Saturday, January 14, 2012

Running: remember that?

Yeah, I don't either.
It's been 2 months since I last went on a run.
There were a multitude of things that seemed to get in the way of it.
  • I was having problems with my left knee, it was pretty bad to the point where I was icing it multiple times a day so that scared me a bit and I didn't want to do anything to damage it further.
  • It is also winter, and even in gets to be 38-45 degrees in the morning and that is hard to run in that type of weather (at least for me, I know there are crazy folks who do it)
  • And breaks.. I was up in WA/OR for a good chunk of that time. I am fine with running up there, expect that the mornings there are 25-30 degrees and that is for sure entirely too cold to run in (although, again...I saw many crazy folks who do it) I think if I were up there constantly, and I was running regularly I would get used to the gradual drop in temperature but coming from here those 10-15 degrees difference are a big difference.
Regardless, despite all my excuses, however valid they may be.. they are just that. Excuses.
Today, I went running for the first time in 2 months.
Now, remember here, when I say "running" I mean my "pathetic excuse for a jog" which is close to running as I am capable of at this point.
I remembered today how much I really hate running.
So to recap:
Back in November, I was averaging 1.5 miles about 2-3 times a week. I had a pretty consistent pace around 13 min/mile. I had just began to work on decreasing my min/mile aiming at a 10 minute mile. (Remember these are goals for myself, not for the average person, since the average person does not seem to have any trouble running a 10 min mile in the first place).
Since I had not run in two months, I was worried about what I was capable of, how I would do, how my knee would feel, etc.
-I debated just doing a walk. I used to walk a lot and can walk for miles. I enjoy walking, but since I've started running, and know that I am now capable of more than just walking, it makes me feel like I am not doing all I could do...if that even makes any sense?
-Then I thought maybe I'd do some of the run/walk intervals I started out with to get into running in the first place. Those are helpful and don't cause too many problems for me.
-Then I decided... I just need to run.
(this all happened will laying in bed this morning, reluctant to get up)

I took up running when I was in a really bad, horrible place in my life and needed a way out that was not the other methods of self-abuse I had developed. Running is my own form of self-harm (because I absolutely despise it) that is a positive alternative to the things I was doing. I refuse to let running be one of the many things I randomly decide to take up and then abandon because I lose faith in my ability to succeed.
I have to just keep running. No matter how slow I am going, no matter how many people around me are doing it better, doing it more often, and going further... I can't give up. I owe it to myself on so many levels to keep going.

So today, January 14th 2012: I ran 1 mile/12:50min. 
Now all in all, this isn't that great. nothing to write home about.
What is does tell me, is that despite taking a 2 month hiatus, I am still capable of running a mile.
The first time I ever ran a mile in my entire life (almost 30 years here on this planet) was in summer of 2011.
6 months ago I ran my first mile ever, and here I am 6 months later...with a 2 month break...and I still did it.
Today, I will be proud of myself.
Proud of the very small accomplishment on the grand scale of accomplishments.
I can still run a mile.
I just have to keep running.

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