Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Possible hypomania or just delusions of grandeur?

It's that time in the quarter, where everything seems to be piling up and the pressure is felt so strongly it's actually developed into somatic presentation.
Midterms, 15 page papers, exams, quizzes, lion and tigers and bears oh my!
Today was an 85 degree day. Not a cloud in the sky, beautiful California weather, and all day long I studied, crammed, sat in hours of lecture, took a midterm, sat in traffic, revised a paper and studied psychopharmocology terminology all with a pounding headache.
Surprisingly, I did this all with a smile. I'm having one of those days, where I should be cracking under the pressure like so many of my classmates, but instead I'm blissfully content with all this weight on my shoulders. It's possible I'm just dissociating from my actual problems and not actually realizing how stressed I am. I shouldn't complain though. I'd much rather be in this ignorant state of bliss than breaking down. It comes and goes. It's not like I actually have all my shit together, or that I need not be worried about things.
I think it is just the mind's way of protecting itself from pure and utter destruction.
I know that I am in fact stressed, because my number of baked goods produced is in direct proportion to my stress levels and my sporadic ideas for strawberry muffins at 1am a few nights ago and my inkling for baking cookies tonight is a sure fire sign I'm actually feeling the pressure.
It also never fails that when in these crunch times the amount of clothing and clutter in my bedroom multiplies exponentially. I will reach a point, where I clean and organize but not until after tomorrow. After that, we've got a few days to breathe before the next exams.
And on that note, I must be off, to bake something delicious. For my sanity, and the eating pleasure of my classmates tomorrow.

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