Vintage Obsession

I think I have a problem.
I've recently discovered the vintage section on Etsy. I always knew this site existed, but thought it was just crafts, jewelery, etc so I thought it was a neat idea but never anything I checked religiously or anything.
I'm not even sure how it happened, actually. One day I just found myself clicking page after page after page of adorable vintage clothing and finding some wonderful things that I fell in love with. There are a lot of items that are just way out of my price range, but when you're searching you can just search "vintage dresses" with a max price of say, $15 and you'll still have pages full of cute things to look at.
I've made a few purchases off the site and so far I've been very pleased with my choices. My first pieces were the double strand pearl necklace in the photo on the left and the black cinch belt with silver buckle in the photo down below. I absolutely love both. They are awesome pieces to add to my wardrobe. The next ones I bought were the black dress and the flower print blouse. I am very pleased with the condition both these items are in and also how they fit.
It's always a gamble ordering clothes off the internet, especially when it is a used item and there is rarely (depending on the shop you by from) returns so it's either it fits, or you're out the money with an item you can't wear.
That is why it is wonderful when the shop owners post very specific details about the items, measurements, any defects in the article, how it fits them (and what size they are or the model in the photo is so you're able to gauge it compared to you).

 This way there hopefully won't be any surprises and you'll be pleased with your purchases. I didn't read the measurements correctly for the black dress ,and actually it is smaller than a size I would normally wear. I can still get it on, but it is definitely very snug. I love it though, so I will smile through the discomfort and wear it anyway ;).

It doesn't sound like a problem I suppose, I found a site to get cheap adorable vintage clothing that I like that fits.
The problem, is that I find myself checking it all the time now! And every time I do, I find unique, wonderful cheap items that would compliment my wardrobe perfectly. (still doesn't sound like a problem if you ask me!) The problem is that my wallet is not full of endless amounts of money. So I can't buy everything I want, and I've bought more than I ever should have.
I've actually got 2 more items on the way. Another blouse and a Lou Taylor bag... but for $7 a piece, how could I say no?
I know, I know. I've got to stop. I've got a problem.

I don't Know How She Does it.

I've got a soft spot for Sarah Jessica Parker. I have always adored her, and my late-onset-obsession with Sex and the City (I'd never seen an episode until my mom bought me the series for my birthday in '07, when it had been off the air for about 3 years by then) only further solidified my love for her.
So when I saw the preview for her new movie, I was all for it.

Not to mention I thought it was a wonderful concept. A woman with a career, children, a husband... juggling it all in an quirky, light-hearted way.
That was until my best friend Starry informed me that the movie is actually based on a book, that she had read for a class in college.
She said I needed to read the book. Then she went one step further, because I mentioned needing to pick up an audio book for my 12 hour drive down to CA that weekend and low and behold, she actually had an audio book of it and gave it to me for my trek down south.
The actual book, by Allison Pearson, was just over 6 hours long in audio book form. It was an excellent accompaniment to a 12 hour car ride alone.
Although, as I mentioned before, 12 hours is a long time to be inside your own head.
The life of Kate Reddy starts off with her trying to juggle being a good mother and having a successful career, keeping up good appearances, having enough time to do it all and going to great lengths to get it all done and keep everything in line.

As I'm listening to this story, of  course I can relate. Now, I don't have children, or a husband (or an actual career for that matter!) So there are certainly elements of the story that don't exactly fit for me, but there are overarching themes; trying to juggle everything and feeling like you're failing at everything simultaneously.
For me, I'm juggling: School work, class load, practicum duties, seeing clients, supervision, conducting research, meetings, studying, reading, a long distance relationship, a close-knit family I'm far from and attempting to stay in touch and keep up to date with them, trying to have somewhat of a social life, work oh and sleep too. I like to get some time for that too.
I'm also a female, although my guy friends would beg to differ and still give me a hard time if I ever (which I seldom ever do with them) show up in a skirt. I was blessed with the nicknames Finkle and Einhorn the first time I tried that. That is not to say that males do not feel pressure. Not what I am saying at all.
I am talking about that inner voice, I'm not sure what it is exactly, that females have. That constant battle that is occurring inside a woman about being a good mother versus being good at her job. Society seems to be a firm believer we can't be both. I'm not even a parent yet and I already feel the tug-of-war inside me.
It's already begun because I am 27 and childless. When I was younger and heard about a woman's "biological clock" I just pictures a big pocket watch like the one the white rabbit carried around in Alice in Wonderland floating around inside a woman's body.

I never understood that there is literally a pressure so heavy you can almost hear it ticking inside. When my mother was my age she had already given birth to one child with a 2nd on the way and two step sons, my sister already had given birth to two with a step son and my best friend who is my exact same age already has a 2nd grader and 4 year old, not to mention my many, many cousins who have children. There are still a good number of us in the family that don't, and I know I can't filter that information out completely.

To get back on track here, I am a 27 year old graduate student, pursuing her Ph.D. Which means that I will graduate (if I'm lucky!) when I'm 31. I don't think I need to do the math on how many good-baby-producing years that leaves me with post graduation. So my choices are: wait to have children and be an "older mother" which, having older parents is something I am very aware of. My peers have parents who are in their 40's.. I have siblings in their 40's. Or, have children while in grad school and attempt to juggle practicum/classes/research/work/internship/exams/dissertation all with a baby on my hip.
People say "but you chose that path" and They're right, I did. I chose education and I chose the long road, and I took so long to figure that out, that I'm doing it later than a lot of people. I take full responsibility for that and stand behind that choice.
The part I'm having a hard time with is: No matter which decision or path I choose, I feel like I'm losing. I can put school/career on hold or on the back burner or say screw it all together and become a mother and likely resent my children and myself for losing out on one of my biggest passions, OR I can choose to put the family life on hold, pursue my career become successful and either not have kids, or have them much later where I will then resent my job and myself for giving my children less time with their mother (daily time as well as longevity since I'll be a much older mother).

All these thoughts have been in my mind for many years, I can usually brush them aside, quiet them with distractions, or focus on other things. When I'm stuck in a car, by myself, listening to the life of Kate Reddy, and listening to her failing at handling everything and *Spoil Alert* in the end GIVING UP HER JOB..for her children and her husband... it only makes me feel that much more overwhelmed and hopeless that a woman can, in fact, do it all.
Every story (fiction or otherwise) seems to point in the direction of women thinking they can do it all, but coming to the conclusion that being a mother triumphs all other efforts and if you want to be a good one, you've got to give in..and know your role.

Although, I can't lie...I'll probably still see the movie.

New Girl is a new fave!

Update: So my sickness won, and I wasn't able to run my race. SO BUMMED!!!!!!!!!
I'm still so disappointed, and still getting over my sickness, therefore I haven't run for a week now.
I'm feeling guilty about it. That's the evil thing about running, it HAUNTS you, until you do it again, if nothing else just to rid yourself of the guilt. Hopefully I'll try that again, maybe Friday morning, we'll see how that goes.

So last night aired a new show, New Girl on Fox. I was beyond pumped about this because my absolute favorite actress is the star: Zooey Deschanel!

They played most of the funny parts in the previews, so there was no real shocker/surprise/hilarity in the actual show that was not spoiled by all the previews. Now, I do not blame my girl Zooey for that. She was just as adorable and amusing as always and in that aspect, I loved every stinkin' minute of the show. I am hoping once the hype dies down they're stop showing (basically the entire show) in the previews so I can enjoy the whole show, in its entirety and all its humor.
I am so excited to have an opportunity to watch my fave lady every week!! :)

Sickness>5K dreams?

It is the eve of my first ever 5K...
and I'm sick!
I came down with a head cold a few days ago which has now morphed into a head cold-stomach flu combo.
I am going to be so absolutely beyond disappointed if I'm not able to run tomorrow. I went and picked up my runner's packet last night with my shirt/number/free goodies despite feeling absolutely horrible.
I vowed to spend all day today resting/hydrating/medicating myself so that I'm up for the race tomorrow, but my symptoms only seem to be worsening.
I have been training for this race since MAY, only to have it potentially ruined by my body's inability to fight off illness. I am praying for a miracle. Hoping I'll some how wake up tomorrow morning feeling 100x better and be able to run it.
Nevermind the fact that I haven't actually been able to run 3 miles on my own yet.
I'll need a miracle in that regard as well.
I also have to work a full shift at my job after, so if by some strange luck I do some how succeed and am able to pull off running the 5K, I am not allowed to rest or celebrate that fact, I am to go straight to work.
Hmm... did I step in a pile of bad karma or what?

Update on the craziness

Vacation: I drove down from WA to CA on Sunday, by myself. 12 hour drive all alone. I am surprised at how well it actually went. I borrowed an audio book from my best friend and that ate up about 6 or 7 hours of the drive. Perhaps when I'm feeling up to it, I'll write more about the book, because  definitely have a lot of feelings about it. My time at home with family/boyfriend/friends was busy, too short and left me feeling guilty for having to leave again, but of course I had an amazing time up there with all of them and miss them all terribly already.  

Running: I have my FIRST 5K this Sunday!! I feel completely unprepared. I have yet to actually run 3 miles but today I was able to run (and by run, again, I mean slow, pathetic jog) for 28 minutes straight!
I keep feeling like I haven't been progressing, but if I remember correctly, when I first started out I was about to run for about 4 minutes tops before needing a break by walking. I'd say I've made some progress.
I'm nervous about Sunday, especially since I'm doing it by myself, and there won't even be anyone there to cheer me on.

School: Today was my first day back, two classes back to back starting at 9am. Not too early but when you've been out of the school mode a few months, it feels like torture to have to sit for 4 hours straight and listen to someone talk, and not only listen...but to have to actually comprehend  what the professor is saying is the really difficult part. More class tomorrow. Then research group Thursday. Interested to see how that goes.

Practicum: I am starting my 2nd quarter (out of 3) at our school's clinic. I feel an intense amount of relief having made the decision to start in the summer and not in the fall. I think it would have been way too overwhelming to juggle new classes/new practicum/new rules/new schedules. I still have a lot to learn there, and a number of things I have yet to get experience with, but I feel like I'm progressing at an alright pace.

Work: Today was my first day back at work. I got crappy shifts, but I have limited availability with school so I guess I just have to live with that. I'm curious to see how I handle having a job now that I'm back in classes. Hopefully I don't burn out on all of it.

And I suppose that is all I have energy for as of now. After an 11 hour day, I'm exhausted and need to fix dinner.