Thursday, June 26, 2014

Here's to self-care...and sanity.

Today marks the last day of my 3rd practicum in graduate school.
It is so strange to devote your time/sanity/effort into something for what feels like forever, and then to reach the point where you walk out, and just never return.
I felt a lot more attached to the residents there than I have with previous clients. I think given the setting, and the type of work we were doing it makes it that much more difficult to end the relationships. Therapy is such a funny profession too, because you're basically not allowed to have contact with any of them once you leave, its like you just have to disappear.
I know I won't just disappear, I know that I've made an impact on some of those women that will not be forgotten, and I feel similar about the roles they have played in my training.
It's just a strange feeling I'm sitting with right now.
I left, took the same route home I always do, let the dog out, and am sitting on my couch as I do most days after work. But I won't be going back next week, running my groups, meeting with residents, having supervision. It all just ended... and yet nothing feels different, except that it does.
There don't seem to be words to explain the feeling.
I had a moment on the drive home where I felt guilty for leaving. I chose my "end date" for this practicum. I started there in August, and really could have stayed on a while longer because I already started my new practicum in April, so I've been doing double time and I've been surviving. That is just it though, I've been surviving. I've been feeling overworked, stressed, at times miserable, and completely zapped of energy. I feel guilty though leaving those women when I really didn't have to, but chose to because it was beneficial for me to end when I did, for my own sanity. Self-Care they call it in my field.
I thought I'd have more to say about this day, but as I sit here I just feel brain-dead and zoned out.
I still have my other practicum tomorrow but J and I are going camping this weekend. I am pretty excited to get out of the city and be able to see the stars.
Not to mention, I am excited to have the time and energy to cook again. I've been repeating the same few meals over and over (which include spaghetti and tacos) for the past month or so just as a way to get by, but I miss being able to be creative and try new recipes. I just haven't been able to lately. I have just been skating by trying to make it through each week.
Here's to self-care....and sanity :)

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