Bowl full of emotions with a side of sappy

Today my best friend gave birth for the 3rd time, to her first son.
It's hard to be 700 miles away when it happened.
I witnessed her give birth to her two daughters, 10 years ago and 7 years ago.
I was able to be in the room and be a part of the experience. Those two are the only live births I've ever seen, and it was absolutely amazing to be able to watch my goddaughters coming into this world and taking their first breath. Even as a 20 year old, watching that first child be born I knew it was a special experience to be a part of, regardless of almost fainting ( I handled the 2nd one MUCH better and even got to be the photographer).
It breaks my heart a little that I wasn't able to do the same for this special little man as he entered the world this morning. I even looked into flights when she texted me yesterday that her water broke, but I knew I didn't have the money (and definitely not for $500 round trip for a flight that, on a good day can cost only about $140). I know she understands. I know that little boy won't know the difference and will never hold it against me for not being there... although I wasn't there for my nephew's birth and he always brings it up (but he is doing so more to make fun of me since I wasn't there because I "ran away" from home that night...being the unruly teenager that I was).
This monumental event on the same day that so many little ones (my niece and nephews included) started school today. I didn't even know one of my nephews was starting kindergarten, and now I feel like a terrible aunt. I know that I wouldn't actually be there in the morning to send each one off to school, but if I weren't so far away I don't think it would hurt this much. Those 1st day of school photos signify that they're another year older and it's another year I'm missing out on (and so disconnected not to know my own nephew is starting kindergarten!). If I were closer, I'd know these things, I'd see them more than a few times a year. I'm envious of everyone who gets to see these rascals growing up and experience memories with them on a weekly basis. I blame my family for being so incredibly close that when you're away it feels like everyone got asked to the dance but you and you got assigned to pass out the punch. Why do all my examples refer to high school situations? I'm starting to think I'm one of those people, who never let go of high school... but those people are supposed to be the ones who never made anything of themselves, right? Oy! OR I just use high school examples because they're so easy to relate to for everyone, yeah let's go with that.
Well I'm just a pile of sappy right now.

Week 52: Dec 23rd-31st..The last days of 2013

It is the last day of 2013, so it is only right that I am completing my last entry for my 52 weeks.

1. Did Peacock lane  in Portland with J, my best friend, her husband, and their children. It was awesome to experience it with all of them.

2. Shopping time with my best friend never disappoints.

3. Spent Christmas Eve at my dad's house with the family. Got to wear my gorgeous Bettie Page dress J got me for my birthday and spend time with my family.

4. Spent Christmas morning with my best friend and her family and the day at my mom's house. J's dad even came to celebrate with us.

5. We took the long way back when driving down to Oakland, The downside, it takes a looong time, but the upside is driving through the redwoods and Avenue of the Giants :)

Week 51: Dec 16th-22nd= More home time goodness

Since I was home, I am slacking on the updates. I credit that to just enjoying my time home too much. But, today I am back and it was back to work for me so before the new year begins... I am finishing up my last year's resolution tonight!

1. I went to the movies with my sister. We went to see Delivery Man, I love me some Vince Vaughn and popcorn.

2. Had pizza and drinks at my other sister's house and my dad and his wife stopped by.

3. Baked Christmas cookies with my god daughters and best friend and watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas (original, cartoon version..my fave!)

4. Christmas shopping with my sister and J in Portland

5. Went to the movies with a couple of friends. Saw Anchorman 2, which was absolutely hilarious!

Week 50: Dec 9th-15th Hoooooome!!

I'm posting late. (go figure) but I am home for the holidays, so I am doing everything a bit slower these days, which is actually quite lovely. 

My 5 things:

1. Drove up north on Friday with J and the pup. We'll be home until after Christmas; the time is already going by way too quickly but I'm thankful I have it.

2. Stopped off during our 11 hour jaunt up north to let the pup run around in the snow. He was pretty stoked on it and even made some yellow snow ;)

3. Since we are staying with my best friend, I've been able to have some quality time with her and it has been WONDERFUL!

4. We went with our best friends and my goddaughters to see these houses in Camas, WA where the Christmas lights on the houses go along to music that is on a certain radio station. It was absolutely awesome.

5. We went to the swap meet with J's dad on Sunday and scored some pretty sweet items.

Week 37: Sept 9th-16th=MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING!!!!

This past week has been CRAZY!!! (so, by default I'm late posting but I spent 12 hours on Monday driving, so....)
J and I got up at 3am on Thursday to make the 11 hour drive up to the PNW for my best friend's wedding. Not only was I the maid-of-honor, but J was going to officiate the wedding! Yes, I'm not dating a reverend ;) He got ordained so that he could officiate their wedding, is that not just the sweetest thing?
Any way, so we were both a couple of VIP wedding guests and hit the ground running as soon as we got into town and it was nonstop until we left on Monday morning.

My 5 things:
1. I got to spend some quality time with my best friend and my sister. We went up the the lodge they were getting married at a day early with my goddaughters and niece and had her "bachelorette party" which included pool time and dinner with 4 children under the age of 9 :)

2. I was able to give a speech at the wedding as the maid-of-honor. She said I didn't have to and that she  didn't expect me to, but I really wanted to, both for me and for her. I somehow managed not to cry for most of it, although the beginning was shaky.

3. I got up super early the morning after I arrived and put the finishing touches (2 hours worth of editing!) on my dissertation proposal and got it sent out to my readers. Last Friday officially marks 2 WEEK until I defend. YIKES!!

4. I got to see a fair amount of my family because they were at the wedding. That is the good thing about being friends with someone for 20 years, your friends really do become your family.

5. We (well, mostly J) got a 2nd (well, techinally 3rd but the Jetta is useless and needs to start living at the junk yard soon) vehicle. J wanted a work truck so he hustled and we figured it out and got him a truck. Made the almost 12 hours drive home a little harder since it was just me in the wagon the whole way back but we made it work. Our little Ford family:

Week 22: May 27th-June 2nd= My "Golden" Birthday

Well well, I am late this week on posting. So sue me! I spent practically all day yesterday in the library so I was a little brain dead when I returned home and not in much a mood to write.

I would like to take a minute, before reflecting on this past week, to make a note that today I attended my last class ever of my graduate career. I am officially done with classes... well, I still have a take-home final that is due at the end of next week.. but as far as attending class goes: I'M DONE!Strange.. because I still have so much further to go in my program but I've "learned" everything I need. HAH!

So, it was my birthday on Wednesday the 29th. My golden birthday: 29 on the 29th. I had hoped something monumental was going to happen, like some sort of metamorphosis into something magical or some special powers would have surfaced but no such luck. I've spend 28+ years waiting for this Golden Birthday and it turns out, it's like every other birthday: Just another day.   

Ok, my 5 things:

1. On my birthday I had to work all day seeing clients at my practicum. So J surprised me with steak (my favorite) and ice cream at home that evening. I pigged out with no regard to calories. It was, after all, my birthday so that was allowed.

2. I found myself taking a few naps throughout the week. One of them I took on my actual birthday (although, that actually made me feel kind of lame, but that is going back to the whole "your Golden Birthday is supposed to be magical" fallacy I had been tricked into believing)

3. My best friend and her fiance (haha feels silly to call him that) came to visit. This was my first actual 'here just to visit me' guests. Pretty exciting. They got to see where J and I live and we showed them around San Francisco. Neither of them had ever been so it was a lot to cover in 1 day, but J did a pretty excellent job as a guide.

4. Having my best friend face to face is when we do our best communicating. We've gotten a lot better with texting and emailing so we no longer go weeks or months (gasp!) without speaking. Nothing beats face to face though. It is not even that we talk about anything monumental, (although wedding plans etc was pretty important this time around) but it is just being able to communicate and know that the other person knows exactly what you mean, even when others around you are disagreeing or failing to see the logic. She gets it. She always has.

5. Sunday J and I decided to take an impromptu mini road trip up to Gridley, CA. It is where his grandpa used to live and J's talked about this candy story: Penny Candy since, well pretty much since I've known him. We made the almost 3 hour drive up there and I got to experience part of J's childhood, walking around the store picking out any candy I wanted and filling our basket.

Week 9: Feb 25th-March 4th...Home :D

Took a trip home for the weekend. It was a short trip: flew in on Saturday, left on Monday but I managed to accomplish what I set out to do, which was to revamp my emotional-psychological well being.
I did miss out on writing yesterday, because I didn't have computer access until I got home last night and I spent my few waking hours after arriving back with J, which is time much better spent since I knew I could just write here today.
Because of all of this, this posting will be a little different than past weeks. I figure since I managed to do so much over the short visit home, my 5 things this week would pretty much focus on that visit.
Here it goes:

1. Got to spend quality time with my niece and one of my nephews and  I got to see my goddaughters and actually spend time with them. We played with sidewalk chalk and I got to watch them ride their bikes. These types of things are more likely to imprint in their memories and I love getting to hear how their little minds operate.

2. I got to meet the newest addition to our extended family. My cousin Kass gave birth to an adorable little guy named Jace and thankfully, I just happened to be home to meet him. Perfect timing! He was 8lbs 14oz and 20in. I also got to see his big sister for a short moment...she's getting so big it's unbelievable.

3. I got to see both my parents, although not nearly for as long as I would have liked. Time with my parents is really, truly important to me. This is especially important for me because I have older parents than a lot of people my age, which means I'll likely have less years with them. Being away makes this realization all the much more difficult.

4. I got to spend time with my ultimate best friend-wife-soul mate. I absolutely love her and always feel rejuvenated after time with her. 

5. Coming home to J after being away. I always enjoy his company, and even though I wasn't away for that long,  that feeling after having been apart and being able to see him again just makes those everyday moments feel extra special.

Now I'm being viciously attacked by my allergies and its rendering me useless. I just canceled the rest of my day and am headed to the couch.

Week 2: Jan 7th-13th and the waiting, the annoying waiting

I am beginning to love Mondays.
Who would have thought? The most despised day of the week by most would evolve into one of my favorites.
The thing is, I have a grueling schedule throughout the week. It is just go-go-go from 4am to some times as late as 9pm. It's filled with traffic, commuting, lectures, presentations, due dates, clients, more commuting, reading, supervision, deadlines, time frames, did I mention commuting? So it's easy Tue-Fri to feel like I am so far behind on absolutely everything and find it difficult to really clear my head and combat my responsibilities with a calm mind. The weekend allows for some of that, but even then I'm with my boyfriend much of the time and I would way rather spend time with him doing enjoyable things that studying/reading/school work/prepping for clients.
So here is where Monday comes in. While the rest of the world is going to work, I am home for the day. I plan out ahead of time what all needs to be accomplished on this day:

• work out
• Various school/dissertation responsibilities
• Cooking for tonight and prepping/cooking for tomorrow when I don't get home until 9pm
• Time for writing
• A shower at some point and other various things

We've worked it out that J and I work out together Mon and Wed in the morning. We each have our own little routine we came up with ourselves (some variation of push-up/dips/sit-ups,etc). Then he goes to work, leaving me the house to myself. I fluctuate between school work, meal prepping, and breaks so as to never get burnt out doing either for too long. Mondays, unlike most days, I feel like I can actually breathe. I feel like I actually have some control over the whens, wheres, and whys of what I'm doing.

Now onto my list of 5 things:

1. Baked cookies....and brownies. I got to bake twice throughout this week. It helps that J is in love with my baking and is always game for me to bake anything so it's really killing 2 birds with 1 spoon ;)

2. Worked out the first time in a long while. As I said, J and I have started working out in the AM on some days doing our customized to fit us routines.
Mine:
5 push-ups
10 sit-ups
5 squats
5 dips
10 calf-raisers
10 lunges
20 crunches
(Repeat: total 3 times)
Then eventually, each week I will add 2 reps to each exercise.

It's amazing because even when I first came up with it I thought "meh... this is probably too easy for me and won't give me much of a work out" but then you have to remember that these numbers are actually x3 because you go through the routine 3 times. Plus, after the first day of doing it last week I couldn't walk right for days my legs were so sore! So, I'd say I gave myself a pretty good challenging start. I also made the mistake of not stretching before or after... so I learned my lesson there!

3. Used my crock-pot for the first time ever! I got this crock-pot probably back in about '05. I never used it, then I moved back in with my mom shortly before moving away to Hawaii which resulted in the thing being stashed away at my moms (who lord knows did not touch the thing) until this past Christmas break when we unexpectedly were driving back and I said "Oooh I have room to bring my crock-pot!" and was determined to make use of it, finally. Thank goodness it actually still worked, and it worked well. The meal was a success and I currently have tomorrow's dinner of creamy chicken chili cooking in there as I type. Yes.. I'm so on top of everything that I'm cooking tomorrow's dinner at 3 in the afternoon the day before. (except that whole "being on top of everything" will be completed destroyed as my 4am alarm goes off tomorrow morning, so just let me have it for now!)

4. Last night we went to see Craig Carothers play in Berkeley. This is a January tour he's done, apparently for about 10 years now with Don Henry and Steve Seskin. I surprised J with the show last year when he was playing in Santa Clara the weekend of J's birthday that he happened to be visiting me down in CA from Portland. It was perfect. Needless to say, when we found out he was playing less than 10 miles away in Berkeley, we knew we were going. It was, as always, a wonderful experience. We really need to make more time for events such as this, because it really is enjoyable for both of us.

5. This past week I booked our hotel for a trip to Vegas we're planning with my best friend and her boyfriend. Granted, the trip itself is not until May but planning for a vacation is quite enjoyable. Especially when you're able to get such a good deal, with the help of my dad and his timeshare he has there, we were able to get a great deal for our stay. May is both mine and my best friend's birthday month. This year (2013) Also marks 20 years of friendship with her. 20 years!! Other than those I'm related to, I have not had such a close, consistent relationship with anyone else in my life. So there are lots of reasons to celebrate and Vegas is just a wonderful place to do it! Not to mention, J has never been! So that will be exciting as well.

This past week has also been pretty frustrating for me. APA is the annual conference for psychology, it's a pretty big deal and it's especially important for me because it's in Hawaii this year. I haven't been back since I moved back to the mainland in '10. I've made it a mission of mine to submit/get accepted to APA '13 since I started grad school. Submission deadline for APA conference was Nov 15th. THe conference is not until August, so I assumed we'd be hearing back around March or so. All the sudden starting on Thursday, my Facebook wall is filled with a number of different people from my program posting "I got accepted to APA!" and "APA here I come" and other various celebratory comments about how excited they were about getting accepted. I started checking my email frantically, about 37 times a day, waiting to hear back. and nothing. Not a word.
I know I will hear back either way, whether I've been accepted or rejected, so the lack of hearing anything is not a bad sign necessarily. It is, however, excruciatingly annoying and frustrating.
Despite the progress I've made with having patience and not focusing on what I cannot control.. I still, really, really hate waiting...especially while everyone else seems to be rejoicing.
So I continue to play the waiting game.