Week 21: May 20th-26th...any day now

I was going to start out with how it is "that time of year" when everything piles up and I feel like I might explode...but then I realized, when is it NOT that time for me?  We're nearing the end of the quarter so it feels more so than usual, especially since I'm supposed to somehow have a 1st draft of my dissertation proposal by 6/14 and let me just say, I am definitely no where near close to having that (it's about a 40-50 page proposal of which I have maybe about 5 pages written). Add that to everything else that is going on plus trying to be somewhat excited about a trip to Hawaii that we're planning, having to worry about moving in July, and trying to not completely dread this birthday I've got coming this week. I could really use some major stress relief. Any day now.

My 5 things:

1. Went running. Unfortunately, only once...again. I went on Tuesday, and actually had to stop partway through it because of my injury. It started hurting pretty severely at just under a mile and a half. I decided not to push it and the whole rest of the day I was in pain. This pain continued (although dulled) over the next few days which lead to my pathetic running count of 1 for the week.

2. I actually wrote in here, not just on my usual Monday update. It is rare I find the combination of time/energy/motivation to sit down and compile my thoughts into print but when the planets align, it really is a wonderful outlet. There is always so much spinning around in my head and when I'm able to release an ounce of it here or there it makes a world of difference.

3. I baked cookies on Saturday for a BBQ I was attending on Sunday. I made my now-becoming-a-staple peanut butter cookies. I ran into a problem when I realized I was stuck at home without a vehicle and didn't have an eggs. Thankfully, I was able to get creative and utilized a substitute that, while it sounds disgusting, turned out to work pretty well. I only needed one egg, and a couple tbsp of mayonnaise did the trick just fine. They were a big hit with everyone, until I told J the magic ingredient and then he decided they were "gross".

4. Saturday evening my friend Rob who was down in the area for business came over to our side of the bay to get some drinks in early celebration for my birthday. Rob, J and I went to Alameda to a bar and got some drinks and toasted to me turning yet another year older. Thankfully, Rob is turning 30 this year so I didn't feel so old. I drank too much, which rarely happens and I didn't have to drive, which also rarely happens (and is likely why the 1st thing is a rarity).

5. Sunday, in all my hungover glory, we went to a BBQ at Rob's sister's house. There was tons of delicious food to which I made sure to eat any and everything available to me. I'm not sure why, but when I'm hungover it is like I am unable to get full. I just want to eat all day long....so I did. It was nice to be outside in the sun, eating wonderful food. 

Week 16: April 15th-21st 2013: Frustration. Where does it get you?

So it's a week later, and I still have no practicum placement to call my own.
I've applied to 3 sites, and haven't heard back from any. Others have heard back and even have interviews (some even have placements already!). I'm terrible at being optimistic. 
What makes all this so much worse, is that we have our 3rd year Oral clinical competency exam (basically 1 hour of sitting across from two faculty while you come up with diagnoses/assessment/treatment/cultural formulation/safety issues/yadda yadda right off the top of your head...no pressure) in about 2 weeks. I haven't found the time to study much, and even when i do I'm constantly checking my email for practicum updates and to see if anyone has gotten back to me.
I feel like I'm constantly frustrated. As my professor last quarter told me: "Frustration won't get you anywhere" and she's right but when you're doing the best you can, and your best just isn't good enough, where does that leave you but frustrated?
I was thinking about that earlier when I was doing yoga and my knee was bothering me. I had to cool it on running this past week because my IT band injury was acting up. Not being able to run is just about one of the most frustrating things for me. Today I opted for yoga instead of running and was thinking how angry I am with my IT band and how frustrated it makes me. Then I thought "my IT band doesn't care how frustrated I am, it's injured, and no matter how mad I am at it, it's not going to heal itself just because I'm frustrated. then my professor's words loomed into my head "Frustration won't get you anywhere". Unfortunately, no matter how angry I am at my injury or how mad it makes me...it isn't going away, and it isn't going to change just based on that fact. With my knee (or IT band to be more technically correct), I need to have patience, I need to utilize other things (ie yoga) when I can't do what I really want, I have to continue to slowly work back up to running and stop getting angry when I'm not running as much as I used to. Basically, I need to give myself some credit for what I have accomplished, learn to settle for what I've got in front of me, and work with what I'm given. I need to learn to accept that it isn't going to be the way I want it, but that it can still be something if I allow it to be.
Maybe I need to take that same concept and apply it to my practicum issue. Give myself some credit for what I've been able to accomplish, learn to settle for what is available to me, and accept that it isn't going to be the way I want it but that it can still be something if I allow it to be.
I think it both cases... I've got a lot of work cut out for me. Who wants to settle for being less than? But then again, who doesn't have much choice in the matter?
So negative lately.

My 5 things:
1. Went running, but only once because my injury started to bother me and I thought it best not to push it. I still went once, so that counts for something.

2. Went to the Spring Gala my school hosts every year. This year it was on a boat, dinner, dancing, casino games, drinks, fun times!

View of San Francisco from the boat 

It left around 8pm, giving us a beautiful skyline to look at. This was J's first time being in town (well now living) for the gala so he got to be my date. It was so much fun to be with friends and enjoy the awesome view.

3. Did an hour of yoga on Monday, after I found out I was officially rejected and having to go to clearing house. I had wanted to go running to blow off steam but had just gone the day before, so instead I opted for trying to clear my mind.

4. Saturday, J and I got lunch at the food carts in Alameda, Chairman is by far, the best!! After we ate, we took a stroll in Alameda and just enjoyed the sun.

5. Sunday, after we did some work at home, we set off for Alameda to lay on the beach and soak up some sun! It was about 80 degrees, with an awesome breeze. We packed a picnic lunch and I studied for my Oral Exam...but at least I was able to get some vitamin D in the process!

Week 12: March 18th-24th...and I'm still waiting

I'm getting quite good at this waiting game.I did have my interview this week, and I think it went fairly. The site seems awesome and I think I'd get a lot of good experience but due to the politics involved in this practicum/internship/grad school ish... I don't think it will give me the hours I need, and I wasn't exactly qualified for the work. So I'm not betting on getting a placement.  Still no word from any of the other 4 sites that haven't contacted me yet. Judging by the timeline, I think it's fairly clear I'll be a member of Clearing House this year (where those who don't get placed get to...start over and apply to new sites). I think if I just come to terms with that now, it won't be such a disappointment when Notification Day comes and my phone never rings.


My 5 things:

1. I had a long conversation with my mom about some events of our past that my family chose to sweep under the rug, and even after everything else came out, these incidents were never explained to me. Through asking questions, I actually learned a lot about my mom and about her childhood that I also never knew. This was actually one of the most honest conversations I've ever had with my mom in my entire life. It amazes me to hear the things my mother has endured in her life and reaffirms my belief that she is by far, one of the strongest women I have ever known.

2. I took some time out to write. I started writing my story some time ago, but have been somewhat avoidant of it due to the nature of the writing and the level of honesty I have to have with myself when I write. I know that someday, my story won't just be a file saved in a folder, I know that it is destined for more than that, but it is going to be a long process. I'll get there, I know I will. Each time I allow myself to open up and write I get that much closer.

3. I did Yoga twice this week. I wish I had time to do it more, well actually, I'm sure I could make time to do it more. So really, I wish I would make more time for it in my life but twice a week is better than nothing.

4. I watched the sunset and did some evening birdwatching over in Alameda alone. It was so beautiful out and there were tons of birds to be seen. I went a little late and didn't have much sunlight left, but it was a nice quiet time to myself. I'd like for J to join me next time.

View of SF from Alameda

5. Went to the movies with J on Friday night. We went to see the very silly movie, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. It was as expected, over-the-top ridiculous, a little gross, and very slapstick but what else would come from that combination of actors? J was less impressed but I went in expecting pretty much what I got out of it so I was satisfied. But daaaammnnn movies are expensive. $11.50 each per ticket. We need to remember that matinee is the way to go.

Week 6: Feb. 4th-10th.. Mid Quarter crisis

MIDTERMS!!! Oy! I'm about ready to crumble into pieces. Just completed week 5 of the quarter, which means we're half way through and midterms are due this week. Oh and so are practicum applications, and my dissertation update, and we have house guests, and I'm fighting off sickness.
Of course it couldn't be spread out or anything, right? Because that's not how life works.
I feel like I'm losing my marbles a bit, which I suppose I can't remember the last time I actually felt like I had my marbles, or had a handle on anything at all.
It's been a tough week to come up with 5 things that I was able to do that were enjoyable or beneficial, but really this is the time I need them the most.

My 5 things:

1. In the midst of running errands to the post office and the bank, J and I stumbled upon a gathering of food carts over in Alameda. We decided to partake in the excitement and check it out. There was live music, sunshine, and delicious food and even splurged to try their ginger lemonade, and may I just say: YUM!!. I thought it was a good idea to take a seat and enjoy as apposed to getting the food and taking it or eating it in the car. It was awesome to be outside, enjoying good food, good company, and a good atmosphere. We've become such homebodys, it was nice to be out and about for a moment.

2. We've had house guests which is fun and stressful all at the same time. We went on Friday over to SF and then came back this way in the evening. It was one of our guest's birthday so we went out in Alameda for drinks to celebrate. Again, just being out and doing something out of the ordinary for me is a nice change of pace.

3. I made little Valentine's Day treat bags for my goddaughters and niece and nephew. I know how much I love getting things in the mail, and it's been a tradition really since I moved away to send little goodies. I mailed those out this weekend to ensure their arrival by Valentine's Day. I miss those little ones so much, and it pains me to know I'm missing out on some of the most precious times with them during these years. I know sending them little presents and candy doesn't make up for that, but hopefully it shows them that I'm thinking of them and that they are loved.

4.  So due to some misfortune, my canceled flight back funds that I thought I'd be using for Vegas, expire March 9th. I decided, after much debate, that I would take a trip home the first weekend of March. It will be a short trip, only Saturday-Monday but I think some quality time with my family will do me quite well. I booked that trip last Friday and instantly my mood elevated, just with the thought of getting to see my family, and knowing I'm not losing out on $100 helps too ;)

5. I listened to NPR for the first time in my life (willingly anyway). I put it on during my long commute and took a listen. This is a huge thing for me, as I used to despise talk radio. I'm still getting used to it, and obviously there are times when the content just isn't doing it for me, but it is a nice change from music, and it also allows me to get a little glimpse into what is going on in the world, and in elements of life other than just graduate school. I liked it, I think I'll do it more often.

Christmas #1

Only 4 more days until we're homeward bound for the holidays.
My boyfriend and I decided that since we're traveling for the holidays, it didn't make much sense to pack our presents to each other in our suitcases and lug them 700 miles to open them up, only to pack them back up and return with them (little did I realize my gift wouldn't have fit in his suitcase anyway!) We decided to do our own little mini Christmas here with each other before we head up to the PNW for the actual holidays.
So Saturday, the 15th we had our own little Christmas holiday. We opened presents in our pajamas, played our new game of Monopoly (one of my gifts to him) and watched Home Alone 1,2 & 3...(although I tried to warn him that the 3rd one wasn't worth watching). We also watched my absolute most favorite Christmas movie, the original cartoon version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
In between our movie marathon and game playing we went to Christmas Tree Lane, in Alameda.

 Armed with layers of warmth and a thermos of homemade hot chocolate we walked up and down the street filled with Christmas lights, music, people, and holiday cheer!
J had never been to any place like this that he could remember so it was fun to be able to do something like this together. Plus, I'm game for any and everything Christmas related!
So lets get back to these presents I was talking about. We opened the ones that were wrapped. J told me that one of my gifts would be arriving in the mail in a few days, so I only had 1 to open. The one I did open was the awesome singing bird clock I wanted that sings a different bird song each hour, on the hour. I wanted to hear the clock and we needed batteries for it to work. J said "I think maybe there are some in the office" so I went in search of batteries. I walk into the office and SURPRISE! A shiny red bicycle appears!

J had of course tricked me saying my other gift was "in the mail" and had this beauty stashed down in the garage (which is his man-cave woodshop and I never go down there). Tricky man he is. This gift was a group effort made possible by J, his dad, my mom, and my brother-in-law.
This gift is in part because J wants me to ride with him, but also because of my knee injury and my difficulties with running, they all wanted me to have a way to exercise without doing more damage to my knee. Although I don't want to give up running, this is quite a lovely way to get outside as well :)
So today, despite a forecast for rain... we were determined to ride.

My first bike ride in over a year and my very first time on a road bike. 10 miles later and my butt is sore, my legs feel a bit like jello, and my knee is well aware it was used today. It sure felt great to be outside, riding with J. Him being such an avid rider, I've definitely wanted to get a bike and be able to share his love for them. Granted, I am not anywhere near up to his level, nor will I ever be...but it was still nice to ride along side him for awhile :)

After all of this, it feels like Christmas is over. Then I remember that in 4 days, we get to board a plane and see all our loved ones up north and begin the actual, crazy, huge, loud, fun, amazing Christmas festivities awaiting us up there!