Thursday, August 25, 2011


I survived the 101 from Nor Cal to WA....
I've been home about 5 days now.
 Just my family alone could use up all my waking hours here, then add in my boyfriend and my friends and it's a wonder I get any sleep at all.
Coming home is always so strange. It feels so familiar, and yet foreign at the same time. 
I'm not sure why that is, if it's more to do with how home is evolving, how I am evolving or perhaps a combination of both. I miss being here, and I miss everyone here, and I definitely don't want to stay away, but it seems like home has become less welcoming. Not any of the people, of course, my friends and family always welcome me with open arms, but it feels as though home, the cities themselves are less welcoming of me upon each return.
Maybe it's not actually the cities' resentment I'm feeling, but my own.
I'm usually not home long enough for it to affect me too much, but since this is a longer trip, it's allowing me to feel more since I am usually able to keep it at bay.

I love home, I'm just starting to wonder if home doesn't love me anymore? It could also have much to do with the pain I leave here, and ignore and fool myself into thinking has disappeared, only to have it reappear the second I cross state lines.
I learned the hard way when I moved to Hawaii, that the negative doesn't go away just because you mask it with sunshine and 3,000 miles of ocean. It waits for you to return.
California certainly doesn't feel like home, but now, neither does home.

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