New Years Resolution... only 4 days later

It is 2014. That is... crazy. I mean, it is not actually insane, time moves along just as it always has; although, it seems to be moving more quicker as you age... I'm sure there's some science behind that, right? ;)

2013 was BIG year for me:

• I passed my competency exams
• I obtained my M.S. degree
• I traveled to Yosemite, Vegas, Reno, Disneyland, Hawaii and some other places here and there
• I presented at APA 
• My best friend got engaged and married and I was able to be a part of both
• J and I became "parents" of sorts when we got a puppy
• Completed my training at the methadone clinic
• Began my training at a residential facility for women in recovery with children 
• I let go of the Jetta after 11 years
• I successfully defended my dissertation proposal
• I applied to internships

I am sure there are things I'm forgetting, but those are the highlights for the year. So much accomplished in 1 year, I can't help but take a moment to be a little bit proud of how far I've come. So many things this year that in 2010 I began to  work toward, dread, worry, lose sleep over, and/or hope for and in 2013 they became a reality. Despite the evidence, I still feel like an imposter that will soon be "found out" that I really don't have what it takes to be in a Ph.D. program, they some how made a mistake in admissions and soon they're realize the error. I wonder how many degrees on the wall or letters after my name it'll take for that to disappear?

Hmm... I'm getting sidetracked (and negative). I am supposed to be discussing New Years and my resolutions.

My resolution last year:
My new year's resolution for 2013 is to do 5 things to benefit myself each week and document these 5 things.

I accomplished my resolution for 2013 and I have 52 posts to prove it. I must say, it was a difficult task to take on. It required constant commitment and follow up. I had to hold myself accountable 365 days. Well, isn't that the point of a resolution? It shouldn't just be something you come up with on January 1st only to forget it a month later, or revisit come July. It should be something you are constantly working toward. Otherwise, how will you ever progress? evolve?

This year, I decided that since I have always been painfully afraid of change and stuck in my ways, that I would challenge myself to do things differently.

My new year's resolution for 2014 is to try at least 1 new thing every week. 

This can be anything from trying a new recipe, or a new shade of lipstick, to trying out a new restaurant, exercise, craft, hobby, or a new approach to tackling tasks; anything that I have not tried before. Not every one of them has to be something monumental, but I have to learn to let go of "my way" of doing everything, because that may not be the best way and it certainly is not the only way.

To my fear of change, I challenge you to a year of 52 different ways of living. 



 

Week 1: Jan 1st-6th

I must admit, trying to do 5 things per week to benefit myself proved to be rather difficult.
Much harder than I originally anticipated. I'm sure it will become easier to do and pick out beneficial things as time progresses, but this week's items are not anything to write home about. I guess another lesson this will teach me is what types of things are actually beneficial for me and which feel more like a chore...or better yet: those that may feel like a chore, but are actually quite beneficial. Needless to say, I think this will be a great challenge for myself.
After I wrote about my New Year's Resolution and discussed it with my boyfriend, he decided he wanted to document progress for his resolutions as well so it's nice to know we're sort of doing this together, albeit in much different ways.

Week 1:

1. Actually took a "sick day"...by that I mean I didn't feel well, like a sickness had come over me and instead of ignoring my body's signals, I stayed home, slept a lot, laid on the couch and watched movies with lots of fluids. This resulted in waking up Sunday feeling better (Not totally cured,  but much better).

2. Finished a year long project off my Pinterest that I began Jan 1st, 2012.  The project was a diary/calender/log of daily doings.

This project is ongoing, but I will admit the first year was the most difficult because each card had to be made and written out with the date, and then the entry for 2012 needed to be entered. Also the acquisition of all the postcard dividers needed to happen. I actually ordered some vintage ones off ebay that actually have messages from the 50's and 60's from various parts of the U.S. which I thought added my own personal addition to the project. Although, the last postcard is actually a blank one of Oakland I purchased a few months back in my city.

So this week, I finally got around to finishing up the last few days in December that I'd fallen behind on because of all the holiday/family/buying a car/driving back happenings that caused me to be just too busy to finish in December. Now I'm up-to-date with these and it is already proving worthwhile and interesting to look at the current day and see what I was doing on that day, the previous year.

3. Went to First Fridays in Oakland. It's an art/community event, many cities parttake in their own versions of this but I realized we've been living in Oakland now for a little over 5 months and yet we've never gone to our own city's First Friday event, or any events in our city really. There are so many events and opportunities within minutes of our front door and yet we've experienced so very little of them.

4. During my hour commute home from work on Friday, I plugged in my old I-pod and rocked out to a variety of guilty pleasure tunes I have on there that I completely forgot existed. I love singing in my car, loudly and ALONE so as not to be judged on my lack of talent.

5. I wrote my cousin Kass a letter, snail-mail style. She does not partake in any social-networking, is not a fan of phone calls, and only so much can be said via text. I proposed the idea a few months back that she and I write good old fashion letters and she wrote me in November and I've yet to get around to writing her so I sat down yesterday and wrote out as much as my hand could bare (which proved to be fairly little since I haven't handwritten a letter in awhile). She and I were so close growing up, we did practically everything together. Throughout our late teen years and early 20's various things tore us apart, then brought us back together. We're in such different places in our lives now: I'm out here in a big city in CA going to graduate school with as much freedom as that allows and she is back in a small town in WA, married with a baby on the way, a toddler running around her house and a religion I can't agree with that has resulted in the biggest separation of the two of us. I love her with all my heart, and I love her children as though they are a part of me so the connection with her, however the universe allows is incredibly important to me.

All in all, this week has shown me that beneficial things for me come in all sorts of ways and I need to take the time throughout my week to not only actively engage in things that will benefit my mind/body/soul/heart... but also to take the time to notice those things I may already be doing and how these things benefit my mood and well being. I think part of it is that we so often are already taking part in beneficial activities, but aren't taking the time to acknowledge to positive impact these things can have on us if we let them.
 Week 1 complete, now on to Week 2. This should be interesting as this is the first week of a new quarter in school, my busiest and possibly most difficult yet!!

2013 New Years Resolution (and the new addition of Lucille!)

2013 has arrived, whether we are ready for it or not, it is here!
Today was my 1st day back at work (and by work, I of course mean my practicum at the methadone clinic) after a 10 day vacation that ended in getting about 2 hours of sleep after ringing in the new year and waking up at 4am to make the 11 hour drive back down to the Bay Area.
Why were we driving you ask and not flying back as originally planned...
Because I got a new car! Well, not new by any means..it is a 1995 just like the good ol' Jetta but, unlike the Jetta, this vehicle is actually in good, solid, working condition!

"Lucille" American's favorite redhead <3

This here is Lucille, named after, of course, America's favorite redhead and my personal idol for as long as I can remember: Lucille Ball. I figured it was only fitting, J and I were discussing names and he suggested just "Red" or "Big Red" and I thought no, this here is an older, classy broad... and her name should suggest just that and then it hit me! Lucille <3.
J and I had been discussing getting me a new car because the Jetta, as loveable as he's been, is on his way out, he's a dying bloke who just wants me to give it a rest. We've been through a lot, September marked our 10 year anniversary and that is really saying something. Not many people own cars for 10 years anymore, seems people are so often upgrading or switching make or models of cars for newer, bigger, better and those old tried and true get passed on after only a few short years. Riley, however, (that's the Jetta's name...my cousin and I named our cars 10 years ago 'Riley and Chloe' after characters from one of the Olsen Twins' shows)....Chloe was given up many years ago, but Riley has been with me through oh so much.
Needless to say, we found ol' Lucille up in Portland while visiting family and decided she was too good to pass up, canceled our flights home (thank goodness we were flying Southwest where you can cancel and that $ just goes toward your next flight!) and we made the 11 hour drive back down on New Years Day.
Now, we haven't decided what to do with the Jetta. We've debated attempting to seel the heap o' junk, but really that wouldn't get us much money what with all the problems and "quirks" as I like to call them. There's also the possibility of just parting it out, but that seems a shame since he is still running, although barely... not to mention the idea of just stripping it all apart almost breaks my heart just thinking about it. The other option, which I am kind of keen on, is just keeping it as a back-up or secondary vehicle. It can't hurt right? Although, it hurts my wallet a little insuring 2 cars, but in the grand scheme of things, it just seems smart to have a second vehicle, which J can always drive if need be.

So anyway, all my excitement about the new car made me totally get side tracked and forget why I was posting. NEW YEARS!
 Last year's resolution:
My new years resolution for 2012 is to focus on what I can do, what I'm capable of and what I am able to work toward. Focusing on the cans instead of dwelling on the cannots. 

In terms of this resolution, I'd say that overall, I did a pretty fine job of this in 2012. I am so quick to get discouraged and give up because of negative feedback or a bad review or just my own insecurities but in 2012 I managed to endure quite a bit of criticism, let downs, disappointments, and more criticism (especially where research is concerned!) and despite all of that, I still managed to get done what I needed to, achieve more than I thought I was capable of, and do this with a fair amount of professionalism and poise (although I am not above crying in the bathroom or having a mini meltdown at home). I think this was such an awesome resolution for me to challenge myself with because it is something I really struggle with, and continue to struggle with, although I feel like after a year of actively keeping it a goal, I think I've improved a great deal, although more improvement is always something to strive for. 

In terms of 2013, I've decided my resolution will be more output focused with a measurable goal for myself. With that said:
My new year's resolution for 2013 is to do 5 things to benefit myself each week and document these 5 things. 
These things can be anything from enjoyable activities, bettering my career path, physical activities, alone time, special outings with others, whatever will be beneficial for me and my soul. In 2011 I made a resolution to work toward finding a balance between school and self/others time in order to be a better balanced person overall. This resolution for 2013 is stemming partly from this aspect, but also because so often I get wrapped up in what I'm doing with school or responsibilities that I forget to enjoy life. Although I've done a good job at attempting to have that balance, I feel like in the end stress is still winning and where does that leave me? Exhausted, drained, and irritable. 
This resolution for 2013 is unique in the way that I am holding myself accountable for keeping up with and documenting these 5 beneficial things, and where will I be documenting these? Why... right here! I spent much of 2012 complaining how I wasn't writing anymore and how frustrated I was that I couldn't seem to make time for that, for something I enjoy. So here it is in writing. 
That means, that there will need to be at least 52 postings for 2013 if I am documenting things once a week and that way, I am killing a few birds with one stone. Woo!
So here is to a new year, one likely filled with excitement, disappointment, stress, pressure, upsets, and surprises. More importantly, here is to finding more joy through out all 52 weeks of 2013! 
   
    

New Year's Resolution

I'm always late for these things. Every year I say I'm going to do it on time, and then I never seem to get around to it.
Perhaps something about procrastination should make the list this year. We'll see.

My resolution for 2011:
"My new year's resolution this year is to work on achieving balance....
a balance between school and my personal life
between studying and down time and socializing...
Last quarter ate me alive. I didn't make necessary time for all those things, thinking I had to focus on school completely.
While school really is important and is ultimately why I'm here, if I'm not emotionally and personally content I can't actually give my best at school, to those around me, or to myself."

I would say that I was able to follow through with that, for the most part. There were definitely parts of 2011 that went more smoothly with this than others, but overall I think I did a pretty good job at at least making an effort to achieve that balance. 
All that being said, I still believe keeping a balance between all of those things should be a life long goal, or a value rather that you live your life around. I think it's important for all of us to make sure we take the time to enjoy our lives, our friends, our families and our responsibilities as well. 
Yes..I just said enjoy our responsibilities. 
It's so easy to take for granted the things we are responsible for. The job we dread waking up for, the little children in our lives who at times feel like such a burden (be that our actual children, nieces, nephews, godchildren or otherwise) We all have responsibilities for the children who depend on us for whatever role it is we may play in their lives. We have responsibilities for the homework, study time, reading, to our family obligations, our friends and ourselves. We are responsible for taking care of ourselves. 
Instead of spending so much time stressing about these responsibilities, we should instead, remember to take time to be thankful we have them. Thankful we have people in our lives who trust us with theirs. Thankful people share their hearts with us. Maybe not everyone shares as much as we'd like, or there are people we wish would share with us but choose not to....there are always people who do. That is too easily forgotten because we focus on what we don't have, can't obtain, missed out on and cannot achieve.

I guess through this contemplation of my last year's resolution I have stumbled upon this years. 
My new years resolution for 2012 is to focus on what I can do, what I'm capable of and what I am able to work toward. Focusing on the cans instead of dwelling on the cannots. 


This is going to be difficult for me. I am so easily discouraged with negative feedback, bad reviews and poor grades. I am so quick to talk myself out of the things I want because I don't believe in myself enough to achieve them. I get caught up in all the reasons I won't be able to accomplish something when things do not work out in my favor, instead of trying to figure out what else I can do to reach my goal. I think in terms of where I am at with school and my life this is going to be a really important thing for me to struggle with. I look forward to the challenge. 


Less excuses, more alternative options.