Bowl full of emotions with a side of sappy

Today my best friend gave birth for the 3rd time, to her first son.
It's hard to be 700 miles away when it happened.
I witnessed her give birth to her two daughters, 10 years ago and 7 years ago.
I was able to be in the room and be a part of the experience. Those two are the only live births I've ever seen, and it was absolutely amazing to be able to watch my goddaughters coming into this world and taking their first breath. Even as a 20 year old, watching that first child be born I knew it was a special experience to be a part of, regardless of almost fainting ( I handled the 2nd one MUCH better and even got to be the photographer).
It breaks my heart a little that I wasn't able to do the same for this special little man as he entered the world this morning. I even looked into flights when she texted me yesterday that her water broke, but I knew I didn't have the money (and definitely not for $500 round trip for a flight that, on a good day can cost only about $140). I know she understands. I know that little boy won't know the difference and will never hold it against me for not being there... although I wasn't there for my nephew's birth and he always brings it up (but he is doing so more to make fun of me since I wasn't there because I "ran away" from home that night...being the unruly teenager that I was).
This monumental event on the same day that so many little ones (my niece and nephews included) started school today. I didn't even know one of my nephews was starting kindergarten, and now I feel like a terrible aunt. I know that I wouldn't actually be there in the morning to send each one off to school, but if I weren't so far away I don't think it would hurt this much. Those 1st day of school photos signify that they're another year older and it's another year I'm missing out on (and so disconnected not to know my own nephew is starting kindergarten!). If I were closer, I'd know these things, I'd see them more than a few times a year. I'm envious of everyone who gets to see these rascals growing up and experience memories with them on a weekly basis. I blame my family for being so incredibly close that when you're away it feels like everyone got asked to the dance but you and you got assigned to pass out the punch. Why do all my examples refer to high school situations? I'm starting to think I'm one of those people, who never let go of high school... but those people are supposed to be the ones who never made anything of themselves, right? Oy! OR I just use high school examples because they're so easy to relate to for everyone, yeah let's go with that.
Well I'm just a pile of sappy right now.

Week 52: Dec 23rd-31st..The last days of 2013

It is the last day of 2013, so it is only right that I am completing my last entry for my 52 weeks.

1. Did Peacock lane  in Portland with J, my best friend, her husband, and their children. It was awesome to experience it with all of them.

2. Shopping time with my best friend never disappoints.

3. Spent Christmas Eve at my dad's house with the family. Got to wear my gorgeous Bettie Page dress J got me for my birthday and spend time with my family.

4. Spent Christmas morning with my best friend and her family and the day at my mom's house. J's dad even came to celebrate with us.

5. We took the long way back when driving down to Oakland, The downside, it takes a looong time, but the upside is driving through the redwoods and Avenue of the Giants :)

Week 51: Dec 16th-22nd= More home time goodness

Since I was home, I am slacking on the updates. I credit that to just enjoying my time home too much. But, today I am back and it was back to work for me so before the new year begins... I am finishing up my last year's resolution tonight!

1. I went to the movies with my sister. We went to see Delivery Man, I love me some Vince Vaughn and popcorn.

2. Had pizza and drinks at my other sister's house and my dad and his wife stopped by.

3. Baked Christmas cookies with my god daughters and best friend and watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas (original, cartoon version..my fave!)

4. Christmas shopping with my sister and J in Portland

5. Went to the movies with a couple of friends. Saw Anchorman 2, which was absolutely hilarious!

30 Days of being Thankful: 2013 edition

Once again, as November comes to a close, I can reflect on my "30 Days of Being Thankful". It is interesting to look back at the 2012 list and see how many of the things I am thankful for have not changed and how many revolve around my family. I made it a point not to review last year's list before beginning this one. I wanted to be able to compare.

During my internship applications and essays I've had to reflect a great deal on my values. These lists compliment what I discovered during that reflection time: family is the most important value for me. I mean, that is no big secret, or difficult puzzle to piece together. It is ovious through anything I say/do/write that family is important. Just how embedded into my core it is, however, was initially unclear to me.

Day 1: I'm thankful all my hard work, persistence, and stress paid off and I am able to apply for internship this year.

Day 2: I'm thankful for being able to have quality time in my neck of the woods with my loved ones.

Day 3: I'm thankful for boots, hats, and scarves.

Day 4: I'm thankful I enjoy cooking and baking...and that I'm not too shabby at it either.

Day 5: I'm thankful I have some great ladies with me at practicum this year.

Day 6: I'm thankful for my own little family with J and Riley. 

Day 7: I'm thankful for River, Heidi, Nia, and Taylor. I am so grateful to be a part of their lives...even though distance prevents this from being a very big part, these little girls can brighten my day from miles and miles away. 

Day 8: I'm thankful for mornings with no alarm clock. 

Day 9: I'm thankful for my family being so supportive, especially during some of my most difficult times. I'm really lucky to have them. 

Day 10: I'm so very thankful for the generosity of others.

Day 11: I'm thankful for all those who have served, from the ones I hold dear to the ones I'll never meet. 

Day 12: I'm thankful for my soul mate..the macaroni to my cheese: Starry. For all she does, for the beautiful hooligans she's brought into this world, and for the endless laughter and memories. 

Day 13: I am thankful I have a man in my life with such talent, passion, and ambition for his work. It is incredibly motivating and inspiring to me. 

Day 14: I'm thankful for sweatpants, because some days....just call for sweatpants. 

Day 15: I'm thankful for GOOD news, like the coverage of Batkid. That is a story that definitely deserves some airtime. 

Today, I witnessed a woman get robbed. I wasn't able to help her get her things back, but I was able to comfort her, support her while she dealt with the police, keep her company while she waited for a locksmith for her car, and make sure she had a way to pay the toll to get home. Today reminded me how important it is, to be there for others, even when others are strangers. Day 16: I'm thankful we all possess the power to help one another. 

Day 17: I am thankful for all the hilarious, loving, wonderful memories I have with my gigantic, loud, overwhelming (for anyone not born into it) family. 

Day 18: I'm thankful for my health and what my body is capable of (so long as I don't compare myself to anyone else at the gym).

 

Day 19: I'm thankful there are honest people in this world. 

Day 20: I'm thankful for the rain. 

Day 21: I am thankful for my sisters. From everything they've taught me growing up to the countless times they have been my cheerleaders, my teachers, and my protectors. They are some of my best friends and my biggest supporters. 

Day 22: I am thankful I am a brunette. 

Day 23: I am thankful for girl time. 

Day 24: ..with 1 minute to spare... I am thankful for spontaneity and random adventures.

Day 25: I am thankful for my nephews Alec, Giovanni, Makai, Asa, and Isaac. These little (and not so little) men bring so much joy and laughter to our family. 

Day 26: I am thankful for Sherri and I'm so grateful I get to call her my mom. 

Day 27: I am thankful for....wine. 

Wanted to wish the happiest of birthdays to my dad. Such a wonderful, caring, wise, and hilarious man I'm so proud to have for a father.Love you and miss you, will see you in a few weeks! Day 28: I am thankful he is my dad. 

Day 29: I am thankful that 2 weeks from today, we'll be on our way home. 

Day 30: Despite wanting to rip my hair out some days....I'm thankful this guy came into our lives. 

Week 44: Oct 28th-Nov 3rd= Surprise visitors!

You'd never know I used to post every Monday since lately it's been a Tuesday, Wednesday, sometimes even Thursday kind of thing. I am still posting though, so I suppose that is the positive way to look at it (since I'm so good with being positive).
This past week I actually got a really great surprise. It was Halloween and I was patiently awaiting trick-or-treaters (I'd only had 1 group the whole evening) when there was a knock on my door. I answered with my candy bowl in hand only to find my brother-in-law standing there. Totally in disbelief I've just barely closed the door and there is another knock. This time, I find 3 masked characters who start to make their way into my house. It was my sister, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law. They all showed up at my door as a surprise to let us know they're visiting for the weekend. They had come in for a funeral, which was an unfortunate circumstance but I was so grateful to be able to spend the weekend with them.

My 5 things:

1. Turned in 3 of my internship applications! One to my top choice and 2 others that are further down the totem pole.

2. Went to a comedy club in the city with my family. J had never been which was exciting to get to go to one with him and total bonus to have such a big group to go and laugh with.

3. J and I took my family members around touring San Francisco since most of them had never been down here.

4. Had my sister and her husband stay over one night. Got some quality down time with them.

5. We did a boat tour of the bay on their last day here which is something I had never done here. We even went under the Golden Gate bridge and around my favorite place in the bay: Alcatraz. The Alcatraz tours were all booked up so we didn't get to do that (I've done it once before but would gladly do it again!)

Week 42: Oct 14th-20th= Mom came to visit

I'm late posting again. This time, I blame my mom. Also, this post is going to be short and sweet. Lots of internship application stuff to be doing. Oh and dinner, and dissertation, and practicum.... doh. Priorities. Internships apps tonight. After this, of course. 
Also... I'm realizing that it has been a struggle to come up with things...which means I really need to work on upping the amount of pleasurable activities in my life. I'll work on that, eventually.

My 5 things:

1. Spent a day with J when he first got back watching silly scary movies like SCREAM (during the day, of course, because scary movies are too frightening at night...even if they're silly).

2. Spent some time this last week on my internship application materials.Probably not as much as I should, but progress is being made.

3. My mom came to visit this weekend. She took an RV road trip down with a friend of hers and had been staying about an hour an d a half northeast of us so she came west for the weekend. She had never been to visit since I'd moved down to CA (which was going on over 3 years now) and she's the 1st person to visit from my family since I lived in the east bay (going on a year and a half now).

4. We showed Mom around San Francisco on Saturday. She had never been anywhere but the airport so we decided she needed to see some of the great views and other tourist type places.

5. We took Mom to Napa Sunday and to the Golden Gate bridge. It was absolutely freezing and ridiculously windy, but we went any way!

Week 37: Sept 9th-16th=MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING!!!!

This past week has been CRAZY!!! (so, by default I'm late posting but I spent 12 hours on Monday driving, so....)
J and I got up at 3am on Thursday to make the 11 hour drive up to the PNW for my best friend's wedding. Not only was I the maid-of-honor, but J was going to officiate the wedding! Yes, I'm not dating a reverend ;) He got ordained so that he could officiate their wedding, is that not just the sweetest thing?
Any way, so we were both a couple of VIP wedding guests and hit the ground running as soon as we got into town and it was nonstop until we left on Monday morning.

My 5 things:
1. I got to spend some quality time with my best friend and my sister. We went up the the lodge they were getting married at a day early with my goddaughters and niece and had her "bachelorette party" which included pool time and dinner with 4 children under the age of 9 :)

2. I was able to give a speech at the wedding as the maid-of-honor. She said I didn't have to and that she  didn't expect me to, but I really wanted to, both for me and for her. I somehow managed not to cry for most of it, although the beginning was shaky.

3. I got up super early the morning after I arrived and put the finishing touches (2 hours worth of editing!) on my dissertation proposal and got it sent out to my readers. Last Friday officially marks 2 WEEK until I defend. YIKES!!

4. I got to see a fair amount of my family because they were at the wedding. That is the good thing about being friends with someone for 20 years, your friends really do become your family.

5. We (well, mostly J) got a 2nd (well, techinally 3rd but the Jetta is useless and needs to start living at the junk yard soon) vehicle. J wanted a work truck so he hustled and we figured it out and got him a truck. Made the almost 12 hours drive home a little harder since it was just me in the wagon the whole way back but we made it work. Our little Ford family:

Week 27: July 1st-7th DISNEY & SURPRISES!

So my 5 things post is going to look a little different this week, because of the rare events that took place:
This last week was a pretty eventful one. Monday-Wednesday involved going into work and being responsible. Wednesday evening, however, involved a road trip with J down to Anaheim to surprise my family who were were on vacation down there. We managed to get some pretty great reactions from my brother-in-law, my mom, my niece and my nephews. It was a tight squeeze fitting 9 people into a hotel room that sleeps 5...but we managed to do it. The sacrifices we're willing to take to save some funds.

I hadn't been to Disneyland in probably about 20 years (making comments like that makes me feel really old) and J had never been so this was his first time. It was pretty exciting getting to experience it as an adult and still being just as mesmerized by it and getting to see J's reactions to things. He had also never been on a roller coaster, or ridden in a limo so we hit all kinds of firsts for him this week. My family can be pretty overwhelming, but after almost 2 and a half years J handles the chaos pretty well.

 It was also my niece's first time there and getting to watch a 5 year old experience Disney for the first time was pretty wonderful.

The first day we were there was the 4th of July. Not only did we get to experience Disney on a beautiful summer day, but we got to take a break from the rides to enjoy the fireworks, and then hit the rides again after the show was over. We never left the part before midnight. 

 All in all, this was one incredibly unforgettable trip. Any chance I get to see my family, and I'll take it but this was especially memorable because it was a trip to Disneyland. I am so grateful we were able to make that happen because it is not something that will happen very often and with how quickly these kiddos grow up, it's rare to be able to experience such a special moment in time with them.

Week 13: March 25th-31st. Easter and I'm running again!

Spring break is over, although I can't actually remember any sort of break. I still had a  class (we were making up from a missed one) and I still went into Practicum, woke up at 4am, saw clients, and had supervision. I still had to work on my dissertation. Where was the break exactly? New quarter starts tomorrow.

Oh also, no practicum interviews, still. No rejections either, but I think lack of interviews at this point pretty much insinuates rejections. Waiting, waiting, still waiting. At this point I'm just waiting for rejection confirmation, which is a little ridiculous.


My 5 things:

1. I went running. Not once, not twice, but THREE times this past week. Yes, 3 times! While that used to be the norm for me (and is probably a slow week for most runners) it was definitely something I haven't done in a very, very long time. Needless to say, I'm pretty proud of this. Granted, the running wasn't anything spectacular, I did interval running (run 1 min, walk 1 min) and did about 20 total minutes (so 10 of each) but, it was running!

2. I got to talk with one of my closest friends, Lis on the phone. She and I try to keep in touch but it is usually ends up as sporadic texts on various days and then an email every couple of months. It doesn't help that there is a time difference, she's in Hawai'i so for half the year she's 3 hours behind and the other half she's 2 hours behind. This week we actually got to have a phone conversation, with some very important news. She was accepted (with funding!) to ASU for grad school! I am so very proud of her. Also, I like the idea of having her a 10 hour drive or a less than 2 hour plane ride away from me.

3. I did yoga twice this week. That totals out to 5 workouts this last week. Damn that feels good.

4. I skyped with my family when they had their Easter on Saturday at my dad's house. I got to watch the kids barrel out of the house on their hunt for eggs and watch them run around with their baskets. I got to see the faces of those I love so much and to see the beautiful weather they were having.

My dad and sister showing off their great weather

This was actually pretty bittersweet. This is now the 7th year I've been apart from my family for Easter. This holiday just always happens to fall at a time of year I'm not able to go home. It was also the first major holiday I was away from my family when I first moved away, right after everything went to shit with my family. Which is likely why it seems especially hard, even for the 7th year in a row. So although I wasn't able to be there in person, I'm thankful I got to be a small part of it.

5. I led, well I co-lead my first ever therapy group this week. It is a women's group that myself and another counselor have formed at the methadone clinic. It was actually originally her thing, she sent out an email stating she'd be starting one and I contacted her about co-leading (since I didn't have any group therapy hours under my belt). I was nervous, and there were definitely parts about it that could have gone better, but either way, I've now completed my first group. We're going to be doing it weekly through the month of April and we may continue, depending on how the month goes. Should be interesting!

Week 9: Feb 25th-March 4th...Home :D

Took a trip home for the weekend. It was a short trip: flew in on Saturday, left on Monday but I managed to accomplish what I set out to do, which was to revamp my emotional-psychological well being.
I did miss out on writing yesterday, because I didn't have computer access until I got home last night and I spent my few waking hours after arriving back with J, which is time much better spent since I knew I could just write here today.
Because of all of this, this posting will be a little different than past weeks. I figure since I managed to do so much over the short visit home, my 5 things this week would pretty much focus on that visit.
Here it goes:

1. Got to spend quality time with my niece and one of my nephews and  I got to see my goddaughters and actually spend time with them. We played with sidewalk chalk and I got to watch them ride their bikes. These types of things are more likely to imprint in their memories and I love getting to hear how their little minds operate.

2. I got to meet the newest addition to our extended family. My cousin Kass gave birth to an adorable little guy named Jace and thankfully, I just happened to be home to meet him. Perfect timing! He was 8lbs 14oz and 20in. I also got to see his big sister for a short moment...she's getting so big it's unbelievable.

3. I got to see both my parents, although not nearly for as long as I would have liked. Time with my parents is really, truly important to me. This is especially important for me because I have older parents than a lot of people my age, which means I'll likely have less years with them. Being away makes this realization all the much more difficult.

4. I got to spend time with my ultimate best friend-wife-soul mate. I absolutely love her and always feel rejuvenated after time with her. 

5. Coming home to J after being away. I always enjoy his company, and even though I wasn't away for that long,  that feeling after having been apart and being able to see him again just makes those everyday moments feel extra special.

Now I'm being viciously attacked by my allergies and its rendering me useless. I just canceled the rest of my day and am headed to the couch.

Christmas #1

Only 4 more days until we're homeward bound for the holidays.
My boyfriend and I decided that since we're traveling for the holidays, it didn't make much sense to pack our presents to each other in our suitcases and lug them 700 miles to open them up, only to pack them back up and return with them (little did I realize my gift wouldn't have fit in his suitcase anyway!) We decided to do our own little mini Christmas here with each other before we head up to the PNW for the actual holidays.
So Saturday, the 15th we had our own little Christmas holiday. We opened presents in our pajamas, played our new game of Monopoly (one of my gifts to him) and watched Home Alone 1,2 & 3...(although I tried to warn him that the 3rd one wasn't worth watching). We also watched my absolute most favorite Christmas movie, the original cartoon version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
In between our movie marathon and game playing we went to Christmas Tree Lane, in Alameda.

 Armed with layers of warmth and a thermos of homemade hot chocolate we walked up and down the street filled with Christmas lights, music, people, and holiday cheer!
J had never been to any place like this that he could remember so it was fun to be able to do something like this together. Plus, I'm game for any and everything Christmas related!
So lets get back to these presents I was talking about. We opened the ones that were wrapped. J told me that one of my gifts would be arriving in the mail in a few days, so I only had 1 to open. The one I did open was the awesome singing bird clock I wanted that sings a different bird song each hour, on the hour. I wanted to hear the clock and we needed batteries for it to work. J said "I think maybe there are some in the office" so I went in search of batteries. I walk into the office and SURPRISE! A shiny red bicycle appears!

J had of course tricked me saying my other gift was "in the mail" and had this beauty stashed down in the garage (which is his man-cave woodshop and I never go down there). Tricky man he is. This gift was a group effort made possible by J, his dad, my mom, and my brother-in-law.
This gift is in part because J wants me to ride with him, but also because of my knee injury and my difficulties with running, they all wanted me to have a way to exercise without doing more damage to my knee. Although I don't want to give up running, this is quite a lovely way to get outside as well :)
So today, despite a forecast for rain... we were determined to ride.

My first bike ride in over a year and my very first time on a road bike. 10 miles later and my butt is sore, my legs feel a bit like jello, and my knee is well aware it was used today. It sure felt great to be outside, riding with J. Him being such an avid rider, I've definitely wanted to get a bike and be able to share his love for them. Granted, I am not anywhere near up to his level, nor will I ever be...but it was still nice to ride along side him for awhile :)

After all of this, it feels like Christmas is over. Then I remember that in 4 days, we get to board a plane and see all our loved ones up north and begin the actual, crazy, huge, loud, fun, amazing Christmas festivities awaiting us up there!

Christmas past, present, and future

It's the Christmas season.
It never fails, no matter what, to be my absolute most favorite time of the year.
I don't know when it all started, but over the years I've morphed into the BIGGEST Christmas crazy person I know.
Christmas has always been a favorite of mine...but as I get older, it becomes more and more for me.
Obviously, as a child the presents were a major element for me.
But even then, it was always more. It was about believing in something, about bringing family together, about the magic of Christmas.

I remember one year I think it was '92 or '93, I was being greedy and wanted to know what I was getting. I went under the tree and carefully unwrapped all the presents with my name on them, peaked to see what I was getting, and then ever so carefully wrapped them back neatly. That was by far, one of the most disappointing Christmases. There was no element of surprise, there was no wonder or anticipation. I knew the things I wanted that I already had, and the things I didn't even like.. now I had to open them and pretend I didn't totally hate them. That was the last year I ever peaked at anything and from then on I've made it a point to stay in the dark about any gifts, even when people try to tell me or give me hints. 
I'm actually surprised none of my 5 older siblings ever tried to burst my bubble about Santa.
I suppose even if they had tried, I wouldn't have allowed it any way. I believed for a long, long time. Right up until that moment in '95 where I came down the stairs Christmas morning and saw my dad filling our stockings.I remember rushing back up stairs and hiding in bed with my eyes shut tight, trying to erase the horror of what I'd just witnessed. I was crushed. The magic was gone! You'd think that would have ruined Christmas for me for years.
Then there was the first Christmas after my parents divorced. The 1st year of many "double Christmases" to come. Anyone coming from a divorced family knows the politics involved, the negotiating, the bribes, the guilt, the time management, the double gifting, the fighting and bickering. It was a lot for a 13 year old to handle. It put a damper on what Christmas had always been for me, I felt the tug-of-war that I'd feel for...well for the rest of my life. I still deal with this tug-of-war, although as an adult it's slightly easier to manage. That Christmas was the first time we'd changed our "traditions". For 13 years of my life we'd celebrated the same way, and suddenly it was all changing. It felt like something had been stolen from me.
If only then I'd know the changes of Christmas traditions would continue throughout the years.
There was the 1st Christmas after my cousin who'd been my best friend growing up and my partner in crime for everything had converted to a religion that did not celebrate holidays. So many of my holiday traditions involved specifically her. I mourned the loss of her for many Christmases to come and still find I miss her most near Christmas time. I can still see her, but these visits no longer include so many of the memories we made year after year.
In '07, it was the first year after the horrible events that lead up to my family dividing in two. For my entire life, we'd always went to my Grandparents house on Christmas Eve. Even after their passings, we still went to the same house, and celebrated with our huge, loud, fun family. We never broke tradition, ever. That is, until a select few of us upset the herd, we spoke out against another family member and aided in him being put in prison for over a decade. This marked the first Christmas we were not welcome at  my grandparents house and were not allowed to participate in the traditions we'd spent our whole lives taking part in. That marked the first year of attempting to build new traditions. It's been a rough adjustment for all of us. Each year is a bit different, still trying to figure out what the new traditions entail. My dad has done his best to make it special for us all, despite the large elephant in the room that I often feel responsible for.
In '10, I thought I'd be coming home for the holidays to see my family and the man who'd promised to marry me. Just before Thanksgiving that year, he gave me the news that he had other plans. He'd broken up with me and a few weeks before Christmas, I'd learn he had gotten back together with his ex. This was heartbreaking and lead to the most difficult holiday season I'd faced yet. He'd robbed me of the magic, my ability to believe it something bigger, and that Christmas I merely went through the motions of the holidays, but wasn't present at all. I'd lost all hope for everything and Christmas was no exception.

Despite all the heartbreak and disappointment of Christmases past, there were so many other years where my memories will forever live in my heart. I don't think I could ever turn my back in Christmas, no matter how close I came in the past. The toughest lesson to learn in life is that change is inevitable, and traditions will be broken. This allows for new traditions, new additions, and new memories to be made and Christmas is no exception here either.

This Christmas won't be like others, but in some ways it will be exactly the same. I won't be able to spend it with everyone I'd like to, it won't go as planned, but I am able to spend it with some wonderful people, I do have a very special man who survived the holidays with my family last year and actually wants to return again. I also get to be a part of some lovely little kiddos Christmas memories, that they can look back at when they're my age and remember as fondly as I do mine.
The years I was so wrapped up in what Christmas should be or how it used to be or who should have been there I wasn't being fair to all those that were there, and continue to be there. I wasn't being fair to my niece and nephews whose Christmas memories I am a part of. My new years resolution this year was the focus on what I can do instead of worrying about what I can't do..and again, Christmas isn't an exception here. I can't change the past, I can't control the future but I CAN enjoy the holidays with my family and do my best to make it memorable for us all.
 Although it's been said, many times, many ways... Merry Christmas to you :)

30 Days of being thankful

November, being the month that houses Thanksgiving, is a time to remember what we're thankful for.

 It can be so easy to go through every day without realizing all the little (and big!) things that we have in our lives, both material and intangible. We get so caught up in our daily rituals, our responsibilities, our own minds that we forget to take a moment to really look around at what all we are blessed with.

This year, I took part in a "30 Days of Being Thankful"type of thing. I'm not sure if there is an actual name for it or not, so that is what I'll call it. I noticed on November 1st people on Facebook claiming "Day 1" or "Nov 1st" and thought...that sounds like a wonderful thing to do!

So I set out to complete 30 days worth of being thankful and to my surprise, some days were quite a challenge. It can be difficult to find the good in a day that feels like it's up against you.
I must say this was such an awesome quest for me, I found it really humbling and enriching. Some days my thanks were silly, some days material things, others people or events in my life. Each day gave me a new opportunity to shine light on an area of my life I'm thankful I have/earned/deserve/have been given. I decided to document them all here because I think it's pretty great to see them all in 1 place.

 

Day 1: I'm thankful for the house we rent, that J has made a home.

Day 2: I'm thankful for Dustin's timing on sending me random little things, unknowingly right when I need a laugh.Thanks Squash. :)

Day 3: I'm thankful for Netflix since it is currently allowing us to watch the entire series of The Wonder Years.

Day 4: I'm thankful for my wife for being in my life for 19 years and never giving up on me; despite distance, egos, changes, and mistakes.

Nov 5: Today I'm thankful for the kindness of strangers, and in East Oakland, no less. Thank you to the man who helped me at the gas station.

Day 6: Despite having done so last week via mail, today I am thankful, as a woman, for my right to vote. Oh and also for being able to get an absentee ballot and vote in my home state!

Day 7: I'm thankful for sleep because I really needed it, and was able to get a lot of it. woo! Although, I still need more.

Day 8: I'm thankful that despite all the drowning, I've managed to stay afloat in grad school thus far.

Day 9: I'm thankful I have a best friend with such awesome style that I'm still getting compliments on clothes she gave away to me like 2 years ago (and am still wearing too!)

Day 10: I'm thankful for my older brother, Troy. Although he's not my only brother, he is the one who has given me the most "older brother" memories, including all the ones where he tortures you, picks on you, makes you cry. There's also a whole lot more that include good advice, games, funny jokes, great memories, and big hugs and even bigger laughs. Love you Troylet.

Day 11: I'm thankful for those who have served and continue to serve. For all the ones I know well and hold dear to my heart, and for those I'll never meet. Happy Veterans Day ♥

Day 12: I'm thankful I have the ability to run, even with all the complications and setbacks of my injury, I'm still capable of running.

Day 13: I'm thankful to have friends I consider family, and family I consider friends.

Day 14: I'm thankful that, despite initial disappointments and rejection during 1st year, I ended up in the research group I'm in because it has proven to be a pretty great fit for me :)

Day 15: I'm thankful J is skilled enough to keep my car alive for as long as possible, because we really need it to keep living.

Day 16: I'm thankful for Chinese food delivery. It's a rarity in this house, but some days, I just really don't want to cook, or think.

Day 17: I'm finding it difficult to find something to be thankful for in the midst of all the stress...but I guess I'm thankful that I am good at baking, because as of lately, its all I've been any good at.

Day 18: I'm thankful this quarter is almost over. I don't think I can take much more. Just a few more days.

Day 19: I'm thankful for those around me that help me out to make my life a little easier, like Freda turning in my paper for me today so I didn't have to drive 85 miles just to turn it in, and for J for always taking out the trash and cleaning up (daily!) the cat poo from the strays that have decided our driveway is a litter box. It's these kinds of things that keep me from going totally insane, and for that I am oh-so-thankful!

Day 20: I'm thankful that my team pulled through (it was down to the final hour!) and we were able to submit to APA!! Here's to hoping we get accepted! :D

Day 21: I'm thankful for surprises in the mail. They really are just the best thing ever :) Especially when they're from people you love ♥

Day 22: I'm thankful I get to be an Auntie and a Godmother. My nephews, my niece and my goddaughters fill my heart with so much love I never even knew possible. I'm thankful for their parents for bringing them into this world and for allowing me the privilege of being in their lives. ♥ I love and miss all these little kiddos, even though some of them aren't very little anymore.

Day 23: I'm thankful for technology that allows me to joke with my nephew via text who is 700 miles away, and talk with my niece about what the tooth fairy brought her, even though I'm 2 states away.

Day 24: I'm thankful for how much joy I get from anything Christmas related, it makes this time of year unbelievably wonderful for me...currently watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation and having pumpkin pie ice cream :D

Day 25: I'm thankful for lazy Sundays.

Day 26: I'm thankful I've been able to travel as much as I have in my life so far and been able to experience other cities, states, and other countries...and I hope to continue to do so, if grad school will allow it.

Day 27: I'm thankful for family visitors. J's dad is here until Saturday!

Day 28: I'm thankful for my dad and everything he has taught and continues to teach me and all he does for those he loves. Today also happens to be his birthday...so Happy Birthday Dad. Love you. ♥

Day 29: I'm thankful for my mom. She's helped teach me what it means to be a successful woman in this world, and that's no easy job ;)

Day 30: I'm thankful for my family, all of them. My family who made so many of my childhood memories unforgettable, and my family who have stood by me in my most difficult struggles. I could not be where I am today without all of them. I am so lucky to be a part of such a large, supportive, loving, laughter-filled family.

Little Mister

Today is an exciting day for my family.
We've welcomed yet another baby into our lives.

He is without a name, so I've just been referring to him as Little Mister. 7lbs 14oz of human life.
This is not the first time I've become an aunt. He is my 5th nephew and I have 1 niece. My siblings sure know how to procreate ;)
This is also not the first time I've missed out on my niece/nephews being born. In fact, I've missed each one of their births. Some I was just too young to know what was going on (I believe I was only 11 when my first nephew was born) or I was being a foolish rebellious teen and ran away from home the night my 2nd nephew was born (something I still hate my 16 year old self for) and the others I was away at school.
My 4th nephew was actually born during my graduation week from undergrad.
And now Little Mister gets added to the list of nephews I did not get to welcome into the world.
Now I realize there isn't actually anything I could do, even if I were there. It's not like I would be in the room or aiding in any way.
I would, however, be able to drop by the hospital and take photos with him, so that when he's older I can say "yep, see there I was".
I can't say that for any of them.
Thankfully, I was present for both of my goddaughter's births. I actually watched them being born and was a part of the process. This is vital to me now, because I feel like I miss out on so much of their lives now.

I know I can't be everything to everyone... but these little kiddos pull on my heart strings like I never believed possible and it pains me that they don't know me as well as they should, that I miss out on birthdays and milestones and especially the hilarity in every day moments.

Happy day of birth Little Mister. Hopefully you'll have a name soon enough, and I'll get to meet you sometime in the (very) near future.

The crazy weekend of Christmas

Oh the holidays. All that commotion and rushing, cooking, planning and shopping, wrapping, hiding, cleaning and spending and then just like that, it's over. So quickly it's almost like it didn't happen.
All in all, this was a wonderful Christmas. I got to spend it with my family and that is honestly what is most important.
It's not how it used to be, and although there are parts I really miss... over the years we've developed some new traditions and made it feel more like Christmas again.
Oh and that Amazon Prime present I was so stoked on...I guess I got the wrong size.:/
The good news: free return shipping. Thanks again, Amazon :)
For my nephew's birthday (Dec 1st) I surprised him with a birthday gift of a snowboarding trip.He had never been before and I'd been wanting to take him boarding for many years but never got around to it so I finally decided that for his 11th birthday, that is what we were going to do.

We went up the day after Christmas. we made it a group trip and it was me, my boyfriend, my nephew and his parents.
It was my first time up in almost 4 years. My sister had never been either and her husband had been up once before.There were a lot of falls, a lot of crashes, a lot of cold hands and faces and a fair amount of pain but I'd say overall it was a really great trip.  We're all recovering now with a lot of sore muscles and bruises... but it was definitely a memorable trip. So glad I finally got to take him up there. He said on the ride home
"Thanks aunt Brandi. now I can officially say I'm a snowboarder" :)

My Christmas season begins tomorrow!

I leave tomorrow to head up to the good ol' PNW for what I am hoping to be a wonderful Christmas season.
I feel like I just can't start my "season" until I'm back home.
Even though Nor Cal makes for a much better winter season than say, Hawaii...it's not home.
I'm not surrounded by family and I'm not absolutely freezing my buns off.
I have had the time (and surprisingly the funds and the room in my suitcase) to start my shopping early.
I realized today though, that I haven't done hardly any of it.
It just doesn't feel right down here. Christmas shopping alone isn't much fun anyway, but then being so far away and not being able to wrap it yet anyway, I just can't bring myself to do it.
I am in the Christmas spirit for sure. I've been watching ABC family's 25 days of Christmas ridiculously cheesy movies, baking holiday inspired goods, listening to the Glee Christmas CD on repeat in my car, I even bought a holiday scented candle and have been lighting it often... but you can only do so much alone before it just starts to make you a little sad.

Yes, that is me, pouting in the front.

I am so grateful that I have my family. I really am. It may not be the family it used to be, but what remains is absolutely wonderful. I forget that some people don't have that. Some of my best friends are related to me and that makes me oh-so-very lucky.
I really do love Christmas time :) and I cannot wait to get up there and get this season really going!

Christmas Lists

One reoccurring theme in my life for the past 5 or so years has been distance.
I'm away at school while my loved ones are all back home.
Around the holidays is when this fact becomes the most apparent.
Thankfully, now that I am not an ocean away, I'm able to spend most holidays at home and also partake in the holiday traditions with my family during my holiday visits.
Last week, while home for Thanksgiving, I was able to attend the annual Christmas Bazaar with my mom, sister, nephew, sister-in-law and her mom. There were a few years I missed out on this living in Hawaii. It's tiring, sometimes annoying, busy, full of people and provides sensory overload.
BUT...it's a tradition. We go every year, even if we don't buy anything. It is just something we do together.
I was very thankful I was able to go this year since I was actually in town when it was going on.
Today, one of my sisters sent me her Christmas List so that I can help my mom shop for her (another tradition, Mom gives us kids money to do her shopping so we all end up with things we really can use and like and it saves Mom some of the hassle of shopping since she has an entire village to shop for) and since we now pick names between siblings (tough times) it gives us a chance to still enjoy picking out gifts for our siblings.
Her list made me giggle and was an adorable idea. She cut and pasted a number of photos to give ideas of what she was talking about.

We used to do this when we were younger, but it initially involved the Toys-R-Us great big Christmas book and circling tons of toys I didn't even really want I just go so excited about the possibilities.
Then later, it was on Thanksgiving we'd all draw names and then sit down to write out our multiple lists and give them to the cousin who drew our name,  Grandma, and our godparents.
Times are oh so much different now for so many reasons, and this no longer occurs.
So with my sister's idea at hand, I made my own list to send to her to help her with Mom's shopping and emailed her back with it.

Complete with photo examples to help her get a clear picture (yes, pun intended) of what I was talking about.
This interaction with my sister warmed my heart. Although I'm 700 miles away, thanks to technology, we're able to make out Christmas lists together this year :)