Today marks the last day of my 3rd practicum in graduate school.
It is so strange to devote your time/sanity/effort into something for what feels like forever, and then to reach the point where you walk out, and just never return.
I felt a lot more attached to the residents there than I have with previous clients. I think given the setting, and the type of work we were doing it makes it that much more difficult to end the relationships. Therapy is such a funny profession too, because you're basically not allowed to have contact with any of them once you leave, its like you just have to disappear.
I know I won't just disappear, I know that I've made an impact on some of those women that will not be forgotten, and I feel similar about the roles they have played in my training.
It's just a strange feeling I'm sitting with right now.
I left, took the same route home I always do, let the dog out, and am sitting on my couch as I do most days after work. But I won't be going back next week, running my groups, meeting with residents, having supervision. It all just ended... and yet nothing feels different, except that it does.
There don't seem to be words to explain the feeling.
I had a moment on the drive home where I felt guilty for leaving. I chose my "end date" for this practicum. I started there in August, and really could have stayed on a while longer because I already started my new practicum in April, so I've been doing double time and I've been surviving. That is just it though, I've been surviving. I've been feeling overworked, stressed, at times miserable, and completely zapped of energy. I feel guilty though leaving those women when I really didn't have to, but chose to because it was beneficial for me to end when I did, for my own sanity. Self-Care they call it in my field.
I thought I'd have more to say about this day, but as I sit here I just feel brain-dead and zoned out.
I still have my other practicum tomorrow but J and I are going camping this weekend. I am pretty excited to get out of the city and be able to see the stars.
Not to mention, I am excited to have the time and energy to cook again. I've been repeating the same few meals over and over (which include spaghetti and tacos) for the past month or so just as a way to get by, but I miss being able to be creative and try new recipes. I just haven't been able to lately. I have just been skating by trying to make it through each week.
Here's to self-care....and sanity :)
Showing posts with label practicum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label practicum. Show all posts
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Sunday, April 27, 2014
News on the practicum front. GOOD news!
I've been so busy jumping through hoops to get into the new system at my new practicum, I forgot to even mention the good news:
I got a supplemental practicum at the San Francisco VA!
In order to get into the VA system, you have to fill out form after form, refill out forms that have the incorrect date format or 1 or 2 words that don't sit right with someone. Complete the online trainings and wait for certain people to get back to regarding something or another. Then go into the VA a number of times for meetings and appointments that take about 10 to 20 minutes (after that hour commute to get there) then go back 2 days later for another 10 minute appointment. Needless to say, I'm still not in the system and I got approved on April 7th.
So this is apparently what Plan D looks like. I've now got a supplemental practicum and I'm starting earlier than others who will likely start practicums in August or September. Not only do I have a spot at a well regarded VA, I will get the opportunity to do assessments! Basically, the feedback I received from those I interviewed for internship was that I could use more assessments and VA experience...and viola! Look what I snagged! It is pretty much the most perfect thing I could have done for this extra year. Now, would I have preferred to have just matched this year and be off to internship in the fall, even if it meant Alaska? HELL YES....but since that did not work out, this is a pretty wonderful outcome for this forced extra year (and did I mention...a forced extra $50,000 in loans for this surprise year?)
I will get to experience the VA in all its glory, get to work with veterans, conduct assessments, and count all this time towards my hours for internships and apply this fall with a much better CV than last year. I managed to make a big difference, in a small amount of time. Now, I mean part of all this is just luck and chance, because you never know what people are looking for when you apply, but I managed to snag this one just over the phone (ironic since both my VA internship interviews were also via phone) and they did not even meet me face to face until a few days ago. The next 2 months are going to be a little hectic, since I'll be doubling up and doing 2 practicums until the end of June, which is when I've decided to end my current practicum. So double duty will be a little stressful. I did it last year for a month, and it really took it's toll on me, but I survived and it really helped my hours to be doing both.
And...somehow, I need to find the time (and more importantly, the motivation!) to get my IRB for my dissertation turned in. I've been majorly slacking, and I have no excuse at all. I could have already collected all my data by now if I just finished that stupid thing and got it turned in already. In fact, I should probably being working on that right now.
I got a supplemental practicum at the San Francisco VA!
In order to get into the VA system, you have to fill out form after form, refill out forms that have the incorrect date format or 1 or 2 words that don't sit right with someone. Complete the online trainings and wait for certain people to get back to regarding something or another. Then go into the VA a number of times for meetings and appointments that take about 10 to 20 minutes (after that hour commute to get there) then go back 2 days later for another 10 minute appointment. Needless to say, I'm still not in the system and I got approved on April 7th.
So this is apparently what Plan D looks like. I've now got a supplemental practicum and I'm starting earlier than others who will likely start practicums in August or September. Not only do I have a spot at a well regarded VA, I will get the opportunity to do assessments! Basically, the feedback I received from those I interviewed for internship was that I could use more assessments and VA experience...and viola! Look what I snagged! It is pretty much the most perfect thing I could have done for this extra year. Now, would I have preferred to have just matched this year and be off to internship in the fall, even if it meant Alaska? HELL YES....but since that did not work out, this is a pretty wonderful outcome for this forced extra year (and did I mention...a forced extra $50,000 in loans for this surprise year?)
I will get to experience the VA in all its glory, get to work with veterans, conduct assessments, and count all this time towards my hours for internships and apply this fall with a much better CV than last year. I managed to make a big difference, in a small amount of time. Now, I mean part of all this is just luck and chance, because you never know what people are looking for when you apply, but I managed to snag this one just over the phone (ironic since both my VA internship interviews were also via phone) and they did not even meet me face to face until a few days ago. The next 2 months are going to be a little hectic, since I'll be doubling up and doing 2 practicums until the end of June, which is when I've decided to end my current practicum. So double duty will be a little stressful. I did it last year for a month, and it really took it's toll on me, but I survived and it really helped my hours to be doing both.
And...somehow, I need to find the time (and more importantly, the motivation!) to get my IRB for my dissertation turned in. I've been majorly slacking, and I have no excuse at all. I could have already collected all my data by now if I just finished that stupid thing and got it turned in already. In fact, I should probably being working on that right now.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Week 46: Nov 11th-17th= Painful breakups with your life's plans
They say a break up is one of the best motivators for getting into shape/working out/losing weight. Well, J and I are still going strong but I had another "break up" of sorts happen last week and, although painful, it's proven to be the perfect motivator for me to get back on the fitness wagon.
I got a rejection email addressed "Dear esteemed applicant". So not only did I get the most painful rejection of my graduate career thus far, I got it as a mass email with the all other rejects. I applied to an internship site that was somewhat out of my league, ok really out of my league, BUT I was trying to give myself a little credit. The main appeal for me: it was in Portland. Getting rejected from an internship site itself isn't what hurt. I mean, I'm applying to (hopefully) 15 sites, and will only be offered a few interviews which leaves a lot of room for rejection, so that is expected.
Being rejected from the Portland site (which was the only one I even somewhat qualified for in that area) signifies a major loss for me. It means 1 more year away from home, one more year away from family and friends, another year before I can actually settle in and stop being transient, one more year of basically feeling like life plans need to be "on hold". While this "break up" with home is only temporary, and frankly it's been a long distance relationship since 2007 anyway, it still requires a mourning period. I need to grieve the loss of another year of holidays away, missing out on my niece, nephews, and goddaughters growing up, another year while J and I have to say "we'll get to that, once we move home" about our major life plans. So this break up with my life's plans was apparently just what I needed to jolt me out of this funk I've been in and get back to taking care of myself; the silver lining I suppose one could say.
My 5 things:
1. I started working out again: did 35 min on a treadmill (only about 3 of which were running) and I went to a Yoga class. Holy moly, was I sore after that! I'm still sore and that was 2 days ago.
2. I went in for an extra couple of hours to my practicum that weren't required and I didn't need to be there. I did it in order to build up rapport with a client and I think it was an excellent decision.
3. Watched Elf!
4. I made, or rather started to make, some ornaments that I plan to give as gifts. Working with my negative budget, this is likely going to be a very made-from-the-heart Christmas this year. I know my family will understand and I mean, my stuff isn't that bad ;)
5. Sunday I helped a woman who got robbed in my neighborhood. I didn't know her, and I'll likely never see her again, but I felt a moral obligation to help this person. I stayed with her through the police,the waiting, and the locksmith, until she was able to drive away. I had planned on spending the evening working on cover letters, but I think this was a bit more important.
I got a rejection email addressed "Dear esteemed applicant". So not only did I get the most painful rejection of my graduate career thus far, I got it as a mass email with the all other rejects. I applied to an internship site that was somewhat out of my league, ok really out of my league, BUT I was trying to give myself a little credit. The main appeal for me: it was in Portland. Getting rejected from an internship site itself isn't what hurt. I mean, I'm applying to (hopefully) 15 sites, and will only be offered a few interviews which leaves a lot of room for rejection, so that is expected.
Being rejected from the Portland site (which was the only one I even somewhat qualified for in that area) signifies a major loss for me. It means 1 more year away from home, one more year away from family and friends, another year before I can actually settle in and stop being transient, one more year of basically feeling like life plans need to be "on hold". While this "break up" with home is only temporary, and frankly it's been a long distance relationship since 2007 anyway, it still requires a mourning period. I need to grieve the loss of another year of holidays away, missing out on my niece, nephews, and goddaughters growing up, another year while J and I have to say "we'll get to that, once we move home" about our major life plans. So this break up with my life's plans was apparently just what I needed to jolt me out of this funk I've been in and get back to taking care of myself; the silver lining I suppose one could say.
My 5 things:
1. I started working out again: did 35 min on a treadmill (only about 3 of which were running) and I went to a Yoga class. Holy moly, was I sore after that! I'm still sore and that was 2 days ago.
2. I went in for an extra couple of hours to my practicum that weren't required and I didn't need to be there. I did it in order to build up rapport with a client and I think it was an excellent decision.
3. Watched Elf!
4. I made, or rather started to make, some ornaments that I plan to give as gifts. Working with my negative budget, this is likely going to be a very made-from-the-heart Christmas this year. I know my family will understand and I mean, my stuff isn't that bad ;)
5. Sunday I helped a woman who got robbed in my neighborhood. I didn't know her, and I'll likely never see her again, but I felt a moral obligation to help this person. I stayed with her through the police,the waiting, and the locksmith, until she was able to drive away. I had planned on spending the evening working on cover letters, but I think this was a bit more important.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Week 39: Sept 23rd-29th- Dissertation Proposal Defense=SUCCESS!!!
First off, let me start by saying: I SUCCESSFULLY DEFENDED MY DISSERTATION PROPOSAL!! I passed! it was approved!!
Granted, I have a laundry list of changes that need to be made including but not limited to changing my entire data analysis section and rewriting/reorganizing my entire literature review.
BUT IT WAS A SUCCESS!!! Regardless of how much I need to do based on it, it is no longer standing in my way of applying to internship!!
My 5 things:
1. I left practicum early Thursday, I decided I needed some extra time to clear my mind and decompress before the big day (I defended my dissertation proposal on Friday morning)
2. Baked some pumpkin Nutella swirl cookies in an attempt to distract myself from the anxiety overload on Thursday night.
3. I SUCCESSFULLY DEFENDED MY DISSERTATION PROPOSAL!! Ok, ok, I know I already said that...but it deserves repeating...and making the list!
4. J and I went to dinner Firday night to celebrate. We decided to try out a new place in Oakland, I voted for Italian...mostly just because I wanted to free bread you get ASAP ;)
5. J and I also treated ourselves to a movie Sunday evening. SCORE because it was $5 movie day at the theater in downtown Oakland. We saw the movie Prisoners...which was AMAZING!! Such an awesome suspense-thriller-mystery with an incredible cast. We had never even heard of the movie, just decided to treat ourselves and looked at what was playing. When we left the theater J said "Now, that is worth owning".
Granted, I have a laundry list of changes that need to be made including but not limited to changing my entire data analysis section and rewriting/reorganizing my entire literature review.
BUT IT WAS A SUCCESS!!! Regardless of how much I need to do based on it, it is no longer standing in my way of applying to internship!!
My 5 things:
1. I left practicum early Thursday, I decided I needed some extra time to clear my mind and decompress before the big day (I defended my dissertation proposal on Friday morning)
2. Baked some pumpkin Nutella swirl cookies in an attempt to distract myself from the anxiety overload on Thursday night.
3. I SUCCESSFULLY DEFENDED MY DISSERTATION PROPOSAL!! Ok, ok, I know I already said that...but it deserves repeating...and making the list!
4. J and I went to dinner Firday night to celebrate. We decided to try out a new place in Oakland, I voted for Italian...mostly just because I wanted to free bread you get ASAP ;)
5. J and I also treated ourselves to a movie Sunday evening. SCORE because it was $5 movie day at the theater in downtown Oakland. We saw the movie Prisoners...which was AMAZING!! Such an awesome suspense-thriller-mystery with an incredible cast. We had never even heard of the movie, just decided to treat ourselves and looked at what was playing. When we left the theater J said "Now, that is worth owning".
Monday, September 9, 2013
Week 36: Sept 2nd-8th. Struggling to stay awake.
This last week was actually pretty tough to come up with much. I have really been lacking energy in a major way and battling just to be awake at any given time. This makes it a little difficult to go above and beyond baseline.
My 5 things:
- I went running 1 time. It saddens and frustrates me that I'm not doing this more. I'm noticing a negative impact on my body from my lack of exercise but I just cannot seem to find the energy or motivation for it. I know I can't be running every day, but I could be doing something active. I wonder what it is going to take to get me out of this slump?
- Baked strawberry banana muffins. I chose a healthier recipe than my usual, which didn't taste as good but made for excellent grab and go snacks throughout the week for J and me.
- I had an issue come up with the residents recently. Apparently, only 2 weeks in and I had already made a name for myself and I believe the name they used was “bitch”. I wrestled with how to handle this (should I let up a bit, am I being too hard on them?) but then I decided instead to ask the other counseling trainees to step up their authority and meet me closer to where I am at in terms of holding the residents accountable for their actions and enforcing the rules (the things I did to get the label of “counselor everyone avoids”). The other counselors really did a great job and we're now all less liked than before, but at least it is a general dislike instead of a targeted hatred toward me...but most importantly it is for good reason. I'm glad I decided to handle it the way I did and not just slump down in defeat or suffer silently. I spoke up for what I believed in and for what I stood for, and asked that others support me in this.
- I arranged a phone meeting with a former intern from one of the sites I'm planning to apply to for internship. I despise phone calls, talking to strangers, and most importantly talking to strangers on the phone... but I decided it was a smart move to reach out. I got some great feedback, advise, and overall knowledge about the site and it was definitely the right move.
- I bought shoes and earrings to go with my dress for being the maid-of-honor in my best friend's wedding. About time too since the wedding is THIS Saturday.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Weel 35: Aug 26th-Sept 1st- closing the chapter on the methadone clinic
This past week marked the end of my practicum at the methadone clinic. I decided to look back to this time last year and see what I had to say when I was just getting started. This entry was just after my 2 weeks of training: August 31st, 2012:
A list of concerns prior to starting my last practicum:
I'm sure there are going to be many stressful times ahead, but I'm looking forward to seeing how it impacts me, in what ways I end up growing as a clinician and as a person in general."
Now, after a year's worth of 4am alarm clocks, avoidant patients, endless paperwork, and hour long commutes (one way!) I have completed this chapter and I must say, it's almost like it never happened. I cannot believe I was there for an entire year. Where did the last year even go? Oh, perhaps I was half asleep through all of it!
I learned so much about myself as a clinician, about my limits, and the lengths at which I can push myself. I'm sure these lessons are just the tip of the iceberg for what I will continue to learn throughout this process called graduate school.
I've already started my new practicum at a residential setting for women in recovery who are also mothers and some have their children in the program. It comes with a whole new set of concerns and after being there 2 weeks I can already see how this site is going to stretch me thin and test my limits. Hopefully, I'll be able to come out of it with the same admiration for my clients and my co-workers that I've left the clinic with.
My 5 things:
1. Got a new planner! This is a HUGE thing for me. I could not survive without a planner and I do not think that is an exaggeration. At some point in community college my best friend and I discovered a planner that I have been hooked on ever since. Here is the link to their site I promise it is The best planner you'll ever use.
I have been using these types of planners since... probably around '03 or '04. I've even tracked them down depending on where I was living (they are not sold at most stores). There was a year where I thought I'd try a different type because I was having a hard time locating one. BIG mistake. Thankfully, they're easier to find these days and I even managed to find some sold in Hawaii and California.
They're August to August, which is pretty perfect as a student. Apparently they make January to January now as well, but this one suits my lifestyle pretty perfectly and has for the past...10 years. Wow, I've been in college 10 years now? Oy!
2. I took a few naps, which I rarely ever do anymore but my schedule proved to be just too much for me.
3. I turned in my 3rd draft of my proposal on time! There were actually a few things I could/should have done more to it, but I did what I was able to and that just has to be good enough. Time is running out, I am supposed to defend my dissertation proposal on Sept 27th!! Yikes!
4. Despite this absolutely crazy insane schedule I've had, I managed to turn in some of my internship application material drafts to my Faculty Internship Advisor EARLY!!
5. Yesterday I started on some wedding things for my best friend that I've been put in charge of. I will have to post photos of the process of my crafts when I am finished. It is hard to feel like a maid of honor from 700 miles away when I won't be there until basically the day before the wedding. Thankfully she's put me in charge of some things so that I can feel like I've contributed (plus I think it is a relief for her not to have to worry about).
A list of concerns prior to starting my last practicum:
- It is working with substance abuse issues
- It is at a methadone clinic
- There is an element of mandated treatment (which gives you quite a bit of resistance from clients)
- I'm going from my prior caseload of 2 clients to (currently) 6 but that number will be 10-15 within the next month.
I'm sure there are going to be many stressful times ahead, but I'm looking forward to seeing how it impacts me, in what ways I end up growing as a clinician and as a person in general."
Now, after a year's worth of 4am alarm clocks, avoidant patients, endless paperwork, and hour long commutes (one way!) I have completed this chapter and I must say, it's almost like it never happened. I cannot believe I was there for an entire year. Where did the last year even go? Oh, perhaps I was half asleep through all of it!
I learned so much about myself as a clinician, about my limits, and the lengths at which I can push myself. I'm sure these lessons are just the tip of the iceberg for what I will continue to learn throughout this process called graduate school.
I've already started my new practicum at a residential setting for women in recovery who are also mothers and some have their children in the program. It comes with a whole new set of concerns and after being there 2 weeks I can already see how this site is going to stretch me thin and test my limits. Hopefully, I'll be able to come out of it with the same admiration for my clients and my co-workers that I've left the clinic with.
My 5 things:
1. Got a new planner! This is a HUGE thing for me. I could not survive without a planner and I do not think that is an exaggeration. At some point in community college my best friend and I discovered a planner that I have been hooked on ever since. Here is the link to their site I promise it is The best planner you'll ever use.
I have been using these types of planners since... probably around '03 or '04. I've even tracked them down depending on where I was living (they are not sold at most stores). There was a year where I thought I'd try a different type because I was having a hard time locating one. BIG mistake. Thankfully, they're easier to find these days and I even managed to find some sold in Hawaii and California.
2. I took a few naps, which I rarely ever do anymore but my schedule proved to be just too much for me.
3. I turned in my 3rd draft of my proposal on time! There were actually a few things I could/should have done more to it, but I did what I was able to and that just has to be good enough. Time is running out, I am supposed to defend my dissertation proposal on Sept 27th!! Yikes!
4. Despite this absolutely crazy insane schedule I've had, I managed to turn in some of my internship application material drafts to my Faculty Internship Advisor EARLY!!
5. Yesterday I started on some wedding things for my best friend that I've been put in charge of. I will have to post photos of the process of my crafts when I am finished. It is hard to feel like a maid of honor from 700 miles away when I won't be there until basically the day before the wedding. Thankfully she's put me in charge of some things so that I can feel like I've contributed (plus I think it is a relief for her not to have to worry about).
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Week 34: Aug19th-25th- Zombie woman going through the motions
I'm how many days late posting now? That just shows you where my mind's been at this past week. Doing double duty for practicum at both places just about killed me. I've fallen behind on pretty much everything so it is no wonder I'm almost a week late for posting.
My 5 things:
1. I had a meeting with a professor from the "Office of Professional Development". It was not mandatory, but I wanted to meet face to face and go over my proposed site list for internship sites and see where I'm at. This professor was also one of the ones on the committee that initially rejected me for applying. She said they were on the fence about me, so they rejected me to see my response. They weren't sure I was ready. Apparently, my appeal did exactly what I had hope it would, and it made them realize that "oh, no this girl is actually ready". She said I needed to take that kind of writing and apply it to my application materials.
2. I met up with a girl from my program who used to work at the practicum I just started at. We met up for coffee (I had ginger lemonade, yum!) and I got to ask her questions about the site, the people, the rules, etc. This discussion naturally lead to internship talk, as most of my conversations do lately.
3. We took a day trip to Dillon's Beach, one of the few beaches that allows off leash dog play. It was the pup's first time to the ocean.
Felt like we were back home on the Oregon coast :) He only know California as of now, but he'll soon get a taste of WA & OR.
4. I completed 33 weeks of this "5 beneficial things". That isn't exactly an amazing accomplishment, but I was struggling for coming up with things, and that is still pretty good. How many people can say they're still upholding their New Year's Resolution?
5. (Went to bed that Friday at 8:30pm. I was soooooooo zonked from doing double time, I obviously needed it.
I'll be back tomorrow with this past weeks 5 things. Over and out.
My 5 things:
1. I had a meeting with a professor from the "Office of Professional Development". It was not mandatory, but I wanted to meet face to face and go over my proposed site list for internship sites and see where I'm at. This professor was also one of the ones on the committee that initially rejected me for applying. She said they were on the fence about me, so they rejected me to see my response. They weren't sure I was ready. Apparently, my appeal did exactly what I had hope it would, and it made them realize that "oh, no this girl is actually ready". She said I needed to take that kind of writing and apply it to my application materials.
2. I met up with a girl from my program who used to work at the practicum I just started at. We met up for coffee (I had ginger lemonade, yum!) and I got to ask her questions about the site, the people, the rules, etc. This discussion naturally lead to internship talk, as most of my conversations do lately.
3. We took a day trip to Dillon's Beach, one of the few beaches that allows off leash dog play. It was the pup's first time to the ocean.
4. I completed 33 weeks of this "5 beneficial things". That isn't exactly an amazing accomplishment, but I was struggling for coming up with things, and that is still pretty good. How many people can say they're still upholding their New Year's Resolution?
5. (Went to bed that Friday at 8:30pm. I was soooooooo zonked from doing double time, I obviously needed it.
I'll be back tomorrow with this past weeks 5 things. Over and out.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Week 32: August 6th-11th
So it is a week after getting back from Hawaii, and I have not unpacked.
That's right folks, I am rummaging through an exploded suitcase of clothing to get dressed each morning, all the while, the clothes have started to take up more and more space as I dig deeper for other items. Not to mention, my pj's and the daily wearings have also made their way into this mound. Mind you, I unpacked J's things about a day or so after we got back but for whatever reason my things just haven't wanted to get sorted or hung back up. Maybe that should really go on my to-do list, eventually.
I have a feeling next week's 5 things list is going to have a LOT to do with food, seeing as how I just went grocery shopping for the 1st time since before we left and we are now stocked up on things for me to try new recipes with.
As for this week's 5 things:
1. I've been reading, TONS! My goodness how I love a good book. Graduate school has almost tainted books for me, but then I jump into some young-adult novel, true crime, or mystery fiction and I can't ever remember why I haven't been reading every day all the time? (Oh that's right, that school thing keeps getting in the way). I bought the book to celebrate my 10 hours I'd be on a plane to and from Hawaii since I prefer to spend plane rides with my nose in a book. I bought a book I'd heard was a "great, easy summer read" Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I have, so far, thoroughly enjoyed it. I've only got about 100 pages left, that I am really hoping to finish before my edits from my dissertation proposal come back and I have to face reality and shelve the book (pun totally intended).
2. I went to a non-mandatory meeting at my new practicum this past week. It was voluntary, in order for the new interns to get a chance to see how things work with the counselors, how they discuss residents and the types of things we'll be responsible for in regards to our own client-load. It also gave me an unexpected look at the dynamics between staff and counselors, higher-ups, etc. My new practicum is at a women's residential home, with basically all all female staff. After a 2 hour meeting all I have to say is HOLY ESTROGEN OVERLOAD! Yikes, it's going to be an interesting year.
3. I had an in-person meeting with my FIA (that's Faculty Internship Advisor, you know the one they originally rejected me from getting...shame on them). Any way, we had our first initial meeting and it went GREAT! She is wonderful, she's blunt, to the point, doesn't bullshit... hmm she reminds me of someone, I just can't put my finger on it ;). I was actually able to be real with her about my reasons for wanting to go in the direction I've chosen and I didn't have to sugar coat it or package it politely. She's the first person in my graduate career that I've actually said anything to about it and I am so thankful that I did. She's helping me to figure out how to present myself in the best way possible in hopes of applying to and getting matched for internship this year. She's damn hard to get a hold of, but when you do, she's brilliant.
4. I rode the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit, aka the subway) by myself back from my meeting in SF. Now, I realize that sounds a little silly going on this list but, it was a chance for me to be alone, in San Francisco, be alone on the subway, and navigate my way home. Hmm, still sounds silly but for me, it's a big deal. Dealing with social anxiety, just riding the subway alone becomes a milestone.
5. I took a nap. Yep, that's made the list for beneficial things for me this week. I went into my old practicum (where I am now a temporary employee) two days in a row, which means 2 days in a row of 4am alarm clocks. Also, since we got back from Hawaii my somewhat-adjusted-allergies to the dog completely vanished and my body has to become adjusted all over again. This results in total and utter exhaustion and itchiness. On top of that, I spent the majority of Saturday completely uncomfortable and suffering so that night I just could not take it anymore and I took an allergy pill. Non-drowsy my ass. Sunday I felt like a complete zombie. Hence, the 3 hours nap. It. was. glorious.
That's right folks, I am rummaging through an exploded suitcase of clothing to get dressed each morning, all the while, the clothes have started to take up more and more space as I dig deeper for other items. Not to mention, my pj's and the daily wearings have also made their way into this mound. Mind you, I unpacked J's things about a day or so after we got back but for whatever reason my things just haven't wanted to get sorted or hung back up. Maybe that should really go on my to-do list, eventually.
I have a feeling next week's 5 things list is going to have a LOT to do with food, seeing as how I just went grocery shopping for the 1st time since before we left and we are now stocked up on things for me to try new recipes with.
As for this week's 5 things:
1. I've been reading, TONS! My goodness how I love a good book. Graduate school has almost tainted books for me, but then I jump into some young-adult novel, true crime, or mystery fiction and I can't ever remember why I haven't been reading every day all the time? (Oh that's right, that school thing keeps getting in the way). I bought the book to celebrate my 10 hours I'd be on a plane to and from Hawaii since I prefer to spend plane rides with my nose in a book. I bought a book I'd heard was a "great, easy summer read" Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I have, so far, thoroughly enjoyed it. I've only got about 100 pages left, that I am really hoping to finish before my edits from my dissertation proposal come back and I have to face reality and shelve the book (pun totally intended).
2. I went to a non-mandatory meeting at my new practicum this past week. It was voluntary, in order for the new interns to get a chance to see how things work with the counselors, how they discuss residents and the types of things we'll be responsible for in regards to our own client-load. It also gave me an unexpected look at the dynamics between staff and counselors, higher-ups, etc. My new practicum is at a women's residential home, with basically all all female staff. After a 2 hour meeting all I have to say is HOLY ESTROGEN OVERLOAD! Yikes, it's going to be an interesting year.
3. I had an in-person meeting with my FIA (that's Faculty Internship Advisor, you know the one they originally rejected me from getting...shame on them). Any way, we had our first initial meeting and it went GREAT! She is wonderful, she's blunt, to the point, doesn't bullshit... hmm she reminds me of someone, I just can't put my finger on it ;). I was actually able to be real with her about my reasons for wanting to go in the direction I've chosen and I didn't have to sugar coat it or package it politely. She's the first person in my graduate career that I've actually said anything to about it and I am so thankful that I did. She's helping me to figure out how to present myself in the best way possible in hopes of applying to and getting matched for internship this year. She's damn hard to get a hold of, but when you do, she's brilliant.
4. I rode the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit, aka the subway) by myself back from my meeting in SF. Now, I realize that sounds a little silly going on this list but, it was a chance for me to be alone, in San Francisco, be alone on the subway, and navigate my way home. Hmm, still sounds silly but for me, it's a big deal. Dealing with social anxiety, just riding the subway alone becomes a milestone.
5. I took a nap. Yep, that's made the list for beneficial things for me this week. I went into my old practicum (where I am now a temporary employee) two days in a row, which means 2 days in a row of 4am alarm clocks. Also, since we got back from Hawaii my somewhat-adjusted-allergies to the dog completely vanished and my body has to become adjusted all over again. This results in total and utter exhaustion and itchiness. On top of that, I spent the majority of Saturday completely uncomfortable and suffering so that night I just could not take it anymore and I took an allergy pill. Non-drowsy my ass. Sunday I felt like a complete zombie. Hence, the 3 hours nap. It. was. glorious.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Week 29: July 15th-21st...Dissertation proposal is swallowing me whole!
Late again. This time, I blame my dissertation. I've spent the last 2 days engulfed in proposal editing. It is the most frustrating, time consuming task ever. You read, search, write, delete, rewrite, search, read some more....6 hours pass and you have about a paragraph more than you started with. Talk about feeling worthless.
The good news: in a week J and I will be heading to Hawaii for a MUCH needed vacation. Ok, so I'm presenting at a conference and that means its not all play and no work, but I'm going to attempt to do a minimal amount of work to the best of my ability.
On to my 5 things:
1. I went running once. WHAT?! I ran, unbelievable. Especially since I haven't been in weeks. I only did it once though, but hey that is better than none. I just have to keep telling myself that so I don't get completely discouraged. Crazy to think I injured my knee (IT band) a year ago. Now actually, I do feel pretty worthless. A year after my injury and I only went running once. I need to work on that. Really need to make it a priority. This is my verbal agreement to myself to step it up (literally!).
2. My time at my practicum is coming to an end. I am done at the end of this month. I was approached by a higher-up asking if I'd be willing to stay on during the month of August to help out with the transition to the new interns because they're pretty short-staffed. She urged me to talk with the director about it and said I could get paid as a part-time employee. So I discussed it will the director and it seemed like he was dragging his feet about it. Kept saying he wasn't sure if HR would go for it, blah blah. I mean, I wasn't totally all for the idea. The thought of having to wake up at 4am for another month (when I've been counting down the days!!) didn't sound great, plus the commute, and increase in work load since I'll be starting my next practicum in August all made me think twice about pestering the director. BUT, then I had a little chat with myself and realized I was recently rejected by my school for applying to internship. Granted, I appealed, etc but ultimately, on paper, I don't look all that great. This would give me an opportunity to get paid (which I desperately need!) and to increase my CV and hours for internship applications. This is something that is important for my career. So, I proceeded to bother the director about it, a number of times until finally: Success. He said we'll go ahead with it! So, although it is added responsibility and stress, what part of bettering yourself isn't?
3. Speaking of needing to beef up that pathetic CV of mine: I talked with my current supervisor and discussed my situation about needing additional experience and my willingness to do additional work. All this is still in the works, but there is potential for me to continue working with him at another site he does work for and getting assessment hours (which I really need). Again, it's additional stress, work, commuting, shitty hours with no pay, but it is experience. I'm motivated to not have to stay here an additional year so I want to be able to apply on time for internship (and actually have a shot at getting matched!).
4. Sunday morning J and I decided to treat ourselves to donuts from Dick's Donuts down the road from us :)
5. I spent quality time with my pup; cuddling, playing around, and running around outside. Alright, I admit...he's growing on me.
The good news: in a week J and I will be heading to Hawaii for a MUCH needed vacation. Ok, so I'm presenting at a conference and that means its not all play and no work, but I'm going to attempt to do a minimal amount of work to the best of my ability.
On to my 5 things:
1. I went running once. WHAT?! I ran, unbelievable. Especially since I haven't been in weeks. I only did it once though, but hey that is better than none. I just have to keep telling myself that so I don't get completely discouraged. Crazy to think I injured my knee (IT band) a year ago. Now actually, I do feel pretty worthless. A year after my injury and I only went running once. I need to work on that. Really need to make it a priority. This is my verbal agreement to myself to step it up (literally!).
2. My time at my practicum is coming to an end. I am done at the end of this month. I was approached by a higher-up asking if I'd be willing to stay on during the month of August to help out with the transition to the new interns because they're pretty short-staffed. She urged me to talk with the director about it and said I could get paid as a part-time employee. So I discussed it will the director and it seemed like he was dragging his feet about it. Kept saying he wasn't sure if HR would go for it, blah blah. I mean, I wasn't totally all for the idea. The thought of having to wake up at 4am for another month (when I've been counting down the days!!) didn't sound great, plus the commute, and increase in work load since I'll be starting my next practicum in August all made me think twice about pestering the director. BUT, then I had a little chat with myself and realized I was recently rejected by my school for applying to internship. Granted, I appealed, etc but ultimately, on paper, I don't look all that great. This would give me an opportunity to get paid (which I desperately need!) and to increase my CV and hours for internship applications. This is something that is important for my career. So, I proceeded to bother the director about it, a number of times until finally: Success. He said we'll go ahead with it! So, although it is added responsibility and stress, what part of bettering yourself isn't?
3. Speaking of needing to beef up that pathetic CV of mine: I talked with my current supervisor and discussed my situation about needing additional experience and my willingness to do additional work. All this is still in the works, but there is potential for me to continue working with him at another site he does work for and getting assessment hours (which I really need). Again, it's additional stress, work, commuting, shitty hours with no pay, but it is experience. I'm motivated to not have to stay here an additional year so I want to be able to apply on time for internship (and actually have a shot at getting matched!).
4. Sunday morning J and I decided to treat ourselves to donuts from Dick's Donuts down the road from us :)
5. I spent quality time with my pup; cuddling, playing around, and running around outside. Alright, I admit...he's growing on me.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Week 20: May 14th-19th 2013. The waiting is over.
My 5 things:
- Went running. Only once, it was a post-Vegas run over the weekend and it was necessary. My running was on a role there. I do believe that was positively correlated with my stress level leading up to Orals. Then Vegas happened. So, it is just a matter of getting back to 3 times a week. I'm happy with 3 times a week.
- I actually let myself take a nap. That is rare in recent years, and I usually try to fight the urge but I was just exhausted and I allowed myself to sleep, despite not having been as productive as I'd wanted to. Turns out I was able to wake up from the nap and give my kitchen a much needed cleaning, as well as the floors in the house. So it was definitely worth it.
- I made the decision to stay here. J had a business trip up north Thursday-Sunday. I wanted to go, to be able to see family, to accompany him on the road but I knew I had so much work piling up and that I really couldn't afford to take more time off with all these deadlines looming. Instead, I stayed here and holed myself up at home. Aside from going to work on Friday, I didn't leave the house. I was able to get wquite a bit of school work/dissertation and research stuff done.
- Watched tons of silly movies/TV that I would never subject J to out of respect for his manhood. I'm talking dramas, romantic comedy, and amultiple episodes of an ABC family TV show. Bad stuff (but oh-so-good in that horrible way)
- In my Women's Group that I co-lead I utilized a new technique I've never done before, that is out of my usual realm of practices. I did a spin off of Gestalt's "empty chair" technique. It actually ended up being pretty effective, although not all patients participated to the fullest..which is expected in a group. Either way, I was proud of myself for reaching outside of my usual bag of tricks for last week's group.
After a weekend of consistently
checking and rechecking my email for a message from my latest
interview and watching as my phone didn't ring, Monday arrived and I
was beginning to lose hope. "By the end of the week" she
said. The interview took place on Thursday, so I assumed that meant
Friday. When Friday came and went with nothing I assumed that perhaps
meant some time over the weekend, surely by Sunday (that is, in fact,
the end of the week). Sunday then came and went and Monday had
arrived with not even a peep. Thankfully J came come after a weekend
up north late Sunday evening so my attention was focused mostly on
him. Monday morning I got up much earlier than him, had my coffee and
read some research articles for my Forensics class. After a hearty
breakfast of banana-oatmeal pancakes and strawberries and a silent
phone, I spent the rest the morning catching up with J and hearing
about his trip before he had to head to work. I checked my phone and
out of no where, I had somehow missed a call and had a voicemail
waiting. It was her, calling to offer me a practicum placement.
FINALLY! After over a month of my hopes being hurled around on an
emotional roller coaster of rejection I have a place that actually
thinks I'm good enough. What a relief.
It's not what I want to be doing, it
still working in substance abuse...so it's actually really a killer
to my future career hopes of being in Forensics field...or really any
field outside of substance use. It's a residential setting for women
and children (the women are in recovery). So, it's going to be an
estrogen party for me on a daily basis. Oy! That's going to take some
getting used to, especially since currently most my clients are male,
my supervisor is male, and my clinic director is male. Soon I'll be
surrounded by vaginas galore with little testosterone in sight.
Should be... interesting.
Choosing this site has closed a LOT of doors I am really not ready to close. It's actually going beyond closing them, it is flat out nailing the door shut with an extra large padlock and chains. That is going to take some mourning. I mean I can fight and fight until I'm blue in the face, but in the end I needed to make a decision: to hold onto an idea that had me drowning by myself in this ocean that was my dream , or to latch onto a lifeboat that would sail me away from that ocean and onto land where, although the safety is comforting, it won't ever make me feel the way that ocean did.
Choosing this site has closed a LOT of doors I am really not ready to close. It's actually going beyond closing them, it is flat out nailing the door shut with an extra large padlock and chains. That is going to take some mourning. I mean I can fight and fight until I'm blue in the face, but in the end I needed to make a decision: to hold onto an idea that had me drowning by myself in this ocean that was my dream , or to latch onto a lifeboat that would sail me away from that ocean and onto land where, although the safety is comforting, it won't ever make me feel the way that ocean did.
I suppose that's a common theme in
life. Keep drowning for the possibility of something likely
unattainable or get to safety and miss out on whatever it was I was
risking my life for. The trouble is...knowing when to grab on or when
to keep struggling.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Week 19: May 6th-13th Burned out and beat down...that's what Vegas does (and so does grad school, without any of the perks!)
This week's dates are a bit off, and I am a bit late on posting... BUT for good reason:
I was in VEGAS!! Such a monumental week: I passed my orals, it was J's 1st time to Vegas and our first "couples trip" with my best friend and her boyfriend. Oh, and I should also mention how my best friend got ENGAGED on the trip too! So happy I got to be a part of it: I was the photographer of the event :)
We drank, we ate, we tanned, we laughed, we adventured, we walked, we talked, we gambled, we indulged.
It was mighty difficult to adjust back to real life after such an exhausting, eventual trip. I don't have much brain power left either.
I had an interview of Monday with my top choice,but they did not end up choosing me. I was pretty upset about it. In all honesty, I'm still pretty upset about it. It's left me feeling pretty discouraged. I have another interview tomorrow, which I actually think I have a pretty good shot at...it is just that it's not doing what I want, at all. My professor has advised against staying in the field I'm currently in (I need a broader range) and as of now, the interview for tomorrow is still in the area of substance use.
I also got a verbal beat down yesterday from my advisor about my lack of progress on my dissertation.
Feeling pretty deflated at the moment. Man, grad school is so good at that.
I was in VEGAS!! Such a monumental week: I passed my orals, it was J's 1st time to Vegas and our first "couples trip" with my best friend and her boyfriend. Oh, and I should also mention how my best friend got ENGAGED on the trip too! So happy I got to be a part of it: I was the photographer of the event :)
We drank, we ate, we tanned, we laughed, we adventured, we walked, we talked, we gambled, we indulged.
It was mighty difficult to adjust back to real life after such an exhausting, eventual trip. I don't have much brain power left either.
I had an interview of Monday with my top choice,but they did not end up choosing me. I was pretty upset about it. In all honesty, I'm still pretty upset about it. It's left me feeling pretty discouraged. I have another interview tomorrow, which I actually think I have a pretty good shot at...it is just that it's not doing what I want, at all. My professor has advised against staying in the field I'm currently in (I need a broader range) and as of now, the interview for tomorrow is still in the area of substance use.
I also got a verbal beat down yesterday from my advisor about my lack of progress on my dissertation.
Feeling pretty deflated at the moment. Man, grad school is so good at that.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Week 18: April 29th-May 5th: Worrying myself sick, literally
So typical. The minute I stop worrying about practicum interviews, I get offered two, BOTH while I'll be out of town. Ain't that a bitch?
One of the offers is from my number 1, top choice site from the initial round that didn't even offer me an interview before. It's working my my favor that it's late in the game so a lot of students have already accepted offers at other sites so there is a smaller, less competitive pool for them to choose from. Honestly, I'm fine with that because the thing is, I don't have any experience working with that population, so there is less of a reason to give me a chance. What I do have is motivation and charisma and when the pickins get slimmer, that is more likely to matter. The unfortunate thing, is that they're doing a group interview on the 13th (that they've invited me to) and when I spoke with the director on the phone, she said that if they don't find their placement on Monday that they may be able to meet me on Tuesday. Bummer. but there is also a site that wants to meet with me and is a little more flexible with time so I suppose if this one doesn't work out, the other one may.
But really, my main focus at this point is my Oral exam tomorrow. I go at 9am. There is a lot riding on this exam. It determines whether or not I get awarded my M.S., whether or not I can defend my proposal, and whether or not I will even be eligible to apply for internship. I know, I know, I can always retake it in a few months and there are other factors that may also prevent me from applying on time even if I did pass, but this exam is 3 years in the making. I've been dreading this exam since Fall 2010 when I entered into this program and I just want it to be over with already and not be drug out for another couple of months while I try to prepare all over again.
To top it all off: I'm getting sick. My body is so angry with me with all this stress and it just wants to give up. I worry that I'm going to spend my entire Vegas vacation sick. I'm trying my best to keep hydrated, to get as much sleep as my body will allow and loading up on EmergenC but despite all my best efforts, it's still creeping up on me. :/
Anyway, amidst all of that, here are my 5 things:
1. I went in an extra day to practicum to get more hours. Even though, with how chaotic things are right now with Orals and research deadlines, that was perhaps not the best decision, but it was only a half day anyway.
2. I went running three times. I finally feel like a runner again (well, I never really felt like a real one, I've always felt like a wanna-be) but I at least feel like a wanna-be runner again, and not just a total fake or failure.
3. I baked cookies yesterday and they were a big hit at the BBQ we went to.
4. I did another study session via Skype with a friend on Saturday. We went over materials for Orals from about 10am until 3pm with only a short break due to computer malfunctions. I'm really trying to get this Oral exam right the first time so as not to have to delay everything and take it again. Hopefully all this studying will pay off.
5. Yesterday was Cinco De Mayo and we went to a friend's house for a BBQ. It is a friend here, whose family has really been great and welcoming to me and J since we don't have family here so it's nice to be able to see them and spend some time with them. Plus there was some excellent food to enjoy :)
One of the offers is from my number 1, top choice site from the initial round that didn't even offer me an interview before. It's working my my favor that it's late in the game so a lot of students have already accepted offers at other sites so there is a smaller, less competitive pool for them to choose from. Honestly, I'm fine with that because the thing is, I don't have any experience working with that population, so there is less of a reason to give me a chance. What I do have is motivation and charisma and when the pickins get slimmer, that is more likely to matter. The unfortunate thing, is that they're doing a group interview on the 13th (that they've invited me to) and when I spoke with the director on the phone, she said that if they don't find their placement on Monday that they may be able to meet me on Tuesday. Bummer. but there is also a site that wants to meet with me and is a little more flexible with time so I suppose if this one doesn't work out, the other one may.
But really, my main focus at this point is my Oral exam tomorrow. I go at 9am. There is a lot riding on this exam. It determines whether or not I get awarded my M.S., whether or not I can defend my proposal, and whether or not I will even be eligible to apply for internship. I know, I know, I can always retake it in a few months and there are other factors that may also prevent me from applying on time even if I did pass, but this exam is 3 years in the making. I've been dreading this exam since Fall 2010 when I entered into this program and I just want it to be over with already and not be drug out for another couple of months while I try to prepare all over again.
To top it all off: I'm getting sick. My body is so angry with me with all this stress and it just wants to give up. I worry that I'm going to spend my entire Vegas vacation sick. I'm trying my best to keep hydrated, to get as much sleep as my body will allow and loading up on EmergenC but despite all my best efforts, it's still creeping up on me. :/
Anyway, amidst all of that, here are my 5 things:
1. I went in an extra day to practicum to get more hours. Even though, with how chaotic things are right now with Orals and research deadlines, that was perhaps not the best decision, but it was only a half day anyway.
2. I went running three times. I finally feel like a runner again (well, I never really felt like a real one, I've always felt like a wanna-be) but I at least feel like a wanna-be runner again, and not just a total fake or failure.
3. I baked cookies yesterday and they were a big hit at the BBQ we went to.
4. I did another study session via Skype with a friend on Saturday. We went over materials for Orals from about 10am until 3pm with only a short break due to computer malfunctions. I'm really trying to get this Oral exam right the first time so as not to have to delay everything and take it again. Hopefully all this studying will pay off.
5. Yesterday was Cinco De Mayo and we went to a friend's house for a BBQ. It is a friend here, whose family has really been great and welcoming to me and J since we don't have family here so it's nice to be able to see them and spend some time with them. Plus there was some excellent food to enjoy :)
Monday, April 29, 2013
Week 17: April 22nd-28th: The calm... that hopefully won't be followed by a storm
So It's yet another Monday and I am still practicum-less. I applied to 1 more site and have heard back from a 2nd one that they officially received my application and are now reviewing all the applications. The email included about 18 other students, so I'm not going to hold my breath. It's my top choice site too.
I had sort of a revelation at some point last week, sort of a calm that just washed over me about all this practicum stuff. Yes, it's stressful not knowing, of course I'd prefer to have a placement...but with everything I've got going on, I can't afford wasted energy on this issue. I've done what I can, I've applied to some places and now I'm just going to wait. I'm going to wait, and not worry and focus on what matters in this moment: ORALS!
My 5 things:
1. I went running twice, which is an improvement from last week, although my knee is still bothering me. The second day of running I went over to Alameda with J and we both ran. Granted, he runs much faster and farther than I do, so we don't actually run together but we do our warm up walk and stretches together. It's nice to know he's there doing the same thing though, even if I can't run with him.
2. I baked: twice this week. That's also how you know the stress is piling up. I baked banana-blackberry-oat muffins for us to take with us to work, etc and then I baked chocolate chip cookies last night for a treat. I recently purchased wheat flour due to the hype about it being better for you. I won't lie, it just isn't very good in cookies. I can handle it in the muffins and breads I've made, but cookies are just made to be baked with white flour and that is just all I have to say about that. I guess it could just be an acquired taste, like when you first switch to wheat bread. Jury is still out I suppose.
3. Did yoga twice this week. I really need to invest in a yoga mat. I use videos on YouTube of different types of yoga, recently I've been trying flow yoga and I like it but the rug we have out on the front room is just not cutting it for trying to hold some of those poses. I need to stop being a cheapskate and just get a mat, they're like $10.
4. Sunday I had a study session via Skype with a friend for almost 3 hours, going over materials for our Oral competency exams. Definitely helped me a LOT to feel like I semi-have an idea now about what it entails and what I'm expected to know. I still don't feel totally prepared, but it helped immensely. We're actually planning another one later in the week to review more.
5. I had a take home midterm that was sent out Thursday. We have until the following Friday to complete it. I didn't want to have to worry about my midterm and orals so I decided to start on the midterm on Thursday, and finish it up this weekend. I spent most of my morning on Sunday working on it (which was followed by that 3 hour study session...Sunday was a busy-brain day). I can proudly say that I've completed it and now I can focus all my energy on my Orals. Did I do the best possible job ever? No, but Orals have a whole lot more riding on them than this midterm. Priorities.
Wow, so I went running, baked, and did yoga....each one twice. Interesting theme this week.
I had sort of a revelation at some point last week, sort of a calm that just washed over me about all this practicum stuff. Yes, it's stressful not knowing, of course I'd prefer to have a placement...but with everything I've got going on, I can't afford wasted energy on this issue. I've done what I can, I've applied to some places and now I'm just going to wait. I'm going to wait, and not worry and focus on what matters in this moment: ORALS!
My 5 things:
1. I went running twice, which is an improvement from last week, although my knee is still bothering me. The second day of running I went over to Alameda with J and we both ran. Granted, he runs much faster and farther than I do, so we don't actually run together but we do our warm up walk and stretches together. It's nice to know he's there doing the same thing though, even if I can't run with him.
2. I baked: twice this week. That's also how you know the stress is piling up. I baked banana-blackberry-oat muffins for us to take with us to work, etc and then I baked chocolate chip cookies last night for a treat. I recently purchased wheat flour due to the hype about it being better for you. I won't lie, it just isn't very good in cookies. I can handle it in the muffins and breads I've made, but cookies are just made to be baked with white flour and that is just all I have to say about that. I guess it could just be an acquired taste, like when you first switch to wheat bread. Jury is still out I suppose.
3. Did yoga twice this week. I really need to invest in a yoga mat. I use videos on YouTube of different types of yoga, recently I've been trying flow yoga and I like it but the rug we have out on the front room is just not cutting it for trying to hold some of those poses. I need to stop being a cheapskate and just get a mat, they're like $10.
4. Sunday I had a study session via Skype with a friend for almost 3 hours, going over materials for our Oral competency exams. Definitely helped me a LOT to feel like I semi-have an idea now about what it entails and what I'm expected to know. I still don't feel totally prepared, but it helped immensely. We're actually planning another one later in the week to review more.
5. I had a take home midterm that was sent out Thursday. We have until the following Friday to complete it. I didn't want to have to worry about my midterm and orals so I decided to start on the midterm on Thursday, and finish it up this weekend. I spent most of my morning on Sunday working on it (which was followed by that 3 hour study session...Sunday was a busy-brain day). I can proudly say that I've completed it and now I can focus all my energy on my Orals. Did I do the best possible job ever? No, but Orals have a whole lot more riding on them than this midterm. Priorities.
Wow, so I went running, baked, and did yoga....each one twice. Interesting theme this week.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Week 15: April 8th-14th 2013: Officially rejected and onto Clearing House
So today is the official "Notification Day". Although for me, it was more like the official "Getting totally rejected day". The thing is, I had planned on turning down the 1 site I interviewed at if they had called, which they didn't. Really, that makes my job easier, not having to have the awkward "thanks but no thanks" conversation. Even though I had planned on participating in Clearing House (what happens after rejection) it still stings to see the vast majority of my classmates posting about how they've been accepted and knowing I've got a whole lot more ahead of me before I get that feeling. The good news is, I will get that feeling. I will get a placement, I will have an offer at some point and I will be able to accept. In order for that to happen though, I've got to go through the application process all over again. So today, instead of spending time on my dissertation or reading for my class, I've got to spend time updating my CV, rewriting cover letters and reformatting letters of recommendation so they're ready to be sent out as soon as we get word of which sites still have openings. Even more frustrating, the process starts at 1pm on Wednesday, when I just so happened to have a client until 1:30pm and then over an hour commute even if I'm able to leave right after that client. I think this may result in me bringing my laptop to practicum and taking a few minutes in between my client and the rest of my paperwork to get those applications sent.
I know this will all work out. I'm just not a patient person, and I hate being in the period of the unknown any longer than I absolutely need to be and I've already been in it since we turned in applications the first time.
I can't help but wonder either if all this rejection from these forensics sites is just another "you shouldn't be going that route" sign. It's frustrating to feel like the universe just really isn't on your side and keeps telling you what you feel in your heart is right....is wrong. I mean, I keep telling myself that it's not the universe telling me I'm going in the wrong direction, it's the universe testing me, and making me work for it. But after so much constant rejection with zero progress in that direction, I can't help but wonder if it is actually telling me to choose something else and I'm just the idiot misreading the signs of sitting here in denial. I mean how do you know when enough is enough? Am I just being a masochist by continually setting myself up for failure and disappointment? How do you know when the universe is testing you versus giving you clear signs to choose a different direction?
Hmm, I'm not getting anywhere that isn't leading to more unanswerable questions. As much fun as that is, I think it's time to write about my 5 things.
So here they are:
1. I went running 3 times this week. I am really digging this consistency I've got going with running 3 times aa week. Sunday I even went 2 miles! Granted, it is interval running, so this last week I was doing 2 min of running then 1 minute of walking and I did this for 30 min and went 2.14 miles. Even though it isn't running 2 miles, it's further than I usually go (usually about 1.3-1.6 miles) so i take it as a success.
2. I went in an extra day of practicum this last week to get a few extra hours. I am trying my hardest to get as many hours as possible since I'm continuously playing catch up with my practicum hours in order to try and be competitive for internship and every extra bit I can do to go above and beyond what I'm already doing is helpful.
3. J and I went to see Jurassic Park in 3D on Wednesday. It was his first 3D movie ever! I've only see one or 2 others in 3D so it's still pretty new to me as well.
I had never been on a brewery tour. J said our guide, Louis, was one of the best ones he's ever seen from the tours he's done. We went up to his after and thanked him and he let us see the upstairs and peek into a private tour (seen in the photo above). It was an awesome experience. J even bought me a shirt to commemorate my first brewery tour. :)
5. After we went on the tour, we decided to drive into SF and get some fish and chips on the pier. We stopped off and took in the beautiful weather just before driving over the Golden Gate. I'm thankful that, although we live here, we don't take all this wonderful architecture and art for granted and still enjoy just being able to be around it.
I know this will all work out. I'm just not a patient person, and I hate being in the period of the unknown any longer than I absolutely need to be and I've already been in it since we turned in applications the first time.
I can't help but wonder either if all this rejection from these forensics sites is just another "you shouldn't be going that route" sign. It's frustrating to feel like the universe just really isn't on your side and keeps telling you what you feel in your heart is right....is wrong. I mean, I keep telling myself that it's not the universe telling me I'm going in the wrong direction, it's the universe testing me, and making me work for it. But after so much constant rejection with zero progress in that direction, I can't help but wonder if it is actually telling me to choose something else and I'm just the idiot misreading the signs of sitting here in denial. I mean how do you know when enough is enough? Am I just being a masochist by continually setting myself up for failure and disappointment? How do you know when the universe is testing you versus giving you clear signs to choose a different direction?
Hmm, I'm not getting anywhere that isn't leading to more unanswerable questions. As much fun as that is, I think it's time to write about my 5 things.
So here they are:
1. I went running 3 times this week. I am really digging this consistency I've got going with running 3 times aa week. Sunday I even went 2 miles! Granted, it is interval running, so this last week I was doing 2 min of running then 1 minute of walking and I did this for 30 min and went 2.14 miles. Even though it isn't running 2 miles, it's further than I usually go (usually about 1.3-1.6 miles) so i take it as a success.
2. I went in an extra day of practicum this last week to get a few extra hours. I am trying my hardest to get as many hours as possible since I'm continuously playing catch up with my practicum hours in order to try and be competitive for internship and every extra bit I can do to go above and beyond what I'm already doing is helpful.
3. J and I went to see Jurassic Park in 3D on Wednesday. It was his first 3D movie ever! I've only see one or 2 others in 3D so it's still pretty new to me as well.
We went all out and got soda and popcorn (LARGES!).
4. On Saturday, we wanted to go and explore somewhere we've both never been but that wasn't too far from home. We decided to venture up toward Marin County and J had the idea to check out Laguanitas Brewery. We go directions and found out that they did free tours, the next one starting in approximately 1 hour.... about the same time it would take us to drive there. We arrived just in time to catch the 1pm tour. Success!
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| With Louis, our 'Beer Preacher' for the afternoon |
I had never been on a brewery tour. J said our guide, Louis, was one of the best ones he's ever seen from the tours he's done. We went up to his after and thanked him and he let us see the upstairs and peek into a private tour (seen in the photo above). It was an awesome experience. J even bought me a shirt to commemorate my first brewery tour. :)
5. After we went on the tour, we decided to drive into SF and get some fish and chips on the pier. We stopped off and took in the beautiful weather just before driving over the Golden Gate. I'm thankful that, although we live here, we don't take all this wonderful architecture and art for granted and still enjoy just being able to be around it.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Week 14: April 1st-7th running, dancing, and rejection day
So today is supposed to be the official rejection day from all the sites that are no longer considering you for practicum placement. I mean, I think I've figured it out by now, seeing as how Notification Day is next week and if I haven't heard from you I'm assuming I'm out of the running. Regardless, they're supposed to let us know today. I got one rejection email already. It was a mass email with an attached document that began with "Dear Practicum Applicant,". Oh gee, thanks for the thought. At least the other sites sent me an email and used my name. I mean, rejection, is rejection, is rejection but actually, personalized rejection stings a little less I think. Still waiting on rejection emails from 3 other sites although, it's after 5pm so perhaps those sites just have bad etiquette and I won't be hearing from them.
My 5 things:
1. I went running 3 days this past week. I cannot even put into words how much better I've been feeling lately because of it. Even though I'm not running a ton or even anywhere near what I was...but I'm running! I think, in part, just knowing that I've taken it back up and that I'm not a "failure" at yet another thing I attempted to try is making the difference in the way I feel. I'm sure a big part is also the who endorphins being released, body getting exercise, yadda yadda. But I mean really, I wouldn't be in the field I'm in if I didn't truly believe there are some psychological forces at work here.
2. J and I had our first "guests over for dinner and drinks" at our place. We've made this amazing-art filled-cozy place we call a home together and because of distance (and unsafe location) we've not really had anyone over to be able to enjoy it with us. It was really nice to be able to have friends over and be a hostess for them. At my old place in Mountain View, because of it's prime location it was home for study groups, parties, pre-gaming before going out, and girl nights. I realize I quite enjoy being the hostess and since moving to Oakland, haven't had the opportunity until now.
3. Prior to our friends coming over I was in charge of cleaning/cooking inside, as J had to tackle the ever-so-daunting task of replacing the heater-core (cord?) ...I don't know I'm vehicle incompetent. Regardless, major car stuff needed to be addressed which left me inside to tend to the house. This included sweeping/mopping/dusting/scrubbing the entire house and preparing appetizers and dinner sides and entrees. So, to make this more enjoyable I busted out my '80's Ladies' playlist which consists of Janet, Paula, and Madonna Only the stuff they made in the 80's though, of course) and I proceeded to dance and sing while performing all above mentioned tasks. This left me with a bit of a workout and very clean house with delicious food, and of course an elevated mood because who doesn't enjoy rocking out to those gals, I mean really?
4. Went out Saturday night to celebrate a friend's birthday. It consisted of going out dancing, which J is not into the whole club scene and I can only take it in small doses (ie if I get to drink and dance). Luckliy, Saturday I got to do both and J was such a good sport about it, which made it that much better. I absolutely love dancing (obviously... 2 out of my 5 things on this list this week involve shaking my groove thing) and love when I have an opportunity to go out with friends, have a good time and DANCE DANCE DANCE!
5. So J decided we needed to invest in a gaming system. He bought a handheld (but can be hooked up the the TV) unit for Super Nintendo. He also purchased some games, including Super Mario World. To say that this took up most of my time in youth would be an understatement. Now, it's no Zelda (now THAT is my game!) but I definitely spent a lot of my childhood wrapped up in Mario's worlds.
When it arrived in the mail last week, we spent about 2 hours straight playing, until I realized how horrible I am at the game now and gave up. J's been playing all weekend and although I can't compete anymore, it's still enjoyable to watch. Although, really...I think we need to get Zelda. J is not a fan of it but that game, that is the love of my life and I've yet to actually ever beat the entire game (Hmm... I do believe I'm adding that to my bucket list).
My 5 things:
1. I went running 3 days this past week. I cannot even put into words how much better I've been feeling lately because of it. Even though I'm not running a ton or even anywhere near what I was...but I'm running! I think, in part, just knowing that I've taken it back up and that I'm not a "failure" at yet another thing I attempted to try is making the difference in the way I feel. I'm sure a big part is also the who endorphins being released, body getting exercise, yadda yadda. But I mean really, I wouldn't be in the field I'm in if I didn't truly believe there are some psychological forces at work here.
2. J and I had our first "guests over for dinner and drinks" at our place. We've made this amazing-art filled-cozy place we call a home together and because of distance (and unsafe location) we've not really had anyone over to be able to enjoy it with us. It was really nice to be able to have friends over and be a hostess for them. At my old place in Mountain View, because of it's prime location it was home for study groups, parties, pre-gaming before going out, and girl nights. I realize I quite enjoy being the hostess and since moving to Oakland, haven't had the opportunity until now.
3. Prior to our friends coming over I was in charge of cleaning/cooking inside, as J had to tackle the ever-so-daunting task of replacing the heater-core (cord?) ...I don't know I'm vehicle incompetent. Regardless, major car stuff needed to be addressed which left me inside to tend to the house. This included sweeping/mopping/dusting/scrubbing the entire house and preparing appetizers and dinner sides and entrees. So, to make this more enjoyable I busted out my '80's Ladies' playlist which consists of Janet, Paula, and Madonna Only the stuff they made in the 80's though, of course) and I proceeded to dance and sing while performing all above mentioned tasks. This left me with a bit of a workout and very clean house with delicious food, and of course an elevated mood because who doesn't enjoy rocking out to those gals, I mean really?
4. Went out Saturday night to celebrate a friend's birthday. It consisted of going out dancing, which J is not into the whole club scene and I can only take it in small doses (ie if I get to drink and dance). Luckliy, Saturday I got to do both and J was such a good sport about it, which made it that much better. I absolutely love dancing (obviously... 2 out of my 5 things on this list this week involve shaking my groove thing) and love when I have an opportunity to go out with friends, have a good time and DANCE DANCE DANCE!
5. So J decided we needed to invest in a gaming system. He bought a handheld (but can be hooked up the the TV) unit for Super Nintendo. He also purchased some games, including Super Mario World. To say that this took up most of my time in youth would be an understatement. Now, it's no Zelda (now THAT is my game!) but I definitely spent a lot of my childhood wrapped up in Mario's worlds.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Week 13: March 25th-31st. Easter and I'm running again!
Spring break is over, although I can't actually remember any sort of break. I still had a class (we were making up from a missed one) and I still went into Practicum, woke up at 4am, saw clients, and had supervision. I still had to work on my dissertation. Where was the break exactly? New quarter starts tomorrow.
Oh also, no practicum interviews, still. No rejections either, but I think lack of interviews at this point pretty much insinuates rejections. Waiting, waiting, still waiting. At this point I'm just waiting for rejection confirmation, which is a little ridiculous.
My 5 things:
1. I went running. Not once, not twice, but THREE times this past week. Yes, 3 times! While that used to be the norm for me (and is probably a slow week for most runners) it was definitely something I haven't done in a very, very long time. Needless to say, I'm pretty proud of this. Granted, the running wasn't anything spectacular, I did interval running (run 1 min, walk 1 min) and did about 20 total minutes (so 10 of each) but, it was running!
2. I got to talk with one of my closest friends, Lis on the phone. She and I try to keep in touch but it is usually ends up as sporadic texts on various days and then an email every couple of months. It doesn't help that there is a time difference, she's in Hawai'i so for half the year she's 3 hours behind and the other half she's 2 hours behind. This week we actually got to have a phone conversation, with some very important news. She was accepted (with funding!) to ASU for grad school! I am so very proud of her. Also, I like the idea of having her a 10 hour drive or a less than 2 hour plane ride away from me.
3. I did yoga twice this week. That totals out to 5 workouts this last week. Damn that feels good.
4. I skyped with my family when they had their Easter on Saturday at my dad's house. I got to watch the kids barrel out of the house on their hunt for eggs and watch them run around with their baskets. I got to see the faces of those I love so much and to see the beautiful weather they were having.
This was actually pretty bittersweet. This is now the 7th year I've been apart from my family for Easter. This holiday just always happens to fall at a time of year I'm not able to go home. It was also the first major holiday I was away from my family when I first moved away, right after everything went to shit with my family. Which is likely why it seems especially hard, even for the 7th year in a row. So although I wasn't able to be there in person, I'm thankful I got to be a small part of it.
5. I led, well I co-lead my first ever therapy group this week. It is a women's group that myself and another counselor have formed at the methadone clinic. It was actually originally her thing, she sent out an email stating she'd be starting one and I contacted her about co-leading (since I didn't have any group therapy hours under my belt). I was nervous, and there were definitely parts about it that could have gone better, but either way, I've now completed my first group. We're going to be doing it weekly through the month of April and we may continue, depending on how the month goes. Should be interesting!
Oh also, no practicum interviews, still. No rejections either, but I think lack of interviews at this point pretty much insinuates rejections. Waiting, waiting, still waiting. At this point I'm just waiting for rejection confirmation, which is a little ridiculous.
My 5 things:
1. I went running. Not once, not twice, but THREE times this past week. Yes, 3 times! While that used to be the norm for me (and is probably a slow week for most runners) it was definitely something I haven't done in a very, very long time. Needless to say, I'm pretty proud of this. Granted, the running wasn't anything spectacular, I did interval running (run 1 min, walk 1 min) and did about 20 total minutes (so 10 of each) but, it was running!
2. I got to talk with one of my closest friends, Lis on the phone. She and I try to keep in touch but it is usually ends up as sporadic texts on various days and then an email every couple of months. It doesn't help that there is a time difference, she's in Hawai'i so for half the year she's 3 hours behind and the other half she's 2 hours behind. This week we actually got to have a phone conversation, with some very important news. She was accepted (with funding!) to ASU for grad school! I am so very proud of her. Also, I like the idea of having her a 10 hour drive or a less than 2 hour plane ride away from me.
3. I did yoga twice this week. That totals out to 5 workouts this last week. Damn that feels good.
4. I skyped with my family when they had their Easter on Saturday at my dad's house. I got to watch the kids barrel out of the house on their hunt for eggs and watch them run around with their baskets. I got to see the faces of those I love so much and to see the beautiful weather they were having.
 |
| My dad and sister showing off their great weather |
5. I led, well I co-lead my first ever therapy group this week. It is a women's group that myself and another counselor have formed at the methadone clinic. It was actually originally her thing, she sent out an email stating she'd be starting one and I contacted her about co-leading (since I didn't have any group therapy hours under my belt). I was nervous, and there were definitely parts about it that could have gone better, but either way, I've now completed my first group. We're going to be doing it weekly through the month of April and we may continue, depending on how the month goes. Should be interesting!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Week 12: March 18th-24th...and I'm still waiting
I'm getting quite good at this waiting game.I did have my interview this week, and I think it went fairly. The site
seems awesome and I think I'd get a lot of good experience but due to
the politics involved in this practicum/internship/grad school ish... I
don't think it will give me the hours I need, and I wasn't exactly
qualified for the work. So I'm not betting on getting a placement. Still no word from any of the other 4 sites that haven't contacted me yet. Judging by the timeline, I think it's fairly clear I'll be a member of Clearing House this year (where those who don't get placed get to...start over and apply to new sites). I think if I just come to terms with that now, it won't be such a disappointment when Notification Day comes and my phone never rings.
My 5 things:
1. I had a long conversation with my mom about some events of our past that my family chose to sweep under the rug, and even after everything else came out, these incidents were never explained to me. Through asking questions, I actually learned a lot about my mom and about her childhood that I also never knew. This was actually one of the most honest conversations I've ever had with my mom in my entire life. It amazes me to hear the things my mother has endured in her life and reaffirms my belief that she is by far, one of the strongest women I have ever known.
2. I took some time out to write. I started writing my story some time ago, but have been somewhat avoidant of it due to the nature of the writing and the level of honesty I have to have with myself when I write. I know that someday, my story won't just be a file saved in a folder, I know that it is destined for more than that, but it is going to be a long process. I'll get there, I know I will. Each time I allow myself to open up and write I get that much closer.
3. I did Yoga twice this week. I wish I had time to do it more, well actually, I'm sure I could make time to do it more. So really, I wish I would make more time for it in my life but twice a week is better than nothing.
4. I watched the sunset and did some evening birdwatching over in Alameda alone. It was so beautiful out and there were tons of birds to be seen. I went a little late and didn't have much sunlight left, but it was a nice quiet time to myself. I'd like for J to join me next time.
5. Went to the movies with J on Friday night. We went to see the very silly movie, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. It was as expected, over-the-top ridiculous, a little gross, and very slapstick but what else would come from that combination of actors? J was less impressed but I went in expecting pretty much what I got out of it so I was satisfied. But daaaammnnn movies are expensive. $11.50 each per ticket. We need to remember that matinee is the way to go.
My 5 things:
1. I had a long conversation with my mom about some events of our past that my family chose to sweep under the rug, and even after everything else came out, these incidents were never explained to me. Through asking questions, I actually learned a lot about my mom and about her childhood that I also never knew. This was actually one of the most honest conversations I've ever had with my mom in my entire life. It amazes me to hear the things my mother has endured in her life and reaffirms my belief that she is by far, one of the strongest women I have ever known.
2. I took some time out to write. I started writing my story some time ago, but have been somewhat avoidant of it due to the nature of the writing and the level of honesty I have to have with myself when I write. I know that someday, my story won't just be a file saved in a folder, I know that it is destined for more than that, but it is going to be a long process. I'll get there, I know I will. Each time I allow myself to open up and write I get that much closer.
3. I did Yoga twice this week. I wish I had time to do it more, well actually, I'm sure I could make time to do it more. So really, I wish I would make more time for it in my life but twice a week is better than nothing.
4. I watched the sunset and did some evening birdwatching over in Alameda alone. It was so beautiful out and there were tons of birds to be seen. I went a little late and didn't have much sunlight left, but it was a nice quiet time to myself. I'd like for J to join me next time.
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| View of SF from Alameda |
Monday, March 18, 2013
Week 11: March 11th-17th... What is running, again?
This last week was full of ups and downs. Practicum applications have been in for awhile now and I hadn't heard anything from any site. I'd asked around a bit and it sounded like most people were in the same boat as me, no one had really heard anything with the exception of a few people. Wednesday I got a rejection email from one of my tops sites, Thursday I got an interview offer from my last choice site, and Friday I got a rejection from my number 1 choice site. I am very thankful I've been offered at least one interview. I am still waiting to hear back from 4 sites. The waiting game continues.
1. This week I went into my practicum an extra day that I did not have to. I am really striving to get more face-to-face hours (because those are what really count for internship) and that is difficult to do with a population that is notorious for avoidant behaviors. So I took action and discussed options with my site and decided that I would start going in on occasional Mondays (instead of having my glorious work from home/take care of the house Monday's I've grown to love) I only did a half day, so I didn't have to wake up at an ungodly hour (well, depending on who you're talking to, because I got to wake up at 6am instead of 4am, so to me that was lovely, but to others probably seems atrocious). By the time Friday rolled around, where the majority of my clients canceled or didn't even show up, I was grateful I had put in some extra time earlier in the week so it wasn't a total wash.
2. J and I decided, somewhat out of the blue, that we'd go to a matinee movie and see The Great and Powerful Oz at the Alameda theater. The theater itself was awesome, it's been fully restored to its original condition and has a very old-style feel to it. Bonus was, the movie was cheaper because it was matinee price. I know the movie itself has received a lot of bad reviews because the CGI is not up to par, and this, and that, and whatever but I guess I'm just easy to please. I thought it was delightful, colorful, and entertaining. People are just too damn critical sometimes.
3. Friday night, after some painful rejection emails from my top practicum sites, and a day full of canceling clients, J and I decided to go out for burgers and beers. It was really nice to be out with him, enjoying each others company and while I was enjoying some Blue Moons :)
4. Saturday, although we were all for being lazy and staying in, we decided to get out and enjoy the nice weather. We went to San Francisco with our friend Ray and just walked around, and checked out various shops and places and got lunch. Living so close to such an awesome city, it's really unfortunate we don't make more time to go there.
5. Sunday I went running for the first time in....honestly I don't even remember when the last time was. Yeah, running, remember that? Me either!.... I just checked my MapMyRun app and it was November 12th 2012. Holy hell that's a long time. I mean, I've gone hiking, and biking, and some walking, but I haven't attempted to run since November? It's worse than I thought. I guess that makes much more sense now why I've been feeling the way I have. Lately, whenever I see people running (which is a LOT, by the way, I swear everyone in the bay area is a runner!) I get this aching pain of envy.
When I used to see people run, before I started trying to, I used to use the phrase "Crazy bitches that run". I never understood it, couldn't even fathom it, therefore I rejected the idea completely. Once I got the insane idea to try and become one of those crazy bitches that run, my outlook changed and I began to see them more as equals as though there was an unspoken understanding because now I finally understood too.
After my injury I felt a lot of sadness when I'd see people running. That sadness turned to anger and frustration which is why I basically silently swore it off and gave up (back in November). Fast forward to now. There's still sadness, some anger, and a fair amount of frustration but mostly it's just envy.
Fueled by this envy, I decided that my knee isn't going to stand in my way anymore. I did what I was supposed to, followed the doctor's orders, I've tried other activities to strengthen my body, and now I'm just impatient and annoyed and don't want to keep having all these excuses keep me from doing it. I know I need to take it easy, I know I can't push my knee too hard, but damn if I'm going to sit around any longer. I will do whatever it is I'm capable of doing and as of now, that's enough for me. So when I see runners, I don't have to feel envious that they're out there and I'm not. I can be content with the fact that I was out there just the other day (not back in November).
1. This week I went into my practicum an extra day that I did not have to. I am really striving to get more face-to-face hours (because those are what really count for internship) and that is difficult to do with a population that is notorious for avoidant behaviors. So I took action and discussed options with my site and decided that I would start going in on occasional Mondays (instead of having my glorious work from home/take care of the house Monday's I've grown to love) I only did a half day, so I didn't have to wake up at an ungodly hour (well, depending on who you're talking to, because I got to wake up at 6am instead of 4am, so to me that was lovely, but to others probably seems atrocious). By the time Friday rolled around, where the majority of my clients canceled or didn't even show up, I was grateful I had put in some extra time earlier in the week so it wasn't a total wash.
2. J and I decided, somewhat out of the blue, that we'd go to a matinee movie and see The Great and Powerful Oz at the Alameda theater. The theater itself was awesome, it's been fully restored to its original condition and has a very old-style feel to it. Bonus was, the movie was cheaper because it was matinee price. I know the movie itself has received a lot of bad reviews because the CGI is not up to par, and this, and that, and whatever but I guess I'm just easy to please. I thought it was delightful, colorful, and entertaining. People are just too damn critical sometimes.
3. Friday night, after some painful rejection emails from my top practicum sites, and a day full of canceling clients, J and I decided to go out for burgers and beers. It was really nice to be out with him, enjoying each others company and while I was enjoying some Blue Moons :)
4. Saturday, although we were all for being lazy and staying in, we decided to get out and enjoy the nice weather. We went to San Francisco with our friend Ray and just walked around, and checked out various shops and places and got lunch. Living so close to such an awesome city, it's really unfortunate we don't make more time to go there.
5. Sunday I went running for the first time in....honestly I don't even remember when the last time was. Yeah, running, remember that? Me either!.... I just checked my MapMyRun app and it was November 12th 2012. Holy hell that's a long time. I mean, I've gone hiking, and biking, and some walking, but I haven't attempted to run since November? It's worse than I thought. I guess that makes much more sense now why I've been feeling the way I have. Lately, whenever I see people running (which is a LOT, by the way, I swear everyone in the bay area is a runner!) I get this aching pain of envy.
When I used to see people run, before I started trying to, I used to use the phrase "Crazy bitches that run". I never understood it, couldn't even fathom it, therefore I rejected the idea completely. Once I got the insane idea to try and become one of those crazy bitches that run, my outlook changed and I began to see them more as equals as though there was an unspoken understanding because now I finally understood too.
After my injury I felt a lot of sadness when I'd see people running. That sadness turned to anger and frustration which is why I basically silently swore it off and gave up (back in November). Fast forward to now. There's still sadness, some anger, and a fair amount of frustration but mostly it's just envy.
Fueled by this envy, I decided that my knee isn't going to stand in my way anymore. I did what I was supposed to, followed the doctor's orders, I've tried other activities to strengthen my body, and now I'm just impatient and annoyed and don't want to keep having all these excuses keep me from doing it. I know I need to take it easy, I know I can't push my knee too hard, but damn if I'm going to sit around any longer. I will do whatever it is I'm capable of doing and as of now, that's enough for me. So when I see runners, I don't have to feel envious that they're out there and I'm not. I can be content with the fact that I was out there just the other day (not back in November).
Monday, February 25, 2013
Week 8: Feb 18th-24th: Yosemite!
Still no word back on any of my practicum applications. I turned them in over a week early, they weren't actually due until the 22nd...so really today is the first "business day" after the due date. Should be hopefully getting some interviews within the next few weeks. I'm just being impatient, weird right? ')
My 5 things:
1. I had J do an interval training cardio workout with me. He'd playfully mocked me before about doing youtube video workouts, which I admit seem a bit silly. I wanted him to join in with me so that a) we'd keep up on our exercise throughout the week and b) because I really need more cardio in my workout if I'm actually going to see results (and what I mean by that is: J is already showing improvements and I am not...which is frustrating). Also, I felt a little better when J remarked about how difficult the video was (since I have had trouble completing it in the past).
2. This past week I put it some extra hours in the library and at home to finish up work for a class in order to avoid having to attend the weekly TA sessions that require me to leave class early and often arrive to research group late on Wednesdays. Not to mention the time sitting in traffic, the extra miles and gas on my car. I managed to get all my work turned in and now I no longer have to worry about it, which is such a relief!
3. I only meet with my research group every other week because I have class at that time the other weeks so I am only getting feedback every few weeks on my dissertation which, as evidenced by previous meetings, can blow up in my pretty little face. I decided this last week, since I wasn't meeting with my group & adviser, that i should email him with some of my questions and concerns. This benefits me in a number of ways. First off, that way I'm not wasting another week going in the wrong direction (if my direction is not right), it also shows my adviser that I'm putting in extra time and effort (not just throwing together an update once every 2 weeks), and it allows me to get feedback about what I am doing (which he's usually much nicer via email anyway!).
4. I put in some extra time during the week on class assignments/dissertation research because there was talk of a possible outing with J over the weekend and I wanted to make sure I didn't fall behind in assignments. Also, I know that This upcoming weekend I'll be taking a quick trip home, so I will have less time then as well.
5. J and I took a spontaneous trip to Yosemite National Park over the weekend. Our 2 year anniversary is this upcoming Tuesday (2/26), a day where I am up at 4am and don't return home until 9pm and J will be at the woodshop for most the day. So we decided a weekend getaway was in order to celebrate. We left Saturday morning, stayed the night, and then headed back Sunday afternoon.
It was absolutely beautiful there. Neither of us had been and it was about a 200 mile drive from where we live. We booked a hotel the night before and packed up and left Saturday morning. Unfortunately, the hotel chosen was a bust.... but all the amazing views, wildlife, and nature made up for that.
A lot of the hiking trails were actually closed, which was kind of a bummer. We didn't realize how cold it was and how much snow would be there. Lesson learned on that one (we didn't do much research, obviously). It was still beautiful, regardless of the limited access. You couldn't do all that you wanted to in that short of a trip anyway. Since we'd never been, it was all new scenery to us and at least now we're more familiar with the layout of everything and can do research on different hikes we saw to decide what we should conquer on our next visit. We purchased the year pass, so we will have to go back anyway :)
My 5 things:
1. I had J do an interval training cardio workout with me. He'd playfully mocked me before about doing youtube video workouts, which I admit seem a bit silly. I wanted him to join in with me so that a) we'd keep up on our exercise throughout the week and b) because I really need more cardio in my workout if I'm actually going to see results (and what I mean by that is: J is already showing improvements and I am not...which is frustrating). Also, I felt a little better when J remarked about how difficult the video was (since I have had trouble completing it in the past).
2. This past week I put it some extra hours in the library and at home to finish up work for a class in order to avoid having to attend the weekly TA sessions that require me to leave class early and often arrive to research group late on Wednesdays. Not to mention the time sitting in traffic, the extra miles and gas on my car. I managed to get all my work turned in and now I no longer have to worry about it, which is such a relief!
3. I only meet with my research group every other week because I have class at that time the other weeks so I am only getting feedback every few weeks on my dissertation which, as evidenced by previous meetings, can blow up in my pretty little face. I decided this last week, since I wasn't meeting with my group & adviser, that i should email him with some of my questions and concerns. This benefits me in a number of ways. First off, that way I'm not wasting another week going in the wrong direction (if my direction is not right), it also shows my adviser that I'm putting in extra time and effort (not just throwing together an update once every 2 weeks), and it allows me to get feedback about what I am doing (which he's usually much nicer via email anyway!).
4. I put in some extra time during the week on class assignments/dissertation research because there was talk of a possible outing with J over the weekend and I wanted to make sure I didn't fall behind in assignments. Also, I know that This upcoming weekend I'll be taking a quick trip home, so I will have less time then as well.
5. J and I took a spontaneous trip to Yosemite National Park over the weekend. Our 2 year anniversary is this upcoming Tuesday (2/26), a day where I am up at 4am and don't return home until 9pm and J will be at the woodshop for most the day. So we decided a weekend getaway was in order to celebrate. We left Saturday morning, stayed the night, and then headed back Sunday afternoon.
 | ||||
| J on the edge...I didn't get that close |
 |
| Yosemite Falls |
Monday, February 18, 2013
Week 7: Feb 11th-17th
My 5 things:
1. I rearranged my schedule so that I could attend a Forensic Speaker event on campus on Wednesday. It was focused on juvenile forensics and the supervisor of one of the practicum sites I'm applying to was one of the speakers for the event. I made sure to go, to be engaged, and after the talk was over I went up to the speaker, introduced myself and asked him a question pertaining to my dissertation. I did this in hopes of making a good impression, as well as hopefully being memorable, despite my through-the-roof-social anxiety, shaking limbs, and beat red face and neck, I think I accomplished that.
2. Practicum applications are due February 22nd. I decided to beat the rush and avoid last minute surprises by turning in my applications over a week early. (Although, just today, while looking over my writing sample I noticed some errors. Oops.)
3. I scheduled a meeting with one of my dissertation committee members to discuss my dissertation topic and some possible solutions to potential problems. This wasn't necessary, as I've already discussed this some with my dissertation chair, but I figure it can't hurt to have extra communication with my committee member, plus it will be something to report during my research group update about my dissertation, which makes me look good :)
4. Saturday night we went out for my friend Liz's birthday. She is once of my favorite people I've met through graduate school and have known since the beginning of my program. We went to dinner and then out for drinks and pool after and met up with a group of people. It was good to see my friends outside of class and to be able to do something all together that is not school related.
5. Sunday J and I spent the day on the couch having a movie marathon. We watched a number of movies with Julia Roberts, my favorite <3. Perfect way to spend the end of the long, productive week.
Something I've noticed: When the majority of my 5 things involve beneficial things that are school/career related, I tend to be in a better mood. I'm not sure if that is a coincidence or if by bettering myself occupationally and scholastically I feel better about myself overall because graduate school is such a big, important aspect of my life.
Interesting correlation, although I'm not sure on the causation of it all.
1. I rearranged my schedule so that I could attend a Forensic Speaker event on campus on Wednesday. It was focused on juvenile forensics and the supervisor of one of the practicum sites I'm applying to was one of the speakers for the event. I made sure to go, to be engaged, and after the talk was over I went up to the speaker, introduced myself and asked him a question pertaining to my dissertation. I did this in hopes of making a good impression, as well as hopefully being memorable, despite my through-the-roof-social anxiety, shaking limbs, and beat red face and neck, I think I accomplished that.
2. Practicum applications are due February 22nd. I decided to beat the rush and avoid last minute surprises by turning in my applications over a week early. (Although, just today, while looking over my writing sample I noticed some errors. Oops.)
3. I scheduled a meeting with one of my dissertation committee members to discuss my dissertation topic and some possible solutions to potential problems. This wasn't necessary, as I've already discussed this some with my dissertation chair, but I figure it can't hurt to have extra communication with my committee member, plus it will be something to report during my research group update about my dissertation, which makes me look good :)
4. Saturday night we went out for my friend Liz's birthday. She is once of my favorite people I've met through graduate school and have known since the beginning of my program. We went to dinner and then out for drinks and pool after and met up with a group of people. It was good to see my friends outside of class and to be able to do something all together that is not school related.
5. Sunday J and I spent the day on the couch having a movie marathon. We watched a number of movies with Julia Roberts, my favorite <3. Perfect way to spend the end of the long, productive week.
Something I've noticed: When the majority of my 5 things involve beneficial things that are school/career related, I tend to be in a better mood. I'm not sure if that is a coincidence or if by bettering myself occupationally and scholastically I feel better about myself overall because graduate school is such a big, important aspect of my life.
Interesting correlation, although I'm not sure on the causation of it all.
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