previous year.
3. Went to First Fridays in Oakland. It's an art/community event, many cities parttake in their own versions of this but I realized we've been living in Oakland now for a little over 5 months and yet we've never gone to our own city's First Friday event, or any events in our city really. There are so many events and opportunities within minutes of our front door and yet we've experienced so very little of them.
4. During my hour commute home from work on Friday, I plugged in my old I-pod and rocked out to a variety of guilty pleasure tunes I have on there that I completely forgot existed. I love singing in my car, loudly and ALONE so as not to be judged on my lack of talent.
5. I wrote my cousin Kass a letter, snail-mail style. She does not partake in any social-networking, is not a fan of phone calls, and only so much can be said via text. I proposed the idea a few months back that she and I write good old fashion letters and she wrote me in November and I've yet to get around to writing her so I sat down yesterday and wrote out as much as my hand could bare (which proved to be fairly little since I haven't handwritten a letter in awhile). She and I were so close growing up, we did practically everything together. Throughout our late teen years and early 20's various things tore us apart, then brought us back together. We're in such different places in our lives now: I'm out here in a big city in CA going to graduate school with as much freedom as that allows and she is back in a small town in WA, married with a baby on the way, a toddler running around her house and a religion I can't agree with that has resulted in the biggest separation of the two of us. I love her with all my heart, and I love her children as though they are a part of me so the connection with her, however the universe allows is incredibly important to me.
All in all, this week has shown me that beneficial things for me come in all sorts of ways and I need to take the time throughout my week to not only actively engage in things that will benefit my mind/body/soul/heart... but also to take the time to notice those things I may already be doing and how these things benefit my mood and well being. I think part of it is that we so often are already taking part in beneficial activities, but aren't taking the time to acknowledge to positive impact these things can have on us if we let them.
Week 1 complete, now on to Week 2. This should be interesting as this is the first week of a new quarter in school, my busiest and possibly most difficult yet!!
Much harder than I originally anticipated. I'm sure it will become easier to do and pick out beneficial things as time progresses, but this week's items are not anything to write home about. I guess another lesson this will teach me is what types of things are actually beneficial for me and which feel more like a chore...or better yet: those that may feel like a chore, but are actually quite beneficial. Needless to say, I think this will be a great challenge for myself.
After I wrote about my New Year's Resolution and discussed it with my boyfriend, he decided he wanted to document progress for his resolutions as well so it's nice to know we're sort of doing this together, albeit in much different ways.
Week 1:
1. Actually took a "sick day"...by that I mean I didn't feel well, like a sickness had come over me and instead of ignoring my body's signals, I stayed home, slept a lot, laid on the couch and watched movies with lots of fluids. This resulted in waking up Sunday feeling better (Not totally cured, but much better).
2. Finished a year long project off my Pinterest that I began Jan 1st, 2012. The project was a diary/calender/log of daily doings.
So this week, I finally got around to finishing up the last few days in December that I'd fallen behind on because of all the holiday/family/buying a car/driving back happenings that caused me to be just too busy to finish in December. Now I'm up-to-date with these and it is already proving worthwhile and interesting to look at the current day and see what I was doing on that day, the previous year.
3. Went to First Fridays in Oakland. It's an art/community event, many cities parttake in their own versions of this but I realized we've been living in Oakland now for a little over 5 months and yet we've never gone to our own city's First Friday event, or any events in our city really. There are so many events and opportunities within minutes of our front door and yet we've experienced so very little of them.
4. During my hour commute home from work on Friday, I plugged in my old I-pod and rocked out to a variety of guilty pleasure tunes I have on there that I completely forgot existed. I love singing in my car, loudly and ALONE so as not to be judged on my lack of talent.
5. I wrote my cousin Kass a letter, snail-mail style. She does not partake in any social-networking, is not a fan of phone calls, and only so much can be said via text. I proposed the idea a few months back that she and I write good old fashion letters and she wrote me in November and I've yet to get around to writing her so I sat down yesterday and wrote out as much as my hand could bare (which proved to be fairly little since I haven't handwritten a letter in awhile). She and I were so close growing up, we did practically everything together. Throughout our late teen years and early 20's various things tore us apart, then brought us back together. We're in such different places in our lives now: I'm out here in a big city in CA going to graduate school with as much freedom as that allows and she is back in a small town in WA, married with a baby on the way, a toddler running around her house and a religion I can't agree with that has resulted in the biggest separation of the two of us. I love her with all my heart, and I love her children as though they are a part of me so the connection with her, however the universe allows is incredibly important to me.
All in all, this week has shown me that beneficial things for me come in all sorts of ways and I need to take the time throughout my week to not only actively engage in things that will benefit my mind/body/soul/heart... but also to take the time to notice those things I may already be doing and how these things benefit my mood and well being. I think part of it is that we so often are already taking part in beneficial activities, but aren't taking the time to acknowledge to positive impact these things can have on us if we let them.
Week 1 complete, now on to Week 2. This should be interesting as this is the first week of a new quarter in school, my busiest and possibly most difficult yet!!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
2013 New Years Resolution (and the new addition of Lucille!)
2013 has arrived, whether we are ready for it or not, it is here!
Today was my 1st day back at work (and by work, I of course mean my practicum at the methadone clinic) after a 10 day vacation that ended in getting about 2 hours of sleep after ringing in the new year and waking up at 4am to make the 11 hour drive back down to the Bay Area.
Why were we driving you ask and not flying back as originally planned...
Because I got a new car! Well, not new by any means..it is a 1995 just like the good ol' Jetta but, unlike the Jetta, this vehicle is actually in good, solid, working condition!
This here is Lucille, named after, of course, America's favorite redhead and my personal idol for as long as I can remember: Lucille Ball. I figured it was only fitting, J and I were discussing names and he suggested just "Red" or "Big Red" and I thought no, this here is an older, classy broad... and her name should suggest just that and then it hit me! Lucille <3.
J and I had been discussing getting me a new car because the Jetta, as loveable as he's been, is on his way out, he's a dying bloke who just wants me to give it a rest. We've been through a lot, September marked our 10 year anniversary and that is really saying something. Not many people own cars for 10 years anymore, seems people are so often upgrading or switching make or models of cars for newer, bigger, better and those old tried and true get passed on after only a few short years. Riley, however, (that's the Jetta's name...my cousin and I named our cars 10 years ago 'Riley and Chloe' after characters from one of the Olsen Twins' shows)....Chloe was given up many years ago, but Riley has been with me through oh so much.
Needless to say, we found ol' Lucille up in Portland while visiting family and decided she was too good to pass up, canceled our flights home (thank goodness we were flying Southwest where you can cancel and that $ just goes toward your next flight!) and we made the 11 hour drive back down on New Years Day.
Now, we haven't decided what to do with the Jetta. We've debated attempting to seel the heap o' junk, but really that wouldn't get us much money what with all the problems and "quirks" as I like to call them. There's also the possibility of just parting it out, but that seems a shame since he is still running, although barely... not to mention the idea of just stripping it all apart almost breaks my heart just thinking about it. The other option, which I am kind of keen on, is just keeping it as a back-up or secondary vehicle. It can't hurt right? Although, it hurts my wallet a little insuring 2 cars, but in the grand scheme of things, it just seems smart to have a second vehicle, which J can always drive if need be.
So anyway, all my excitement about the new car made me totally get side tracked and forget why I was posting. NEW YEARS!
Last year's resolution:
My new years resolution for 2012 is to focus on what I can do, what I'm capable of and what I am able to work toward. Focusing on the cans instead of dwelling on the cannots.
In terms of this resolution, I'd say that overall, I did a pretty fine job of this in 2012. I am so quick to get discouraged and give up because of negative feedback or a bad review or just my own insecurities but in 2012 I managed to endure quite a bit of criticism, let downs, disappointments, and more criticism (especially where research is concerned!) and despite all of that, I still managed to get done what I needed to, achieve more than I thought I was capable of, and do this with a fair amount of professionalism and poise (although I am not above crying in the bathroom or having a mini meltdown at home). I think this was such an awesome resolution for me to challenge myself with because it is something I really struggle with, and continue to struggle with, although I feel like after a year of actively keeping it a goal, I think I've improved a great deal, although more improvement is always something to strive for.
In terms of 2013, I've decided my resolution will be more output focused with a measurable goal for myself. With that said:
My new year's resolution for 2013 is to do 5 things to benefit myself each week and document these 5 things.
These things can be anything from enjoyable activities, bettering my career path, physical activities, alone time, special outings with others, whatever will be beneficial for me and my soul. In 2011 I made a resolution to work toward finding a balance between school and self/others time in order to be a better balanced person overall. This resolution for 2013 is stemming partly from this aspect, but also because so often I get wrapped up in what I'm doing with school or responsibilities that I forget to enjoy life. Although I've done a good job at attempting to have that balance, I feel like in the end stress is still winning and where does that leave me? Exhausted, drained, and irritable.
This resolution for 2013 is unique in the way that I am holding myself accountable for keeping up with and documenting these 5 beneficial things, and where will I be documenting these? Why... right here! I spent much of 2012 complaining how I wasn't writing anymore and how frustrated I was that I couldn't seem to make time for that, for something I enjoy. So here it is in writing.
That means, that there will need to be at least 52 postings for 2013 if I am documenting things once a week and that way, I am killing a few birds with one stone. Woo!
So here is to a new year, one likely filled with excitement, disappointment, stress, pressure, upsets, and surprises. More importantly, here is to finding more joy through out all 52 weeks of 2013!
Today was my 1st day back at work (and by work, I of course mean my practicum at the methadone clinic) after a 10 day vacation that ended in getting about 2 hours of sleep after ringing in the new year and waking up at 4am to make the 11 hour drive back down to the Bay Area.
Why were we driving you ask and not flying back as originally planned...
Because I got a new car! Well, not new by any means..it is a 1995 just like the good ol' Jetta but, unlike the Jetta, this vehicle is actually in good, solid, working condition!
 |
| "Lucille" American's favorite redhead <3 |
J and I had been discussing getting me a new car because the Jetta, as loveable as he's been, is on his way out, he's a dying bloke who just wants me to give it a rest. We've been through a lot, September marked our 10 year anniversary and that is really saying something. Not many people own cars for 10 years anymore, seems people are so often upgrading or switching make or models of cars for newer, bigger, better and those old tried and true get passed on after only a few short years. Riley, however, (that's the Jetta's name...my cousin and I named our cars 10 years ago 'Riley and Chloe' after characters from one of the Olsen Twins' shows)....Chloe was given up many years ago, but Riley has been with me through oh so much.
Needless to say, we found ol' Lucille up in Portland while visiting family and decided she was too good to pass up, canceled our flights home (thank goodness we were flying Southwest where you can cancel and that $ just goes toward your next flight!) and we made the 11 hour drive back down on New Years Day.
Now, we haven't decided what to do with the Jetta. We've debated attempting to seel the heap o' junk, but really that wouldn't get us much money what with all the problems and "quirks" as I like to call them. There's also the possibility of just parting it out, but that seems a shame since he is still running, although barely... not to mention the idea of just stripping it all apart almost breaks my heart just thinking about it. The other option, which I am kind of keen on, is just keeping it as a back-up or secondary vehicle. It can't hurt right? Although, it hurts my wallet a little insuring 2 cars, but in the grand scheme of things, it just seems smart to have a second vehicle, which J can always drive if need be.
So anyway, all my excitement about the new car made me totally get side tracked and forget why I was posting. NEW YEARS!
Last year's resolution:
My new years resolution for 2012 is to focus on what I can do, what I'm capable of and what I am able to work toward. Focusing on the cans instead of dwelling on the cannots.
In terms of this resolution, I'd say that overall, I did a pretty fine job of this in 2012. I am so quick to get discouraged and give up because of negative feedback or a bad review or just my own insecurities but in 2012 I managed to endure quite a bit of criticism, let downs, disappointments, and more criticism (especially where research is concerned!) and despite all of that, I still managed to get done what I needed to, achieve more than I thought I was capable of, and do this with a fair amount of professionalism and poise (although I am not above crying in the bathroom or having a mini meltdown at home). I think this was such an awesome resolution for me to challenge myself with because it is something I really struggle with, and continue to struggle with, although I feel like after a year of actively keeping it a goal, I think I've improved a great deal, although more improvement is always something to strive for.
In terms of 2013, I've decided my resolution will be more output focused with a measurable goal for myself. With that said:
My new year's resolution for 2013 is to do 5 things to benefit myself each week and document these 5 things.
These things can be anything from enjoyable activities, bettering my career path, physical activities, alone time, special outings with others, whatever will be beneficial for me and my soul. In 2011 I made a resolution to work toward finding a balance between school and self/others time in order to be a better balanced person overall. This resolution for 2013 is stemming partly from this aspect, but also because so often I get wrapped up in what I'm doing with school or responsibilities that I forget to enjoy life. Although I've done a good job at attempting to have that balance, I feel like in the end stress is still winning and where does that leave me? Exhausted, drained, and irritable.
This resolution for 2013 is unique in the way that I am holding myself accountable for keeping up with and documenting these 5 beneficial things, and where will I be documenting these? Why... right here! I spent much of 2012 complaining how I wasn't writing anymore and how frustrated I was that I couldn't seem to make time for that, for something I enjoy. So here it is in writing.
That means, that there will need to be at least 52 postings for 2013 if I am documenting things once a week and that way, I am killing a few birds with one stone. Woo!
So here is to a new year, one likely filled with excitement, disappointment, stress, pressure, upsets, and surprises. More importantly, here is to finding more joy through out all 52 weeks of 2013!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
30 Days of being thankful
November, being the month that houses Thanksgiving, is a time to remember what we're thankful for.
It can be so easy to go through every day without realizing all the little (and big!) things that we have in our lives, both material and intangible. We get so caught up in our daily rituals, our responsibilities, our own minds that we forget to take a moment to really look around at what all we are blessed with.
This year, I took part in a "30 Days of Being Thankful"type of thing. I'm not sure if there is an actual name for it or not, so that is what I'll call it. I noticed on November 1st people on Facebook claiming "Day 1" or "Nov 1st" and thought...that sounds like a wonderful thing to do!
So I set out to complete 30 days worth of being thankful and to my surprise, some days were quite a challenge. It can be difficult to find the good in a day that feels like it's up against you.
I must say this was such an awesome quest for me, I found it really humbling and enriching. Some days my thanks were silly, some days material things, others people or events in my life. Each day gave me a new opportunity to shine light on an area of my life I'm thankful I have/earned/deserve/have been given. I decided to document them all here because I think it's pretty great to see them all in 1 place.
I must say this was such an awesome quest for me, I found it really humbling and enriching. Some days my thanks were silly, some days material things, others people or events in my life. Each day gave me a new opportunity to shine light on an area of my life I'm thankful I have/earned/deserve/have been given. I decided to document them all here because I think it's pretty great to see them all in 1 place.
Day 1: I'm thankful for the house we
rent, that J has made a home.
Day 2: I'm thankful for Dustin's timing
on sending me random little things, unknowingly right when I need a
laugh.Thanks Squash. :)
Day 3: I'm thankful for Netflix since
it is currently allowing us to watch the entire series of The Wonder
Years.
Day 4: I'm thankful for my wife for
being in my life for 19 years and never giving up on me; despite
distance, egos, changes, and mistakes.
Nov 5: Today I'm thankful for the
kindness of strangers, and in East Oakland, no less. Thank you to the
man who helped me at the gas station.
Day 6: Despite having done so last week
via mail, today I am thankful, as a woman, for my right to vote. Oh
and also for being able to get an absentee ballot and vote in my home
state!
Day 7: I'm thankful for sleep because
I really needed it, and was able to get a lot of it. woo! Although, I
still need more.
Day 8: I'm thankful that despite all
the drowning, I've managed to stay afloat in grad school thus far.
Day 9: I'm thankful I have a best
friend with such awesome style that I'm still getting compliments on
clothes she gave away to me like 2 years ago (and am still wearing
too!)
Day 10: I'm thankful for my older
brother, Troy. Although he's not my only brother, he is the one who
has given me the most "older brother" memories, including
all the ones where he tortures you, picks on you, makes you cry.
There's also a whole lot more that include good advice, games, funny
jokes, great memories, and big hugs and even bigger laughs. Love you
Troylet.
Day 11: I'm thankful for those who have
served and continue to serve. For all the ones I know well and hold
dear to my heart, and for those I'll never meet. Happy Veterans Day ♥
Day 12: I'm thankful I have the ability
to run, even with all the complications and setbacks of my injury,
I'm still capable of running.
Day 13: I'm thankful to have friends I
consider family, and family I consider friends.
Day 14: I'm thankful that, despite
initial disappointments and rejection during 1st year, I ended up in
the research group I'm in because it has proven to be a pretty great
fit for me :)
Day 15: I'm thankful J is skilled
enough to keep my car alive for as long as possible, because we
really need it to keep living.
Day 16: I'm thankful for Chinese food
delivery. It's a rarity in this house, but some days, I just really
don't want to cook, or think.
Day 17: I'm finding it difficult to
find something to be thankful for in the midst of all the
stress...but I guess I'm thankful that I am good at baking, because
as of lately, its all I've been any good at.
Day 18: I'm thankful this quarter is
almost over. I don't think I can take much more. Just a few more
days.
Day 19: I'm thankful for those around
me that help me out to make my life a little easier, like Freda
turning in my paper for me today so I didn't have to drive 85 miles
just to turn it in, and for J for always taking out the trash and
cleaning up (daily!) the cat poo from the strays that have decided
our driveway is a litter box. It's these kinds of things that keep me
from going totally insane, and for that I am oh-so-thankful!
Day 20: I'm thankful that my team
pulled through (it was down to the final hour!) and we were able to
submit to APA!! Here's to hoping we get accepted! :D
Day 21: I'm thankful for surprises in
the mail. They really are just the best thing ever :) Especially when
they're from people you love ♥
Day 22: I'm thankful I get to be an
Auntie and a Godmother. My nephews, my niece and my goddaughters fill my
heart with so much love I never even knew possible. I'm thankful for
their parents for bringing them into this world and for allowing me
the privilege of being in their lives. ♥ I love and miss all these
little kiddos, even though some of them aren't very little anymore.
Day 23: I'm thankful for technology
that allows me to joke with my nephew via text who is 700 miles away,
and talk with my niece about what the tooth fairy brought her, even
though I'm 2 states away.
Day 24: I'm thankful for how much joy I
get from anything Christmas related, it makes this time of year
unbelievably wonderful for me...currently watching National Lampoon's
Christmas Vacation and having pumpkin pie ice cream :D
Day 25: I'm thankful for lazy Sundays.
Day 26: I'm thankful I've been able to
travel as much as I have in my life so far and been able to
experience other cities, states, and other countries...and I hope to
continue to do so, if grad school will allow it.
Day 27: I'm thankful for family
visitors. J's dad is here until Saturday!
Day 28: I'm thankful for my dad and
everything he has taught and continues to teach me and all he does
for those he loves. Today also happens to be his birthday...so Happy
Birthday Dad. Love you. ♥
Day 29: I'm thankful for my mom. She's
helped teach me what it means to be a successful woman in this world,
and that's no easy job ;)
Day 30: I'm thankful for my family, all
of them. My family who made so many of my childhood memories
unforgettable, and my family who have stood by me in my most
difficult struggles. I could not be where I am today without all of
them. I am so lucky to be a part of such a large, supportive, loving,
laughter-filled family.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Failure or Success: Where do I stand?
It's that time again, where I feel like I'm failing miserably at everything.
Some things, I genuinely am failing at, of course not completely, but to a certain extent.
Take my writing: I update on 9/30, claiming I need to make an actual effort at writing, and here I am not posting again until 11/4.
Therefore, when it comes to writing, I am actually failing.
Grad school: This has a way of making me feel like I am always failing, no matter how productive or accomplished I am being, because there will forever and always be more that I should be doing.
There is always another paper I need to be writing, another article I need to be reading, another topic I should be researching, more data I need to be analyzing. Even when I check off every single thing off my list for that week/month/quarter...there is another list that has yet to be written (which is just another thing I need to do!) with requirements that need to be done that just haven't made it to paper yet but are floating in my head.
There is no real way to ever feel as though I'm not failing when it comes to school, it's a losing battle that way.
My running: I've got an injury, so at least I've got somewhat of an excuse, but even the idea of having an excuse as to why it is ok to fail, makes me feel like I'm failing. I've been actively working on doing the stretches given to me by the doctor, I actually completed the 3 full weeks of doing them 3 times per day and started testing out my knee by running (very, very small runs) a few times a week, but even then I start out with 3 tiny runs per week, then the next week I fall off the mark and don't run at all, and then the next week I run 1 or 2 times or I "forget" to do my stretches (which are now down to just once a day, since the 2x per day is no longer necessary). That isn't going to help my injury and I know that, so what the hell am I doing?
I'm not totally failing at my running, but I'm not doing much succeeding there either.
My self-care: I'm not a disheveled mess. I still manage to shower daily and do my hair and make-up too. So, I'm not failing in that area, but I'm not going above and beyond in it either. I definitely am doing the bare minimum to not be totally ashamed of myself, and I realize that my bare minimum is actually a lot more than a lot of people's extra fancy but I'm not focused on what others are doing that I'm not, I'm more focused on what I normally do that I'm no longer doing. I take pride in myself, or at least I used to. I don't think this is even something that those on the outside would even notice the difference, but I do... and really, that is what concerns me, not what others see but what I see.
So the jury is still out on this area, but again... I wouldn't call any of it a success.
My relationship: I never know how much of this area I am to blame solely, since it takes two here but I suppose when something is amiss, it does not matter who is at fault, since both parties suffer. We're both so damn stressed out all the time and frustrated with our own careers/goals/set backs its hard to find the time to actually enjoy each other because by the time there is any free space for that, one of us is always preoccupied with some frustration we've got going on in the background we're not really present anyway. I think we both need to learn to press pause. I think this comes with time, with patience, with age, with dedication.
We're better at it than I think we used to be, but I think it's a long process couples take years to accomplish, and really...we've only been living together for going on 4 months so I think maybe I'll call this a half-success ;)
All in all, I am not pleased with my performance. If this were a review, I'd be getting a C- here. I'm not a complete waste of space, but improvement is most definitely required if productivity and success are the desired outcomes.
Some things, I genuinely am failing at, of course not completely, but to a certain extent.
Take my writing: I update on 9/30, claiming I need to make an actual effort at writing, and here I am not posting again until 11/4.
Therefore, when it comes to writing, I am actually failing.
Grad school: This has a way of making me feel like I am always failing, no matter how productive or accomplished I am being, because there will forever and always be more that I should be doing.
There is always another paper I need to be writing, another article I need to be reading, another topic I should be researching, more data I need to be analyzing. Even when I check off every single thing off my list for that week/month/quarter...there is another list that has yet to be written (which is just another thing I need to do!) with requirements that need to be done that just haven't made it to paper yet but are floating in my head.
There is no real way to ever feel as though I'm not failing when it comes to school, it's a losing battle that way.
My running: I've got an injury, so at least I've got somewhat of an excuse, but even the idea of having an excuse as to why it is ok to fail, makes me feel like I'm failing. I've been actively working on doing the stretches given to me by the doctor, I actually completed the 3 full weeks of doing them 3 times per day and started testing out my knee by running (very, very small runs) a few times a week, but even then I start out with 3 tiny runs per week, then the next week I fall off the mark and don't run at all, and then the next week I run 1 or 2 times or I "forget" to do my stretches (which are now down to just once a day, since the 2x per day is no longer necessary). That isn't going to help my injury and I know that, so what the hell am I doing?
I'm not totally failing at my running, but I'm not doing much succeeding there either.
My self-care: I'm not a disheveled mess. I still manage to shower daily and do my hair and make-up too. So, I'm not failing in that area, but I'm not going above and beyond in it either. I definitely am doing the bare minimum to not be totally ashamed of myself, and I realize that my bare minimum is actually a lot more than a lot of people's extra fancy but I'm not focused on what others are doing that I'm not, I'm more focused on what I normally do that I'm no longer doing. I take pride in myself, or at least I used to. I don't think this is even something that those on the outside would even notice the difference, but I do... and really, that is what concerns me, not what others see but what I see.
So the jury is still out on this area, but again... I wouldn't call any of it a success.
My relationship: I never know how much of this area I am to blame solely, since it takes two here but I suppose when something is amiss, it does not matter who is at fault, since both parties suffer. We're both so damn stressed out all the time and frustrated with our own careers/goals/set backs its hard to find the time to actually enjoy each other because by the time there is any free space for that, one of us is always preoccupied with some frustration we've got going on in the background we're not really present anyway. I think we both need to learn to press pause. I think this comes with time, with patience, with age, with dedication.
We're better at it than I think we used to be, but I think it's a long process couples take years to accomplish, and really...we've only been living together for going on 4 months so I think maybe I'll call this a half-success ;)
All in all, I am not pleased with my performance. If this were a review, I'd be getting a C- here. I'm not a complete waste of space, but improvement is most definitely required if productivity and success are the desired outcomes.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Running: 1 year and 2 months in: The newest goal: 100 miles for 2012
I've now been running for over a year. My first post was on May 3rd, 2011 where I had spoke about starting up my running on May 1st, 2011.
It is now June 22nd, 2012.
It has been a long, grueling, horrid process to become a runner.
I thought since it's been awhile, I'd track my latest progress from my Running App on my phone:
Stats: 6/22/12
Stats: 10/10/11
Also, I came up with this ridiculous idea with the help of my best friend, DCal, that I would set a goal last month of running 100 miles in the year 2012. It was May and I was almost to 40 miles of running since January and DCal said "I bet you could double that and do 80 by the end of the year" and of course, my idiotic brain said "I bet I could do 100!!" and so there it began, this idea that I would complete 100 miles in 2012.
The month of May due to sickness and vacations, I completed a lousy 3.87 miles. That alone was a sure fire way to lose my bet with myself.
Then comes June. I credit this to a combination of Finals+comp exams, the stress of having to find a new place to live, the increase in celebratory drinks & food because of birthdays and the school year ending and to my wonderful pal Scotty who had the nerve to (drunkenly) tell me that I had a belly...but it's June 22nd and I've already ran 19 miles this month!
I'm just a few miles shy of 60 miles and it's not even July.
Now, I'm sure that once classes and practicum start back up, I won't have as much time to run and will probably barely make my goal of 100 miles for 2012..but at the rate I'm currently going, I'll have that goal met before the years end no problem.
I'm hoping to keep up my motivation and continue with what I'm doing but only time will tell.
As for now, I'll just go ahead and be proud of myself.
It is now June 22nd, 2012.
It has been a long, grueling, horrid process to become a runner.
I thought since it's been awhile, I'd track my latest progress from my Running App on my phone:
Stats: 6/22/12
- Time: 19:30 min
- Distance: 1.71 miles
- Average pace: 11:24min/mile
- Average Speed: 5.26mph
Stats: 10/10/11
- Time: 20 min
- Distance: 1.5 miles
- Average pace: 13:40min/mile
- Average Speed: 4.38mph
Also, I came up with this ridiculous idea with the help of my best friend, DCal, that I would set a goal last month of running 100 miles in the year 2012. It was May and I was almost to 40 miles of running since January and DCal said "I bet you could double that and do 80 by the end of the year" and of course, my idiotic brain said "I bet I could do 100!!" and so there it began, this idea that I would complete 100 miles in 2012.
The month of May due to sickness and vacations, I completed a lousy 3.87 miles. That alone was a sure fire way to lose my bet with myself.
Then comes June. I credit this to a combination of Finals+comp exams, the stress of having to find a new place to live, the increase in celebratory drinks & food because of birthdays and the school year ending and to my wonderful pal Scotty who had the nerve to (drunkenly) tell me that I had a belly...but it's June 22nd and I've already ran 19 miles this month!
I'm just a few miles shy of 60 miles and it's not even July.
Now, I'm sure that once classes and practicum start back up, I won't have as much time to run and will probably barely make my goal of 100 miles for 2012..but at the rate I'm currently going, I'll have that goal met before the years end no problem.
I'm hoping to keep up my motivation and continue with what I'm doing but only time will tell.
As for now, I'll just go ahead and be proud of myself.
Monday, April 30, 2012
My 1st Poster Presentation
Saturday marked another big day for me.
April 28th, 2012 I presented my very first poster at my very first conference.
I presented as first author at the Western Psychological Association (WPA) conference.
Up until I did so, I did not honestly think much of it. I mean, I knew that it was important in the sense that being first author is not something to come by easily. Depending on your research adviser, you could go your entire graduate career without ever being first author on anything. Granted, this is just a poster, and not a paper or an article or anything, but it is still worth something.
I didn't think much of it until, when it was time to set up, we were walking in to the room and my adviser turns to me and says, "Hey... Congratulations!" and I awkwardly laughed and thanked him, but then I realized... this is something to be congratulated about. I have put a lot of work into this, and now I get some recognition, some end result of pay off for all my time and effort.
We didn't have too many people ask questions, but those that did were surprisingly interested in it. I myself was not that interested in the topic, so for me I was shocked other people actually found it interesting enough to ask further questions. Most people at poster sessions just sort of skim over it quickly when passing by, some may even stop in front of your poster to read further, but not too many people ask questions unless it is something they're interested in.
I've never thought of myself as a "researcher". I mean I barely passed Stats last year, it's just never been my strong suit.
But there I was, with another member discussing future research topics we could explore before we even presented our current data. Granted, we are motivated by external forces, i.e: APA convention is in Hawaii next year :) but regardless, we were actually getting semi-excited about possible research ideas.
No matter the reason, I never thought I'd be excited about research.
It's amazing what the right mentor can inspire you to do.
I have my annual student evaluation with my adviser tomorrow. Initially I wasn't looking forward to it, but I actually feel like I've accomplished something this year. :)
April 28th, 2012 I presented my very first poster at my very first conference.
I presented as first author at the Western Psychological Association (WPA) conference.
Up until I did so, I did not honestly think much of it. I mean, I knew that it was important in the sense that being first author is not something to come by easily. Depending on your research adviser, you could go your entire graduate career without ever being first author on anything. Granted, this is just a poster, and not a paper or an article or anything, but it is still worth something.
I didn't think much of it until, when it was time to set up, we were walking in to the room and my adviser turns to me and says, "Hey... Congratulations!" and I awkwardly laughed and thanked him, but then I realized... this is something to be congratulated about. I have put a lot of work into this, and now I get some recognition, some end result of pay off for all my time and effort.
We didn't have too many people ask questions, but those that did were surprisingly interested in it. I myself was not that interested in the topic, so for me I was shocked other people actually found it interesting enough to ask further questions. Most people at poster sessions just sort of skim over it quickly when passing by, some may even stop in front of your poster to read further, but not too many people ask questions unless it is something they're interested in.
I've never thought of myself as a "researcher". I mean I barely passed Stats last year, it's just never been my strong suit.
But there I was, with another member discussing future research topics we could explore before we even presented our current data. Granted, we are motivated by external forces, i.e: APA convention is in Hawaii next year :) but regardless, we were actually getting semi-excited about possible research ideas.
No matter the reason, I never thought I'd be excited about research.
It's amazing what the right mentor can inspire you to do.
I have my annual student evaluation with my adviser tomorrow. Initially I wasn't looking forward to it, but I actually feel like I've accomplished something this year. :)
Monday, January 2, 2012
New Year's Resolution
I'm always late for these things. Every year I say I'm going to do it on time, and then I never seem to get around to it.
Perhaps something about procrastination should make the list this year. We'll see.
My resolution for 2011:
"My new year's resolution this year is to work on achieving balance....
a balance between school and my personal life
between studying and down time and socializing...
Last quarter ate me alive. I didn't make necessary time for all those things, thinking I had to focus on school completely.
While school really is important and is ultimately why I'm here, if I'm not emotionally and personally content I can't actually give my best at school, to those around me, or to myself."
I would say that I was able to follow through with that, for the most part. There were definitely parts of 2011 that went more smoothly with this than others, but overall I think I did a pretty good job at at least making an effort to achieve that balance.
All that being said, I still believe keeping a balance between all of those things should be a life long goal, or a value rather that you live your life around. I think it's important for all of us to make sure we take the time to enjoy our lives, our friends, our families and our responsibilities as well.
Yes..I just said enjoy our responsibilities.
It's so easy to take for granted the things we are responsible for. The job we dread waking up for, the little children in our lives who at times feel like such a burden (be that our actual children, nieces, nephews, godchildren or otherwise) We all have responsibilities for the children who depend on us for whatever role it is we may play in their lives. We have responsibilities for the homework, study time, reading, to our family obligations, our friends and ourselves. We are responsible for taking care of ourselves.
Instead of spending so much time stressing about these responsibilities, we should instead, remember to take time to be thankful we have them. Thankful we have people in our lives who trust us with theirs. Thankful people share their hearts with us. Maybe not everyone shares as much as we'd like, or there are people we wish would share with us but choose not to....there are always people who do. That is too easily forgotten because we focus on what we don't have, can't obtain, missed out on and cannot achieve.
I guess through this contemplation of my last year's resolution I have stumbled upon this years.
My new years resolution for 2012 is to focus on what I can do, what I'm capable of and what I am able to work toward. Focusing on the cans instead of dwelling on the cannots.
This is going to be difficult for me. I am so easily discouraged with negative feedback, bad reviews and poor grades. I am so quick to talk myself out of the things I want because I don't believe in myself enough to achieve them. I get caught up in all the reasons I won't be able to accomplish something when things do not work out in my favor, instead of trying to figure out what else I can do to reach my goal. I think in terms of where I am at with school and my life this is going to be a really important thing for me to struggle with. I look forward to the challenge.
Less excuses, more alternative options.
Perhaps something about procrastination should make the list this year. We'll see.
My resolution for 2011:
"My new year's resolution this year is to work on achieving balance....
a balance between school and my personal life
between studying and down time and socializing...
Last quarter ate me alive. I didn't make necessary time for all those things, thinking I had to focus on school completely.
While school really is important and is ultimately why I'm here, if I'm not emotionally and personally content I can't actually give my best at school, to those around me, or to myself."
I would say that I was able to follow through with that, for the most part. There were definitely parts of 2011 that went more smoothly with this than others, but overall I think I did a pretty good job at at least making an effort to achieve that balance.
All that being said, I still believe keeping a balance between all of those things should be a life long goal, or a value rather that you live your life around. I think it's important for all of us to make sure we take the time to enjoy our lives, our friends, our families and our responsibilities as well.
Yes..I just said enjoy our responsibilities.
It's so easy to take for granted the things we are responsible for. The job we dread waking up for, the little children in our lives who at times feel like such a burden (be that our actual children, nieces, nephews, godchildren or otherwise) We all have responsibilities for the children who depend on us for whatever role it is we may play in their lives. We have responsibilities for the homework, study time, reading, to our family obligations, our friends and ourselves. We are responsible for taking care of ourselves.
Instead of spending so much time stressing about these responsibilities, we should instead, remember to take time to be thankful we have them. Thankful we have people in our lives who trust us with theirs. Thankful people share their hearts with us. Maybe not everyone shares as much as we'd like, or there are people we wish would share with us but choose not to....there are always people who do. That is too easily forgotten because we focus on what we don't have, can't obtain, missed out on and cannot achieve.
I guess through this contemplation of my last year's resolution I have stumbled upon this years.
My new years resolution for 2012 is to focus on what I can do, what I'm capable of and what I am able to work toward. Focusing on the cans instead of dwelling on the cannots.
This is going to be difficult for me. I am so easily discouraged with negative feedback, bad reviews and poor grades. I am so quick to talk myself out of the things I want because I don't believe in myself enough to achieve them. I get caught up in all the reasons I won't be able to accomplish something when things do not work out in my favor, instead of trying to figure out what else I can do to reach my goal. I think in terms of where I am at with school and my life this is going to be a really important thing for me to struggle with. I look forward to the challenge.
Less excuses, more alternative options.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)