Week 16: April 15th-21st 2013: Frustration. Where does it get you?

So it's a week later, and I still have no practicum placement to call my own.
I've applied to 3 sites, and haven't heard back from any. Others have heard back and even have interviews (some even have placements already!). I'm terrible at being optimistic. 
What makes all this so much worse, is that we have our 3rd year Oral clinical competency exam (basically 1 hour of sitting across from two faculty while you come up with diagnoses/assessment/treatment/cultural formulation/safety issues/yadda yadda right off the top of your head...no pressure) in about 2 weeks. I haven't found the time to study much, and even when i do I'm constantly checking my email for practicum updates and to see if anyone has gotten back to me.
I feel like I'm constantly frustrated. As my professor last quarter told me: "Frustration won't get you anywhere" and she's right but when you're doing the best you can, and your best just isn't good enough, where does that leave you but frustrated?
I was thinking about that earlier when I was doing yoga and my knee was bothering me. I had to cool it on running this past week because my IT band injury was acting up. Not being able to run is just about one of the most frustrating things for me. Today I opted for yoga instead of running and was thinking how angry I am with my IT band and how frustrated it makes me. Then I thought "my IT band doesn't care how frustrated I am, it's injured, and no matter how mad I am at it, it's not going to heal itself just because I'm frustrated. then my professor's words loomed into my head "Frustration won't get you anywhere". Unfortunately, no matter how angry I am at my injury or how mad it makes me...it isn't going away, and it isn't going to change just based on that fact. With my knee (or IT band to be more technically correct), I need to have patience, I need to utilize other things (ie yoga) when I can't do what I really want, I have to continue to slowly work back up to running and stop getting angry when I'm not running as much as I used to. Basically, I need to give myself some credit for what I have accomplished, learn to settle for what I've got in front of me, and work with what I'm given. I need to learn to accept that it isn't going to be the way I want it, but that it can still be something if I allow it to be.
Maybe I need to take that same concept and apply it to my practicum issue. Give myself some credit for what I've been able to accomplish, learn to settle for what is available to me, and accept that it isn't going to be the way I want it but that it can still be something if I allow it to be.
I think it both cases... I've got a lot of work cut out for me. Who wants to settle for being less than? But then again, who doesn't have much choice in the matter?
So negative lately.

My 5 things:
1. Went running, but only once because my injury started to bother me and I thought it best not to push it. I still went once, so that counts for something.

2. Went to the Spring Gala my school hosts every year. This year it was on a boat, dinner, dancing, casino games, drinks, fun times!

View of San Francisco from the boat 

It left around 8pm, giving us a beautiful skyline to look at. This was J's first time being in town (well now living) for the gala so he got to be my date. It was so much fun to be with friends and enjoy the awesome view.

3. Did an hour of yoga on Monday, after I found out I was officially rejected and having to go to clearing house. I had wanted to go running to blow off steam but had just gone the day before, so instead I opted for trying to clear my mind.

4. Saturday, J and I got lunch at the food carts in Alameda, Chairman is by far, the best!! After we ate, we took a stroll in Alameda and just enjoyed the sun.

5. Sunday, after we did some work at home, we set off for Alameda to lay on the beach and soak up some sun! It was about 80 degrees, with an awesome breeze. We packed a picnic lunch and I studied for my Oral Exam...but at least I was able to get some vitamin D in the process!

Week 6: Feb. 4th-10th.. Mid Quarter crisis

MIDTERMS!!! Oy! I'm about ready to crumble into pieces. Just completed week 5 of the quarter, which means we're half way through and midterms are due this week. Oh and so are practicum applications, and my dissertation update, and we have house guests, and I'm fighting off sickness.
Of course it couldn't be spread out or anything, right? Because that's not how life works.
I feel like I'm losing my marbles a bit, which I suppose I can't remember the last time I actually felt like I had my marbles, or had a handle on anything at all.
It's been a tough week to come up with 5 things that I was able to do that were enjoyable or beneficial, but really this is the time I need them the most.

My 5 things:

1. In the midst of running errands to the post office and the bank, J and I stumbled upon a gathering of food carts over in Alameda. We decided to partake in the excitement and check it out. There was live music, sunshine, and delicious food and even splurged to try their ginger lemonade, and may I just say: YUM!!. I thought it was a good idea to take a seat and enjoy as apposed to getting the food and taking it or eating it in the car. It was awesome to be outside, enjoying good food, good company, and a good atmosphere. We've become such homebodys, it was nice to be out and about for a moment.

2. We've had house guests which is fun and stressful all at the same time. We went on Friday over to SF and then came back this way in the evening. It was one of our guest's birthday so we went out in Alameda for drinks to celebrate. Again, just being out and doing something out of the ordinary for me is a nice change of pace.

3. I made little Valentine's Day treat bags for my goddaughters and niece and nephew. I know how much I love getting things in the mail, and it's been a tradition really since I moved away to send little goodies. I mailed those out this weekend to ensure their arrival by Valentine's Day. I miss those little ones so much, and it pains me to know I'm missing out on some of the most precious times with them during these years. I know sending them little presents and candy doesn't make up for that, but hopefully it shows them that I'm thinking of them and that they are loved.

4.  So due to some misfortune, my canceled flight back funds that I thought I'd be using for Vegas, expire March 9th. I decided, after much debate, that I would take a trip home the first weekend of March. It will be a short trip, only Saturday-Monday but I think some quality time with my family will do me quite well. I booked that trip last Friday and instantly my mood elevated, just with the thought of getting to see my family, and knowing I'm not losing out on $100 helps too ;)

5. I listened to NPR for the first time in my life (willingly anyway). I put it on during my long commute and took a listen. This is a huge thing for me, as I used to despise talk radio. I'm still getting used to it, and obviously there are times when the content just isn't doing it for me, but it is a nice change from music, and it also allows me to get a little glimpse into what is going on in the world, and in elements of life other than just graduate school. I liked it, I think I'll do it more often.