Week 15: April 8th-14th 2013: Officially rejected and onto Clearing House

So today is the official "Notification Day". Although for me, it was more like the official "Getting totally rejected day". The thing is, I had planned on turning down the 1 site I interviewed at if they had called, which they didn't. Really, that makes my job easier, not having to have the awkward "thanks but no thanks" conversation. Even though I had planned on participating in Clearing House (what happens after rejection) it still stings to see the vast majority of my classmates posting about how they've been accepted and knowing I've got a whole lot more ahead of me before I get that feeling. The good news is, I will get that feeling. I will get a placement, I will have an offer at some point and  I will be able to accept. In order for that to happen though, I've got to go through the application process all over again. So today, instead of spending time on my dissertation or reading for my class, I've got to spend time updating my CV, rewriting cover letters and reformatting letters of recommendation so they're ready to be sent out as soon as we get word of which sites still have openings. Even more frustrating, the process starts at 1pm on Wednesday, when I just so happened to have a client until 1:30pm and then over an hour commute even if I'm able to leave right after that client. I think this may result in me bringing my laptop to practicum and taking a few minutes in between my client and the rest of my paperwork to get those applications sent.
I know this will all work out. I'm just not a patient person, and I hate being in the period of the unknown any longer than I absolutely need to be and I've already been in it since we turned in applications the first time.
I can't help but wonder either if all this rejection from these forensics sites is just another "you shouldn't be going that route" sign. It's frustrating to feel like the universe just really isn't on your side and keeps telling you what you feel in your heart is right....is wrong. I mean, I keep telling myself that it's not the universe telling me I'm going in the wrong direction, it's the universe testing me, and making me work for it. But after so much constant rejection with zero progress in that direction, I can't help but wonder if it is actually telling me to choose something else and I'm just the idiot misreading the signs of sitting here in denial. I mean how do you know when enough is enough? Am I just being a masochist by continually setting myself up for failure and disappointment? How do you know when the universe is testing you versus giving you clear signs to choose a different direction?
Hmm, I'm not getting anywhere that isn't leading to more unanswerable questions. As much fun as that is, I think it's time to write about my 5 things.

So here they are:

1. I went running 3 times this week. I am really digging this consistency I've got going with running 3 times aa week. Sunday I even went 2 miles! Granted, it is interval running, so this last week I was doing 2 min of running then 1 minute of walking and I did this for 30 min and went 2.14 miles. Even though it isn't running 2 miles, it's further than I usually go (usually about 1.3-1.6 miles) so i take it as a success.

2. I went in an extra day of practicum this last week to get a few extra hours. I am trying my hardest to get as many hours as possible since I'm continuously playing catch up with my practicum hours in order to try and be competitive for internship and every extra bit I can do to go above and beyond what I'm already doing is helpful.

3. J and I went to see Jurassic Park in 3D on Wednesday. It was his first 3D movie ever! I've only see one or 2 others in 3D so it's still pretty new to me as well.

We went all out and got soda and popcorn (LARGES!). 

4. On Saturday, we wanted to go and explore somewhere we've both never been but that wasn't too far from home. We decided to venture up toward Marin County and J had the idea to check out Laguanitas Brewery. We go directions and found out that they did free tours, the next one starting in approximately 1 hour.... about the same time it would take us to drive there. We arrived just in time to catch the 1pm tour. Success! 

With Louis, our 'Beer Preacher' for the afternoon

I had never been on a brewery tour. J said our guide, Louis, was one of the best ones he's ever seen from the tours he's done. We went up to his after and thanked him and he let us see the upstairs and peek into a private tour (seen in the photo above). It was an awesome experience. J even bought me a shirt to commemorate my first brewery tour. :)

5. After we went on the tour, we decided to drive into SF and get some fish and chips on the pier. We stopped off and took in the beautiful weather just before driving over the Golden Gate. I'm thankful that, although we live here, we don't take all this wonderful architecture and art for granted and still enjoy just being able to be around it.

Week 11: March 11th-17th... What is running, again?

This last week was full of ups and downs. Practicum applications have been in for awhile now and I hadn't heard anything from any site. I'd asked around a bit and it sounded like most people were in the same boat as me, no one had really heard anything with the exception of a few people. Wednesday I got a rejection email from one of my tops sites, Thursday I got an interview offer from my last choice site, and Friday I got a rejection from my number 1 choice site. I am very thankful I've been offered at least one interview. I am still waiting to hear back from 4 sites. The waiting game continues.

1. This week I went into my practicum an extra day that I did not have to. I am really striving to get more face-to-face hours (because those are what really count for internship) and that is difficult to do with a population that is notorious for avoidant behaviors. So I took action and discussed options with my site and decided that I would start going in on occasional Mondays (instead of having my glorious work from home/take care of the house Monday's I've grown to love) I only did a half day, so I didn't have to wake up at an ungodly hour (well, depending on who you're talking to, because I got to wake up at 6am instead of 4am, so to me that was lovely, but to others probably seems atrocious). By the time Friday rolled around, where the majority of my clients canceled or didn't even show up, I was grateful I had put in some extra time earlier in the week so it wasn't a total wash.

2. J and I decided, somewhat out of the blue, that we'd go to a matinee movie and see The Great and Powerful Oz at the Alameda theater. The theater itself was awesome, it's been fully restored to its original condition and has a very old-style feel to it. Bonus was, the movie was cheaper because it was matinee price. I know the movie itself has received a lot of bad reviews because the CGI is not up to par, and this, and that, and whatever but I guess I'm just easy to please. I thought it was delightful, colorful, and entertaining. People are just too damn critical sometimes.

3. Friday night, after some painful rejection emails from my top practicum sites, and a day full of canceling clients, J and I decided to go out for burgers and beers. It was really nice to be out with him, enjoying each others company and while I was enjoying some Blue Moons :)

4. Saturday, although we were all for being lazy and staying in, we decided to get out and enjoy the nice weather. We went to San Francisco with our friend Ray and just walked around, and checked out various shops and places and got lunch. Living so close to such an awesome city, it's really unfortunate we don't make more time to go there.

5. Sunday I went running for the first time in....honestly I don't even remember when the last time was. Yeah, running, remember that? Me either!.... I just checked my MapMyRun app and it was November 12th 2012. Holy hell that's a long time. I mean, I've gone hiking, and biking, and some walking, but I haven't attempted to run since November? It's worse than I thought. I guess that makes much more sense now why I've been feeling the way I have. Lately, whenever I see people running (which is a LOT, by the way, I swear everyone in the bay area is a runner!) I get this aching pain of envy.
When I used to see people run, before I started trying to, I used to use the phrase "Crazy bitches that run". I never understood it, couldn't even fathom it, therefore I rejected the idea completely. Once I got the insane idea to try and become one of those crazy bitches that run, my outlook changed and I began to see them more as equals as though there was an unspoken understanding because now I finally understood too.
 After my injury I felt a lot of sadness when I'd see people running. That sadness turned to anger and frustration which is why I basically silently swore it off and gave up (back in November). Fast forward to now. There's still sadness, some anger, and a fair amount of frustration but mostly it's just envy.
Fueled by this envy,  I decided that my knee isn't going to stand in my way anymore. I did what I was supposed to, followed the doctor's orders, I've tried other activities to strengthen my body, and now I'm just impatient and annoyed and don't want to keep having all these excuses keep me from doing it. I know I need to take it easy, I know I can't push my knee too hard, but damn if I'm going to sit around any longer. I will do whatever it is I'm capable of doing and as of now, that's enough for me. So when I see runners, I don't have to feel envious that they're out there and I'm not. I can be content with the fact that I was out there just the other day (not back in November).