Week 6: Feb. 4th-10th.. Mid Quarter crisis

MIDTERMS!!! Oy! I'm about ready to crumble into pieces. Just completed week 5 of the quarter, which means we're half way through and midterms are due this week. Oh and so are practicum applications, and my dissertation update, and we have house guests, and I'm fighting off sickness.
Of course it couldn't be spread out or anything, right? Because that's not how life works.
I feel like I'm losing my marbles a bit, which I suppose I can't remember the last time I actually felt like I had my marbles, or had a handle on anything at all.
It's been a tough week to come up with 5 things that I was able to do that were enjoyable or beneficial, but really this is the time I need them the most.

My 5 things:

1. In the midst of running errands to the post office and the bank, J and I stumbled upon a gathering of food carts over in Alameda. We decided to partake in the excitement and check it out. There was live music, sunshine, and delicious food and even splurged to try their ginger lemonade, and may I just say: YUM!!. I thought it was a good idea to take a seat and enjoy as apposed to getting the food and taking it or eating it in the car. It was awesome to be outside, enjoying good food, good company, and a good atmosphere. We've become such homebodys, it was nice to be out and about for a moment.

2. We've had house guests which is fun and stressful all at the same time. We went on Friday over to SF and then came back this way in the evening. It was one of our guest's birthday so we went out in Alameda for drinks to celebrate. Again, just being out and doing something out of the ordinary for me is a nice change of pace.

3. I made little Valentine's Day treat bags for my goddaughters and niece and nephew. I know how much I love getting things in the mail, and it's been a tradition really since I moved away to send little goodies. I mailed those out this weekend to ensure their arrival by Valentine's Day. I miss those little ones so much, and it pains me to know I'm missing out on some of the most precious times with them during these years. I know sending them little presents and candy doesn't make up for that, but hopefully it shows them that I'm thinking of them and that they are loved.

4.  So due to some misfortune, my canceled flight back funds that I thought I'd be using for Vegas, expire March 9th. I decided, after much debate, that I would take a trip home the first weekend of March. It will be a short trip, only Saturday-Monday but I think some quality time with my family will do me quite well. I booked that trip last Friday and instantly my mood elevated, just with the thought of getting to see my family, and knowing I'm not losing out on $100 helps too ;)

5. I listened to NPR for the first time in my life (willingly anyway). I put it on during my long commute and took a listen. This is a huge thing for me, as I used to despise talk radio. I'm still getting used to it, and obviously there are times when the content just isn't doing it for me, but it is a nice change from music, and it also allows me to get a little glimpse into what is going on in the world, and in elements of life other than just graduate school. I liked it, I think I'll do it more often.

Back to real life

First day back from my trip home.
Exhausted, unmotivated, and just plain spent.
To top it off, got the results of last week's midterm: I failed my 2nd Stats midterm.
Which means, unless I manage to pull a 95% on the final (judging by my 2 failing scores on the prior exams, I just don't see that happening) I'll have to retake the course, which is only offered once a year in the spring.
It's going to take every ounce of me not to lose complete motivation or quit trying altogether.
95% on the final.. that is such  a shot in the dark.

On a slightly lighter note, I got a 91% on my Psychopharm midterm from last week. I'm actually doing fairly well in every class, but Stats.
Also, I just found out that my best friend of all time, or as I caller her, my wife booked a flight for the same time to Vegas and is going to stay with me! I am so unbelievably stoked.

Today has been filled with a lot of ups and downs. I had been planning on staying in the same apartments for next year to save myself to hassle and cost of moving to a new place, but I just got word today that our rent will be going up.
As if my current rent wasn't high enough already.

Excited for today to be over with and hope for higher spirits tomorrow.

Here Lies Brandi's Mind. R.I.P.

Statistics midterm today= BRUTAL. One of my answers was as follows:

Needless to say, I don't think I'll be getting too many points for that one, although I did throw in some random numbers and multiply them, just for good measure.
My normal stress relievers are baking (of course) and lately, my running regimign that I've been doing.
I ran into 2 problems with those today:
1. My lungs are really, really hurtin. It feels like I've got rubber bands twisted tightly around my lungs and I just cant seem to break loose of them. Not even just while I'm running, literally, all throughout the day and even as I just sit here idly at my desk, I'm having troubles breathing. I decided that as much of a masochist as I've proven to be lately, that I needed to take the day off from running and let my lungs rest. This can't be good for them.
2. I tried out a new recipe tonight. Butterscotch oatmeal cookies (half the batch is butterscotch/chocolate chip)
I've never tried for oatmeal cookies  before. I usually just stick to my tried and true variations of regular cookie dough but thought I'd venture out. I'm not pleased with the results. I don't know if it's just the vanity in me seeping out, but I just feel like they don't look right, and therefore, they don't taste right.

I feel like a failure today. I didn't run, I bombed my midterm, AND I am disappointed in my cookies.
Baking is supposed to be the one thing, above all else, that I'm good at. I'm probably overreacting. I'm sure they taste just fine, but I wasn't going for fine, I was going for amazingly delicious.

Now I just need to prepare for my psychopharm midterm on Thursday, oh and pack, I should probably pack soon, since I'm leaving in less than 48 hours. I should also work on finding a ride to the airport as well.
I'm what you'd call a "slacker packer" ;)

Survive midterms: Get a much needed trip home!

Midterms. Midterms. Midterms. Aaaahhhhhh!!!
That is about all that is going on in my brain right now. It is the second round of midterms, which really, is deceiving since the 1st midterms occur during the 3rd week of school (clearly not the mid point in a 11 week term) and then again in the 7th week (Also, not the mid point). I suppose it breaks it up for us since the other classes have midterms during the 4th and 5th week of the term, but really, why not just call it what it is? Another exam.
2 midterms this week. Statistics and Psychopharmacology. Neither subject is a personal strength of mine, therefore this week=a LOT of stress. I feel a batch or two of cookies coming on in the very near future.
The UP side (Eureka! I actually have an upside!) I am going out of town on Thursday, right after my psychopharm exam to my place of origin (The beautiful pacific northwest) for a wedding and some family/boyfriend/friends time. It will only be for a few days but it will be a much needed mini vacation from all of this.
After these midterms, there are more papers, more quizzes, more exams and the comps.
Oh and that dreaded thing that has to happen once a year to even the best of us, my very own lovely birthday. Which will undoubtedly be spent studying :/ I don't need any reminder of turning 27 though, so I might actually prefer a skimmed over version of a birthday this year. I bet 28 won't bother me nearly as much as 27 is. We'll see in a year form now, but I definitely think 27 just sucks more than some of the others. Although, 28 will be followed up a few short months later by my 10 year high school reunion, so actually, 28 might not be that great either. I am well aware, that when I'm approaching 40 and 47 I'll look back to the days where I was dreading 27 so much and think to myself "Boy, you were a real big idiot..." but that still doesn't change how I'm feeling in this moment, as my soon to never again be 26 year old self.
Midterms. Midterms. Midterms. Birthdays.... ahhh!

Possible hypomania or just delusions of grandeur?

It's that time in the quarter, where everything seems to be piling up and the pressure is felt so strongly it's actually developed into somatic presentation.
Midterms, 15 page papers, exams, quizzes, lion and tigers and bears oh my!
Today was an 85 degree day. Not a cloud in the sky, beautiful California weather, and all day long I studied, crammed, sat in hours of lecture, took a midterm, sat in traffic, revised a paper and studied psychopharmocology terminology all with a pounding headache.
Surprisingly, I did this all with a smile. I'm having one of those days, where I should be cracking under the pressure like so many of my classmates, but instead I'm blissfully content with all this weight on my shoulders. It's possible I'm just dissociating from my actual problems and not actually realizing how stressed I am. I shouldn't complain though. I'd much rather be in this ignorant state of bliss than breaking down. It comes and goes. It's not like I actually have all my shit together, or that I need not be worried about things.
I think it is just the mind's way of protecting itself from pure and utter destruction.
I know that I am in fact stressed, because my number of baked goods produced is in direct proportion to my stress levels and my sporadic ideas for strawberry muffins at 1am a few nights ago and my inkling for baking cookies tonight is a sure fire sign I'm actually feeling the pressure.
It also never fails that when in these crunch times the amount of clothing and clutter in my bedroom multiplies exponentially. I will reach a point, where I clean and organize but not until after tomorrow. After that, we've got a few days to breathe before the next exams.
And on that note, I must be off, to bake something delicious. For my sanity, and the eating pleasure of my classmates tomorrow.